Gabriel

What a weekend... I couldn't remember the last time I had such a great weekend. It distracted me from thinking about my upcoming birthday, a birthday I was hoping to forget: I was one year closer to forty. I only had five years to go while Juniper had fifteen years. It didn't feel right.

But damn... he was hot and could keep going for hours.

Leave it to my parents to remind me of my birthday, the birth of their only child and son.  As if I was a student in college away from home, they sent me a care package with packs of hot chocolate, a variety of cookies and crackers, cheeses, and two bottles of wine. I appreciated the bottles of wine. Since moving to Maine, I'd asked my parents to visit me.  I'd been dealing with major depression, and I didn't always want to be alone. My parents had yet to visit me. They had yet to forgive me for moving even farther away.

I poured myself a glass of wine as I listened to my messages. Besides the hospital, my parents were the only ones who'd leave me voicemail. Everyone else sent text messages until I met Juniper.  Sipping my wine, I smiled in response to Juniper's voice. "Hi... uh... Gabriel. It's me. It's Juniper. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Call me when you can. 'Bye."

Since the weekend, I'd been working twelve-hour days. It was now eleven o'clock at night, so I bet he was asleep in bed. I sent him a text message instead, knowing he'd have service when he got to work in the morning. I was old enough to remember life before cell phones, but nowadays I couldn't imagine life without internet or cell phone service. I liked the idea of being cut off from social media and all the other crap that went along with it. It'd be nice to be cut off for a while. In a way, I envied Juniper. He could go home at night and relax, not tempted to mindlessly peruse FaceBook, Instagram, or YouTube.

At eight thirty the following morning, Juniper texted me as I'd hoped. 'I'm sorry I missed you last night. Let me know a good time to talk.'

We finally connected at three thirty during my much needed break. I sat in the corner of the break room where I called him on his cell. He'd just gotten out of work, as I expected. "I can't believe you remembered my birthday," I said, my heart beating fast as I envisioned him sitting in his Jeep, ready to go home. "I keep trying to forget it."

"Why are you trying to forget it?"

"I'm one year closer to death."

"Wow, that's morbid. Are you always so morbid?"

"Lately, yes. Thanks for last weekend, by the way. I had an amazing time, the best time I've had in a very long time."

"Yeah, me too. So, Gabriel, I was wondering if I could see you again. I'd like to take you to dinner or something for your birthday. Would that be okay?"

The idea of a much younger man buying me dinner made me very uncomfortable. I also made at least three times his salary, maybe more. But that was my hang up and not his. Since I was desperate to see him again, I'd have to deal with him paying for dinner.  "I'd love to go out to dinner with you," I said. "Where would you like to go?"

"You tell me. It's your birthday."

"Do you like Korean?"

"I dunno. I've never had it, but I'd love to try it."

"Okay. Cool. I'm free tomorrow night. We could go to Seoul Kitchen. It's right in Bangor."

"Fine. I'll meet you there at seven."

There were several Chinese restaurants in Bangor, but only one Korean restaurant. I thought I was late, but it was Juniper who was early, waiting outside the restaurant. He stood with his hands in his front jeans pockets. He was absolutely beautiful, dressed in a lavender button-down shirt and dark blue jeans. He wore Merrell hiking shoes again, his preferred style of shoes. His hair looked blonder in the setting sun.

"Hi," I said. "You look... " I couldn't find the right words. "Stunning."

"Get outta here," he laughed. "You're full of shit. Am I overdressed?"

"No, not at all. Let's eat. I'm starving."

Juniper sat across from me in a booth. His presence overwhelmed me and I couldn't explain why. I worked in an emergency room in a trauma center, yet I could barely handle sitting across from an incredibly attractive man who was also kind, a lot of fun, and incredible in bed.

"I've never had Korean before," he said, holding a menu in front of his face. "What should I have?"

"Kimbap is good and duk poki is good. Mandu is good, too. They're dumplings. I don't eat the pork ones, but the vegetable ones are good. Bibimbap and bulgogi is also very good."

"I'm so stressed out," he said. "I don't know what to order. I'm just gonna have a drink first and think about it." He ordered a bottle of red wine. I always liked a man who enjoyed red wine. "When I first met you, I wondered what kind of food you liked."

"I like all kinds."

"Yeah... I think I know what I'll have."

He ordered vegetable dumplings--so we could share, he said--and bibimbap, both good choices. He discovered he didn't like kimchi and discreetly spit it into his napkin. I knew plenty of people who didn't like kimchi. I'd just never met anyone who had the same reaction as Juniper, who disliked it so much he gulped down a glass of wine to get rid of the taste.

"I think I'm gay," he said, stabbing his dumpling with his fork. I worried he'd hate it. He shoved it in his mouth. "Mmm... that's good. Gabriel, do you think I'm gay?"

"I can't answer that for you."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "I'm a weirdo, huh? How old were you when you realized you were gay?"

"Ten. You've never had a crush on a boy in school?"

He shrugged.

"That means maybe you have?"

"No, I can't think of anyone."

All I could think about was taking Juniper back to my apartment to fuck him. I had a hard time focusing on our discussion. "I find that hard to believe."

"It's true. Maybe I was too busy to think about boys or girls, and I found you by accident. If you hadn't come on to me, then maybe I would never have discovered I was attracted to men. I can't believe I just said that... attracted to men. That sounds weird."

"But it's true, right? You came on to me first."

"What do you mean I came on to you first? That's so untrue. You just don't remember kissing me. You even said you get hypersexual when you're drunk."

"Oh, yeah... right. Sorry about that." My cheeks burned as I sipped my wine. Juniper was a good sport about the whole thing. Things would have ended so differently if he'd left and the other person, Tricia, stayed. I would have been thrown in a jail cell or taken to the closest hospital, the same hospital where I'd just worked for twelve hours. Despite the lack of action in the hospital, I liked working there. They'd never ask me to work there again if I showed up highly inebriated.

