You should learn to fight your own battle

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Have you ever speculated about the deep blue sky? Or maybe the deep blue ocean which is dark enough to swallow you inside out but would not, because you are left with no lungs, with nothing, you only face humiliation whenever you commence something in your life?

This has occurred to me again! I was fourteen years old when a boy tried to touch me without my consent, but at that time I made it inevitable that something like this will never arise to me again, And if it would ever then I will fight for it!

Things are not transpiring according to me as if God is testing my presence in this world.

I regret coming here, I shouldn't have come here!

What would have occurred if he didn't arrive at that time?

Just the impression of it gives me horrendous goosebumps. Sometimes, I wonder why are some men like these?
I wonder why I am here in this country feeling alone when I want to cry my heart out to let go of all of my scepticism to freely wander in the cloud.

I so want to converse with my mom right now, I want to feel her embrace, I want to inform her that everything is alright even if it isn't. I want to comprehend her when I am thousands of miles away from her, and I want to inform everybody that I will always fight back no matter how hard the consequences will be for me especially when my heart is beating fast

Though my head is feeling heavy, still I need to wipe out the dirt from the filthy hands of those bastards who dared to touch me! I need to wipe out their dirt from my body, from my soul so that I can feel myself again.

My head was feeling dizzy, my limbs were numb, but I need to get up, I need to do things of my own, I am not going to lose myself for some bastards, I will fight back again!

I found myself in the darkroom, my breath was short and heavy, I was hyperventilating too. In my heart, I always had a fear of darkness, Because darkness is enormous to consume my soul as it would sell my soul to the devil without giving a chance to my dreams.

I snuggled to find my cell phone so that I could bring some light to this lifeless room.

"Careful!" I heard the remnants of his voice and saw him leaning over the window. he was holding a cigarette; touching it to his lips.

His lower lip had a cut, his eyes were chiselled and dark. In his cheeks, there was dried blood visible to my eyes.

When his eyes met with mine for the first time I saw scepticism in them. As he was feeling pity for me!

Great just great, the last thing I wanted was to someone feel pity for me.

I don't want him to speculate that I am afraid at this time, I know I am anxious about so many aspects, and I cannot let things get out of my heart, but I can not let him discern me when he just glanced at me in my most vulnerable state.

I stood up, hesitated for a moment to gaze at him. I didn't want to have direct eye contact with him. As God, listened to me, he was already peeking outside inhaling the smoke.

I ran to the washroom which was just next to the bed where I was laying.

As the droplets of water ran through my body, that scene was continuously playing in my mind. Tears started rolling through my cheeks, I was groping heavy through my heart, I rubbed my lips umpteenth time to remove the filthy touch from my mind.

I wish I could kill that bastard, I wish I could beat them up so they would never dare to touch a girl whenever they find her alone. But what transpires is something I could have never comprehended in my life. Whatever occurred, the fact is, Neel Malhotra saved me, otherwise I wouldn't be here removing the filthy touch of those bastards.

At least, I should thank him for guarding my soul.
But before that, I need to cleanse myself

I brushed all my body twice or thrice so that I forgot that touch which tried to crack my soul!

I don't understand why they did this in the first place? Why can't certain men respects women's?
We are living in the 21st century, right? But still, some men think that they can do whatever they want with us!

I might have trouble handling two boys at the same time, but I will make sure that they would burn in the hell!

I wore the same clothes after using the towel.
My head was still groping fizzy and heavy, my hair was wet shamelessly hanging around my shoulders.

Nevertheless, I was prepared to face him when I had no choice left, it is almost midnight and I hadn't confided anyone in the hostel to the Warden that I would not come tonight, she will make an issue about it. Maybe, she will call the authority or my parents.

Oh God, what should I do?

I was ranting, continuously babbling about all the aspects from India to here. Maybe I have lost control over myself, or maybe I don't want to stop from ranting myself, at least in this way I am not caring about other aspects!

"Will you shut up?"

I jumped at his voice. His voice was crushed into the wall. I know I am hyperventilating all the aspects since I was born, but that doesn't mean everything is alright with me!
I still have no clue what I am going to do with the Hostel problem, with the University, and I also have to kill those bastards!

I didn't realize that I was mumbling all these things constantly without paying notoriety that I am not alone, at least not in this room, Because I forgot his existence even though he scarcely screamed at me!

When I felt his finger over my lips I flinched to the back. Now, it has gone disastrous, I don't want anyone to touch my lips! To even touch me! I am done with it! I will kill every person who tried to touch my body or my lips!

When he noticed my raging eyes, he got the significance which I had in my mind that's why he stepped back while whispering sorry to me!

"You don't have to become furious, I have solved the Hostel problem! So chill!"

"Chill?" I fake laughed!

"Are you for real? You know what? you won't understand! You will never comprehend what I have felt and what I am feeling now! I could have been raped if you have not come at the right time, and maybe the authority of the university will do something about my absence because I have not given them any explanation that I will be absent today!"

I swear! I did not expect to cry but these foolish tears started flowing out of nowhere making me fragile ahead of him! At least I did not wish to cry ahead of him, but look at me? Like a stupid child, I am doing everything opposite.

