TRIGGER WARNING
I WANT TO MESS WITH REGGIE SO I AM WRITING A DEPRESSED FIC. THIS IS SET IN THE NINETIES AND IF YOU ATE UNCOMFORTABLE OR THIS SENDS YOU TO DO SOMETHING DO NOT READ IT!!!!
ALSO SORRY joey_rut SORRY IN ADVANCE!!

Reggie's POV

Everything is wrong. Nothing seems to be going right and all I can seem to turn to is a razorblade that I keep in my nightstand drawer.

Trust me I've been trying to quit, but I've been doing this since I was 7 and after 10 years of doing it 3 or 4 times a week it becomes really hard to quit.

The boys don't know. I don't want them to know...ever, but I suck at lying. I'm surprised I even made it this long. Or maybe they just don't care enough to notice.

You see when I was younger I want to say around maybe 5 or 6 years old I thought that all parents fought like mine did. I thought it was normal.

It wasn't

Everything changed when I went to Luke's house to spend the night and I accidentally dropped a plate.

"Mr Patterson I'm so sorry. I didn't know and.." I think was about to start crying when he came and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey it's okay. It's just a plate. Emily why don't you take him to the bathroom and clean up his cut hands." She nodded and smiled as she led me to the bathroom.

But why weren't they yelling at each other? Shouldn't they be yelling? I mean my parents always fight. They haven't said a single thing bad to one another.

"Mrs. Patterson?" I asked as she started to bandage my hands. She looked up and smiled at me.

"Why don't you guys fight?" Her face then turned from one of joy to one of concern. 

"Reggie honey. Do your parents fight?" I nodded but at the time didn't see anything wrong with what I had done. My dad would make me pay for that later. Even if I didn't know it yet.

"Yeah they do all the time. But everyone's parents fight so it's okay. I mean it gets a little loud and I hear glass and stuff breaking all the time, but it's okay because everyone's parents do it." I smiled but she didn't look to be as care free as I was right now. She looked very concerned.

She wiped that away real quick though, and instead replaced it with a smile as she led me to Luke's room where he was currently waiting for me.

"I'll be back to check on you in a little bit okay honey?" Luke and I both nodded but we both knew that she had been talking to me.

I loved spending the night at Luke's house. Emily and Mitch were so nice that it was almost unreal. My parents are never nice and you might think that I'm overreacting but it's true. They're never nice to me.

"Dude. Your bandaged hands are so cool. We should make a superhero game and you can be the villain called Bandage hands." He started running around pretending to be a superhero he liked to call Captain Luke, but all I could think about in that moment was how stupid the name bandage hands was.

I don't know why I flinch at that memory I just do. There's no way it could be a bad memory but hey I'm just a jumpy person in general.

"Hey Reg you ready??" Luke came running into my room so fast that I barely had time to hide the razor.

He noticed.

He totally saw everything.

He's gonna yell at me.

He looked really concerned actually. What I thought was going to happen didn't actually happen at all though. He ran up to me and hugged me so tight I temporarily lost the ability to breathe.

"We love you Reg. Alex, Bobby, and I. We love you so much. Please don't do this to yourself anymore." I wanted so badly to agree and tell him I wouldn't do it anymore, but I needed it. I needed to feel something. I didn't feel anything anymore and that hurt worse than the cuts on my wrist.

"Luke I can't," I pulled away from him and sat on my bed,"I've been doing this for a long time and if I stop now then I'll just crave it more. Don't take this away from me." He looked so concerned that it internally hurt me.

Then he did what I didn't think he'd do. He grabbed where I had hidden the razor and threw it out the window.

"Reggie this isn't healthy." I went to make a jump for it but Luke held me back. The fights I was trying to make against him were absolutely useless as every single time I tried to fight he had me a little tighter.

Why was he helping me?

I didn't do anything to deserve the help he was giving me.

"Reggie listen to me. I know you're in a bad place. You won't believe anything that I'm about to say but trust me it's the truth. You are loved. We all love you, and yes your parents are absolute jerks but they don't matter as long as you have me, and the band. We're always going to be there for you no matter what and you can't push us away. You can't. Please don't try to push us away. It hurts me that you think it's okay to do this to yourself Reggie. I care about you so much and I can't stand to see you like this." Just like that all the stress, and everything I'd been holding back came out as I cried into Luke's arms, and here's the thing. He just held onto me. He didn't let go. Didn't move. Didn't do anything but just hold me.

Maybe this was a life worth living.

Well you gotta live it like it's now or never.

A/N: Sorry. I was feeling really angsty today. And let's just say that I barely made the end of the day deadline. I forgot that I was doing a 25 days of one shots thing.

Well I'm on track now because I sti have 22 one shots left to write for you guys.

Day 3 - Done

Til next time

- Kayla