(Anxiety and depression trigger warning. Read at your own discretion.)

다리

'The wind is really nice', said the phrase on the handrail.

And for some reason it was. Even in November, the usual annoying, cold wind was still in sync with the city lights and the flowing river beneath her feet.

'Did you know gorillas all have blood type B?'

June softly giggled.

It was 2 in the am, and she was walking up and down the bridge, mind sinking and overthinking. Something she hasn't done in a long while, not since the day Jimin saved her from the upcoming train.

'Doesn't it feel good to be outside walking on a bridge?'

Fingers tracing the bridge's handrail, she inhaled the thin and crisp air, her view adjusting to surroundings but a blur of tears stood in the way. She wished she knew why her feet were stomping against the cold pavement coated in a hoar-like carpet. But like every other time her brain refused to give her rest, the question always remained why.

Another message bore a standard greeting,'Have you eaten yet?'

And she hasn't.

But really, she hasn't been hungry for the past couple of days.

A few cars drove by, their lights blinding June for a split second until all that was left to hear was the cold wind blowing, the river flowing, her choppy breathing and her heart slowly beating. Maybe she should've called her mom before all of this happens, to make sure she's okay, to tell her she loves her always and forever.

'Worries are nothing.'

She acknowledged the phrase with nothing but a sneer while looking down at the river, thinking of what worries really seemed to be - are they made of moving towns, attending new schools, starting a new life, or simply figuring out what to do?

Are worries the regret June felt, knowing that she should've taken up that piano class she'd been thinking about for months, learn a new language or simply finish the drawing of Jimin collecting dust on the very top of her desk?

But she never did any of it, just how she didn't count to ten before planning to jump in water because for some reason she forgot the numbers, forgot how to breathe and everything rolled in a slow-motion film.

''Don't be stupid, you don't know how to swim.''

Taehyung?

Another car drove by, sending vibrations through the ground.

''I thought we would never meet on this bridge.'' The boy stood there just inches away from her. With his hands laid against the handrail, he was staring down at the water, mentally counting the meters between himself and the very bottom.

''Do you think it's deep enough to drown?'' He asked, tilting his head.

Face hidden behind the big hood lined with faux fur, and his frame seemed so small compared to the oversized jacket he was wearing. June could only knit her eyebrows together, her face softened but confusion was still present.

''What?'' The boy asked, turning his gaze towards her, his bubbly expression vivid underneath the moonlight. ''I don't think drowning is a good idea. Try something different, like pills perhaps. They're less painful. Maybe you can get some tutoring from Jimin on that matter as well.''

There was a prolonged silence clinging to the winter air. And June was becoming more irritated, almost angry at him for coming in the first place.

''Why?''

She asked the question she knew there was no real answer to.

''Why?'' Taehyung's eyebrow rose up. ''Because drowning is torture. You don't actually inhale until just that tiny little moment before you black out. No matter how much you're scared, the instinct to not let any water in is stronger than the ability to open your mouth. That's until you can feel your head is about to explode because when you open your lips, let the water sink you deeper in, it becomes calm, kind of peaceful and-''

''Why are you here, Taehyung?'' Her voice was now hoarse, it boomed, unlike the first time she had asked the same question.

''To see for myself that you weren't strong enough to do it.'' He licked his dry lips, his breathing forming small clouds in the late night air. ''You're a coward.''

She was struggling, her shaking voice giving out just how scared she actually was. ''You're wrong.''

''Am I though?'' Hands resting on the lower part of his back, Taehyung circled around her. ''Prove me wrong and jump right now.''

Nothing happened, of course.

''Thought so.'' A scary pause. ''Co-ward~.'' The syllables rolled down his tongue sharply as his voice was jumping from her left to her right ear, forming an eerie melody.

Maybe if she closed her eyes shut and thought about something else, maybe he would disappear.

''Really now, June? You really think that's going to work out? I'm supposed to be gone so easily? Poof, and suddenly I'm nothing?''

She still held her eyes shut. Why wasn't it working?

''This isn't the theater play, June. The moon doesn't make your wishes come true in the world we're living in so snap out of it.''

June was fighting back tears, feeling them coming at the back of her throat and yet even after swallowing them, they still kept coming up. ''Can't you just leave me alone?''

''Is that what you want? After everything you've done to me?''

''I haven't done anything wrong!''

''You gave up! You gave up on me! You left me to rot inside the world you've created when Jimin showed up. Suddenly, you didn't need me anymore, Jimin was your answer, your savior, the prince on a white horse.''

''Oh screw you, alright? This has nothing to do with Jimin, leave him out of this.'' June snapped back.

But Taehyung ignored it. ''Right, because the second he left you, you were running straight back to me. Sucks that he's too afraid to like someone whose mind is as screwed up as yours.''

When she couldn't listen to his words for any longer, one of her legs crossed over the handrail, hands squeezing it down for support. She wanted to make him stop, to turn it all off and she hoped that a single jump will be the perfect payoff.

