Chapter 5-

I begged mom again when I came back from school if I could go to the party tonight, she reluctantly agreed since I've been good. My limit was ninety minutes max. That was fine with me. She gave me fifty dollars for emergencies and to call if anything happens.

I dressed in a simple jeans, graffiti black shirt and jacket, we left the house and told them the address. Goosebumps formed on my skin, a cold feeling crept in my stomach, I was nervous yet excited so pushing the feeling away I puttered my lips. 
        
The party started at 7:30pm. Around 8:55 p.m., I arrived and thanked them for the ride, they drove off for their special date night not before mom reminding of the time limit. I typed in an alarm on my clock app to make her feel better.
            
I heard music blaring from the house, I  made sure it was the right one seeing some of my classmates dancing to Lil Wayne’s ‘6’7’. 
       
Walking into the house the scene of teenagers grinding on each other doing shots and keg stands. Oh crap alcohol, I couldn’t avoid parties forever.
             
My counselors and Dr. Brett have advised me if in any peer pressure in a social activity, I should leave immediately. I took a deep breath, scoping the area to find anyone I knew.
           
“Jordan!” Someone yelled out my name behind me, I turned to the person. “You made it!” Myra’s happy mood in the dim lighting living room as she hugged me, I wrapped my arms around her neck too.
           
“Myra, hey! I'm here! You sound kind of drunk!” I scanned her state, glossy eyes and scent of alcohol on her breath. 
         
 “Me? Phss, no I only had like three beers.” Myra put up five fingers instead of three, giggling. She grabbed my hand, we headed toward the kitchen. 

“You want a beer?” Myra asked as she filled two cups of beer in both hand.

I declined, “just water.”

“That’s really cool that you’re not drinking. I’m not a big drinker either but I just thought what the hell, Yolo you know?” Myra drank both cups. I was surprised that Myra actually used the word Yolo for drinking. I used to have that mindset, you do only live once, I wanted to be around for the long haul.

Taking a sip of water, I followed Myra to the living room where the party was. More people came inside to join, some guys looked older, here greeting Kyle at the front door. Myra elbowed me in the stomach, telling me that Kyle was looking real good tonight. I agreed, checking him out myself when he was talking to the older guys. Wearing a polo shirt with fitted jeans and a leather jacket. He did look good.

My thoughts were interrupted  when the familiar sounds of Grouplove’s ‘Tongue Tied’ blasted through the speakers. “Oh I love this song! Come dance with me!” Myra exclaimed and grabbed my hand.

Take me to your best friend’s house; we’ll go around this roundabout oh yeah. Take me to your best friend’s house, I loved you then and I loved you now ohh yeah.’

Myra and me started dancing together as the first verse played. I loved this song too, I began flailing my hands around making her laugh.

Being more cool and mellow with my moves, Myra was all over the place swinging mine with hers along. She grabbed one of my hands and gave me a twirl. 

“I might have sex with Kyle!” Myra blurted out with a sloppy smile. My eyes widened at her statement, she was loud enough over the music. 

“Oh!” I shuffled my feet not knowing what else to say, looking around the room and others stared at us in a weird expression.

Kyle came in between us. “Mind if I cut in, ladies?!” He bopped his head and shoulders to the music. Myra let him in the middle to dance.

“Jordan, I’m glad you finally showed up!” Kyle grinned getting closer.

"Glad to be here!” I answered nodding my head along. He continued to dance with us to two more songs. The music stopped, Kyle and Myra began flirting with each other. I felt like the odd person out as they got touchy, I tucked my hands into my jacket pockets, rocking back and forth on my heels.

“Hey Myra, Jordan, you’re here!” Shane came over, hugged Myra really tight and then he picked me up for a hug startling me. I laughed as he swung me around in a circle and then let me down.

“Kyle, your party is awesome. Some of the guys are looking for more of the stuff you bought.” He wiped and itched the side of his nose.

“Stuff? What stuff?” I questioned.

“Ladies, you’re going to love this. Follow me upstairs,” Kyle motioned us to the stairs.

“Look, whatever you’re planning, I’ll call my dad. He knows cops,” I stated frowning trying to scare him.

“Relax, it's not anything. You're gonna love it.” Kyle held out both his hands, Myra took his eagerly. I took his other one slowly. Shane followed us behind as we stepped upstairs. I heard the music begin again but turned muffled as we headed to the hallway. 

"What do you think it is?” Myra asked in my ear. 

“No clue,” I mumbled shaking my head. I wiped the sweat off my nose and sniffed. I sniffed again at the suspicious smell.