"I know I can never comprehend what you have felt And I know I cannot change what possessed, but at least I am trying, so please listen to me, what transpired today with the Hostel crisis has been solved, you don't have to workers at least not when you are with me, "

Yes, you can never understand Neel, you don't even anticipate that I came because I was looking for you so that we can complete our project, but you will never understand my complication, My life didn't provide choices for me. I scarcely have to deal with it whatever it is throwing at my face.

And how can I tell you about what you announced, "at least I don't have to worry when I am with you." These words of yours just made me realise how small I am and how big you are.

Nevertheless, what does he even mean by announcing that all the dilemmas of today have been solved?

"What do you mean by?" I tried to make a conversation.

He showed me a video on his cellphone from some distance.

Those two guys were laying on the floor badly beaten, they kinda have blood on their bodies, saying rapidly,
"Julia we are sorry, please forgive us!"

What the hell!

I wished to do that to them. Yes, I am appreciative of him but He is making me feel insignificant ahead of him. I preferred to give them punishment to make them realize that what they did was so immoral, I even wanted to get them arrested.

"Why didn't you scarcely bestow them to the law, if you desired to solve everything by yourself?"

I incredibly inquired him. everything is very incoherent to me. It's like I am in an empty jar without the fresh air with nothing to explore!

"If I had involved law in this then It would have gotten complicated. That territory was unlawful, the races you saw were also unlawful. If I would have involved the police, they would have interrogated you, and raised a question to you in the first place, "what you were perpetrating, are you a smuggler or are you also a racer?"

"So you are trying to assert that everything is absurd here? Wait for a second, did you not entangle the law because you were anxious that you will get imprisoned for participating in illegal races? I believe you didn't protect me, you protected yourself, Mr Malhotra!"

Out of nowhere, he came near to me and grabbed my shoulders to push me to the nearest wall, "you know nothing about this territory, so don't act as you know everything! let me tell you what would have transpired if you would have called the police! First of all, that territory is illegal, and half of the men who roam there are rich brats, they take weed and goddamn every kind of shit to make money because they just want money and they only live for it! Now the second thing is, if you would have called the police, they might have influenced them, and if they did not then they would have ganged up against you to make sure that you would get arrested as soon as possible. So listen to what I am explaining, not everyone supervises everything, just like you, those people do not give a damn to the poor soul who is lost in her world and new to the city! That's why I was explaining, you need to reckon before precisely doing something. Now! You need to answer me why the hell did you appear in that territory and with whom? Because I know you cannot arrive alone!"

I wanted to shriek that I can go anywhere alone, I have the will to do anything without your permission.

But didn't utter even a word, his eyes were red blood, and he was extremely hysterical, I don't want to rage the anger in him, not anymore.

But how could I notify him that I came searching for him because we have a presentation to give and he was absent from the university for many days! He will make a big fuss about this and would laugh at me because I am still reckoning about the university and the presentation!

I know he will not understand this! Well, I am not going to blame him for not understanding because he has the freedom to make choices while I have none.

"Tell me now! otherwise, I am going outside to beat everyone who will come in my way!"

He looks dangerous now, his knuckles were red they had dried blood in them and his eyes were burning, oh God his eyes will do something If I didn't answer his question!

I closed my eyes and thought that I will mumble in a second because I am embarrassed, "You were missing for some days and we had a presentation to deliver, so I was worried that I will sacrifice my scholarship that's why I pleaded Sam where might you be? He didn't inform me, but I insisted therefore, he agreed to take me to that territory!"

I breathed!

Now I know he will chuckle at me about the presentation, about the scholarship, and you know what? he will also mock me because I was inquiring about him in the university like a foolish person.

"You should have known that I am not as terrible as you believe I am! I will never do anything so that you would get any possibility to lose your scholarship! I was struggling to estrange myself after you slapped me in front of everyone. Now, confide me how do you think I would face them? Therefore, I preferred some days to let them forget about that incident. you might not believe that I have some reputation, but I have! I was going to come by tomorrow, and there was no need for you to come here. you should have thought about your safety first! And where the hell is Sam? If he came with you then why were you alone?"

I flinched again because he punched at the wall.

I have never seen him like this! And to my dread, he didn't even make fun of me. About the Scholarship as other rich brats do!

"I need an answer why were you alone?" He asked me again, and this time, his eyes possessed different emotions than before.

"He went to get a water bottle and then you already know what occurred!"

I gawked at anywhere but to his eyes, I never anticipated him getting serious about me.

"So are you going to slap him also?"

"What do you mean by that?"

What does he even mean by that! It isn't Sam' mistake! He should know it. However, he is still hysterical that I slapped him!

He always makes me realize that I might need support, or I am not enough to support myself to do tackle my problems.

"You know Julia, I am not that terrible as you think I am, " and with that, he vanished into the thin air as the darkening night swallowed him before the morning come!

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Ah!
So many emotions
So many regrets
It was hard to write this chapter after almost half a month I Came back to writing
The thing which I Love doing to❤❤❤❤❤

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