Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 2353

Your feet made hardly any noise as you walked down the hallway towards Josh's practice room with two plates of food in hand. He had been working hard all morning practicing and you decided to do something nice for him by making him lunch.

Much to your surprise, the only sound coming from the other side of the door was Josh talking to someone on the phone rather than the usual sound of his drums. You weren't one to eavesdrop on other people's conversations, much less your boyfriend's, but the bit that you heard caught your attention.

"I can't tell Y/N that!"

Josh's voice was muffled, but you could still clearly make out what he was saying. He sounded frustrated, although you weren't sure why yet. It was quiet as the person he was talking to answered.

"What if I just say that I'm in love with my ex?"

It was like you could hear your heart snapping in half. Your grip on the plates loosened, but your reflexes kicked in just in time to avoid spilling food all over the hallway. The blood rushing through your ears distracted you from the rest of the conversation.

You were still standing in front of the door in shock when it swung open, revealing an equally as shocked Josh. A look of panic quickly crossed his face before he spoke.

"How long have you been there?"

You debated telling him what you had heard. Part of you wanted to break up with him first before he even had a chance to. Instead, you decided to play dumb. After all, maybe there was more to the story than what you had heard.

"Not long, I was just trying to figure out how to open the door when my hands were full," you smiled sweetly.

You could practically see the relief in his expression, which only made you more upset.

"What's this?" he asked, redirecting the conversation to the plates that you were holding on to.

"I made you lunch! You've been working hard all day so I figured you might be hungry," you shrugged.

"That was nice," he said. "You want to go eat in the living room?"

"Sure."

Josh took one of the plates and followed you back into the living room. You tried to ignore the sense of dread in the pit of your stomach as you bit into your sandwich.

"How has your morning been? I feel like I've barely seen you," Josh asked with a laugh.

"It's been good," you answered. "Just been watching TV and sending a few emails for work."

Josh nodded and took another bite of his food. You were unsure of what to say around him now that you knew there was a clock counting down to the end of your relationship.

"Sounds like an exciting morning."

You decided to bite the bullet and get the breakup conversation started. There was no point in making tense conversation until Josh got brave enough to do it himself.

"You feeling alright?" you asked, hoping it would prompt him to confess.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I guess you've just seemed off lately. A bit more distant than usual."

He shrugged and picked idly at the hem of his shirt, "I guess I've just had a lot on my mind lately."

You reached out and rested a hand on his leg, trying your best to play the role of a supportive partner, "You know you can talk to me about anything."

"I-um," he muttered, avoiding eye contact with you. "I'm still in love with my ex, Y/N."

Turns out that hearing it a second time didn't make it hurt any less. You pulled your hand away from Josh's leg.

"So what does that mean for us?" you asked, even though deep down you already knew.

"It means we're over, Y/N."

You bit down on your lip so hard that you winced. Not even knowing what was coming had prepared you for the sting of actually hearing the words leave his mouth. There were so many things that you wanted to say and insults you wanted to throw at him that you knew would hurt much worse than what you were currently feeling, but you couldn't bring yourself to say it. Instead, you set your plate down and stood up.

"I'll have Tyler come pick up my stuff later," you muttered as you pulled your shoes on.

"Y/N, we can talk about this."

"What is there to talk about, Josh?" He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again. His lips were pressed tightly together. "Exactly."

You walked out the front door without another glance back.

It had been a few days since the breakup. You and Tyler decided that you should stay with him for awhile until you figured out where you wanted to go from here, although what you hadn't told him is that you were holding out hope that Josh would realize his mistake and take you back.

"You alright over there?" Tyler asked, waving his hand in the general direction of where you had been looking.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," you smiled sheepishly, pushing the daydream you had been having to the back of your mind.

Tyler went back to reading on his laptop and you took another bite of pasta. Your mind wandered back to a random memory of you and Josh together. The familiar hollow feeling returned to your chest as you thought of how happy you had been. You couldn't help but wonder if he had felt the same.

"No," you said, breaking the silence. "I'm not alright."

Tyler closed his laptop and set it on the couch next to him. He turned so that he could more easily face you, "What's going on?"

"I just don't understand what happened," you said, pulling the blanket a bit tighter around you. "He would tell me that he was in love with me and that I was the only one for him, but then he turns around and says he's in love with his ex?"

"I don't know what to tell you, Y/N."

"I mean, there's only two options here. Either he was in love with her the whole time we were together or he fell back in love with her and I don't know which one is better."

"No matter what his feelings towards her were, I don't want you to doubt for a second that he was in love with you. I wish you could hear the way that he would talk about you."

You shook your head, "It doesn't even matter. I obviously didn't mean as much to him as he did to me."

Tears were beginning to brim in your eyes so you pushed your palms deep into them, hoping to stop them. You hated to cry over something--someone--so stupid.

"Y/N," Tyler sighed, scooting over so that he could sit next to you.

