Recap:

"Joseph wait. I can explain…"

Is that me? I'm supposed to be fucking mad at him now, he literally just called me trash. I used to doubt if I'm stupid but It's just been confirmed.

I'm more than stupid. I should actually replace the word 'stupid' in the dictionary.

As I want to run after the son-of-a-bulldog a hand clamps around my wrist and holds me back. I try to wriggle from the grip but it just holds me tighter. "Leave him alone Juliet." Desmond says.

"No you leave me alone. I hate you!" I spit. He gently lets go of my wrist and walks away with his shoulders slumped.

Okay why are we passing around the 'I hate you' word?

I fall to the ground and cry. I never thought a day like this would come, that I'll be shamelessly bawling my eyes out on the school field. Thank God there are no witnesses.

• • •

I don't know who is ignoring who but I know that we're in an 'ignoring' triangle. It's been two weeks since, you know. Since that incident that shall not be named, happened. The next day, both guys didn't come to school and I was able to breathe that day but when they started coming, things have been super awkward.

Joseph goes out of his way to bestow glares on me or make sassy remarks whenever I walk by. If looks could kill. And Desmond, he ignores me like I'm a plague, though I return the favor. I know he's really mad because I don't notice those small glances he used to give whenever he thought I wasn't looking.

It took me three days to cry, I really didn't know what I was crying about, maybe the fact that Joseph now hates me or the fact that Desmond now hates me or both. Shay and Lexi also have been supportive and Shay confronted Joseph when I told her all what he said. Though Lexi still thinks I'm a fool to have snapped at Desmond, telling him that I hate him.

Do you know who else thinks I'm a fool for that?

ME!

Sometimes, the word sorry would have almost roll out of my tongue but then I'll remember that I can't beg a guy.

Swallow your pride and apologize, you fool!

No!

I glance at him, he's tapping the butt of his pen on the desk and staring ahead, obviously thinking. My sad brain also seem to take not of his beauty every day. Maybe I should just apologize.

I don't know why I keep pushing him away when obviously, I like him. But then I think about Joseph again, I can't seem to forget about him and the look he gave me on the field that fateful day. He obviously hates me now.

From what I heard, he's dating a junior. She's a new student and is beautiful. I'd date her too if I were a guy. She's slim and fair and tall with doe eyes and a small nose but I don't like her!

I think you know the reason obviously because she's a nice person, as I've heard.

It pains me to see that he's moved on, so fast. Like he was still begging me back but he catches me (I don't need to say it), and insulted me then went to date a new girl.

I pray they're happy together.

Really?

Okay, I pray they're not happy together.

I've also not seen Joseph and Desmond talk, they're still not talking and it's all because of me. I feel like a terrible person. Mostly to Desmond.

I asked him to kiss me for crying out loud! But the moment someone saw us, I denied him. Oh it's really bad. I should apologize.

Yes. Now.

No!

Why?

Because I don't apologize to guys remember?

Urgh!

After the internal battle, I decide to apologize the old fashioned way. Writing a letter.

Actually it's more because I can't talk to him. I'm mortified. What if he ignores me or worse, insult me? Crap.

So I set down my writing materials and search the back of my mind for the best apology I know. Desmond leaves the class as the bell rings for break and I smile. This is just what I need. Privacy.

'Desmond, I'm sorry for yelling at you the other day that I hate you, the truth is I really don't. I think I like you too much but I was just scared…'

I rip the paper and start another one,

…it wasn't just a spur of the moment something. I really enjoyed the kiss and I don't hate you too, I think…

Rip… starts another… rip… starts another… rip… starts another…

After I think I've torn half of my notes, I finally settle for this.

"I'm sorry."

I put the paper in his bag, where he can easily find it and go for break.

• • •

I enter the cafeteria and my eyes dart to his usual seat. He sits there, eating and I quickly tear my gaze away before our eyes meet and he glares at me. Then his girlfriend enters the cafeteria and my breath seize, she goes to line up for food, not even acknowledging him. I look at him, he's not looking at her too.

Are they even dating? Like they're just ignoring each other.

Maybe they're not.

We get our food, coke and jam doughnuts for me, coke and food for my friends. I'm chatting with my friends and laughing when I enter the class and as soon as I look at my seat, my world begins to spin.

Desmond is reading my letter! Okay, to be precise, the ones I've roughed up in my desk locker. He placed them on the table and and arranged them because I'd ripped them into two. This is bad.

Did he see those ones I first wrote?

Oh no!

Gathering the pieces of my shattered pride, I walk with shaking limbs, pack the papers from the table, all the while, greatly avoiding his gaze, then I run outside. Making sure not to drop my lunch.

I go to back of the chemistry laboratory and sit down on a stone there. I decide to re-read the letters, maybe they aren't that bad. But once I start reading it, I regret ever writing it in the first place.

Now he's going to think I like him, hell I do. But still… I take a huge bite of my doughnut and chew on it violently… how am I going to face him again?… I gulp down my coke, eating when depressed helps a great deal.

After about an hour, I decide to get some learning in class. After all, that's what I'm in school for. I walk to my seat, with my head hanging low and sit down not daring to look at him. He clears his throat and I bury my face in my bag.

Talk about mortification!

• • •

Talk about mortification!

*wheew!*

I think things are starting to get better and for those who have been shipping Joseph and Jules, I'll like to disappoint you at this point but the ship had wrecked.