"How did your folks react when you told them?" Juniper asked.

I thought for a minute, trying to figure out a way to answer the question without looking like a complete loser and coward. I couldn't answer him. I was a coward, but I told myself I was only protecting my parents from utter disappointment and heartache, even if it meant me leading them to believe I planned on settling down with a woman someday to give them grandchildren. I was totally fucked up.

As I contemplated a response, I poured myself another glass of wine. Although Juniper barely knew me, he could see through me. "They don't know, do they?" he said.

"It's complicated. My parents are Orthodox Jews. They're not ultra-orthodox, but they still follow the laws of the Torah, maybe too much. The book of Vayikra—you may know it as Leviticus—the third book in the Torah forbids homosexual relationships and identities. My father is a rabbi, you know, and I've heard him condemn homosexuality. He's called it unnatural... or unnatural intercourse. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"Like shit."

"Yeah," I said with a slight laugh. There was nothing funny about what I said, but I didn't know any other way to react.

"I don't know anything about religion or the Torah or the Bible. I wasn't raised on any religion. I guess I can understand why you live here and not in Brooklyn. What if you fall madly in love with a man and want to spend the rest of your life with him? Will you spend the rest of your life avoiding your parents?"

I fell in love easily, but I hadn't fallen madly in love to the point I wanted to come out to my parents or introduce them to anyone. "I don't know," I replied honestly. "I've never been madly in love. What about you?"

"I don't know how my dad will react. I just think he'd be disappointed. I don't like to disappoint people."

"And your mother?"

Juniper often talked about his father and sisters, but he never talked about his mother. Based on his reaction right now, I thought she died, and I felt horrible for bringing her up. He became silent, sullen, and tense—not his usual self.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean..."

"My mom ran off with some guy and found religion. I talk to her a couple of times a year. She sends me birthday and Christmas cards. They all have pictures of blue-eyed, blond-haired Jesuses. I haven't seen her in person in a couple of years. She was here when my niece was born six months ago, but I didn't see her, didn't want to. I'd rather not talk about her. I like Korean food except for the cabbage thing. Maybe we could try other restaurants."

"It's the only Korean restaurant in Bangor."

"I meant we could try other restaurants."

"Sure. I'd like that."

I needed a good line to get him back to my apartment. I wasn't blunt or to the point as Juniper was. Because he said nothing, I assumed he just wanted to go home and he didn't know how to tell me. A wave of guilt swept over me as he handed his credit or debit card to the waiter. I wasn't used to anybody paying for me. I never realized other men had used me for a variety of things. When I lived with Cole, somehow I ended up paying for everything, including the rent. How could I be so stupid? Now I faced unfamiliar territory.

"I know you have to get up early, but I was wondering if you'd like to come to my place for a drink? Maybe coffee or tea?" There, I finally said it.

His cheeks reddened as he smiled. "Sure," he said. "A drink would be great."

There was no question we both wanted more than a drink. I didn't even get a chance to fill the kettle with water when he kissed me hard on my mouth, pushing me against the kitchen island. I'd been fighting off the desire all evening. By the way Juniper kissed, I'd say he'd been fighting it off, too. We kissed as we unbuttoned each other's shirts. I was in lust with Juniper, there was no question about it.

Juniper's skills had improved. He was a quick learner. He rode my dick with little to no instruction or guidance. No one had ever ridden my dick like he did. The way he hooked his legs around me was incredible. I'd never been with a man who was so skillful with the lotus position. His athleticism and flexibility made everything all the more impressive. He knew exactly what he liked and didn't like. Achieving the perfect rhythm, he bounced slowly up and down and back and forth; whatever pleased him, he did it and whatever pleased him pleased me.

"Right there," he whispered in my ear before nipping my ear lobe. "Keep doing that... right there..."

I shifted my hips up faster and faster as he pushed down. We were perfect. He clung to me, moaning against my mouth as we kissed. I didn't want to let him go. "Stay the night," I said in between kisses.

"I can't. I gotta work tomorrow."

"Call out sick."

He laughed in the middle of a kiss. "It's only the third week of school. I can't call out. You'd never call out, would you?"

"Not unless I was really sick. You're such a good boy," I said, grasping a clump of his hair.

"We'll arrange a sleepover another time. I like it when you pull my hair. When can I see you again?"

I was wondering the same thing.

"There's some great hiking trails in Baxter State Park," he said. "It's not too far, about forty-five minutes from my cabin... about an hour and a half from here. You could always stay at my place. There's some good trails not far from there, too, if you'd rather not stay with me. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to sleep in your own bed, but I'd like it if you--"

"I'm free next weekend," I cut him off. I'd come to realize that in this part of Maine 'nearby' or 'not too far' ranged from thirty minutes to two hours.

"Okay, next weekend," he said, hugging me, resting his head on my shoulder. "But could I see you during the week? I know you work long days, but maybe we could go out to dinner again or grab a drink?"

"Tuesday's good," I said, running my hands up and down his back.

"Okay. Tuesday. I better go," he said, slowly getting off me. He wandered around the bedroom searching for his clothes. He'd forgotten we disrobed in my kitchen. I waited to remind him because I enjoyed watching him walk around naked.

"Where the hell are my clothes?" he finally asked.

"In the kitchen," I replied.

"Oh, yeah." He left the bedroom and didn't return like I thought he would. "I'm going!"

As if we hadn't been going at it for an hour, Juniper blushed when I emerged from my bedroom, naked. He stopped at the door, waiting for me to make a move or say something. I walked to him and kissed him once before saying goodnight.