Warnings: Angst, pregnancy, mention of weight gain 

Word Count: 2894

Three Months Earlier...

Your phone started to ring again, vibrating loudly against your wooden coffee table. You didn't have to check your phone to know who it was, Josh had been calling you at least three times an hour for the past few days. Deep down, you knew that ignoring him wasn't the answer to your problems, it certainly wouldn't solve anything. You just couldn't bring yourself to pick up the phone and tell him that it was over, even thinking about how he would react was painful.

The ringing stopped and you let out a breath that you hadn't even realized you had been holding. You knew you would have to talk to him eventually and explain why you couldn't handle this life anymore. Of course, this would just lead to a public breakup and being berated with comments from people who didn't know a thing about you, and isn't that why you were breaking up with him in the first place?

"Tomorrow," you promised yourself, but you weren't so sure that it was one you could keep.

Present Day...

You grabbed an oversized sweatshirt from the pile of laundry on the floor and pulled it on over your shorts. You were pretty sure that it had been Josh's, but you were starting to run out of clothes that hid your baby bump so you decided that the sweatshirt's owner didn't matter for the time being. It wouldn't be long before you had to buy proper maternity clothes; you winced at the thought, you were having enough troubles finding well-priced baby supplies as it was.

"You could just tell Josh that you're pregnant and you know that he would buy you everything you needed." Jenna's words echoed in your head. She, along with your parents, were the only ones that knew about the pregnancy. You figured she was less likely to feel guilty about not telling Josh than Tyler was.

You sighed as you looked over yourself in the mirror, smoothing out the fabric over your torso to see how big it had gotten. Hiding the pregnancy from Josh wouldn't be possible for much longer, and despite the fact that the two of you hadn't talked in months, you knew you had to be the one to tell him. A shiver ran down your spine at the mere thought of telling him. He would want to get back together, that was a given. After all, he hadn't wanted to break up in the first place.

"Why don't we go get some groceries?" you spoke quietly in the general direction of your baby bump.

The doctor had mentioned that speaking out loud to your baby would be a good way to get it to recognize your voice more easily, and it was a habit that you had quickly picked up. Not to mention that pretending like you were talking to your child instead of yourself made you feel a little less crazy.

You hummed quietly to yourself as you made your way around the house collecting things you would need. Once your shoes were on and the grocery list you had hastily made that morning was in your hand, you headed out the door.

Dark clouds loomed overhead as you walked into the grocery store. You hoped that it didn't start raining anytime soon; getting groceries up to your apartment was enough of a chore already, you didn't need to be soaking wet by the end of it too. It wasn't long before you started wishing that you had asked Jenna to come along with you.

You grabbed a grocery cart and leaned forward on it with your elbows, freeing up your hands so that you could look at your grocery list. As you looked over the things you needed, you began to plot a mental path of where you needed to go to get your groceries, and therefore back home, most efficiently.

"Shouldn't have caffeine," you reminded yourself as you looked longingly at the many flavors of coffee and tea on the shelves in front of you.

You were so busy trying to find a good decaf tea that you didn't notice the tall figure walking down the aisle towards you. The puff of pink hair should have been visible out of the corner of your eye, but apparently the tea had been too enticing to look away from.

"Y/N?" a familiar voice asked.

Your whole body froze. Suddenly, the tea was unimportant.

"Josh," you forced a smile as you slowly stood up and turned to face him.

He was standing on the other side of your cart, holding his own basket of groceries. His hair was a lot longer than you remembered, and it suddenly hit you that it really had been three months since you had last seen each other.

"So that's where that sweatshirt went!" he said, gesturing to the oversized sweatshirt you were wearing.

You knew that you should be embarrassed by the fact that you were wearing your ex's sweatshirt close to three months after the two of you had split, but you found yourself more preoccupied with the possibility that Josh could see your pregnancy belly right now. The sweatshirt did an ok job of hiding it, but one wrong move and the secret was out.

"Oh, is this yours?" you said, trying to casually play it off. "I found it in the back of my closet the other day and thought it looked comfortable."

You hated this act between the two of you. It was obvious that neither of you really wanted to be talking to the other, but it would have been worse to just act like the other person didn't exist.

"No worries, you look good in it."

