"You've got to be kidding me.", Cassandra groaned.

She crossed her arms as Andrew brought out an army's worth of supplies and food.

She could barely see the top of his man-bun that peeked over the items as he shuffled forward, his eyes showing through the pile of cleverly placed merchandise.

"I said get necessities, not whatever this is.", she said motioning to him and his new clearly unstable tower.

"This is what happens when you jump first and think later Cassie.", Andrew said his voice pitched with irritation, "Unless you want to die because you're freezing to death tonight, we'll need these things."

Cassandra kicked him in the shins, causing the objects to clatter to the ground as he stumbled.

The few people near them in the store immediately backed away, giving them wide berth as bread, blankets and other items filled the floor.

"What the-! What was that for?!"

"No one forced you to come along you know.", Cass retorted, "And don't call me Cassie, HUBERT.", she said glaring at him, "I don't even know why I let you tag along like this..."

"That's easy, it's because you like me and need the assistance of a handsome reformed cult master such as myself.", he answered throwing her a dashing smile.

Cass had to hand it to him that the man had some nerve as he tried to be charming.

To bad he was failing.

Like really failing-

"So you admit it was a cult.", she said raising her eyebrow a little, "I thought you said it wasn't. Also I remember why I let you come, it was so you wouldn't blab to all of Corona about it."

Andrew looked at her, "Ha, don't make me laugh, you know you enjoy my company.", he then furrowed his brow, "Also, I decided you were right about those guys, I mean Chella was pretty insane... didn't want to stick 'round them or what was left of them..."

"Please, the woman thought she was a god.", Cassandra said unamused as Andrew picked up the supplies.

"Didn't you think you were a god for a bit too Cass?", he reminded handing her a box, "You like thought that Zhan Tiri would give you a free for all pass or something, like you were above or the same level as him."

She huffed, "That was a completely different situation and you know it."

"Was it really though?"

The store clerk man snorted.

"Hey, who asked you Porky?", Andrew retorted staring down the chubby clerk, who in fact had puffy fat cheeks.

He scowled and pointed at her, "Don't know why you're defending the likes of her."

"It isn't any of your business is it?", Andrew said defiantly as he set more boxes on the counter, "Now shut up and let us be."

Cass felt her face burn.

She knew all of Corona and it's neighboring towns and kingdoms knew of the whole episode about the insane young woman who had been possessed with power and insanity; it was a whole patch of regret that she could never erase.

She knew no one would ever forgive her.

She was pretty sure her father hated her, the Captain had suffered mentally and psychically.

Cass knew that Eugene had even going it hard to look at her after everything that had happened.

Except for Rapunzel, who seemed to have forgiven her somehow, but she always forgave someone sooner or later anyway so she didn't really count.

She turned away and helped set the last of the items on the counter, "How are we even going to be able to carry all of this Hubert? We only got some saddlebags on the horses and I'm not buying a wagon.", she criticized changing the subject avoiding the clerk's disapproving glare.

"I don't know, you tell me. Why didn't you think about that before you decided to run off?", Andrew returned, "For real though, you of all people usually are prepared for stuff like this."

Her eye twitched.

Why was he being so freaking difficult?!

"This trip isn't about me and you know it.", she said slamming an apple down on the counter, "Also I needed to get out of Corona before an angry mob decided to attack me after the initial shock of everything that has happened passed!"

"You don't know if they would've..."

"No?", Cass yelled losing it, "I only DESTROYED their kingdom Hubert, I only MURDERED a couple of people here and there, I only brought back ZHAN TIRI and his demons, oh and I almost forgot, I only am responsible for getting Varian KILLED!!!"

She felt everyone's eyes start turning toward her as her voice raised; shaking her head, Cassandra stormed out of the store.

She heard Andrew call out, but she ignored him as she also heard the murmur of the townspeople.

She needed some air and space.

Her heart throbbed as she rushed over to Fidella who was waiting by a nearby tree.

Grabbing her reigns, Cassandra led her away from the store to the outskirts of town. The two rested in the big dry grass field, sitting and staring into the distance.

Fidella nudged her with her nose softly and looked at her with big, concerned, questioning eyes.

"If you're worried about Andrew, don't be. He'll find us just fine without any trouble.", Cassandra said as she tried to control her features.

Snorting, Fidella shook her head and head butted her.

Losing her balance, she yelped and caught herself, staring at the horse annoyed.

"What do you want Fidella? Can't you see I'm not in the mood!! I don't have time to deal with any of this!! I already can't, I can't-!", she trailed off as she broke down, burying her head between her knees and arms.

She sat there, a cocoon of pain as she willed the tears to try to come to relieve it all.

But none came.

