Éponine didn't tell anyone about her encounter with Regulus at the Grimmauld Place, too embarrassed and hurt by what had taken place. She was sure if she told Sirius or any of her friends that she had foolishly decided to give Regulus the benefit of the doubt one last time, they would question her sanity and scold her for her stupidity. It was true as she looked back on it, it had been completely stupid for her to venture to the Grimmauld Place alone after what had happened to James and Sirius, but she couldn't help herself. It hadn't been enough to hear it come from Sirius and James, she had to see it with her own eyes.

And where had that gotten her?

Crying in the bathroom as she healed the boils that blemished her face. By using one of her greatest adolescent insecurities against her again, Regulus made his true feelings clear and Éponine felt completely sidelined by it all. She had been so sure that Regulus was on the right path to make better decisions, but it all had been a trick. And while Sirius would never dare to rub it in her face, she could only think of how he had called it all back in Hogsmeade.

She hated the feeling of being wrong and she hated the feeling of being manipulated.

While she waited for the boils to disappear in her old room at the Potter home, everyone believed she just needed time to herself to wrap her head around the events and gave her some space. But once she stopped feeling sorry for herself, her hurrt was replaced with anger and she couldn't decide whether she was angrier with herself or with Regulus.

Either way, when Christmas came around, Éponine didn't find herself in the mood to celebrate the holidays. She knew she should have been thankful that James and Sirius had made a speedy recovery and were able to be released much to the relief of everyone. It was agreed that everyone was going to be at the Potter home to spend Christmas together, so Éponine forced herself to brave a smile so she didn't bring the mood down.

She helped Fleamont in the kitchen when it came to checking on the Christmas dinner, only half listening to the conversations that were taking place in the sitting room. Besides James and Sirius, Remus and Lily, along with Peter had gathered talking and laughing as if nothing had ever happened. But Éponine noticed how close Lily sat next to James, watching him closely to see if he was in any pain, and Peter and Remus usually jumped to their feet to assist if Sirius or James said they were about to do something.

Eventually, even just standing around in the kitchen became too overwhelming and Éponine claimed she needed to step outside because she was feeling too warm. As soon as she stepped outside of the Potter home, a blast of cold wind greeted her and she was almost tempted to turn right around and go back inside. Instead, she settled on the couple of the steps and allowed the silence of the outside to surround her.

Already her thoughts were travelling to the future, wondering what was going to happen when it was time to return to Hogwarts? She had to assume that Sirius and James were going to report what happened to the Ministry at the very least, and if that was the case, would they go after Regulus? It would be difficult for him to lie his way out of it considering he was branded by the Dark Mark. And by some bizarre chance that he was allowed to return to Hogwarts, how awkward was that going to be?

She wondered how aware Dumbledore was everything going on among the student body? Did he know about Regulus and other students carrying the Dark Mark and pledging their allegiance to the Dark Lord? And if he did, why didn't he kick them out of the school? Was it to monitor their activities and make sure they weren't up to something? Éponine could understand that aspect but what she didn't understand was why Dumbledore had allowed Regulus to become Head Boy if he was aware of what was going on?

Had he hoped, just like Éponine, that Regulus would have a change of heart? Would he be just as disappointed as her to learn that his plan had failed? And after learning that Regulus had attacked two of his former students would he allow Regulus to be around other students?

Too wrapped up in her own thoughts, Éponine didn't hear the sound of the door opening behind her. She only became aware that someone had joined her outside when she felt a sudden bout of warmth encase her.

The familiar scent of Sirius' cologne hit her nose as she found one of his jackets placed on her shoulders, but rather than feeling comforted, she could only feel guilt as she stole a look in his direction as he sat down beside her.

"You know, it's pretty damn cold out here, Nin," Sirius told her, "and everyone is missing you inside."

"I was feeling hot from being in the kitchen," Éponine lied, "I'll be heading inside in a few minutes."

"Yes, but are you going to be joining us or are you going to continue to hide away in the kitchen?"

Éponine bit the inside of her cheek, already feeling the stinging sensation of tears in her eyes that threatened to fall at any second. She internally told herself not to cry but as Sirius lingered, waiting for an answer, she could feel a lump developing in her throat that she couldn't swallow.

Sirius reached out, grabbing one of her hands to get her attention, only to make an odd sound when he felt how cold her hands were.

"Nin, your hands are freezing, I-"

She hated herself for how quickly her mind travelled back to Regulus and how he would always tell her how "lucky" she was that she had him around to keep her hands warm. There Sirius was, attempting to comfort her, and she was thinking about the person who had tortured him. She tried to choke back the sobbing sound but it was too late. And once the first tear fell, the rest came and she couldn't stop.