"Thanks," you said, hating the fact that you could feel your cheeks heating up. "It's the only thing that will hide my baby bump," you thought.

You could have sworn you saw Josh's eyes linger on your torso for a moment longer than you would have liked. If he could tell you were pregnant, he wasn't saying anything. Your bump was still relatively small, maybe he would think it was weight gain and be polite enough to not mention it.

"Well, I won't keep you busy," he said, rocking on his heels a little. "Nice seeing you."

"Yeah, you too."

Josh quickly grabbed a bag of coffee and walked off. A small part of you felt comforted to see that he still drank the same coffee you had recommended to him when you first started dating.

A couple of days had passed since the grocery store incident. The weather had cleared up and gone back to being sunny again, meaning that you could sit out on your porch and get some much needed Vitamin D.

Your phone vibrated on the table next to you. Normally you would check it immediately, but sitting in the sun was so relaxing that you figured it could wait a little while. If it was important, they could call.

It vibrated again. Then again. You decided that this was probably a matter that couldn't wait, so you caved and checked your phone. Three texts from Jenna were shining on the screen.

We have an issue.

Y/N, this is urgent.

Call me as soon as you get these.

Without hesitation, you opened your phone and dialed Jenna. Your heart was pounding as the phone rang. Was this related to Josh?

Jenna picked up after the second ring with a very strained, "Y/N."

"What's up, Jen?"

"Ok, hear me out. Josh knows you're pregnant."

You felt your heart sink. It was unfortunate, but not unexpected.

"He didn't think it was his at first, he was convinced that you had gotten pregnant right after the breakup or cheated on him and that's why things ended."

You sighed and rubbed your temple. Even though you hadn't meant to cause him pain, you knew that your avoidance of talking to him had led to him feeling this way.

"And I know you wanted to be the one to tell him, but I couldn't let him keep feeling that way. He was absolutely heartbroken. As much as he likes to believe it, he still isn't over you."

"I don't know what to do, Jen," you sighed.

"You can start by talking to him."

"Is he still at your house?"

"Yeah, him and Tyler are inside talking right now."

"Ok, I'll be over in a little bit."

"Are you ok to drive?"

"Yeah, my baby bump is still just small enough."

"Ok, drive safe."

"Thanks, see you soon."

"Bye."

Jenna ended the call and you slipped your phone into your pocket. You decided to change out of your tank top into a sweatshirt before you left. Even though Josh now knew you were pregnant, you were still hounded by the occasional paparazzi during your day-to-day life. You figured it was best not to let the news get out to everyone just yet. This time, you made sure to wear a sweatshirt that you knew was yours.

Your hands were shaking before you had even turned the car engine off. You weren't quite sure what you were nervous about, Josh already knew you were pregnant. Maybe it was because you were going to have to sit down and face all the problems that you had been running from for the past few months. Yeah, that was probably it.

You got out of the car and shuffled towards the door, trying to draw out the time before you had to see anyone for as long as possible. Unfortunately for you, Jenna must have heard your car. She had opened the door and was looking at you expectantly before you had even made it halfway across the driveway.

"Come on," she smiled, nodding her head slightly. "I made you some infused water."

You smiled and began to pick up your pace. Even if your real mom was hundreds of miles away, you were glad that you had Jenna to take care of you like one.

Tyler and Josh were sitting at the dining room table. They stopped talking and turned to look at you as you followed Jenna into the room. Tyler beamed at you, but Josh just looked at you with an expression that you couldn't quite place. Maybe he didn't even know what he was feeling.

"Here you go," Jenna said, handing you a glass of water that you hadn't even seen her pour.

"Thanks," you mumbled, taking a sip. It tasted faintly of fruit.

The room was quiet. The silence was weighing on you, making it impossible to speak. You knew that it was you or Josh that needed to speak first, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything.

"Want to go outside?" Josh finally asked.

"Yes," you said, just relieved that someone had finally said something.

Jenna gave you a reassuring smile and Tyler flashed you a quick thumbs up as you moved across the room towards the backyard. The two of you took a seat on the edge of the porch, a foot or so apart. Your feet had swollen a little bit during the drive so you unlaced your shoes and set them down next to you. You didn't bother explaining this to Josh.

The silence was back, but this time you spoke before it weighed down on you too much, "Where do you want to start?"