All she had was a dull ache in her chest that seemed to build up to an almost impossible pain.

The guilt that filled her was overwhelming.

She had only been on the road for a week, but she had already run into so many people who knew who she was and what she did.

They would either hide or yell, chase her off or be silent.

Fear and hate was what she was met with.

And always, no matter who it was, the fearful or the hateful, they would remind her and blame her for the murder of several.

And they were right. Blood was on her hands.

Blood that could never be washed away.

Cassandra punched her fist into the ground as she felt more feelings bubble up inside of her. There was anger, but the anger was only there because of the disappointment in herself with regret and sadness.

She was angry at herself for letting herself ever becoming what she had been, being so easily manipulated into a demon's tool. A gateway for Zhan Tiri.

Regretful about the deaths of others she had willingly killed, just because they got in her way.

And guilt stricken over maybe possibly the one other person that might have found forgiveness in his heart, one that knew what it was like to be on the wrong path was gone. Someone who didn't ever deserve to die...

Cassandra's hand subconsciously went to the Cassandrium around her neck, her fingers wrapping around the little stone.

One of the few people who was there for her through it all; even though he toward the end didn't agree with her methods.

He had saved her.

Varian has saved humanity, quite reasonably the world.

And what had she done??

Nothing.

"Cassandra!!! Hey!", Andrew called rushing up over to her on the back of his rust colored horse.

He slowed the stallion to a canter as he neared her and jumped off right as the horse stopped, bending down beside her crouched form.

"Why did you just run off like that? I thought you said other people's opinions didn't matter to you.", he started before seeing her hurt state, "And if I hurt your feelings I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Sometimes I forget because you're so tough that you can hurt too. I shouldn't have brought up past incidents... you've already had enough people reminding you on the road. I thought it would blow over your head. I'm sorry Cassandra."

She listened to his words of apology and sighed.

Looking up, she saw his face was filled with concern and guilt, mirroring hers but to a smaller, lesser degree.

She felt even worse seeing his face.

Seeing she had made him hurt too because she had been childish and rude made her feel even worse about herself.

"No, I'm sorry Andrew.", Cass apologized sitting up straight, "You were right... I'm not any different then Chella was. Also I should have planned ahead better, but I didn't.
"You're only trying to look out for me and I lashed out at you unnecessarily because I was stressed and impatient. I know it's no excuse...
"So I'm the one who's sorry, and I apologize.", she said as he stared down at her.

Andrew didn't say anything as he joined her down in the grass and sat there silently with her.

Cassandra tensed but let him sit near her, the two of them just resting there as the amber rays of the setting sun lit the earth.

Soft wind blew, rustling through the dry paper thin leaves and the tall grass in the fields making a soothing, calm, sort of music.

She wondered how the world could seem so perfect and carefree, when only a few weeks ago everything had been almost lost.

It was like the world was moving on, while she was still stuck in grief and remorse.

It was the universe's punishment, Cass reflected, for all I have done.

Andrew then laughed a little suddenly and looked at her, "You know what Cassandra, you surprise me.", Andrew finally said breaking the quiet.

"What do you mean?", she asked jumping a little, surprised by his laughter.

"You care a lot more about people then you let on."

Cassandra thought about that.

"I don't care enough... not like Raps or Eugene or even...", she broke off as her eyes went back to the stone around her neck, "I never went out of my own way for anyone like they've done."

"You're to hard on yourself Cass.", Andrew said sternly, "Enough already."

"But I deserve this pain, this guilt. I have no right to be happy.", she said bending her head, "Being hard on myself is some small way I can try to pay for my own choices."

Andrew bit his lip for a moment as he decided what to say to her, knowing he would have to take a different approach.

Sighing, he stood up, "This trip isn't about you, that's what you told me, but as I see it... I see this is a new chance for self discovery for you Cassandra. A chance to be the better person you want to be.
"And if this trip, this journey, is really about Varian?
"You need to put aside your guilt and self given pain, he wouldn't want you feeling like this. If you really are going to spend the rest of your life looking for someone who might not even be there to find, that's not someone who doesn't care Cass, that's someone who does.
"You can think what you want, best yourself down and live in internal torture or you can forgive yourself and focus your eyes on something worth living for.
"It's your choice."

He then walked off and made his way over to the horses, pulling a tent out of the saddlebags, "I'll put this up but after I'm done I'm getting us a better mode of transportation.", Andrew called and then got to work.

Cassandra watched him with her grey green eyes, his words going through her head.

Again, frustratingly, he was right. She knew Varian wouldn't want this for her.

But she couldn't let go.

She wouldn't and couldn't even begin thinking about forgiving herself until she found Varian, which might, in the end... be never.

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Starting out this book with angst; heck yeah! XD