Warnings: Mentions of infertility, self doubt, angst 

Word Count: 1137

You flipped through the mail as you walked back towards the house. Most of them were bills, although there were a couple magazines thrown in there. You were about to toss the stack onto the table next to the door, but a bright white envelope with your local medical center's address glaring back at you caught your eye.

The test results, how could you have forgotten?

Your thumb was under the envelope flap, ready to rip it open, when you hesitated. Josh would want to be there with you when you opened the results. With a sigh, you set the envelope on the kitchen counter and decided to take the dog on a walk to take your mind off of it.

For close to three years now, you and Josh had been trying, and failing, to have a kid. You had tried almost every trick there was to increase your chances of pregnancy: carefully tracking your menstrual cycle, eating certain foods, and a million other so-called "scientifically proven" ways to get pregnant you had found online. You had finally decided to get your fertility tested. Josh had gone first, since it would be easier to test his fertility than it would be to test yours. His test had come out fine, which meant it was your turn.

Josh's car still wasn't in the driveway when you returned home. He had left early that morning to go and promote the album at a local event with Tyler. You had passed on going with him because you had been sick for the past few days, but now you found yourself wishing you had pushed through it and accompanied him. Feeling sick at an event was better than the test results eating at the back of your mind.

You tried to ignore the envelope on the counter, you really tried, but it didn't take long for you to be holding the envelope up the light and trying to read it through the thin sheet of paper. Maybe if you opened it carefully, Josh wouldn't even realize you had already looked. You were pretty good at pretending to be surprised, right? You had convinced Josh you had no idea about your surprise party even though Tyler had slipped up a few weeks before. The envelope was just barely starting to peel away from itself when you stopped yourself, guilt already eating away at you. You really had no other choice than to wait for Josh.

You were sitting on the kitchen counter with the envelope in your hand before Josh even had the chance to open the front door. He set his things down and looked up at you in confusion.

"It's the fertility test results," you beamed.

"They came?" Josh smiled.

"Yes, and I've been waiting to open it all day because I knew you would want to be here with me."

"Do you think you would be able to wait a little longer?" Josh asked, wrapping his arms around your waist. "I just want to relax with you for a little while."

Josh buried his head in the crook of your neck and closed his eyes. You ran a hand along his hair, it was evident that he was tired. He never slept well before big events like today.

"Josh," you whined. "It's been so hard to wait all day. I really just want to know."

You heard Josh let out a little sigh, "Ok, let's do this."

Josh stepped away from you and rested his hands on your thighs. You carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the letter concealed inside. Your heart was pounding as you scanned over the words, hardly processing them as you looked for the information you wanted.

"What does it say?" Josh asked, looking at you expectantly.

"I-I'm infertile. I can't have kids," you said, your hand clenching tightly around the paper.

"Are you sure?" Josh asked, taking the letter from you.

You watched him scan over the paper just like you had. His face fell when he reached the diagnosis.

"I'm sorry, Josh," you sobbed, burying your face in your hands.

Josh gently pulled your hands away from your face so that he could look into your eyes, "Y/N, this is in no way your fault. You don't need to apologize for anything."

"But we can't have kids and I know how important having a family is to you. And now we'll never be able to have one."

"No, no, no," Josh said, pulling you towards him and wrapping his arms around you. You balled your fist around the fabric of his shirt. "Family doesn't always have to be blood. Family is determined by who you love. And even if we do want to have our own kids, there are other ways of having kids that don't involve you being pregnant."

"I just don't want you to miss out on something you've dreamed of doing because of me."

"Y/N," Josh said, his voice serious. "The moment that I married you, I knew that all of my dreams had come true. I don't care if we can never have a family. I don't care if the next album doesn't sell well. I don't care if I never get to travel the world again. Sure, there was a time in my life where those were my big dreams, but that all changed the moment that I met you. You being happy and safe and loved is my dream now."

You continued to bawl into the crook of Josh's neck, releasing some of the emotions that were swirling around your head. He carefully led you over to the couch and adjusted the two of you so that you could lay on his chest. Josh was patient with you as you tried to process everything you were feeling, pressing gentle kisses to the top of your head and rubbing your back.

You eventually managed to calm yourself down enough to stop crying. Josh made you some tea to help your, now sore, throat and sat back down on the couch with you. The two of you were a mess of limbs.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a mess," you sniffled, taking a careful sip of tea. "Today has just been really emotional."

"I know it has, but I want you to know that whatever happens in our lives I'm going to love you just the same. No sickness or infertility or aging is ever going to change that."

Josh pressed a careful kiss to your lips. You were so overwhelmed by love that you couldn't help the tear that slipped down your cheek. Josh wiped it away with his thumb and kissed your cheek where the tear had been.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Better," you answered, laying back down on his chest.