"How long have you known?" Josh asked, almost instantly. It was like he had been waiting to ask you that very question for years.

"I found out that I was pregnant a few weeks after we broke up, but by that point I had been pregnant for almost a month and a half."

"So you were pregnant before we broke up?"

"Yes."

"But you didn't know you were pregnant when we broke up?"

"No," you said. You couldn't help but feel like these questions were a bit obvious.

"If you had known, would you have told me?"

"Of course."

"So why didn't you tell me after we broke up? It's my kid too, you know."

You took a deep breath, "I was worried. The whole reason that I ended things with you was because I couldn't handle people watching my every move. I would go to the store to get chips and people would accuse me of buying pregnancy food. I'd wear a new ring that Jenna got for me and everyone assumed we were engaged. People who had never met me before were making assumptions about me and posting them on magazine covers for the world to see. You, Josh, you can handle that. You've been trained to handle that. But me, I'm just not cut out for that life. And when I found out I was pregnant, I knew that the news would have to get out eventually. You can't hide a child from the world. I knew that when I told you, it wouldn't be long before the world knew, and I wanted to hold onto that peace and quiet for as long as I could. I was going to tell you eventually, but I just couldn't let go of that comfort yet."

"Is that why you wouldn't pick up my calls for weeks before we broke up?"

"Yeah. The longer I put it off, the longer before news broke and the world told me how stupid I was for letting you go. I'm not proud of how I handled it."

You looked down at your bare feet and wiggled your toes. Josh was quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry."

"What do you have to be sorry for?" you asked.

"I should have done more to protect you from the media. It was easy for me to forget that you weren't trained the same way I was."

"We both made mistakes, Josh. It'll be better for both of us if we just move past them."

"Yeah," Josh said. He took a deep breath, "So, the baby."

"What do you want to know?"

"Do you know the gender yet?"

You shook your head, "Next time I go in they'll be able to tell me."

"Speaking of that."

You clenched your jaw, this was the part of the conversation that you had been wanting to avoid.

"You know I want to be a part of this kid's life, and that includes doctor's appointments."

You knew that you had the power to say no. It would be easier to keep Josh away from all of this and live your life peacefully, just your kid and you. You would be able to make all the decisions and stay out of the public eye, but deep down you knew you couldn't do that to Josh. He was right, it was his kid too.

"I can give you a list of my appointments so you can tag along whenever you're free."

"And what about baby stuff? And maternity clothes? How are you going to pay for those?"

"I have a job at a restaurant," you shrugged.

"And how much is that paying you?"

"Not enough," you said, your voice getting quieter.

"You're not going to be able to work throughout your entire pregnancy. Jenna even said you won't be able to drive much longer."

"Yeah," you mumbled, trying your hardest not to cry.

Josh was talking more to himself than you now, or maybe you had just completely tuned him out. You hated that you were unable to support yourself, but you just didn't have the energy to work two jobs like you had before you were had met Josh and gotten pregnant.

"Are you alright?" Josh asked. He placed his hand lightly on your arm, drawing you back to reality.

"I feel like a fucking charity case," you whimpered, wiping a tear away.

"You aren't a charity case. That baby belongs to both of us, which means that both of us are in charge of caring for it. I'd be the worst dad ever if I let you care for that baby without my help."

You knew what was coming. It was only a matter of time before the words came out of his mouth.

"Do you think, maybe, we should move back in together?"

Asking to move back in together was Josh's thinly veiled way of saying that the two of you should get back together. You knew that it would be better for the baby to have both parents, but living with Josh meant inevitably throwing yourself back into the spotlight, relationship or not.

"I have to think about it."

"Take as much time as you need."

You nodded. Josh stayed sitting next to you as you composed yourself, which you hadn't expected. The tears eventually stopped coming and you felt calmed down enough to go back inside.

Jenna and Tyler were sitting at the dining room table like Tyler and Josh had been. Jenna stood up when she saw the two of you come inside, walking over to see how you were doing. She must have noticed that your eyes were puffy, she had the tendency to notice things like that.

"Are you guys good?" Tyler asked.

Josh looked over at you and raised his eyebrows, waiting for your answer.

"Yeah, we're good," you sniffled. "I just have a lot to think about."