Warnings: Angst, implied panic attack, aggressive behavior (throwing/kicking objects)

Word Count: 1519

Request: can you write rcb but where the reader chooses josh? & angst

Author's Note: This is another "what if" from the Rose Colored Boy series! I really enjoy writing these and see what other directions the story could have gone in. Also, I'm sorry for all the angst :( I hope you enjoy it!

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Tyler's POV

"On three, I'm getting out of the car," I muttered.

One.

My hands were gripping the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles had nearly turned white. I loosened my grip and flexed my fingers, trying to get some of the blood to return to them.

Two.

I pulled the keys out of the ignition and stuffed them into my pocket. The song that was playing on my CD slowly faded out.

Three.

I pushed open the car door and planted my feet on the pavement. My head started to spin, so I put one hand on the roof of the car to steady myself until colors stopped flashing in front of my eyes. Note to self: get out of the car slower next time.

I shut the car door behind me and slowly started the walk up the front steps. Y/N had mentioned her parents were out of town for a few days, so at least I wouldn't have to worry about the possibility of having to explain to them why I was showing up unannounced.

My knock on the door was met with silence. It took me a moment to put two and two together: I was showing up unannounced and Y/N was home alone. Of course she wasn't going to answer the door.

Tyler: Hey, it's just me at the door. Sorry if I scared you.

Footsteps came down the stairs almost immediately, and it wasn't long before Y/N was opening the door. She seemed confused to see me, but I couldn't do anything but smile at her.

"Tyler," she said, "I didn't realize you were stopping by."

"Hi. Sorry for the short notice, it was sort of a last minute decision."

"Are you here to pick up your clothes?"

I had completely forgotten about that.

"No, actually. I mean, yes, I'll take them, but that's not what I came for."

"Then what did you come for?" she asked, the confusion on her face more evident now.

"Can we... can we go on a walk? There's something that I need to talk to you about."

"Oh, I, um, I'm actually kind of busy right now."

My heart started to beat harder in my chest. I needed her to say yes to this walk. If she didn't, I wasn't so sure that I would get the courage to tell her again.

"Please, it's really important. Just five minutes, that's all I need."

"Ty, I would love to, but it's really not a good time."

"Five minutes."

"I'm just going to go grab your clothes for you. I'm sorry."

Y/N turned and started to walk up the stairs. My heart was beating so fast that for a second I thought I might pass out. The words were right on the tip of my tongue, begging to be let out...

"I'm in love with you, Y/N."

Y/N froze on the stairs and turned towards me. Her mouth was partially open, as if she were about to say something, but she was silent. My entire body was shaking from the adrenaline as I stood on the porch, trying to wrap my head around what I had just done.

"Is everything ok, Y/N?"

My eyes snapped to the figure standing at the top of the stairs.

"Josh?"

"Tyler?"

I turned back to Y/N. She was looking between the two of us until her eyes finally stopped on me.

"You told me you didn't feel the same," she whispered, voice breaking on the last syllable.

"I need to go."

I walked down the front steps and onto the sidewalk, straight past my car. Tears were already pouring down my face, leaving me in no condition to drive. For now, I just wanted to put as much distance between me and Y/N as I could. The thought of her being with someone else made my chest ache, even though I had brought it on myself.

I had said the date was ok.

I had lied about my feelings.

I had introduced Josh and Y/N in the first place.

My legs started to shake so bad that I had to sit down on the pavement, immediately soaking the back of my jeans. Not that I really noticed, I was too busy trying to catch heaving breaths. I pulled my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, pressing my forehead to my knees. The world felt like it was collapsing around me.

But at least Y/N was happy.

This was what I had always wanted... right?

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Y/N's POV

You grabbed another one of your textbooks and threw it to the ground, feeling only a tiny amount of relief at the thud that it made against the carpet. The pile of journals and notebooks on the floor was steadily growing. Tears were slipping down your cheeks, but you angrily wiped them away before tossing another book to the ground. He didn't deserve your tears.

"Y/N, will you please talk to me now?" Josh asked. He was leaning against your doorframe, a distance that he had stayed at after you yelled at him for following you into your room.

You kicked one of the journals so that it flew up and hit the wall beneath your window. "I'm too upset."

"Can we just try?" He had braved one step into the room. You turned to look at him, wiping away another tear.

"I don't even know how I feel," you said, throwing your arms up in exasperation. "My best friend just told me that he loved me and essentially revealed that he's been lying to me for... I don't even know how long. And not only that, he told me right after I had finally moved on. Who does that, Josh? Who does that to someone they care about?"

"Is it ok for me to come in now?" Josh asked softly. You nodded.

Josh walked over to you and lightly put his hands on your arms, waiting for the ok to hold you closer. You answered by wrapping your arms around his torso, pulling yourself into him and burying your face in his chest. The smell of his cologne was comforting.

"I want to hate him for what he did, but I can't," you muttered.

"It's ok to be angry. Best friend or not, he did something to hurt you. You don't have to forgive that right away."

"I just can't believe he would lie to me like that. He knew how I felt and he had so many chances to say the feelings were reciprocated, but he chose not to for who knows what reason. And I trusted him. I trusted him because I didn't think he would ever lie to me."

"Maybe he has a good reason for what he did."

"I hope so. Maybe it will be easier to forgive him that way."

"You don't need to worry about that tonight. Why don't I go grab some ice cream and we can watch a movie?"

"Ok, I'll meet you in the den."

Josh gave you a kiss on the forehead before letting you go and walking out of the room. Once he was gone, you sat down on the edge of the bed. Georgie jumped up and sat down a few feet away from you; you swore he could tell when you were upset.

I'm in love with you, Y/N.

You couldn't deny the fluttering of butterflies in your stomach when you repeated Tyler's words in your head. It was something that you had been dying to hear for years, but you never could have imagined that these would be the circumstances it happened under. Maybe it was for the best. If Tyler could lie to you about his feelings, what other things would he be willing to lie to you about?

"Are you coming?" Josh called from the den.

"Yeah, sorry!"

You wiped away your tears, scooped Georgie up, and walked across the hall into the den. Josh was already on the couch, holding a gallon of ice cream in his lap and with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He held an arm out for you, which you happily tucked yourself under after putting Georgie in a comfortable spot.

"Here's your spoon."

"Thanks."

Josh ate small spoonfuls of ice cream while you scrolled through Netflix, trying to find a good movie to watch. You eventually settled on a romantic comedy that Josh insisted would put you in a better mood. After a bit of light hearted teasing, you also got him to admit that it was one of his favorite movies.

Once the movie was playing and the volume was adjusted to a good level, you leaned further into Josh and started to eat your ice cream. Georgie also wandered over and sniffed at the ice cream for a bit, but eventually settled down and curled up next to your legs. Although your mind was still swarming with unanswered questions, you were content for now.

You just hoped you would stay that way.