I rolled over, pulling the covers over my head, not wanting to wake up. The world was blurry, and Mitch’s house wasn’t as familiar to me as my own, so I couldn’t mindlessly navigate it.

                I couldn’t remember where I had taken my glasses off last night. My phone kept buzzing next to me, meaning I had a text message that I had been ignoring for a while.

                I grabbed my phone and squinted at it, but it was no use. I pushed the covers off of my head and sat up, running a hand through my hair.

                “Jace,” I said, hoping he would be awake.

                “What?” he asked from the direction of Mitch’s bed.

                “Where are my glasses?” I asked, looking around as if I would actually be able to spot them.

                “Turn around,” he said and I did. “Okay, now they’re on your left.’

                I reached out and touched them. I pulled them onto my face and thanked Jace before looking down at my phone and opening my text messages.

                From: Ezra

                You did not meet me at the wall last night mister! >:(

                From: Ezra

                I’m not really mad at you, don’t ignore me :c

                From: Ezra

                Oh, right, you’re probably still sleeping. Sorry! Text me when you wake up if you want to hang out today c:

                I rolled my eyes and replied to him.

                To: Ezra

                I was at Mitch’s and I fell asleep, sorry. Just woke up. Come to Mitch’s house so I can canoodle you on his couch again.

                He replied that he would be over in a little and I grabbed a shirt, pulling it on. I fixed my hair a little and wiped the smudges off of my glasses.

                I looked over and realized that Mitch was awake and scrolling through his phone. He was lazily draped on Jace’s chest.

                “Ezra is coming over,” I said.

                “That’s fine,” he said without looking up.

                I laid back down and closed my eyes, still feeling tired. I blinked my eyes open, realizing that I hadn’t even texted my mom, and I had been gone for almost three days.

                I grabbed my phone, surprised she hadn’t freaked on me yet. Then again, she probably knew I was with Mitch.

                I texted her to let her know that I was here and I was fine before closing my eyes again. The doorbell rang, but none of us bothered to get up.

                A minute later, there was a knock on Mitch’s bedroom door. I grinned a little, since my boyfriend had way better manners than I did.

                “Thank you for actually knocking. Come in,” Mitch said.

                Ezra came in and over to me. He nudged me with his toe and I opened my eyes, looking up at him.

                “You ditched me last night,” he said, nudging me with his toe again.

                “I was busy making sweet love to Mitch and Jace,” I said.

                “It’s true,” Mitch said with a nod.

                “And you didn’t even invite me,” Ezra said with a sad sigh.

                He held his hand out to me and I took. He pulled me to my feet and kissed me, smiling, looking much better than he had the night of his breakdown.

                “I’m hungry. Let’s eat,” Mitch said, rolling out of bed.

                We all went out to the kitchen and Carol made us food. We ate hungrily before shifting into the living room, where Shane and Jasper were watching TV and sipping on beers.

                “What are you devils doing today?” Jasper asked, glancing at Mitch.

                “Stealing your money to throw at strippers,” Mitch said.

                Jasper shrugged. “Maybe you really are my son!”

                Mitch rolled his eyes and threw himself into a chair. “I don’t know what we’re doing today. Rio? Ezra? Jace? Any suggestions?”

                “We could have an outrageously hot fivesome,” I said.

                “Just keep it down. My wife and I don’t want to hear it,” Jasper said with a sigh.

                “Make it a foursome. I’m not into guys,” Shane said.

                “Which is ironic since you’re constantly surrounded by gay ones,” Jasper said.

                “Don’t remind me that my life is a cruel joke,” Shane said, drinking more of his beer.

                “Let’s go swimming in the lake,” Jace offered.

                “Oh, gross, didn’t you and Mitch have sex there?” Shane said, making a face.

                “Your point?” Mitch raised an eyebrow.

                “Your mother can hear you!” Carol called from the kitchen.

                “The sex was great!” Mitch called back.

                “Jasper, shoot him for me!” Carol said.

                “Nah, blood is hard to get out of the carpets. Just smother him with a pillow when he’s asleep,” Jasper said, turning his attention back to the TV.

