Every morning it's the same. The alarm goes off and I slowly peel my eyes open. First it's the left lid and then the right but they always land on that brownish yellow water stain. The one that appears to be dripping from the air-vent. It's undoubtedly a sign of a bigger issue like mold, which would explain my alergies lately but no one really cares to fix it. I can feel the warmth of the sun as it casts a narrow beam onto the cheap scratchy fleece blanket covering me. So I release my hand from its itchy prison and try to catch the dust particles that constantly float but never seem to land. Exhaling a breath, I'm not quite ready to get up but I roll onto my side anyway. And yep, Garrett is staring at me.

        His absent dead-looking eyes are just... staring... at... me. In the beginning it really creeped me out when I would find him frozen like a corpse, drool oozing from the corner if his lip but then I learned that Garret often sleeps with his eyes open. He's kind of unique in that way, not to mention he's an insomniac with manic depression and is bipolar. I nudge his shoulder and his eyes flutter like someone on the verge of fainting but then he blinks at me as if he finally sees me.

"You were doing that freaky thing again."

Garrett lets out a yawn and rolls onto his back. "I dozed off somewhere around three." He squeezes his lids tight. "Now they're going to be burning all day."

"Come on, lets eat something." I nod my head toward the door.

        He scoots to the edge of the bed and slides his feet into a pair of slippers. I do the same. This begins our morning routine. Garrett is thirteen, which makes me older than him by four years. It's safe to say that he looks up to me so by now our movements mirror each others. We both brush our teeth with our elbows up, winding in a circular motion, then rinse our mouths and wipe them dry with the back of our sleeve. Heck, we even smooth down the rebellious hairs on our head the same way before shuffling out of the room. You would think we are brothers. But we're not.

        In the hallway, multiple doors open and patients of all ages step out in zombie-like fashion while rubbing fists into their eyesballs. Lips are forming into an orchestra of yawns and mumbles of greetings follow. We all know the drill. Up to the nurses station we go, single file line while we wait for our tiny plastic cup of pills. Yet it doesn't stop nurse ratchet from blowing her whistle and clapping her hands at us.

"Good morning." She screeches. "Single file to the nurses station. Come on, let's go!" She claps. "Betty is waiting!"

         Betty is my favorite nurse. She doesn't treat me as if I'm spending my days in a hospital. Let alone treat me like a crazy person. She talks to me the way a barista at a coffee house would and there's days where I forget why I'm here. She spots me as I stand in line waiting my turn. I'd like to think her smile gets a little brighter just for me but she's too sweet to play favorites. I look behind me to tease Garrett about Betty liking me best but upon doing so I spot that girl gawking at me again. Her eyes dart away and I nudge my buddy. His tired eyes shift up to mine.

"Mm?" Garrett grunts as he gnaws at his nails.

I smack his hand down. "What did I tell you about that. Hands say everything about a person."

"Yeah, yeah." He mumbles.

"That girl is staring again."

"Word 'round the ward says her name is Becca Valdez." Garrett shrugs and out of habit brings his nails to his teeth again. "She's kinda cute, if you like weird."

"Garrett!" I snap. "Hands..."

        He grumbles and drops his fingers. I take another glance over my shoulder but this time the girl is looking down at an iPod and shoving buds into her ears, the neon green cords getting lost in her vanilla swirled dark chocolate hair. Right as I'm about to turn my head our eyes catch and then hers flash away as quick as a hummingbird. I smirk. Sometimes I wish she would just have the balls to confront me already! It's as if she knows something I don't and it would be better than spying all the time. I finally reach Betty.

"Morning." I smile.

"Hi baby, did you sleep alright?" Her pearly whites practically sparkle with the fluorescent lights above us.

"I did. Thanks for asking and how are you today?"

"I'm good baby." She slides the tiny plastic cup to me. "Excited for Senior year?"

"Not really." I toss back the pills and reach for a cup filled with juice. I swallow.

Betty's lips turn down and she gives a tisk tisk. "It's your last year of being a carefree kid. Next thing you know you'll be old like me."

I feign a gasp, hands clutched to my chest, "you, old!? You don't look a day over twenty." I wink.

"Oh hush." She folds her arms, a smile playing on her lips. "Now go on and get." She shooed with the flick of her wrists. "Maybe if you're good I'll give you brownies."

"Yes ma'am." I salute.

Before moving from the line I hear Garrett cough, "brown-noser."

        Later on at dinner, I see the girl who I now know is named Becca, steal glances at me. She sits with a girl in her twenties. They don't really talk but mostly either read or listen to music. Then in the recreation room while I'm playing Checkers with Garrett, I catch her eyeing me again. It's pretty distracting and my little buddy wins twice in a row. Bored, he lets out a deep sigh and glances over his shoulder to where my gaze keeps bouncing.

