Esterpine

Jovari hid his smile at the flash of pink when he caught sight of it. He hesitated, giving Leah a few moments to slip out of view before striding down the corridor. He paused outside the doorway, peeking inside. An art gallery.

She moved through the room, pausing before several paintings, oblivious to his presence.

He silently slipped inside, coming to a stop an arm's length behind her. "You're not hiding, are you?"

She gasped, whirling around, hand clutched to her chest. "Jovari! Don't—don't sneak up on me like that." He huffed, enjoying the look of surprise lighting her features. "And, I'm not hiding."

"No?" He glanced around the deserted room. "This is the third time you've snuck off to explore the inner workings of the palace."

"You've been following me?" Her incredulous expression shifted to annoyance.

"Why not? Had to make sure you didn't get lost."

"I'm not lost! Just...exploring."

His brows lifted. "Your best friend returned two days ago and you spend your time sneaking about the palace."

Leah's expression shuttered. "That's because she's busy. She's got a lot to catch up on and I...I don't want to distract her."

She made an admirable effort to disguise the wobble in her voice. "Ah. How selfless of you."

"Exactly." She lifted her chin.

It had been a relief, seeing Claire return with her magic and memories intact. Even more so, seeing Talon's joy at having his queen back. The king was still grim, but every time his eyes landed on his mate, hope sparked in his gaze.

Jovari pretended to drop the subject, taking a step back to admire the painting before them. It was a desert landscape, somewhere in Austar, probably. He walked closer for a better look, hyperaware of Leah's eyes on his every movement. He liked that, having her attention on him and him alone.

"It's amazing how a place so bleak and desolate can hold so much beauty," he murmured, taking in the color of the sand, the shades of paint used on the sunset splashed across the sky. He turned abruptly, pinning Leah with his gaze. "She was looking for you earlier, you know." Leah's lips parted. "What is the real reason you're avoiding her?"

"I'm not—"

"Don't lie, Leah. You and I are far past that, don't you think?"

She blew out a breath. "Claire has her memories back—she has all this." Leah gesticulated towards the palace walls, doing her best to disguise the flash of jealousy in her expression. "She doesn't need me. I'll just—get in the way."

"Leah." He took a step towards her, then stopped. "No matter what she has, she will always need friends, people to support her in her endeavors."

"I... I know that." This time the wobble in her voice was more apparent. "It's just... It's hard, you know?"

"Explain." His voice was a rough demand.

"It's hard to see her living her life because it just reminds me of what I don't have. What I've failed to accomplish. I'm twenty-two, Jovari. What do I have to show for myself?" A dark laugh burst from her lips. "Isn't that selfish? I can't handle being around my best friend because I can't take the reminder of how she has everything and I have nothing. She's my best friend! I love her more than anything in the world. No one is happier than me that she freed herself from Kane's magic—well, Talon is probably happier, since he's her mate—and yet, here I am moping about how pathetic my life is. I'm supposed to be selflessly supporting her—"

"Stop." He cut the distance between them and took her face in his hands, caging it, forcing her eyes to his. They glittered with unshed tears. "Enough, Leah. That's enough."

Her rough swallow was audible.

"You are setting impossible standards for yourself," he growled, angry for her—angry that life made her feel this way. "You have faced things no one should ever face. Yet, you came away stronger. What have you to show for yourself, you ask? A resilience others can only dream of. No one should go through what you did—no one."

Her breaths came faster. She listened to each word with wide, watery eyes.

"We do not get to choose the circumstances littering our pasts, but we do get to choose what we take with us into the future. Yes?"

She managed a rough nod, even though he still held her face captive. A single tear broke free, sliding down her cheek. Gods, he wanted to brush it away with his lips. Instead, he used his thumb.

"You're right," she managed, voice rough. "I know it's not a competition."

"It's not," he said. "It never will be. But even if it was, you have already won. At least, in my heart you have." His arms dropped to his sides. Because if he didn't let her go now, it would be too easy give in to the temptation of her.