“Is it me or does it smell like-“ I sniffed once more, it was burnt paper and herbal. My words were ignored. A tall, sweaty dude giving Shane and Kyle handshakes, I saw smoke under the door crack and frowned as it grew into a cloud. I fanned it away with my hand making me cough.

He opened the door wider, there were two guys sharing a bong and four people doing lines of cocaine on the bed. Shit. “Welcome to the real party, ladies and gents,” Kyle waved his hand toward the room as a presentation. My pulse raced, I gulped hard and palms sweating. I knew this was leading somewhere downward, I started to back away but Shane pushed me in the room. Kyle brought out a Ziploc bag of white powder for his friends in the room.

“So heh, this is you guys thing huh?” I fake laughed, rubbed my hands on my pants and tugged on my collar. My skin felt itchy and red.

Shane trying to calm me down by patting my back. “It’s really good Jordan, you should try some.” He entered and took the rolled up dollar bill from the boy doing a line, sniffing it in his nostrils and wiped the excess off his nose. I blew out air from my mouth, scratching my inner elbow. Myra wobbled her way over to do a bong hit. 

“You know what, I’m gonna go downstairs for a while. You have your fun.” I went for the door but Kyle stopped me grabbing my wrist tight.

“Oh come on, Jordan just do one line. It won’t hurt.” I wriggled out of his grip. 

“No thanks. Besides the teeth grinding hurts your jaw,” I informed him.

“That’s not true.  I feel awesome,” he answered and smiled seeing all of his teeth.

He hasn’t had the shakes yet. He’s too far gone, his eyes red as he scratched his nose three times. I learned that stopping someone during their high was dangerous. Instead of warning him, I stepped away once more placing my hands up. “No, you guys have fun." I walked out, more like ran out of the room and went downstairs.

The last look of Shane and Myra’s face was sloppy, eyes dilated and sweaty. As I made my way downstairs, cutting through the drunken crowd and out the door. I felt my phone vibrate over and over, reaching into my pocket to tell mom I'm coming home now. It was the alarm, I exceeded ten minutes of my limit. I called a taxi instead of mom, they probably weren't home yet and I didn’t want them to be here witnessing the substances. They could be the one to call the cops, I would be back in the institution or juvenile center.

I paid the cab driver as I arrived home, thanking him with a tip and got out. Keys in hand I unlocked the door and entered. “Mom? Matt?” I called out but no one answered. I sighed and took off my jacket. Still looking around, my stomach grumbled and I held it. Is it too late for pizza? I went to the fridge and checked for anything edible. There was still leftover takeout, I decided to warm it up.
Feeling vibration in my pocket and reached inside. The I.D. notifying that mom was calling. “Hi, mom.”

“Sweetie, are you home?” Mom asked with concern.

“I am.”

“Why didn't you call me to pick you up?”

“I thought you guys needed more alone time.”

“Did anything happen?”

“Not much, just wasn't into it.”
I reassured her, I didn't want to tell her what really happened. I began deep breathes again while pacing in the kitchen. 

“How's your night going?”

“Great. Matt surprised me with tickets to the opera and a night at a hotel in Baltimore. We'll be back tomorrow afternoon," she  explained. I could picture mom grinning and cheekbones high under her eyes.

“That's great.”

“You'll be ok alone?”

“Of course. You two have a good time.”

“If you need us, call immediately."

“I will. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” We both hung up, I took one more breath resting my palms on the counter. That will be my last party. Warming up the takeout I ate at the table the quiet was calming, I finished and washed my plate heading to the living for a program to watch.

I began to feel tired, shutting off the TV I went upstairs for a shower and changed into my pjs, turned off all the lights for bed. 

+++

I let out a yawn, stretching over my head. Blinking away the moisture and sat up from the bed. The clock reading 10 a.m. removing the comforter off my body I stepped down the stairs for a glass of water. “Mom?” I yelled out, there was no answer. 

Thinking of what to eat since mom and Matt weren't home yet, I leaned against the counter sipping from the glass pondering what to eat for breakfast: pancakes or poptarts?

The doorbell rang, I went to open the door. The FedEx guy dropping a package for mom. I signed it and thanked him, he tipped his hat and ran back to his truck. Before I could close the door, someone stopped it with their arm. Shane's sympathetic face peeked through the door.
Clean and clear eyed, he smiled widely.

“Shane.”

“Hi,” he replied with a small wave.

“How did you know my address?” I asked skeptical my hip leaning on the doorway.

“The school directory has every student’s address for mailing. I came to see how you were since the party,” he answered.

“Oh.”

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. I just couldn’t handle all of… that last night,” I said with a wave of my hand in the air and avoided eye contact. 

“You stormed out and seemed pretty mad. That was my first time doing coke. Kyle said it makes the party better.”