"Just confront her already!" He rolls his eyes and gets back to the game.

"What do you think her deal is?"

Garrett rolls his eye again, "she obviously likes you. I mean, come on..." He motions over me.

I was so full of myself that I was positive he was right but still, my gut told me otherwise. "I don't know... I don't think that's it."

"Seriously dude, just talk to her already."

"Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow."

"Well it's about time!" Garrett huffed.

       And Garrett was right. It was about time I confronted little Miss Staring Problem. With that thought I get back into playing Checkers and beat Garrett three times before calling it a night.

***

       At breakfast I try not to make it obvious that I'm watching Becca watching me while I eat oatmeal. I discretely take glances when her head is down. Admittedly there were a couple of moments when she caught me watching her. That was really embarrassing. The last thing I wanted was for some freak to think I liked her. From what I've learned about her through sources, is that she tried to off herself because her dad is getting remarried. I mean, come on, that seems ridiculous if you ask me. Plus, what's with that hair of hers? Make up your mind Becca, do you want it to be blonde or brown? I dig back into my oatmeal and think about how in less than twenty-four hours I'll be walking onto school campus again. Except without Audrey. My stomach tightens just thinking about the rumor mill turning. I haven't spoken to my friends since it happened and I would like to think they're keeping it a secret but then again my girlfriend did cheat on me with one of them so.... there was that.

        I sit back and push the bowl away, my appetite gone. Bringing my sight back to where Becca is, I notice her seat is empty. My eyes dart about searching and you would think I'm a mother who just lost her child with the way my heart is thumping but then I catch a glimpse of her long black sweater as it disappears through the exit. I tell Garrett I'm going after her and he gives me a thumbs up with a mouthful of Fruit Loops. When I walk through the same exit she took, I'm now out in the garden. The sun is peak-a-booing behind the clouds, yet I can already feel that's it's going to be a warm one today. Taking a few paces, it takes a moment before I spot her but she's there on a bench with her back to me and scribbling on a notepad.

"Hey." I announce as I approach but I get nothing from her. I'm about to shout when I notice she has those green ear buds plugged in. So I wave my hands frantically, "HEY."

She looks up and confusion builds in the space between her eyebrows as they knit together. Ripping the buds from her ears, she shields her eyes. "Can I help you?"

"Do you know who I am?"

Her brows bunch together even more and she adds a little sass to her reply, "Elliott Addison."

I step back. "Yeah... D-Do I know you??"

Becca rolls her eyes and begins collecting the notepad and colored pens. "We've only gone to the same school for the last three years."

       Like an idiot, my mouth does that thing where you're trying to form words but nothing comes out. Instead I look like a fish out of water, gasping for air. She pushes off the bench and walks past me, lightly shoving my shoulder in the process.

"Wait!" I finally manage and cut off her path. "You're not going to tell anyone I'm in here, right?"

She scoff and folds her arms. "Yeah so everyone can know I'm in here too. Sure, that will make my life SO much easier!"

"So you won't tell anyone?"

"No you moron!" She rolls her eyes. "Can I go now? Is this interrogation over?"

She went to move but I held my hands up like a brick wall, stopping her. "Do you know why I'm in here?"

"You tried to off yourself." She said matter-of-fact with a shrug. "Your grandma's sleeping pills, right?"

"H-How do you--"

"Relax newbie, everyone in here finds out eventually and nobody cares cause if you haven't noticed," she leans in and whispers, "we're all just a little crazy. Even you."

"I-I'm NOT!" I back up, truly offended.

Becca laughs. "Riiiight. Why are you in here again?"

"It's not like that!" I practically spit. She's really upsetting me now.

"Yeah cause the all-star jock with the perfect girlfriend and baseball scholarship couldn't possibly try to rid himself from the world out of sanity."

"You know nothing about it!" I shout as she shoves past me for real this time. "And what about you! Huh? Daddy from the City Council gets engaged and you can't handle it? You're a hypocrite!"

She freezes and spins around, slowly. "You're wrong Elliott," and she says my name as if it disgusts her but I also notice her eyes becoming glossy. "I know why I'm in here and I'm not proud of it but at least I'm not being fake about it. You and me are NOT the same, ok?"

"No?" I fold my arms.

"No." She wipes away the rebellious tear trying to escape. "You're the popular jock and I'm the girl everyone ignores." Her voice cracks now, "Even my Dad ignores me so you couldn't possibly understand."

"Becca..."