''That's how we're gonna play, then? Fine!'' Sneering, he threw both of his arms in the air. ''The only way you'll actually get rid of me is if you just jump.''

June's eyes were still closed.

''C'mon now. You're only a step away from wiping all the worries from the face of this earth.'' He'd stopped to wipe the tears away with the sleeve of his padded jacket before he could continue in the same tune, ''Why back out now when you're so close to it anyway?''

The wind blew strongly.

''Taehyung, stop it!''

''Why should I stop now?''

What he did next had June's heart almost jumping out of her chest.

''Taehyung, you're scaring me'', but his feet wouldn't stop moving, his body was right next to hers, feet standing on a line so thin, dividing the dream from reality.

''But I was trying to protect you!'' His voice yelled.

And she was still keeping her eyes shut, afraid if she opened them, the last thing she'd see would be the bottom of a cold water.

''Do you really think that Jimin didn't see anything? That night in the laundry room? How stupid are you to think that you can keep me away from him, away from everyone around you? They're all going to find out!'' The more he spoke aimlessly, the more his feet danced on the edge.

''Just imagine the look on their faces, the pain they'd feel when they figure it out. Think about your mother, June. She gave everything to you, and now, the poor woman will be giving all her savings into treatment and therapy for you. Can you imagine it? Sitting on one of those chairs, staring at a person you've never seen before and they keep asking you and asking all these stupid questions you already know the answers to. What about your sister? And your father, losing his precious daughter to something he would never be able to understand. None of them would.''

Suddenly he broke into a laugh of realization, one that was far from being joyful. ''Of course, they wouldn't understand it. You don't understand it either! You had a perfect childhood, a great family, amazing friends and it's like...''

The sound of his fingers snapping sent shivers down her spine. ''It's like all you needed was for something bad to happen - just so that you can rip it all apart and blame yourself because there was no one else to be blamed for.''

Like the voice he has always been, ingrown inside of her head, Taehyung was right yet again.

''But I'm so lost, Tae.''

''I don't blame you. Who knows what they're going to think but I understand you. After all, you're my best friend, you were protecting me...''

June tensed, eyes gazing at Taehyung, pleading for an end to all of this.

He looked up at the full moon with weary eyes and heavy heart, ''...now, let me be the one protecting you, okay? I promise, I'll keep you safe and you don't have to be afraid anymore.''

His fist soon blossomed, his slender fingers hugging the palm of June's hand and giving it a light squeeze in a sense of comfort as if it would somehow ease the big fall. ''We can do it together. Like we always do. On my count, okay? One-''

''I-I can't, I can't.''

His hands cupped her face that had been smudged in tears and for some reason, she couldn't feel his touch, it wasn't really there. ''Listen to me. You're going to be fine.''

A shake of her head was all her body managed to give, as Taehyung already started counting away, the first number repeating. ''One, two-''

''Stop it!'' And she screamed at him, but he didn't stop. Because June wasn't yelling at Taehyung - he wasn't even there to begin with.

''Three.''

Tears sank into the fabric of her coat, Taehyung's grip around her wrist had only gotten stronger with each blow of the wind.

''Four.''

A breeze shook her bones, making the distance between them so small.

''Five-''

''Get out of my head!'' June thought of the times she was afraid to grow up, when her head was still innocent, still ignorant at what possibly awaits her when she turns 15, then 18, after that, even 20. Funny how now, she wished she could've gone back in time.

''Six.''

Not much stayed in her head from the childhood years, only bits and pieces did remain, like that one time she accidentally poked her own father in the eye with her pinky finger when he tried to get her out of the white wooden crib.

''Seven.''

Or the first time she tried smoking a cigarette but her older sister outed her, though mom hadn't taken it seriously since it was known that the kids always liked to play around. It was never something big of importance.

''Eight.''

Is this how it looks like? Your whole life passing by before your eyes in tiny little fragments?

Because she wasn't ready for it. Wasn't ready to leave these memories behind her. Not like this, not on a note that was indifferent, gray, just like it had been with Jimin.

''Nine.''

Taehyung's deep voice felt like the ticking of a clock, loud and sharp.

''G-get out'', gasp, ''please.'' And she was on her knees.

But before the silence could repose, the world around her froze.

Ten.

Taehyung jumped then.

Cold water seeped into his shoes, stealing away the heat just as fast as the wind steals him from the surface. His entire being is soaked, the drops coming together to run into his eyes and lips. The heat that used to keep his body warm has run to his core to shelter and hoard the warmth that remained.

But where anyone else would have hit the water clear, causing a crushing sound and a bunch of splashing in the river, Taehyung doesn't - he was never really there, he wasn't even real.

In the midst of it all, June doesn't know how she managed to go back to the other side of the handrail with the safety bordered underneath her feet again. She forced strength but the weakness stripped it down anyway, the liberating feeling shadowed by the abandonment.

All that was left were salty tears streaming down the cheeks - June was crying.

But Jimin wasn't there to save her,

not this time.