"Jovari..." Her eyes darted to his lips, making heat drop straight into his abdomen. He felt frozen in the moment. Perhaps that's why he didn't move when she went up on her toes and brushed her soft lips against his. Once, twice, three times...

Her tongue flicked out, tracing the seam of his lips. He groaned, his restraint snapping. His hands snatched her shoulders, dragging her against him. He kissed her back, melding their lips together. It was a long time coming, and he should have anticipated it.

The feel of her lips on his was intoxicating. There was only her, the warmth of her body against his, the wetness of her mouth, the sound of her heavy breaths. He forgot about everything, the problems surrounding their kingdom, his promise to Talon, even his own reasons for never letting himself get close to another female.

He forgot about those things...until he didn't.

Reality came crashing down mid-kiss. He wrenched his mouth away, his breaths staggered. He dropped her shoulders and put space between them. Hurt flashed across her features, making him feel like the worst kind of male.

"This... We... I..." He ran a hand through his hair, fingers tangling in it. "We can't do this," he settled on, unable to put into words the reason why.

Leah's skin flushed a darker shade of red. He'd embarrassed her and he hated himself for it. He wanted to tell her that it was the best kiss he'd ever had, wanted to tell her that if things were different, he would kiss her again, over and over, until they forgot their names.

Leah cleared her throat. "You're right. I... It's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you." Something in his chest twisted when she said that. "I got caught up in the moment and...just forget it, yeah? It was a mistake."

His breath fled his chest. He deserved her words, and yet it hurt him more than he imagined possible. He could only stare as he tried to gather the broken fragments of his thoughts. Part of him wanted to rush forward, desperate to drag her back into his arms. The rational part of him knew he could never do that.

"I should go find Claire," she blurted, giving him one last chance to say something. "Since she was looking for me." When he didn't respond, she turned and rushed away. He'd never felt so alone in all his life.

***

It was for the best. That's what he told himself throughout the day. What he told himself as they sat down to dinner that evening.

It was an intimate affair. Claire had spent much of her time meeting with her spriten advisors. She'd pushed the matter of abdication, only to be refused. Taylynn wasn't ready. There'd been heated words exchanged, of which Jovari had only heard about. He could still feel the tension radiating between the cousins.

This was their first gathering, just the eight of them. Claire sat at the head of the table, with Talon on her right. Taylynn was on her left. The others had filled in around them. Koldis sat beside Taylynn, and Bedelth with Saffra.

He and Leah were the odd ones out—the only unmated coupling. He tried and failed to catch her eye. She hadn't looked at him once.

Irelia had refused the invitation to dinner—mostly out of anger. Someone—probably Taylynn—had thrown her name into the hat as a potential ruler. She'd kept to herself these past few days, spending more and more time alone in the forest. He wondered if she intended to seek out the king tree, sooner than later. While she wasn't full sprite, she had enough blood to give her body back to the land.

Saffra leaned in and whispered something that made Leah snicker. His jaw clenched. She looked perfectly normal, as if their kiss earlier hadn't happened.

I shouldn't have kissed you.

I got caught up in the moment.

Just forget it.

It was a mistake.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't revisited those words multiple times already, and each time they hurt worse than before. He was the heartbreaker. The one skilled at using words like those to end things before they started. How many lovers had he dismissed in a similar manner?

It wasn't supposed to hurt this much.

"If we travel south, it will give Claire time to revisit her mage magic," Taylynn was saying. He hardly heard her, too lost in his own brooding.

"Does that mean we'll visit the hatching grounds?" Saffra asked.

"The hatching grounds?" Leah breathed. "You mean, the baby dragons?" Her entire face lit up.

He may as well have been staring directly at the sun, for all it hurt to look at her. Yet, he couldn't look away. He'd never once made her expression transform like that. Now he wondered what he'd be willing to sacrifice to have her look at him in that exact way. Stupid, baby dragons.

"They're not pets," he scoffed.

Leah's smile dropped, but at least she was looking at him now. Even if he was the one responsible for dashing her happy mood.

"Oh, don't be a spoil sport, Jovari." Claire paid him a stern glare.

He immediately regretted his words. "Forgive me, my queen. You are right. I am sure they will adore your fussing."

"Exactly." Claire beamed. "Maybe with enough love and affection, they won't grow up to be bloodthirsty little beasts."

"Right." Talon snorted under his breath.

"What was that?" Claire looked at her mate, daring him to repeat himself.

"Nothing," he said, lifting his goblet to take a drink. Except, Claire was in his mind, so it didn't matter if he tried to hid it, she would know.

Mates. He almost rolled his eyes. He was surrounded by lovesick fools.

Then again, his own situation wasn't much better. He tried again to catch Leah's eye. She was staring at the king and queen, her expression blank. The only thing that gave her away was the way she clinched her fork.

He recalled her words from earlier, the way she had opened up to him. Gods, it infuriated him that she was grappling with feelings of inadequacy. Didn't she see how strong she was? How resilient? How brave? He saw all that, and more.

He saw the sacrifices she'd made.

He'd said what he said, but he could't fault her for feeling as she did. Especially when she looked at Claire and saw a queen, happily mated. Sure, Claire's life wasn't perfect. She'd had her fair share of struggle and heartbreak. The weight of an entire kingdom on her shoulders.

But still.

Leah was hurting, and he'd gone and kissed her—well, she'd kissed him, but he'd kissed her back, encouraged it, no less. Then he'd pulled away, when she was already struggling. It was a low blow. No wonder she'd said what she had. He deserved to hurt.

"There are a few things I'd like to do before we depart," Claire was saying. "I'd like to visit Pelwynn's grave, for one. I also need to seek council with the king tree."

Leah went back to pushing things around her plate. He watched her, willing her to look up at him. She didn't.

She was freezing him out and it cut him, deeply.

But it was for the best—better this way. Talon had been right. Nothing would come of it if he pursued her. It would only make things more complicated between everyone in their group. Besides, he'd loved a human woman once, and look where that had gotten him. It wasn't a mistake he was willing to repeat. Ever.

Chairs scraped, and everyone was getting to their feet. He glanced up, surprised, then quickly did the same. Somehow he'd managed to pass an entire dinner, hardly aware of any of it.

His heart rushed as he rounded the table, hoping to catch Leah. To say—he didn't know what. Something. An apology, perhaps. But as he reached her, she scurried off, arm in arm with Saffra. He blinked, and then they were gone.

Bedelth caught his eye and grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. "Looks like we'll be headed back home before we know it," he said.

"What? Oh. Right. Yes."

Bedelth frowned. "You okay?"

"Fine."

Bedelth's eyes narrowed. Then he huffed. "Don't tell me. You've got your sights on a certain pink haired female that just scurried off, dragging my mate along with her. What's that all about?"

"Nothing," he snapped, then exhaled. "Sorry. It's not something I wish to talk about."

He didn't expect Bedelth to understand. Whatever growing pains he and Saffra had experienced, well, they were mates, so it had all worked out in the end, hadn't it? It wasn't like his shield brother would relate.

"Well, I'm here if you decide you need to talk about it," Bedelth said. "Until then, I found the entrance to the palace's cellar earlier, and it's filled with sprite wine. I bet the queen doesn't even know it exists. How about we go nab a couple of bottles right out from under her nose. We can grab Koldis and Talon and have ourselves some bonding time."

He was about to protest. Surely Koldis and Talon would much rather enjoy the company of their mates. Even Bedelth. Only, how long had it been since they'd had time together, just the males? Suddenly, it sounded like the best idea in the world, and exactly what he needed.

He growled with delight, which Bedleth took as a yes. Just like old times. The two of them snuck off to raid the queen's private collection. 

💕❤️💕Don't forget to vote for this chapter!❤️💕❤️

Happy Friday Bookdragons!

Ahhh...trouble in paradise? I feel sorry for Leah. She's got a lot on her plate, but I also feel like she has the potential for a big character arc. And Jovari...well, he's being Jovari. I'm sure they'll work things out eventually ;)

Next week's chapter is from Claire's POV. See you then!

--Mel