He moved the bowl away from where it was tucked in between your legs and chest and pulled you into him. You clutched onto the fabric of his shirt and clenched your jaw so tight that it hurt, anything to stop from letting out a sob.

"I really shouldn't tell you this," Tyler muttered.

"Tell me what?"

"He's not in love with his ex."

You let go of Tyler's shirt and leaned back, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. A hot tear made its way down your cheek, but you hastily wiped it away.

"What do you mean?"

"He lied. He's not in love with his ex at all."

"Then why did he break up with me?"

"I think that's something that you need to talk to him about. Trust me, it's not what you think."

You nodded, although you were still unsure of what exactly what was going on, "Can you text Josh to see if he's home?"

"Sure."

"Thanks, Ty."

You ran upstairs to quickly fix up your appearance while Tyler waited on a response from Josh. A million questions were making their way through your mind and it was taking a lot of concentration to not overthink all of it. Josh had lied to you about why he ended things, now you had to figure out why.

You raced back downstairs, "Any answer?"

"He's out right now, but he said he would be back in ten."

"Ok," you nodded. "That gives me some time to practice what to say."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I don't really see any other option, Ty. I need answers or this is going to eat at me forever."

"I wish you luck then."

You looked down at your watch. If you left now, you would get to Josh's right around the same time that he would.

"Thanks," you smiled. "I'm going to need it."

Josh's car wasn't in the driveway when you arrived at his house. You wondered if maybe you had beat him home until you realized that he was probably parking in the garage now that your car didn't occupy the space.

You got out of the car before you had a chance to rethink what you were doing. There were too many questions that you needed answered for you to not do this. Your stomach sank as soon as you knocked on the door as all the fear came rushing back.

"Coming!" Josh called from inside the house. His expression immediately changed when his eyes landed on you. You forced a lopsided smile. "You're not Tyler."

"I'm not, but I would like to talk to you."

"About what?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed.

You sighed, "I know you lied to me, Josh. You aren't in love with your ex."

His eyes widened in recognition. He bit down on his lip and opened the door wider as a silent invitation for you to come inside. You walked in and took a seat at the dining room table.

"How did you find out?" he asked, taking the seat across from you.

"Tyler told me this morning."

Josh let out a long breath of air, "I should have known he was going to do that."

"In his defense, I was in the midst of a breakdown and he was trying to make me feel a bit better."

You pursed your lips and looked to the table, wondering why you had just openly admitted that this breakup was tearing you apart. It was evident that Josh wasn't having the same issue.

"I'm sorry for lying to you."

"Then why did you do it?"

"It was easier than telling you the truth."

"And what is the truth, Josh?" He bit down on his lip again and turned so that he wasn't looking at you anymore. "Did you cheat on me or something?"

He shook his head, "I would never do that."

"So what is it?"

His eyes were brimmed with tears and he was still not looking at you, "I broke up with you because I'll never be good enough for you. You deserve someone so much better than me who isn't going to hold you back from living your dreams. And I lied because it was easier than admitting how inadequate I felt."

"Is that really what you think, Josh? That you're not good enough for me?"

He nodded, prompting you to get up and take a seat next to him on the other side of the table. You reached out and lightly put a hand on his shoulder, "You know that I don't think that at all, right?"

He shrugged.

"Josh, I love you more than anything. There's nobody else on Earth that I would rather have by my side. You make me a better person every day. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have even started chasing my dreams in the first place. You inspired me to do that, so thinking that you're holding me back is just... it's not true at all."

He finally turned to look at you, "But there are so many people out there that could treat you so much better. I'm constantly working and on tour and I hate knowing that I have to leave you behind."

"I don't care, Josh. I've never cared. All that matters is that at the end of the day or the tour or whatever it is, you come back to me. Sure, there are hard nights but one look at you reminds me exactly why I do this. I love you and I don't think that's ever going to change whether we're together or not."

"I love you too. And I'm so sorry that I ever let my head get the best of me. I should have just talked to you about this rather than creating some elaborate lie and making you feel worse."

You reached a hand up to his cheek and brushed a tear away with your thumb, "I forgive you. But while we're getting these things out of the way, there's something that I need to tell you."

"What?"

You sighed, "You're not going to like hearing this, but I overheard part of your phone conversation where you said you were in love with your ex. At least, that's what it sounded like from what I heard. I started panicking and tuned out after that until you opened the door. I lied about not hearing anything, but I didn't want to accidentally take anything out of context. I should have told you and I'm sorry."

"It's ok, we both did things that we shouldn't have and in the future we know to just be upfront about it."

"You're right," you smiled.

You pulled Josh towards you and kissed him deeply. It was like you could feel all the hurt beginning to melt away.

"So we're ok?" Josh asked, his forehead pressed to yours.

"We're ok," you reassured him.

"I'm so sorry for what I did. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you that enough."

"You're forgiven, Josh. Just don't do it again."

"I would never," he smiled and pulled you into another kiss.