                “I’m up for swimming in the lake,” I said.

                “There, it’s settled,” Jace said. “Let’s go!”

                We all changed into swim trunks and packed towels and dry clothes. We left the house and Mitch blasted music out of his phone as we walked towards the lake to swim.

                “Fall to my knees, god I beg you please, show me just a little mercy. Help me, help me. I’m doing all I can, pretend I’m unaffected, but their pain became my burden. Swear this isn’t what I wanted, god this house is haunted. The way that this could be, if things would remedy. And after all of this we’ve been through, I wish that we could switch shoes. This life ain’t fair for us all.” The music blasted out of Mitch’s phone, and I nodded my head along with it.

                Ezra grabbed my hand as we walked, and I noticed that he looked a little nervous. I frowned at him.

                “What’s wrong?” I asked.

                “I’m not a big fan of swimming,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I kind of freak out when I’m in water other than a small pool or a hot tub.”

                I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. “I promise I’ll make sure nothing happens,” I said. “Unless the loch ness monster comes after you. Then you’re dead.”

                He laughed. “Okay, okay. I’ll trust you.”

                We reached the lake and set out stuff down, pulling off our tank tops and abandoning them with the rest of our stuff. This part of the lake was always quiet, so we had it all to ourselves.

                There was a rope hanging from one of the trees, and Jace ran up to it. He gripped it and kicked off, flying out over the lake and releasing it. We watched as he flailed down and hit the water.

                He reappeared, shaking his hair out of his face. “The water’s warm!” he called.

                We all went up to the rope and Mitch went next. Shane followed after him, and Ezra eyed the rope nervously.

                “Hey, I’ll go first. I’ll be waiting for you,” I said, kissing him and gripping the rope.

                I pushed off and let out a triumphant yell as I released it. I hit the water hard and resurfaced, looking up to see Ezra gripping the rope.

                “Come on Ezra! The water feels nice!” I called.

                He gripped the rope tightly and pushed off. He released it and flailed wildly as he descended. He hit the water and disappeared under it.

                He broke the surface a moment later, coughing and pushing his hair out of his face. I swam over to him and he grabbed onto me.

                “Not so bad,” I said, kissing his cheek.

                “Not so bad,” he repeated, forcing a smile. “Not so bad.”

                We got out of the water and spent the next hour or so jumping off the rope. We swam around for about another hour, splashing each other and doing underwater flips.

                “Let’s play Dibs,” Jace said, grabbing a stick from the shore.

                We all shrugged and climbed onto a dock, turning around. I could hear Jace whipping the stick.

                “Go!” he said.

                We all spun around, scanning rapidly for it. There were water droplets on my glasses, making it hard to see.

                “Dibs!” Mitch and Shane called at the same time, shoving at each other as they dove into the water.

                Spotting the stick, I followed them, and Ezra jumped in after me. We all splashed water at it, trying to hide it from each other.

                “Got it!” Shane cried, and was tackled by Mitch.

                The two fought with each other for the stick. Jace laughed as he watched them, and even Ezra was laughing since they were just play fighting. I smiled and Ezra and I began to splash water at them.

                “Got it!” Shane cried triumphantly after basically drowning his little brother.

                We all swam back to the dock and played Dibs for about a half hour. We swam around a little more before getting hungry and getting out of the water.

                We dried off and went back to Mitch’s house. His mom had dinner ready for us when we got there and we sat down, laughing and talking at we ate.

                “Hey Rio,” Mitch said, and I turned, only to be met with a face full of mashed potatoes.

                “Ass!” I whined, pulling my glasses off. I groaned as someone snatched them from my hands. “You’re all assholes! Ezra, help me!”

                “I believe in you Rio! You can do it yourself!” he said.

                I narrowed my eyes in the direction of his voice. “From this day on, you are a single man.”

                “Aw man! Mitch, give him back his glasses!” Ezra said.

                “Nah, I’m fine like this,” Mitch said.

