Someone:your ugly
Me:*turns around*
Someone:what are you looking for
Me:the mirror you are talking to

Someone:you can't make jokes
Me:ya no one thought your mother could either until she had you

Teacher:hey kids what does the chicken give you?
Kids:eggs
T:very good what does the pig give you
K:bacon
T:eggcalent now what does the fat cow give you
K:homework
T:............. get out

Me:fortnight