An: disclaimer: I dont think all allo people act like Sherlock does in this, he has just discovered attraction and this is how a lot of my horny teenage friends act so it's based off that. Also, all ace people experience things differently. I always write Sherlock as sex positive but I am sex repulsed so my depiction of him is just a version of what someone may experience. I don't experience exactly how he is presented and other sex positives wont either as I am a sex repulsed writing as sex positive so it wont be completely accurate. Ok, now I've got that cleared up, I hope you enjoy the fluff and that you have a lovely existence.

Warnings: there is a lot more mention of sex and attraction than in my usual writing and I'm sorry to any other sex repulsed aces out there, I made myself slightly uncomfortable writing some of this but I think it's important for the story and it is very minor. Apart from that, there is a corpse at the murder scene but very little (if any) description of gore. I think that's about it my lovelys, enjoy:)

Word count: 3080

"Well that was fun!!" Gasped Sherlock as he rolled away from John.
"It was boring. Urgh, how come I know think sex is boring? This is so weird."
"Yup, and I thought it was mindblowingly amazing, definitely weird."
They looked at each other and suddenly started to laugh.
"Oh my God Sherlock, you just had sex with yourself!! That is so weird."
"Thanks for pointing that out John, I was trying not to think about that."
Just then, sherlock's phone pinged and he reached over to pick it up from the bedside table and tried to turn it on.

"Oh for fucks sake!"
"What is it darling?"
"It doesn't recognise my thumb, you'll have to turn it on." John obliges and handed the phone back to Sherlock.
"How come you spend half your life snooping through my phone but I'm not allowed to have a finger print unlock for yours? It has caused some issues in the past remember and you still won't let me have one. Why not? Do you not trust me or something?"
"Umm, no? Of course I trust you my dear I just don't like other people using my stuff is all."
"Hmph, whatever." John frowned and looked afronted.
"Oh, cheer up, theres no need to be offended, I still love you. Besides, you are going to get your way now as I have to add your finger print so I don't have to get you to open it all week."
"Hmm, it seems like an empty gesture now."
"Well you can still unlock it if you want as you have my fingers after all. If you really want to snoop through my phone then you can."
"Is there anything interesting on there?"
"Depends what you mean by interesting dear. If you are interested in the classification of tobacco ash as I am then yes, if you were looking for more along the lines of juicy gossip then no."
John scrunched up his pale face and considered for a moment.
"I think I shall have a look anyway, just to make up for all the times you've snooped through my laptop over the  years."

"Suit yourself, although you won't find any pictures of naked women on here, or men for that matter."
"Apparently I don't care anymore, i am asexual this week remember?"
"True, maybe i should borrow your laptop again and have a look for myself now that I'm a horny bisexual, it might be fun."
"Ugh, I don't want to know about your experiments with my body please. Just don't do anything too extreme ok, I would like it back in good condition."
"Aye aye Captain" Sherlock did a mock salute and giggled as his partner shoved him playfully.

"Anyway," Sherlock deftly changed the subject as he read the text on his screen, "Lestrades wants us to come in immediately. Apparently it's at least a 9."
"A 9? What is that, like a chain of murders with nursery rhyme themes or something? We haven't had a 9 in a long while."
"Yeah well, I'm sure he's exaggerating. Geoff has a tendency to do that, but we might as well go see. Go get some clothes on. My clothes mind, we have to pretend to be each other remember."
John's faced scrunched up thoughtfully and he licked his bottom lip, a gesture that seemed very out of place on the pale detective's face.
"And how is that supposed to work exactly? Although I'm in your body, I don't exactly know how to do the whole "I'm a clever bloody know it all who has all the answers but is too much of a prick to tell you as you are a slow, ordinary person with the brain power of a slug."
Sherlock frowned in annoyance and pouted.
"I don't do that."
"Yes you do. You, being all mysterious with your cheekbones and turning your coat collar up so you look cool. You simply the answer is intensely obvious then flounce of looking annoyingly hot and in control leaving us all flustered and confused. You do it literally all the time."
John poked Sherlock's nose and raised his eyebrows at him.
"Ok, maybe I do do that. But that's not exactly hard to do. Just pretend it's obvious and pretend to mutter the answer to me then I can convey it to George in that insanely cute apologetic way you have before running after you looking like a sexy army doctor on a mission and kissing you against a wall."
John blushed, the colour standing out intensely against his white skin and Sherlock kissed him softly.