       I reach out to console her but she smacks my hand away and covers her face as the embankment gives way and the tears flood out. Her pens and notebook splat on the ground in the process, the pages flayed out. She stomps her foot, letting out a curse and we both bend at the same time, knocking our heads on the way down.

"OUCH." She rubs her noggin.

"Sorry." I gather up the notebook to give to her but notice it's filled with drawings. Portraits mostly. One is of Betty, another of me. My smile captured so perfectly that I may as well be looking at myself. "You drew these?"

"Yeah." She snatches the notebook from me.

       The tears are still damp on her cheeks and if there's anything I can't stand is a girl crying. It just knots up my stomach in the worst way and there have been times where I've almost cried myself but I wouldn't dare let that happen this time.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm a jerk." I lift her chin. "Just please don't cry."

And there it is, the feel of my face curling. Great!

Her eyes search mine and something in them softens. "It's ok."

With her defenses down I ask, "Does your dad really ignore you?"

She nods, her gaze now to the ground. "All the time. Ever since my mom died." She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and for the first time, I actually get a good look at the hazel color of her cat-like irises. The black eyeliner makes her look like a kitten that needs to be cuddled. "Him getting engaged is just another excuse to ignore me."

"I guess we're two peas in a pod then." I sit back on my heels and rest my arms on my knees. "You get ignored meanwhile I get too much attention."

"It's not a bad thing. I would give anything to have people really see me."

"That's the thing. People don't really see me." Suddenly I'm opening up like a bottle of wine. "That's why I'm dreading going back to school tomorrow. I have no idea what people are saying about me but whatever they say, it won't be the truth."

"Like, you taking those pills cause Audrey Lee broke up with you? That's not the whole story, is it?"

"Nope." I shake my head. "Just how you didn't cut your wrists just because your Dad got engaged."

     Our gazes lock and I swear we both stopped breathing. Becca was actually kind of stunning in the sunlight. It made her hair look a bit auburn and her eyes like drops of honey. She gets to her knees, so I stand and help with hauling her up. With our hands still clamped together, she studies me.

"Are you going to do that thing where you ignore me at school tomorrow cause I'm not cool?"

"Never!" I shake my head. She narrows her eyes at me suspiciously. "I swear I won't."

"Ok. See you tomorrow then?"

"Absolutely."

***

       The next morning my parents arrive at the hospital with a bag of new clothes and supplies for school. They want to make sure I'm ready to go back or if I need more time with the doctors. Thankfully everyone involved in my care agrees I should be good to go. Betty hugs me goodbye, wishing me well with a gallon sized Ziploc bag full of brownies. Bless her heart, I will miss her! Then my parents take me to breakfast where we try to act normal through awkward conversation. I was definitely nervous to go back to school cause I could barely eat my Banana-Nut waffles and I LOVE them. Getting dropped off was even worse. I felt like a kindergartener as my mom kissed me goodbye before sliding out of the car. As if it weren't bad enough that my heart was thumping against my ribcage like a conga drum but then I have to be embarrassed in the process.

      I stood out there in front of campus as the hustle and bustle of classmates greeting one another or shuffling into the front doors, surrounded me. Glancing around, my palms swamped with sweat and my anxiety was climbing as people's mouths moved but I couldn't hear them. I could read their lips though and I swear they were whispering about me. Call it paranoia but my instinct was confirmed as the sound filtered back in and I heard a few voices cackle,

"Suicide waaatch!"

"Keep him away from sharp objects!"

       An eruption of laughter followed and my focus was going fuzzy as fingers pointed at me. What was wrong with these people!? The worst part, Audrey Lee and my ex best friend Kyle Evans happened to arrive... holding hands. I took a shakey breath when suddenly a warm hand weaved through mine.

"Don't let it get you."

"Becca..?" I could have cried in this moment.

"We can do this." She squeezes my hand. "People may not see you but I do so we're going to walk in there and we're going to ignore the negativity. Got it?"

I face her. "I see you too Becca."

For the first time, her lips parted and the corners of her mouth lift into a smile. "I know you do."

      I release a sigh of relief and pull her into my chest with my arms wrapping around her shoulders since she's shorter than me. She stiffens for a moment but then closes her arms around my waist.

"I'm scared." I say into her hair.

She tips her head back to look up at me, "Me too but we can do this. Screw everyone else!"

"I've never been an outcast before."

"It's not that bad. Especially if you have at least one friend and you definitely have me." She smiles again. We separate but our hands remain tightly laced as she asks, "Ready?"

      Our eyes roll over the steps leading up to the front doors and they've never looked so endless. Yet not impossible. Not with Becca's hand in mine. We nod to one another.

I take the first step while gazing at her, "ready!"