Warnings: Self deprecation about weight, angst

Word Count: 1523

You stared at yourself in the mirror, scrutinizing every little bump and dip. It only took a few moments for you to get frustrated and storm off into the closet. The same oversized sweatshirt that you had been wearing all week was sitting on the floor from yesterday. You picked it up and pulled it on. It was the only item of clothing that you didn't hate how you looked in, mostly because it hid everything you didn't like.

Jim followed close behind you as you walked downstairs, looking up at you with his best puppy dog eyes. You had yet to take him out on a walk, mostly because you knew that you would feel extra self conscious the second that you stepped out the door. He looked so cute though. Maybe a short walk wouldn't be so bad?

He ran circles around your feet while you grabbed his leash from the closet. It was amazing to you how big he had gotten in such a short time. You could still remember when he was just a little puppy, able to fit in your arms.

"Come on!" you called.

Jim hopped up and happily walked out the door in front of you. He led you down the driveway and around the corner without hesitation. It was the same path that you took every time you went on a walk. There had been a couple times where you had tried to switch things up, but Jim always ended up leading you down the same roads. You pulled out your phone and took a video of him sniffing at some brightly colored flowers, Josh would probably appreciate seeing his dog.

Josh.

It had been almost a full twenty four hours since you had heard from him last. That wasn't unusual, tour always had kept him busy, but your mind never failed to provide worst case scenario explanations. Maybe he had hurt himself at last night's show and they forgot to give you a call. Maybe the tour bus had broken down in the middle of nowhere and he had no cell service. Maybe he was cheating on you.

Maybe he was cheating on you.

Once the idea had been planted in your mind, you couldn't seem to get it out. It wasn't the first time that you had suspected Josh to be cheating, although you never had any solid evidence to support it. Most of the fear came from your own self doubt.

It wasn't like he would have a difficult time doing it. You were miles away and completely dependent on him and Tyler for updates as to what was going on. Lying was easy when you didn't have to do it to someone's face. Not to mention that there was no shortage of girls for him to choose from. Girls that were funnier than you. Prettier than you. Thinner than you.

Why wouldn't he cheat?

You held back tears as you rounded the last corner before you got to your house. Jim followed close behind you, occasionally tugging at the leash when he found something particularly interesting. You just tapped your foot impatiently and hoped that you could make it to the house before you broke down entirely.

Jim wagged his tail happily as you unclipped his leash and threw it unceremoniously back into the closet. You needed something--anything--to take your mind off of Josh right now. A movie would have to do, at least it would give you a couple hours of peace. Jim also seemed more than willing to curl up next to you and keep you company.

You only made it about fifteen minutes into the movie when all the tears that you had been holding back finally let loose. The movie was supposed to make you feel better, but instead you just ended up comparing yourself to all the actresses on screen. If you looked like them, you were sure that you wouldn't have to worry about Josh cheating. But you were just you.

Your phone began to buzz and Tyler's contact photo shined up at you. You paused the movie and took a moment to compose yourself: wiping away snot, drying a few tears, and clearing your throat so that it didn't sound like you were sobbing. A million reasons as to why Tyler was calling you instead of Josh raced through your mind, but you pushed them aside.

"Hello?" you answered. Your voice sounded weird, but you knew that you could blame it on bad connection if Tyler questioned it.

"Hey, Y/N!"

"What's up?"

"Long story, actually. The whole reason that I even called was so that Josh could talk to you." Your heart skipped a beat. "Basically his phone stopped charging yesterday so he was trying to conserve battery but then it died completely and we thought we would be able to get it fixed in town but they said it's completely shot and he'll have to get a new one. Anyway, I--or he, I guess--would have called earlier, but I was waiting on a call from the label and yeah, I'll just shut up and let you talk to Josh."

"Thanks, Ty," you giggled.

"No problem. Here he is."

You heard Tyler pass off the phone. Josh cleared his throat and you felt your heartbeat speed up significantly.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

"Man, I can't tell you how nice it is to hear your voice again," Josh sighed.

"Sounds like you've had a crazy 24 hours," you sniffled.

"Yeah," he laughed. "Hey, are you doing alright? It sounds like you've been crying."

"Probably just the connection," you said, although Josh's concern had caused you to start crying again.

Your phone started to buzz again and you looked down to see that Josh was requesting to FaceTime you. If you didn't answer, he would question it, so you bit the bullet and hit accept.

"Why'd you lie to me, babe?" Josh seemed genuinely disappointed that you had lied, which only piled on top of all the things that had you feeling terrible.

"Because I'm crying over something dumb and I didn't want you to worry."

"If you're crying over it, how dumb can it be?"

"I cried when we got Jim. That's a dumb thing to cry over."

Jim perked up at the mention of his name. He must have noticed that you were in distress, because he stood up and began to lick at the tears that were on your face. You scratched his back as he did so.

"Those were happy tears, so what's going on with you?"

You got Jim to lay back down before you began your story. "I was just..." you paused to take a deep breath. "You hadn't texted and I was wondering what you were up to and my self esteem was already low to begin with so when the idea of you cheating popped into my head I just couldn't get it to go away. There's just so many girls who are better for you than me. Models and musicians and so many other people."

"Did you really think that I was cheating?"

"I mean, no. Not when I really think about it. But my anxiety just wouldn't stop forcing the idea on me."

"Y/N, I love you more than anything. I know you struggle with your self image, but I want you to know that I think you're perfect. There's not a single thing that I would change about you. Every night that I'm away, I wish that I was back home with you."

"Really?"

"Yes, and if I could bring you on tour with me, then I would in a heartbeat. But you have work and our beautiful son to take care of," he smiled.

"Yes, our beautiful hairy son," you laughed, giving Jim a pat on the head.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"And I know you don't think of yourself as the model type, but man would I pay good money for a magazine with you on the cover."

"Shut up," you said, already blushing profusely.

"I'm going to be home before you know it and I'll be sure to make up for all of the lost time."

"I can't wait for you to come home."

"Me too," Josh looked away for a moment, obviously distracted by something behind the camera. "Alright, Tyler wants his phone back. Pretty sure Zack is expecting a call from him soon."

"Ok. Make sure to get that new phone as soon as possible! And have Tyler keep me updated, please."

"I'll make sure that happens. Take care of yourself, ok?"

"As long as you do too."

"I will."

"I love you, Josh."

"I love you too, babe."

You waved at the camera as Josh ended the call. Talking to Josh had lifted a huge weight off of your chest. Anxiety still creeped itself into the back of your mind, telling you that he was lying, but you pushed it aside and focused on everything that you and Josh had talked about. He loved you as you were, and that was enough for you.