i want to talk about people disappearing into bones walking into the night and not coming back opening their mouths to more than just pills and swallowing whole, wide, red and yawning too much bleeding from somewhere? where, give me a body to destroy and i'll hesitate because you gave it let me steal let me feel different and guilty ashamed dressed in crimson have i gone too far yet is this enough yet, what is that word i don't know the words it's running out i can't think like this surrounded by noise mundanity, mundanity is the word girls saying like, and yes, talking about people they'll never meet pixels on a screen i say typing pixels on a screen i'm a hypocrite baby you know that? i tell you to love and i destroy i tell you these things because i want to be the only one because i love you? because i'm selfish i want to be different maybe feel guilty and wrong and small disappear into graves and hip bones a calorie is just energy just energy just energy will make me grow make me blossom to a balloon float in the sky until i pop someone pop me a sharpie face crumbling into left over plastic i want to be like that movie asking my father to shrink me want to be like alice too many sizes in one day too many portions drugs pills i say like i have something to say and you should already know this.