It's only been a few days since me and Johnny confessed to each other at the park and today is the big day. We're finally going out on a date!

There was a new ice cream shop that just opened up about a week ago and we planned on testing it out. We agreed to go after school and he said he would pick me up from my house in twenty minutes.

As soon as I got inside, I ran upstairs and tried to shower and do my hair and makeup before he got back. I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard but I also didn't want him to think I was putting no effort into this.

Ugh, what do I do? What do I do?

This is one of those times where I really need a mom! But no, she just had to a psychopath and kill my dad.

Groaning, I just decided to twist my pink and black curls into a bun with two curly ear tails. For makeup, I settled on dark rouge colored lipstick and dark eyeshadow. My eyelashes were coated in mascara and I brushed on some pale pink blush. As for clothes, I decided on a pink short sleeve that showed a strip of my stomach and a shiny, baby blue skirt. And to top it all off, I wore a pair of high platform heels. I was pretty short so they helped me to actually look somewhat my age.

Just as I was looking at myself in the mirror to see if I looked okay, I heard Johnny's car pull up. My heart rate sped up as I grabbed my purse and raced down the stairs. I tried to collect myself as I opened the door.

Johnny was standing there in some jeans, a white shirt, and a jean jacket over it. He held a bouquet of roses in his hands.

"Wow..." He breathed as he looked at me. "You look great."

I giggled a little and bit my lip. "Thanks, you do too."

There was a moment of silence as we stole glances at each other.

Johnny cleared his throat suddenly and thrusted the roses towards me. "Here, I got these for you." He said.

"Thank you." I say, holding them up to my nose and sniffing them. They smelled sweet and I exhaled slowly. I placed them in a vase and stepped outside, about to close the door.

"Don't you want me to talk to your parents?" He asked, looking confused.

I stopped in my tracks and tried to think up a lie on the spot. "Oh, well my dad died not too long ago and I never knew my mother. I live with my older brother."

It wasn't completely untrue. My dad did die only a few months ago and I did live with my brother. I was only five when my family fell apart and even before than, me and my mom weren't exactly close.

"Oh, I'm sorry for bringing it up. That must be a sore subject." His cheeks were reddening as he rambled his apologies.

"It's okay, Johnny. I've moved on." At least that was true.  I had moved on from what happened and it never really impacted me before that either. Yes, I know that my dad did care about me but he didn't listen when I told him how miserable I was. He didn't stop cheating on mom so she would stop being depressed and quit drinking. He didn't pay enough attention to my fourteen year old brother to get him to stop smoking. So maybe I did care about him and didn't want him dead, but he wasn't a very big part of my life anyways.

"Let's go." I tell him, wanting to change the subject. He nods and we walk over to his car. He held my door open for me like a gentleman before climbing in himself.

He gave me a sweet smile as he started the car ad pulled out of the driveway, setting out onto the road. The radio was playing, but I wasn't really listening. I didn't like most songs on the radio much.

An old Beyoncé song came on and I smiled, immediately recognizing the tune. I quietly sang the song to myself, bopping my head lightly.

"You're a really good singer." Johnny complimented me and I snapped my gaze over to him, my cheeks heating up.

"Thanks, I love music." I tell him and he nods just as we reach the ice cream shop. He parks and we get out of the car, walking inside.

A little bell jingles as we step through the door and a lady at the counter looked up. There was no line so we walked right up to her.

"Hello, what would you guys like today?" She asked, giving us a smile.

I take a moment to look over all the flavors they have when I finally spot my favorite.

"Ooh, can I have mint chocolate chip please?" I say.

"Okay then. What about you, sir?"

"I'll take the strawberry." Johnny said.

"Cup or cone?" She asks, leaning over both options.

"Cup." We both say at the same time. I turn to look at him, face flaming. I smile sheepishly at him and look down to hide my blush. The lady gave us a knowing look and grabbed two cups, filling them with ice cream.

"Any toppings?" She asked as she stood over the toppings bar. There were candies, chocolates, marshmallows, and all sorts of sweets.

"Can I have gummy bears, chocolate sauce, and marshmallows?" I ask. I know that it sounds disgusting, but I just love sweets! And combining them all makes them taste even better!