“So does soda. I’m not mad at you, it’s not for me, okay?” 

“I’m sorry Jordan. I just thought you wanted to have more fun with it. I won’t pressure you with anything. Ever.” Shane put his hand out, I stared at it poking my tongue out of my lips.

He pouted his bottom lip, I rolled my eyes and shook it gently.

“So are you doing anything today?” Shane asked.

“Is that why you really came here for or was it for an apology?”

“Both.” We both laughed, I brushed my fingers through my hair.

“I was just going to stay in. Watch whatever's on my recommended list.” 

“Well if you’re interested, we could go to the mall and hang out,” he offered.

“Today feels like a lazy day, I already got comfortable planning to be in my pjs while watching YouTube,” I told him.

“Come on, the cinnabon will be on me.”

“I like french fries.”

“We can do fries, too.”

“What time are you picking me up?”

“I actually thought we could go now.”

I frowned, “it's a little early. I kind of woke up.”

“I don't mind waiting.”

“How can I trust you to leave you here by yourself in my living room?”

“I'll wait in my car,” he pointed out with his thumb to his car. I scoffed scratching my elbow, he really wants to hang out with me. I'm not anyone special. As I looked into his glossy eyes, I agreed and told him I won't take long. I took 20 minutes to shower and dress.

I grabbed my jacket and purse, meeting Shane out front to his car.

“Okay, let’s go,” I said opening the passenger door and he drove off. 

+++

We arrived at Bowie Town Center mall. Before heading in he asked for my phone.

Reluctant I gave it to him, he typed in his number in case I wanted to talk. I dialled it so he could have mine. He's just a friend, he's just a friend I repeated mentally. As we entered, we saw Kyle.

Shane and him both gave each other a handshake, Kyle clapping his back three times.

“Hey Jordan, I didn’t think I’d see you again,” Kyle said slyly smiling. 

"Hi," I replied hugging my stomach. 
A group of guys and girls I never seen before went into the nearest store, the American Eagle Outfitters. Tattoos and colorful hair, they looked older. I began to ask who they were to
Shane but he followed them inside. I trailed along close to Shane’s behind skipping in my steps. 

“I need some more jeans,” a redhead girl said running into the store. We began browsing the merchandise, I spotted a pair of jeans that were inexpensive, bluish black skinny jeans and my size. Do I have enough money to purchase them? I heard Shane and Kyle chatting amongst themselves but couldn't catch the topic. Walking closer now the boys were speaking to someone else, the boy in full view my eyes widened in shock. Shaggy hair, dirty nails, and dilated brown eyes his shirt faded as he smiled yellow and white teeth semi sparkled from the store light.

“Oh no,” I muttered low, I dropped the jeans on the nearest table ready to leave I turned
to the exit. 

Shane yelled out my name stopping me in my tracks. “I want you to meet some people.”

Blowing out a annoyed sigh, I turned around slowly shutting my eyes tight praying he doesn't remember me.

“Jordan, this is Jason and Ralph. They were at the party last night, but you left before they came.” Kyle introduced. Ralph I remembered too, he always had a beer bottle in his hand and some random girl all over his lap.

“Hi," I said in a cold and indifferent tone to them both.

“Jordan Baker. I haven’t seen you in while. How’ve you been?” Jason asked with a dirty smirk as he reached over to touch my cheek. His fingertip slightly lingered, I inched away. A chill ran down my stomach, the bad feeling I got when something bad might happen.

“You guys know each other?” Shane questioned.

“Not really,” I crossed my arms biting my lip to refrain from confessing anything else.

“Really, Jojo.” Jason stated, “all the fun we had together meant nothing? I thought you loved me.” His slimy tongue ran over his lips. I curled my lip in disgust. Seeing him made my stomach hurt.

“You used to date our drug dealer?” Kyle questioned in a squeaky voice.

“You’re dealing now?” I asked shaking my head.

“I got to make money somehow, you remember how we used to snort all the coke. I have to reimburse it.” 

“Oh, my God,” I stepped off quickly leaving the store. 

“Wait, what is he talking about?” Shane asked as I heard him behind me.

“I have to go.” I ran out the store and out the mall not looking back. He yelled my name but I didn't stop. Running as fast as I could away from them. From him. I halted the run, out of breath I leaned on my knees bent over to catch it. I made sure to use my breathing technique to calm down. Looking around the mall was far behind but I needed to get out of here. Just my luck, a taxi cab was passing by, I waved my hand furiously for its attention. 

It slowed down beside me I entered and told him my home address. He drove off, I laid my head on the seat breathing more calming breaths. Another thing to talk about with my therapist.