"Ok, yeah. That sounds good. Mm, you taste nice. What is that?"
"Cherry chapstick. I put some on a moment ago when you were distracted because I was worried your lips might chap while I'm in your body and I didn't want to return it damaged so..."
He was cut off by John kissing him again.
"That's so cute Locket! Aww, I love you. Come on, let's go solve a case my dear Watson."
"Now that's going to get confusing my brilliant detective. Ok, lets go. This should be fun."

When they arrived at the crime scene, they found Lestrade and Sally standing in front of the yellow tape, chatting quietly. Donavan smiled when she saw them and beckoned them over. Ever since John had lost his wife and Sherlock had stepped in to care for Rosie she had been trying to be nice to them, probably at Lestrade's request. Whatever the reason, she was trying and it was still slightly weird even after a year and a half and she sometimes slipped into her old meanness again before quickly apologising and returning to sickly sweet and smiling. John wasn't sure which he preferred: wicked bitch or good bitch of the west. At least this version of Sally was actually helpful even if she now wasted time on niceties rather than snarky remarks.

*John's pov cos I'm bored of third person and in the author so shoosh*

"Hello boys, you look chipper this morning! How's little Rosie?"
"She's staying with Sherlock's parents at the minute, thanks for asking. They wanted to take her to the new children's book shop that opened in their village recently, there's a pirates and fairies themed opening on Saturday so she's staying there all weekend." I automatically responded then widened my eyes at my stupidity when i felt Sherlock's grip on my arm tighten slightly to remind me that I'm supposed to be playing him.
"Are you referring to yourself in third person now Sherlock? That's.... Nice. I'm glad to hear Rosie's having a good time." She forced a smile but I noticed a flash of confused malice in her eyes, quickly masked by innocent surprise.
"Sorry, long night. This one kept me awake with... I'm just going to stop speaking now because I can see that John is going to stamp on my foot if I continue with that sentence." Sherlock was indeed looking embarrassed but I was pretty sure that he was just acting very well rather than him actually feeling awkward. He cleared his throat and spoke, doing an excellent impersonation of me.
"H h hem, yes right. Well it's nice to see your more talkative today love but I think that there is a body for us to see. Umm, maybe we could go focus on that instead of divulging facts about our personal life that I'd rather Sherlock didn't share."

He shot me a look that said, please stop talking, you are digging yourself into a hole. I obliged and took his hand, following Sally towards the crime scene. Leaning closer to his ear and enjoying the fact I had to lean down slightly to reach it,  I whispered,
"What, I thought I fixed that quite well."
"You did dear, I just had the feeling that you were about to open another can of worms that you wouldn't be able to close again."
"Fair enough, I'll just let you do the talking."
"Just remember the plan, sweep in, make deductions that I indicate to you, pretend it's simple, sweap out, telling me your conclusion in the process and ill tell Lestrade. Got it?"
"Got it. Time for me to do my best impression of a cocky prick."
I couldn't resist the last remark before dashing off to "examine" the body.
"Oi, I hate you, you know, you cheeky bastard."
"Love you too dear." I replied over my shoulder.