(This is seriously one of my friends orders and I thought it looked gross but I tried some and it was actually pretty good)

Johnny and the lady gave me a weird look, but shook it off. She mixed all of the toppings into the ice cream before asking Johnny what he wanted. He went for a simple order of chocolate sauce and chips.

Just like a true gentleman, Johnny payed for both of our ice creams as we sat at a table outside.

"Mm, this is really good." I comment, taking another spoonful.

"Yeah, this might be some of the best ice cream I've ever had." Johnny replied as he mixed the ice cream in with his toppings.

An awkward silence fell between us as we continued devouring the sweet treats. I kept my gaze anywhere but on him. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it immediately.

Shooting him a smile, I dug another spoonful into my mouth. He reached forward for a napkin the same time I did and we jolted as our fingers made contact.

Neither of us pulled our hands away as we stared at them. Ever so slowly, I laced our fingers together. He didn't object which boosted my self confidence a little bit.

He looked up at me and smiled slightly, not letting go of my fingers. I returned the smile and blushed, laughing a little.

My palms were getting sweaty and so were his but we didn't seem to mind. I could feel my heart beating faster and my brain was running on auto-pilot.

Is this what it feels like to fall for someone? To be in love?

My parents split apart before I could even begin to question what love was and James was no help at all. Neither of them had even given "the talk" either. The only reason I knew was because of how perverted boys in my school were as well as how promiscuous the girls behaved.

But that's okay, that just means this can be a brand new experience for me and Johnny together.

After that, me and Johnny held up a small conversation that was mainly just about school and things like that. When we were done with our ice cream, we went on a short walk for about an hour. The whole thing was really sweet and romantic.

Johnny drove me home afterwards and this time, we actually talked a little bit. He asked me about my singing and I told him how I liked writing songs. I offered to play for him one day and he accepted.

Sadly, the drive wasn't very long and we arrived at my house in only about ten minutes. He opened my door for me and walked me to the door, blushing as I gave him a small peck on the cheek.

I waved at him as he walked back to his car and climbed in, pulling out of the driveway and driving off.

I entered the house and slid my back down the door. Today has gone so well! I couldn't believe I just went on my first date ever!

But wait... We never talked about a second date. Did that mean he had a bad time? Was there not going to be a next time?

Should I call him and ask? No, that would sound clingy and obsessive. But what if he's thinking the same thing? He probably isn't.

Maybe I was just being overdramatic. I was called Crybaby for a reason.

I just realized something. Did I ever tell Johnny my real name? He'd never asked and I guess I was just so used to it that I never thought to tell him my actual birth name.

No wonder there was no second date! Johnny wasn't an idiot, he had to have known Crybaby was not my real name and didn't want to start a relationship off with lies.

Tears filled my eyes as I got up and ran to my room, collapsing on the bed.

My first real relationship was over before it even started.

Why couldn't I ever seem to catch a break?

<~•~>

My plan had been to avoid Johnny, but it was pretty hard when I stuck out like a sore thumb. Most people had brown, blonde, black, or red hair. Mine was dyed half pink and half black. Other people wore normal clothes like jeans or t-shirts. All of my clothes were babyish styled and in either bright pastel colors or dark, grungy shades.

It wasn't a difficult task to find me in a crowd. So imagine my frustration when Johnny walked up to me with a smile on his face. I let him talk the whole time and didn't say a word. He thought I was paying attention though because of how I was nodding along to whatever it was he was talking about.

We walked to first period together and sat down next to each other while Mr. Henderson called role.

"Crybaby?" He asked, looking over the desks to see me.

"Here." I answer and he nodded, making a mark on the paper.

My expression was sullen as the day continued on. Nothing was actually getting through to me until finally, the day was over. I walked to my locker and tried to gather my things as fast as possible, not wanting to run into Johnny.

We had a different class for seventh period so as soon as the bell rung, I high-tailed it out of there and to my locker. Just as I closed my locker and turned around, Johnny was there. He looked a little sad and I felt my heart fall.

"Are you trying to avoid me?" He asked. I wanted to lie, but looking into those big, brown eyes made me feel guilty for even considering that.

"Yes." I sighed, looking down in shame. "I was just worried that you had a bad time because you didn't say anything about a second date and thought you were upset about my name-"

"Your name? What does your name have to do with this?" He asked, genuine confusion on his face.

"Aren't you mad that I didn't tell you my real name?" I asked. He shook his head no and I felt instant relief fill me.

"Really? Why not?"

"I assumed it made you uncomfortable to talk about it and didn't want to pressure you." He shrugged and my heart soared.

That was so sweet! He put aside any frustrations just for me!

"Thank you." I smiled at him.

"Anytime." He replied, returning the kind gesture. "And I didn't say anything about a second date because I wasn't sure if you wanted to."

"No, I would love to!" I shouted. Most of the other students had cleared out of the hallway by now, all of them going home.

"Okay, where should we go?"

"I don't know, maybe the theaters. What movies are out?" I asked.

"There's a new romance movie called Trust In You. Do you wanna see that?"

I shrugged slightly. I was more into horror films, but this seemed a little more appropriate for a date. "Sure. So on Friday?" I asked.

"Friday." He confirmed with a nod. I smiled at him and he did the same.

This was great. Johnny didn't have a problem with the whole name situation and he wanted to go on another date!

We stood there for a while, not saying anything as we gazed into each other eyes.

He cleared his throat suddenly, a blush spreading across his face. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." He says.

"Yeah." I reply.

"Yeah."

Another silence.

He clears his throat again, but this time he leaves. Once he's out of sight, I squeal loudly.

I had another date on Friday!

I did my happy dance in the hallway before I realized that someone might see me and stopped, straightening myself up.

Grabbing the rest of my things, I finally left the building. A giddy smile was plastered on my face as I practically skipped home.

I used my keys to get inside and was met with the sight of my brother on the couch with some other guys who looked around his age.

Freezing in my tracks, I stood in the doorway. Nobody said or did anything.

This was kinda awkward...

"Um, hi." I said after a long, long moment of silence. They muttered greetings to me as well and waved slightly.

I returned the waves and walked away, hurrying up the stairs to get away from the awkwardness.

"Dude, your sister is kinda hot." I heard one of them say and I shuddered in disgust. All of them had to be at least 21 and I was only 17. It was kind of weird for them to be thinking about me in that way.

Johnny wouldn't perve on underage girls. My mood was immediately lifted as I thought of Johnny. I still couldn't believe we were going on another date.

What did that make us though? We went on one date and this was going to be the second. Are we just casually dating or were we boyfriend and girlfriend? Did he even want to be exclusive.

I shook these thoughts away. My insecurities are not going to ruin this for me. Johnny and I liked each other, I knew that and I just had to wait a bit before we could put a label on us. It was way too early to start thinking about our relationship when we didn't really have one.

As soon as I got to my room, I made sure to lock the door. James and his friends were probably smoking downstairs and I did not want to be a part of that.

I sat on my bed and picked up my guitar, setting it in my lap as I sat criss cross applesauce. An idea came to me and I grabbed a camera. I set it up in front of a chair and sat, pressing record.

"Um, hi. This is a song I wrote called Birthing Addicts. I hope you like it." I said as I started to strum the guitar and sing.

"Pupils begin to observe, watching the waste on this Earth. Mamas don't love their kids like they used to, letting them smoke their herbs."

"Nails bitten down to the nub, palms out of fire as they rub. Soup never reaches its boil, dinner ain't the only thing they spoil." I strummed along to a beat inside my head, bopping my head slightly.

"Let the maggots and worms infest your brains. Got your memory of all fall, times begin. Let that hell of a drug emerge in your veins. And I, will claim that I love you. And I am the one who birthed you." My confidence was starting to grow and I sang a bit clearer.

"Skin tearin' down to the bone, freckles fall off as they're told. You realize soon your identity changes, no longer the person you were. No longer the person you adore. Let the maggots and worms infest your brains. Got your memory of all fall, times begin. Let that hell of a drug emerge in your vines. And I, will claim that I love you. And I am the one birthed you." I was letting all of my emotions to fuel my singing. The memory of my mother sitting by as she me and my brother faded into what we are today. She knew he was smoking, it was nearly impossibly to miss the smell of cigarettes every time you passed by his room. Yet she said nothing, did nothing as he became addicted to his drugs.