                I got up and moved in the direction of his voice, running into an empty chair. Mitch laughed at me as I reached him and punched him, snatching my glasses back.

                I sat back down and cleaned them off with my shirt before putting them on. I resumed eating after sticking my tongue out at my asshole of a best friend.

                “The bat and the cat,” Shane said.

                “Blind as a bat,” I said miserably.

                “Aw, it’s not that bad!” Ezra said, kissing my cheek.

                I rolled my eyes and finished eating. I stood up and stretched, realizing how late it was already.

                “I better head home before my mom thinks I died,” I said. “Ezra, want to come over?”

                “Sure!” he said, jumping up.

                “See you later Mitch,” I said, giving him a short wave.

                “See you Rio,” he said, still stuffing his face with food.

                Ezra took my hand as we walked to my car. We climbed in and I held his hand again as I started driving towards my house.

                “So the lake wasn’t that bad, was it?” I said.

                “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I was having such a good time that I almost forgot I was even in the lake.”

                I grinned. “Maybe someday we’ll have sex in there,” I said, winking at him.

                “Maybe,” he said, returning the wink. His expression softened into a smile. “Today was such a fun day, Rio.”

                “It was a good day,” I agreed, smiling. It had been fun and relaxing, just hanging out with my friends and boyfriend.

                I pulled into my driveway and we got out of the car. Ezra pulled me over to himself and kissed me.

                “Hey, I’m doing a lot better,” he said with an honest smile. “Thank you. These past couple of days have really brought my spirits back up.”

                “I’m glad,” I said, hugging him and kissing him, honestly glad that he was feeling better.

                We held hands as we entered my house. My parents weren’t in the kitchen, which wasn’t surprising considering how late it was.

                We went into the living room and I frowned. “Mom? Dad?”

                They looked up at me from the couch and I froze, my stomach tightening into a knot. Their expressions. Something was wrong.

                “What happened?” I asked anxiously.

                Mom stood up, tears gathering in her eyes. “Rio,” she whispered.

                “Where’s Hank?” I demanded. Oh, god, please, no, don’t let him be dead. Please.

                “He’s in his room,” she said, and I relaxed very slightly.

                “Why aren’t you with him?” I asked.

                “Rio…” A tear leaked onto her cheek. Dad stood up, placing a hand on her shoulder. She turned into him, sniffling and trying to get herself under control.

                “Rio,” dad said, and there was a shattered look in his eyes, as if he had completely come apart. “Rio, Hank relapsed.”

                I stared at him, unable to comprehend his words. “What?” I whispered.

                Tears grew in his eyes. “The day you left for Mitch’s house. We fell asleep, and Hank snuck out. He…He stole money out of my wallet, and had sex for the rest. He did heroine again. When we woke up, we couldn’t find him. We searched everywhere. By the time we had found him, he had relapsed with heroin and cocaine.” Tears began to crawl down his cheeks. “I fell asleep, and I failed him. I failed him again. I failed my boy.” He held mom tightly as he started to cry. “God, I failed him.”

                “No,” I whispered.

                “We’ll have to put him back in rehab,” mom whispered, and started crying again. “Oh, god, Hank. I can’t watch him do this again. Not my Hank,” she choked out, clutching dad.

                I stared at them as they held each other, crying. I felt cold, and my ears were ringing. I heard someone saying my name, and I think it was Ezra.

                “For you. I promise. For you.”

                “I’ll get better. I promise.”

                I fell to my knees, feeling sick to my stomach. I gripped my head, because I had let him down, I should’ve been there, why did I go to Mitch’s house, I should’ve stayed home and been there for my brother. I promised I would help him and I didn’t. He promised he would get better and he didn’t. He just kept getting worse and worse, and now he was gone, my brother was gone, Hank wasn’t coming back, he was never going to recover, he didn’t want to recover, he didn’t care, he didn’t love us anymore, he was gone, he was gone, he was gone.

                I opened my mouth then and started screaming.

                I screamed as loud as I could, screaming and screaming because this was the spark and the fire had caught and now it was blazing and I was burning down to ashes and god it took so long to burn down and the wind was going to blow me away when this was all over and nothing would ever be okay again.