The body was that of a well made up girl, mid 20s, blond hair, blue eyes, could be a model. Her lips were painted a bright red and she wore very revealing clothes: a short skirt and tight blouse with knee length, black leather boots. She was very much a younger me's type except for the two knives sticking out of her chest. I saw Sherlock's eyes go wide when he saw here and he let out a low breath. I raised my eyebrows at him and smirked.
"She's very pretty isn't she, apart from the daggers and blood of course." I teased gently.
"Shut up Holmes." He hissed, pulling at the sleeves of my jumper anxiously.
"Right then your majesty, we are waiting for your brilliant deductions." Prompted Lestrade, running a hand through his grey hair. "Thus ones got us all stumped. Can't work out the first thing about her, not even her natural hair colour, which we are assuming doesn't grow quite so intensely platinum." He chuckled softly at this and then looked at me expectantly. I turned and leant down to examine the body closer before standing up and glancing expectantly at Sherlock. He was standing motionlessly and just staring at the girl's face. He looked completely zoned out and was offering no assistance, so much for the plan. 'I guess that I'll just have to wing it then'I thought before looking back at the corpse and summoning all the skills I had learnt from Sherlock over the years. I looked with great care at her hair, lifted one finger and then turned to more carefully scrutinise her face. I breathed a soft sigh of relief as I recognised her as one of the trainee nurses from Bart's. It was a real shame that she had been murdered as she was really a very pleasant young women who was good with children and had all the makings of a great nurse, but a huge help for me as it meant I could say facts about her that I had picked up from other members of staff and the brief conversations I had had with her in passing while making it look like deductions, Sherlock Holmes style.

"Well this ones easy Lestrade, she's an open book really, if you know where to look."
"Go on then mate, astonish us." Encouraged Greg.
"Well to answer your first querie, she is in fact, naturally a red head which is clear by her complexion and eyes." I began (she had once come to work with very clear roots showing when her hairdresser had double booked and rearranged for a few weeks later than usual).
"She was not married but she had relatively recently gotten engaged to a man that she broke off with a few weeks ago after she found him with another women, evidenced by the faded tan line on her ring finger." (Gossip in the hospital travels quickly and she had come in crying about it afterwards).
"Then there are her dogs."
"Her dogs?"
"Yes Lestrade, do try to keep up." I was enjoying this know and I was really getting into the role. I can see why Sherlock acts like this now, it is intensely fun to feel so superior.
"Her dogs, as I said before. She had 2, an excitable pomeranian and rather ugly pug. There are hairs sticking to her skirt from where one slept on her lap and the laces if her right shoe have been ferociously chewed. Plus she has a key ring with pictures of them on it." This was true, I had seen it before when we had been talking about pets in passing in the cafeteria. I had of course pretended to be enthralled by the hideous pug she referred to as "darling Albert" at the time but in reality I thought he looked like a menace although I wouldn't say so if I wasn't playing my disagreeable boyfriend.

3 deductions, that seemed pretty good. Maybe it was time to hedge my bets and get my useless partner home so he could explain to me why he was staring longingly at my chest rather than offering any real assistance.
"Right, then seems like quite enough to be going on with inspector." I said, marching over to Sherlock and taking his arm beginning to drag him away.
"But you haven't given me anything real to go on Sherlock." The DI called after me.
"Oh, her name is Alicia Appleton. She's a trainee nurse at St. Barts and," I took a hopeful swing here, remembering the black eye and bruised ribs she had come in with after she broke it off with her fiance and how she had complained about him stalking her and receiving a threatening phone call from him the Friday before she was killed. That and the fact that her body had been found on the badminton court of a sports hall and I remembered her mentioning that her fella worked her, it seemed a pretty safe leap to make. "I would say you are looking for the ex, Barry Godleyman. Is that enough for you Gareth?" I called over my shoulder as I lead Sherlock out of the warm building into the fresh air, him grinning like an idiot the whole way.