"Thank you mama for all that you've done. Gave me cancer and thick, black lungs. Left me rotting on the street. Rather shoot up then have food to eat." I could feel a small gasp escape me as I held back my tears.

"Do, do, do do do, do, do. Do, do, do do do, do do." I sang softly, playing almost as soft as my voice was.

"Mamas don't love their kids like they used to, letting them smoke their herbs." My voice was wavering and starting to crack.

Despite this, I smiled at the camera and gave a small outro, stopping the video. My fingers lingered on the button as I pondered whether or not to actually post it.

What if the kids from my school saw it? They would make fun of me. But if Johnny saw it and didn't like it, I would die of embarrassment.

Should I really do this? Sighing softly, I gathered up all of my confidence and got to work posting it. I synced my camera to the computer in my room and logged onto YouTube, starting a channel. I adjusted all the settings for the video and watched it to make sure there were no mistakes or anything.

I hesitated when I held the mouse over the 'confirm' button but clicked it anyways. Sitting back in my chair, I took a deep breath and watched as it became a part of the Internet.

Can't take it back now.

I felt anxious as I stared at my computer screen and decided to go downstairs and eat something. The second I opened my door, the scent of smoke hit my nose. Wrinkling my nose in disgust, I swatted at the air around me and tried not to gag.

James and his friends weren't downstairs so I figured they left somewhere after getting high. Typical.

I had no idea how to cook and instead of an actual meal, I settled for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I wrapped it in a napkin and grabbed a glass of milk before heading back up to my room.

Taking a small bite of my sandwich and a sip of my milk, I decided to get back on YouTube. What was the harm in watching a few funny videos about cats before homework?

As soon as I clicked on the app, I got a notification. Opening it up, it took me to my video which had about 20 views so far. I sucked in a short breath and tried not to freak out as I let my eyes wander to see how many dislikes it had.

Unfortunately, there were three people who gave the video a thumbs down but seventeen others actually liked it! Seventeen freaking people gave my video a thumbs up!

If it was possible to explode from happiness, I would've gone off and blown my whole street off the face of the Earth. People actually took the time to watch my video and like it.

Who gives half a shit about the people who didn't like it because there were seventeen who did!

Oh my god, I'm so happy right now. I did my happy dance in my chair, crumbs from my sandwich falling to the floor. Eh, I could clean that up later. Probably.

Cat videos were not on my mind as I scrolled down and saw there were even a few comments.

Two of them were a bit rude, but the other five were nice. They said I should keep it up and post another song.

I've never really had anyone like me before. Only Johnny, but now there were almost twenty people who apparently thought I was a pretty good singer.

Feeling too happy to eat at the moment, I pushed my sandwich to the side and replaced it with my journal. I opened it up to a random page and grabbed a sparkly pink pen.

I had to write another song ASAP. If I didn't come up with something new soon, they would lose interest and I didn't want that to happen. But I couldn't rush it, they didn't deserve a half-assed song.

Hmm, what should it even be about? The song should have a message just like Birthing Addicts. I didn't want to write meaningless songs about money, sex, and partying all the time. That's not what life was about.

Ugh! Why is this so hard? Birthing Addicts wasn't exactly simple, but I hadn't struggled with it. I just got a piece of paper and thought about my mom and the words just came to me.

That's it! My writing was fueled by my emotions. I was happy right now and the only product would be a song about rainbows and unicorns. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to start the song yet so I had to put my journal away. I grabbed my sandwich and milk, checking the views on my video again.

There were thirteen new views, eight likes, five dislikes, and three comments. Even more cheer filled me as I read all of the nice reviews. This time, all of them were positive. All of them said things like "I love this song" or "Your voice is amazing".

An ear splitting grin spread across my face. This was so much better than figuring out dumb equations I was never going to use in real life.

I spent about another hour just being happy about my video before I finally dragged myself to my backpack for torture- I mean homework.

No, I meant torture.