The fifthteenth birthday.

It was the afternoon, when the gleaming sunlight covered everything like a red curtain and hung in his hair. Kim Dokja sat in the classroom, all alone, since everyone else had already left, with only a few spotted on the schoolyard. He just sat still and looked out the window blankly as if he was drowning in his own thoughts.

Kim Dokja did not want to return home. Since the day his mother murdered his father and went to prison, he had been living with relatives, but even when being his own flesh and blood, they hardly cared for him, or pitied him as if he were a miserable, helpless child. Clearly, he resented the look they gave him, because it made him feel pathetic and dejected.

Going to school was not better, either. Because of his introversion, he did not have many friends. Kim Dokja was bullied by people who disliked him, who would insult him by calling him names and beat him just because he was the very son of a murderer.

The twilight was so gorgeous that Kim Dokja soon got fascinated. He stood up, in a slow manner, and approached the window, trying to see the bright light even though it stung his eyes. A hot tear —maybe two— started to flow down his eyes, though Dokja did not understand what he was really crying for: was it his distress or just because his eyes were being burned?

"Ah."

From the faraway, the sun in the distance became even more tantalizing to the point it made Dokja speechless. Trains of thoughts overwhelmed his mind, and out of the blue, he reached out his hand, out of the window. Something urged him to go to the sun, where he could feel its warmth. He wished the night would not fall so that he would not have to go through unfathomable desolation all by himself, again.

The scene in front of his eyes blurred and Kim Dokja lifted himself slightly. Just a little more, maybe, his hand would really reach the sun.

"Kim Dokja? What are you doing?"

The door creaked and a warm voice came from the front of the class. Kim Dokja's mind immediately went sober and he turned his head. His eyes were filled with panic and confusion.

It was Yoo Joonghyuk - a classmate of his.

"I-I was just watching the sunset."

Kim Dokja tried to cover up his own actions, but Yoo Joonghyuk looked at him with furrowed brows, like he already guessed what was going on. Dokja's hands clenched tightly and he was unconsciously sweating. A feeling of humiliation welled up in him and he could not help but avoid eye-contact with Joonghyuk.

Of all the people, Yoo Joonghyuk was the only one Kim Dokja wanted to conceal his misfortune from. He was the complete opposite of Dokja: a talented, determined and admired person. In any field or whatsoever, Joonghyuk would always come out on top, as if he was born at the finish line.

That was why Kim Dokja hated and envied Yoo Joonghyuk, more than anyone else. He hated Yoo Joonghyuk because Joonghyuk was better than him, because he had many friends, and because of the confidence, or even arrogance, he always showed.

The air in the room seemed to freeze and a vague anxiety took over Kim Dokja, until he saw Yoo Joonghyuk move closer to him, only a foot away. He stepped back and pressed himself against the window, but Yoo Joonghyuk closed the door.

"Y-Yoo Joonghyuk..."

Yoo Joonghyuk stayed silent.

"Could you not tell this to anyone...?"

Kim Dokja felt his throat tightened. Maybe just uttering one more word, and he would break into pieces with tears overflowing.

"I won't tell."

Yoo Joonghyuk said slowly. Dokja saw him rummage through his pocket for something and gave it to him. It was a light blue handkerchief. Kim Dokja hesitantly grabbed it.

"Thank you."

Yoo Joonghyuk showed a rare worried expression, but he did not mention what he had witnessed. Kim Dokja quietly wiped his eyes and looked at him again. What a strange feeling. He had never been this close to Yoo Joonghyuk even though they were in the same class. No, he had never even opened his mouth to say a word with Joonghyuk but only watched him with jealousy smoldering in his chest.

Kim Dokja wondered when Yoo Joonghyuk would leave, but he looked as if his feet were stuck to the ground, with his gaze fixed on Dokja only.

"Joonghyuk, uhm, do you need something?"

Kim Dokja was nervous. It had better not be that he had done something wrong to make Joonghyuk have a grudge against him. But contrary to his thoughts, Yoo Joonghyuk handed him a gift bag hesitantly.

"These are the cookies I've just baked in the Cooking club." Yoo Joonghyuk said, but his face was emotionless. "Happy birthday, Dokja."

Kim Dokja opened his eyes wide in surprise, and was too stunned to speak. Yoo Joonghyuk lost his patience, so he immediately put the bag of biscuits into Dokja's hands. Kim Dokja looked at it, inside were small squid-shaped cookies that were made carefully, without any  broken pieces.

"Why do you?"

"Well, there's actually something else I want to say."

Yoo Joonghyuk clenched his lips tightly. Was he stressed out? Kim Dokja could not tell.

"This is... a Valentine's gift, a day late." Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes lit up a little. His cold face and voice were the opposite of what he was trying to express. "Can you be my boyfriend, Dokja?"

Surprise came after surprise and Kim Dokja's mind was overloaded. At that moment, he shook his head and said to Joonghyuk. "Wait, what?"

Yoo Joonghyuk rubbed the bridge of his nose and repeated. "I like you, Dokja."

"B–But-"

That did not make sense, Kim Dokja thought. He tried to search through his memory for those moments of him with Yoo Joonghyuk, but there was almost nothing —nothing special—. From his recollection, all he remembered was a nonchalant, distant Yoo Joonghyuk, whom he seemingly could never touch.