Once we were outside, I turned to him and demanded.
"Right Mr. What happened mmphh..." I was cut off as he pushed me forcefully against a wall and began to kiss me passionately.
"John, that was so incredibly hot!!" He gasped and he broke away for a moment.
"Oh, I forgot you were a horny teenager at the moment!" I chuckled, feeling my face go red at the compliment despite myself.
"I don't think I've ever fancied you more than when you were making those deductions like it was nothing!!" He murmered against my skin as he sucked at my neck.
"That will be because you've never actually fancied me before you silly asexual, turned bi for a week, detective." I laughed, running my fingers through his hair and enjoying the feel of him being so close to me.
"Well that might have been a factor but it was also the fact that you were just unbelievably amazing and I love you so much."
"I'm glad to hear it, although I can't take too much credit. Luckily, I happen to know her from the hospital because you were no help and otherwise our cover would have been blown."
"It's still super sexy though." Sherlock smiled, moving back to kiss me again. I sighed happily and pulled him closer. Just because my body is currently ace does not mean I don't like kissing. I can see why Sherlock likes it so much now, it gives me a warm, sunshine feel in my stomach that spreads out to pure happiness throughout my body. I make a mental note to kiss Sherlock a lot more often once we change back as this is a very pleasant feeling and I'm sure he would like that a lot.

When we broke apart he smiled sheepishly and ran his fingers through his grey hair.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't any help. All I could see when i looked at her was "pretty" "pretty" "pretty" and i was just beginning to push past that to other deductions when you started your incredibly attractive display of talent and my mind went blank with only thoughts of how incredible you are and how lucky I am to have you. And all I could see was you, as you, not as me, the benefits of having a highly functioning mind palace, and how utterly gorgeous you are and how much I wanted to kiss you and do other things to you and then you had finished your speech and dragged me out here and i snogged you. Sorry about that by the way, i should have probably given you some warning but i just couldn't help myself, God you are so perfect! Is it always like this?" I had been smiling throughout this outburst and it had been getting wider and wider till now I felt like my fave was going to split in two with the exuberancy of it. I had never heard so many compliments from him and it was making me feel slightly dizzy.
"Is what always like what love?" I laughed, tracing patterns up his arm, rolling his jumper sleeve up as I did so.
"Being allo, is it always so overwhelming?"
"A little bit but you grow out of the intensity if it and learn to manage it. It's not strange to me anymore just like your aceness isn't strange to you."
"I suppose. It's quite fun but I think I prefer the way I am. It's too distracting like this."
"And although being ace is very fun and interesting and allows me to experience the world differently, I think I prefer the way I am. It's actually a lot of fun and I really do like being me."
"And I like being me."
"Plus, it's weird that your not you. I love you just the way you are."
"And I love you the way you are too."
"Good, now I'm glad that's settled. Let's go home and spend the rest of our week enjoying ourselves before we swap back."
"That sounds like an excellent idea my dear Watson."
"Come on then, my darling Holmes."
And with that, he grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the road, hailing a taxi as we went, both of us content in who we are and excited to explore the world as each each other to learn more about the person we love most in the world (joint with Rosie of course).

The end

Ayy!! I actually finished it today:) are you proud? I should definitely have done some French revision instead but I'm tired and I've just started my period and this is more fun soooooo... I did lots if French revision yesterday so I'm sure it will be fine😶😶 this is super long cos I got carried away so I hope you enjoyed it:). That is the end of this body swap saga, if you liked it, let me know in the comments and I could write one where they switch back. I'll only do that if yous want it though as I'm aware this is already quite a lot. Right, I'd better go to sleep so i have the best possible chance in my French Listening, English and Chemistry exams tomorrow, wish me luck:).
K, love yous all. Be kind, look after yourself and don't ever try to be someone else as you are perfect just the way you are. Plus, being you is pretty great anyway so why would you want to swap, just like John and Sherlock discovered. Yes, there was a moral to this story: everyone is perfect the way they are and you can't change yourself so you might as well learn to love who you are and the body you live in. Right, I really am going to go to sleep now, goodnight
Isabella
🐹🐹❤🧡💛💚💙💜