                “Rio,” mom sobbed.

                I felt Ezra’s arms around me, and they were the only thing keeping me from breaking apart then and there. He shot my parents a look that told them to stay away from me, and I squeezed my eyes shut because they were broken and I was broken and now our shattered pieces would slice up everyone we had ever loved because we couldn’t be put back together. Hank had shattered us and stolen some of the pieces so that we could never fix ourselves because he could never fix himself.

                My screaming continued, and my parents were sobbing, and I was burning to the ground. I heard a door open and footsteps and I knew Hank was in the room, I knew he was watching me, but he didn’t say anything, didn’t come over to me, just watched me burn down, and I didn’t open my eyes because I didn’t want to see him, I didn’t want to look at the addicted monster I called a brother, I didn’t want to see the man who had ruined our family and who I had let down.

                “I’m here. I’m here. You’re not alone. I’m here,” Ezra whispered, keeping a tight hold on me as I gripped my head and screamed. “I’m here, I’m right here Rio, I’m here.”

                Because he couldn’t tell me that it was okay. He knew it wasn’t okay. He knew that it would never be okay again.

                My throat hurt, but I just kept screaming, only stopping to suck in a breath every once in a while. I was getting lightheaded and I hoped that I passed out.

                Some dark part of me wished that Hank had just died that day so that I wouldn’t have to go through this. I wanted to mourn him and move on and just forget already. But over and over again he put us through this and he didn’t care, he didn’t care as long as he got his fix, and god I hated drugs and I hated the bastards that had peer pressured Hank into smoking weed for the first time, and I hated all of it, but I didn’t hate Hank, I could never hate Hank, so I screamed and screamed and screamed.

                I finally lost my voice and my ears were ringing, and my cheeks were wet with tears as I broke down into helpless sobs. I clutched Ezra as he held me together. Despite my shattered pieces, sharper than the glass that had cut my hand at Aunt Mary’s house, Ezra held onto me.

                I clutched him and buried my face in his shirt, sobbing, my voice gone, my throat raw, my stomach a knot, my head pounding, my ears ringing, my heart shattered and the pieces cutting up every little bit of me, and god it hurt so bad.

                The spark had flicked and there was so much gasoline and now I was burned down to nothing, and I felt like nothing, and my family had become nothing. We were just ashes and broken pieces, and we were missing too much to rise and rebuild.

                My parents were still sobbing and Hank was still watching us. I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see his blank expression. But I forced my eyes open anyways.

                I tried to start screaming again, but it came out choked, and I gave up, sobbing against Ezra again.

                Hank was leaning against the wall, watching us with cold, angry eyes. He was mad that he had gotten caught, mad that he would go back to rehab, mad that we loved him, mad that we wouldn’t leave him alone. He didn’t care that we were broken. He went through life swinging a hammer in a house of glass.

                “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.”

                Over and over again, Ezra kept saying it, holding me so tightly it almost hurt. He couldn’t leave me, I couldn’t lose him too, my parents were broken and gone, and Ezra was the only person I loved who wasn’t burned away to nothing, who had found the ability to rise again.

                I felt like I would never stop crying, and I turned away from Ezra, beating my fists against the floor, harder and harder, shaking the house, anger and hurt and betrayal and broken promises pumping through me. My mom and dad were sobbing my name, and I ignored them, because I was blazing and I couldn’t just stop, drop, and roll. I had to endure it until it burned itself out.

                My fists grew sore as I beat them against the ground as hard as I could. Ezra’s arms were still around me, and tears fell to the ground and it just wouldn’t end, there was so much anger I couldn’t seem to get it all out.

                Finally, my body gave up, and I collapsed in Ezra’s arms, clutching him again, his arms as strong as before as they held me to himself.

                My vision began to darken as I looked up at Ezra helplessly. He kissed my forehead, holding me.

                “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here,” he whispered.

                My world was shattered and I had burned down to ashes. With Ezra as the only thing holding me together, I let the darkness swallow up my vision.