Despite being jealous of Éponine sharing feelings for his little brother, it wasn't like Sirius wanted to be right about Regulus. He wanted more than anything to be proven wrong and hoped his brother really was making the right choices, but he couldn't help but be skeptical. Regulus suddenly claiming to want to change after receiving the Dark Mark left Sirius with plenty of doubts but Éponine was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. She had claimed she loved Regulus, so Sirius couldn't imagine the amount of pain she was feeling over the betrayal.

Perhaps it was comparable to the pain he felt when his own family decided they would be better off disowning him rather than trying to see where he was coming from. One thing was certain though, he truly hated to see or hear Éponine cry.

It was Christmas, she was supposed to be inside having a good time with everyone, not sitting outside in the cold crying.

"Nin, come on," he said softly, " don't cry. You shouldn't be crying, especially right now, it's Christmas. You should be inside, singing Christmas carols obnoxiously loud with James. I thought that was going to become tradition."

His attempt to make her laugh failed as she only shook her head and then looked away. Unsure of what to do or say, Sirius stood up and positioned himself in front of her, balancing himself with his arms on her legs so that she was forced to look at him.

"I should have listened to you back in Hogsmeade," she said to him finally, " you were right but I didn't want to listen-"

"Nin, don't do this to yourself," Sirius told her, " it isn't fair to think like that. I don't think you understand that I wanted to be wrong at the time. You asked me when I gave up on Regulus, but I don't think you understood that I hadn't given up on him but I had to be suspicious. And while I wanted to have hope that he was going to go through and do the right thing, I was so scared for you. This whole thing is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I'll admit at the time, I was speaking more from jealousy but..."

Using the sleeve of her jumper, Éponine wiped at her eyes before meeting his gaze again.

"I hate feeling like this," she sniffed. " I hate the fact that I have these feelings for him after everything he's done. I feel disgusted with myself especially after what he did to you and James-"

"Those feelings are normal," Sirius sighed, " trust me. The time I spent still thinking about my parents after I left home. No matter the horrible things they said to me, and no matter how angry I was with them, there were times where I missed them and thought of the good memories we shared. It's hard to let those feelings go."

Wrapping the jacket tighter around her shoulders as she finally got herself to calm down, Éponine looked down at her shoes.

"Why are you so good to me, Sirius?" she asked, although she didn't wait for him to answer. "Back in my fifth year, you were the last person I expected to help me, especially given our history and yet, you became my biggest supporter. And you helped me grow so much as a person. I thought I was being foolish developing feelings for you over the summer, but I wish I had just followed through with it. I wish I just let go of the past and didn't bother with Regulus. Then I wouldn't be out here feeling like a total fucking idiot. I would be inside with you and the others, probably singing obnoxiously loud with James."

"Well, the night is still young, Nin," Sirius said with a small grin, " and I'm sure James is always up for some singing. Let's go inside, open some presents, laugh, have a good time...doesn't that sound nice?"

She nodded her head and when Sirius offered his hands to help her up, she took them and rose to her feet. However, as she came to stand before them, neither of them hurried to head inside, only taking a moment to look at one another. Sirius reached up and grabbed the front of the jacket to wrap it around her again. By doing so, he drew her closer to him, enough that her chest was slightly pressed against his.

Éponine could feel her heart racing the longer she stood so close to him, her knees were feeling weaker. The feelings from the summer were returning quickly and she wanted nothing more than to have Sirius kiss her in that very moment. Perhaps he was thinking the same as she could see him stealing a look at her lips, but rather than giving in so quickly, Éponine gently reached up her hands and grabbed Sirius' by the sides of his face.

She leaned in and kissed each of his cheeks before meeting his gaze.

"Nin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, don't be sorry, Sirius. I want you to kiss me right now, but it wouldn't be fair to you if I let you. I'm...I'm not over what happened and I don't want to rush into anything to just get over it. I care a lot about you and maybe we do have something going on here, but I just need some time. I don't expect you to wait on me, but I need to do this for myself."

She expected him to nod his head and lead the way inside, but instead, he took her hands and held them in his.

"I've waited this long, I don't mind waiting longer. Take as much time as you need, Nin. And if it doesn't work out between us in this sense, I'd still want you to take care of yourself and put yourself first."

"Thank you, Sirius."

"No need to thank me, Nin, but could I ask you for a favour? Feel free to say no-"

"Anything," she told him, " what is it?"

Sirius looked at the ground before peering back up.

"Will you come home tonight? The flat hasn't been the same without you."

A/N: