Hildegund

"What on earth are you two doing?" Hildegund's father's voice boomed, loud and reverberating like a hunter's horn.

"We were just playing, Papa." Hildy stood, brushing the dirt from her skirt. She lifted her eyebrows and pouted her lower lip to assume the most innocent and ladylike expression she could muster.

"Yes, Uncle Richart, we were just playing," Adso stuttered, still sitting on the ground and keeping his eyes on his dirty bare feet.

"Hm," the large man stared intently at both of them, his eyes hard as stone under his thick dark eyebrows. Adso scrambled to his feet and wiped the dirt from his trousers, which thankfully, had stayed belted on his waist. "You both are getting to the age where work should come before play," he paused. Hildegund could tell he wanted to say more. Whenever she was caught playing rough with Adso, he always gave her a lecture, and often a punishment too. Instead, he surprised her, "But never mind that. I need you back at the shop Hil, we have important matters to discuss."

"Yes, Papa," she nodded solemnly, her shoulders relaxing.

Her father turned and walked away. Before Hildegund followed, she stuck her tongue out at Adso and whispered, "I was about to beat you, you know."

"Na-ah! I let you push me over because I saw Uncle Richart coming and didn't want to get in trouble for hitting a girl," he whispered back, but he was smiling his silly uneven grin that let Hildegund know that she was right.

"Hurry up, Hil," her father called over his shoulder without stopping to wait for her.

"Coming, Papa," she replied. Then, glancing at the sword laying in the dirt, she lowered her voice and said, "You can hold on to it for now, but I'm going to want it back."

He grinned broadly as he nodded, his long bangs falling over his dirt-smudged forehead and into his eyes.

Hildegund turned to follow her father. She dragged her feet down the narrow, crowded street that she had been racing through just moments before. Farmers led mules pulling empty carts away from the market, peddlers pushed wagons still brimming with household wares, and a few shopkeepers chatted with each other in the streets. Even with all the activity, she spotted her father's tall and wide frame heading down the road.

She watched as he strode back towards his shop with his shoulders squared and his head held high. Her father was the master weaver of Loconge. He owned his own shop, had several apprentices and journeymen working under him, and held important sway with the local guild. But he seemed to be walking with more confidence and purpose than usual.

Hildegund wondered what matters they had to discuss. If he was simply annoyed that she had been running around with Adso rather than finishing her chores, then he just would have yelled at her right there in the square. As usual.

Hildegund lived in a small apartment with her father above his shop. It was just the two of them now. She spent most days doing her father's bidding, running errands, and helping with the books. So, unlike other girls, she knew a bit about letters and numbers. And her father relied on her to make good choices. Playing with Adso was not something that he considered a "good" choice.

The sword! The thought came suddenly and caused a twist of pain in her stomach. Maybe he found out how she had bartered for the sword. Had she lost money with the trade? Or was he irritated that she had wanted something that was made for a boy?

But as soon as the thought entered her mind, Hildegund realized that this assumption made little sense. If her father had found out about the sword, then why hadn't he said anything about it in front of Adso? And wouldn't he have been looking for it? It wouldn't have been hard to find. It was laying just feet from where she and Adso had been wrestling. The only thing he had been searching for was her.

So, if it wasn't the sword, then what could it be?

Hildegund shuffled her way down the street, still several minutes away from home, and her father still hustling ahead of her. As she kicked a loose stone, sending it skittering away, a deep sense of foreboding enveloped her chest.

Discussing important matters with her father did not sound like something she wanted to do. What could she be in trouble for doing?

She wracked her brain, thinking over the events of the past few days. Nothing exceptional stood out. So, that just left one thing.

Hildegund was in her twelfth summer and she knew that she was too old to be playing rough with boys, even if it was just Adso. She was going to be lectured again about acting more like a lady. That had to be it.

And the fact that he wanted to give her that lecture in the privacy of their home meant he was going to have a lot to say.

She hated that lecture. Why did she get punished for having fun? Because she happened to be born a girl? It was so unfair! She wanted to shout it wasn't her fault she was born this way. If she had had any choice in the matter, she would have been a boy.

But the world didn't work that way.

Every night before bed her father whispered that he loved her more than the moon and the stars, but this refrain sounded more like lip service than truth. She knew he was embarrassed by her. Wanted to change her. Wished she was normal.

When she was very little, no one seemed to mind how she played, as long as she stayed out of the way in the store. Things changed as she got older. As her body started to betray her, to develop in ways that made her feel like a foreigner in her own skin, that that was when her father began pressuring her to conform. Demanding that she adapt to a role that seemed antithetical to her natural wants and desires. Soon, the fights had begun.

Thinking about it made her cheeks burn, and as she made her way lazily towards her home, she kicked at another loose stone. This one rolled and hit a sleeping dog who let out a lazy growl, but otherwise was unmoved under the weight of the heavy air.

Most of the time, Hildegund and her father just bickered about her choice of clothes and interests. Hildegund would often receive minor punishments like extra chores or the losing of a small privilege. But their most recent argument had been different.

A few months ago, her father had tried to forbid her from playing with boys. "You spend too much time roughhousing with Adso."

"We are cousins, Papa, what's wrong with being friends with your cousin?" She raised an eyebrow warily.

"All you know how to do is wrestle and run and get dirty. You are nearly a woman, Hil, and it's about time you started thinking about how a lady should act." His tone made it sound like a suggestion, but his eyes said he was being serious.

"A lady?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, I think you should spend more time with girls your own age," he continued.

"I don't know how girls my age play."

"Maybe if you spent more time with girls, you would know how to fit in with them," he said accusingly.

"It's not my fault I don't know how a lady is supposed to behave. What example did I ever have? There is no one around to teach me." As she said the words, she could taste their bitterness.

This had been an unforgivable thing to say; she knew the words would sting. And in response, her father struck her hard across the cheek.

A donkey brayed, jolting Hildegund from her memories. And at once an awful realization settled on her. She shook away the fog of her reminiscences and she knew what matters her father had to discuss. Her father was going to remarry!

He must be sick of lecturing her about being a lady. And her previous outburst must have inspired him to find a new wife, someone to teach her how to be a woman. That would change everything, and not for the better.

Hildegund caught up to her father. Her eyes bored into the back of his head as she concentrated on how her life was about to change.

Would his new wife take over responsibilities at the shop? If so, what would Hildegund's role be then?

And would they have more children? If her father had a son, would he love her less?

By the time they had children, her stepmother would want Hildegund out of the house. Hildegund would be married off. To some man she didn't even know. The thought made her queasy.

How dare he change their lives so drastically without taking her feelings into consideration?