Jumoke

HE STILL HAD that smile.

The smile that always brightened the darkest of my days, had my heart galloping and saw me sneaking out a few hours to my wedding just to cast a final glance at it.

"Mummy," Chime nudged me with his elbow, Ada stared at me in confusion and the cashier drummed angrily on the counter. Some of the customers behind hissed, reminding me of their lives outside the supermarket.

Taking my silence as approval, Kunle inserted his ATM card into the POS the cashier held out to him, returning the smile she offered him. Her index finger curled around a strand of her hair and she batted artificial eyelashes at him, biting down on her bottom lip in a poor attempt at being seductive.

"Thank you," I whispered hoarsely, smiling devilishly at the sinister look she threw at me. Her fingers brushed his lightly as she offered him the receipt and ATM card, and for a split second, I wished I was the one behind that counter.

None of them paid me any attention and with one hand on Chime's shoulder, the other clutching the bag that contained our groceries, we sauntered outside with Ada tagging behind.

My fingers dug painfully into Chime's shoulder when he attempted to race ahead of us, apologies slipping out of my lips when he let out a piercing shriek.

Absentmindedly I scanned the mall from the corner of my eyes, the annoyance at the ugly cashier flirtation quickly paving way for a desire, a need to see Kunle again. I felt that sense of tranquillity, the familiar calmness that his presence exuded and I wanted it to remain with me forever.

"Why don't I help you with that?" It was that same sonorous voice, the one that always had my toes curling. This time, it sent pleasant shivers down my spine, unlocking memories of our naked bodies tangled in the sheets, images I struggled to replace with that of my children.

Casting him a look of indifference, I surged forward, refusing to show my discomfort from the weight of the bag. His fingers were wrapped around a small nylon bag that contained his favourite perfume, the same brand I introduced him to seven years ago.

"I could drop you off if no one is coming to pick you." He muttered, amusement dancing in his eyes at my unwillingness to let go of the bag.

"Fine," I grumbled, grateful that I didn't have to walk under the scorching sun while we waited for a cab. Ada was compliant as he reached for her hand, a bounce in her step as we walked side by side to the garage.

To the outside world, we cast the appearance of a perfect family, that cheerful home Kunle always longed for; a knot lodged in my throat at the painful reminder of what I had lost - my one shot at happiness. A lone tear rolled down my cheek and unto my lips, forcing me to regain my composure.

I didn't miss the excitement in Ada's voice as she chatted animatedly with Kunle about her school mates, an activity she always yearned to do with her never available father. Chime's ears were perked too and he grinned sheepishly when Kunle's attention was directed to him.

We stopped in front of a black Land Rover that gleamed under the sun, a look of pride written all over Kunle's features as he reached for his car keys. I felt a tug at my heartstrings as we glided into the backseat; a wave of shame swept over me when my eyes connected with the embellished letter A at the center of the steering wheel.

At that moment, my mother's words rang false, the loudest it had since that cool evening.

Adekunle had found his feet.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay in front?" His voice broke my line of thought, my forehead creasing at his question.

Did I?

Shaking my head, I let my nose sniff out the non-existent feminine scent, a small ray of hope bursting forth in my heart at the smell of leather that greeted my nostrils instead.

"Where to?" He asked, nodding thoughtfully at the location I uttered. I watched as the muscles in his arms flexed when he rotated the steering, the way he ran calloused fingers through black hair that altered into a golden hue at the streaks of sunlight that broke through the window.

He was as handsome as I remembered, maybe even more; he exuded confidence, power and authority. Disgust filled me at the vision of my protruding stomach, fat neck, flabby arms and chafing thighs; life had definitely not been fair to me.

Silence hung in the air as he drove, the only interruptions being the sound of his voice when he requested for directions.

Driving was a luxury I wished I could afford, a skill I never learnt due to my husband's insecurity; Emeka promised to teach me himself and insisted on getting me a personal car when I was better at driving. Our driving lessons were far in between with his unending business travels, then the children happened.

Discarding those depressing thoughts, my eyes wandered to his left hand, relief flooding my body at the missing ring on his fourth finger. I looked again, scrutinizing for ring marks but came up with nothing but joy.

On arrival, he rushed to open the door for us, volunteering to carry the bag into the house, a gesture I sadly refused. Staring longingly at his car until the taillights were no longer visible, we trudged into the house with Ada and Chime chirping about their little time with him. Tears clouded my vision at the thought that I would no longer see him and I did nothing to stop the salty liquid that rolled down my cheek.

It felt like my wedding night all over again, that constant feeling of emptiness that was slowly being filled by my children's existence hovered above me. In a way, I was also thankful for the deprivation of contacts because I couldn't and didn't want to control my body's reaction towards him.

On getting to the room, I emptied the grocery bag on the bed, separating my groceries from that of the kids. I halted my arrangement at the sight of a card stuck to the carton of Beloxxi biscuit, tentatively reaching for it.

It wasn't just any card; it was a business card.

KUNLE'S DESIGNS was boldly inscribed on the card, a logo similar to the one on his steering wheel sat under the name with a phone number and address below.

The smile that graced my face made my cheeks ache. So, it was with a jiggle of my arms and a bounce in my steps that I arranged the remaining items from the store, counting the minutes until I placed a call to him.

My heart drummed in anticipation; I had never felt this excited about anything in a long time, except for the birth of my children.