"I...I don't think I could do that."

Yoo Joonghyuk was surprised. "Why?"

"I mean, we are not close, and we don't even get along."

"How do you say that for sure?" Yoo Joonghyuk said. "We can get to know each other gradually, if you want."

"Joonghyuk, I..." Kim Dokja struggled to swallow his saliva. "I don't like you, sorry."

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes opened widely in disbelief and he seemed more 'fierce' than usual, as if he was about to eat Dokja alive.

"You-! Dokja, you must be lying!" Yoo Joonghyuk moved closer to him. "I see you staring at me every day in class!"

Kim Dokja's face turned bemused, but Yoo Joonghyuk had no intention of sparing Dokja. "You even write my name in your notebook! Not to mention it even has some pictures of me attached!"

"Wh-How do you know? Did you go through my locker without my permission?!"

"It's irrelevant."

"NO IT ISN'T—" How could Joonghyuk say that so shamelessly? He literally violated others' privacy.

"There's more." Yoo Joonghyuk gritted his teeth a bit and leaned closer to Dokja. His voice was so low that every word he uttered became clear. "Yesterday, you left a box of chocolates in my desk drawer, and now you're saying you don't like me?!"

"!"

Kim Dokja clenched hands in front of his chest. His breath got erratic, like it was panicking.

"Dokja, why did you do that?"

"That— I didn't put anything in your drawer, what are you talking about?"

Yoo Joonghyuk looked into Kim Dokja's trembling eyes, and then quietly sighed. He still frowned as he always did, but there was a hint of disappointment.

"Kim Dokja."

Kim Dokja tried to swallow his breath, anxiously.

"How long are you going to hide everything?"

Kim Dokja was utterly bewildered upon hearing Joonghyuk's words, while Joonghyuk was standing right in front of him and slightly bowed his head. He unconsciously gripped the hem of his shirt, making it all wrinkled.

Yoo Joonghyuk.

The name he had heard countless times.

Teachers mentioned that name with praise, friends called it with great admiration, and even parents got pleased when they said it.

Kim Dokja could not tell how much he resented that name.

But how ironic, the name "Yoo Joonghyuk'' kept wandering around his own mind like it was a bee in his bonnet, causing his eyes to always look for the very person who bore that name. Inevitably, Kim Dokja knew that person's habits fairly well. He would twitch an eyebrow when making serious decisions, would always keep an annoyed face even when no one teased him, and would smile warmly when his beloved sister was around.

Kim Dokja also frequently lost his concentration during class, just because he was busy observing someone and accidentally wrote down the name he hated the most in the notebook. He even ripped that nasty guy out of the cooking club posters and carried it with him.

Then on Valentine's Day, since he knew Joonghyuk didn't like white at all, he decided to send Joonghyuk a box of white chocolate, as a prank, to irritate him.

At least, that was only the thing that Kim Dokja whispered to himself, whenever he could not explain his own actions.

He resented that boy. More than everything, more than everybody.

Because the presence of Yoo Joonghyuk made him despise himself even more.

Because Yoo Joonghyuk was so great that he went out of his reach.

Just like the sun, Kim Dokja had known it from the start —the harsh truth— that even if he jumped down from the window, he would never be able to touch it and feel its warmth.

"You idiot!"

Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly got angry and raised his hand. Kim Dokja tried to avoid the hit; however, Joonghyuk hands grabbed both of his cheeks and started to pinch it mercilessly.

"OUCH! What the hell are you doing?!"

"This is for what you have done, you bastard." Yoo Joonghyuk gritted his teeth. "You make me heads over heels for you and you dare to deny everything?"

Kim Dokja was shocked. For some unknown reason, his eyes were covered in water, once again. This scared Joonghyuk, which made him stop and try to wipe away all the tears falling down in a clumsy manner.

"Dokja, wait, please don't cry, I-I'm just kidding." Yoo Joonghyuk struggled to reassure Kim Dokja.

Kim Dokja sobbed for a while, and his face got as red as a beetroot solely from embarrassment. He wished he could evaporate right at the spot, since Yoo Joonghyuk now knew all of his bad doings, and even saw him crying like a baby. Normally, Kim Dokja did not tear up that easily, but somehow today, he got more sentimental than ever.

"Yoo Joonghyuk." Kim Dokja muttered out his name.

"I'm here."

Kim Dokja grabbed Joonghyuk's shirt, but he kept his head down and pursed his lips. It was unreal. The feeling of uncertainty swallowed every word he wanted to say. His so-called resentment against Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly burst, turning into self-pity, into indescribable desires. 

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes became bright gradually when something started to dawn on him. They were filled with hopes, and unspeakable happiness. He gently held Kim Dokja's hand, and his voice got excited without him realizing it.

"Dokja."

Kim Dokja raised his head and Yoo Joonghyuk's unfamiliar smile appeared before his eyes. For a brief moment, Dokja thought he saw the sun.

But before he could do anything, Joonghyuk pulled his hand, taking him out of the classroom and closed the door.

The End.

_________________

Author's note: happy birthday to our man yjh lol