An. Heya. I decided to split this into two parts as it was so long. It's good to give people a good place to stop so that they can take a break or finally go to sleep. So, if you need it, take a breath and have a stretch. Look out of the window for a second. Drink some water. Do you feel better? If you didn't do any of those things then that's fine too, as long as you are looking after yourself. Ok, on with the story.

The next day

"Morning Sherlock!" John was cheery as he strolled into the living room.
"Hello John." Sherlock greeted him without looking up from his newspaper.
"Tea?"
"Earl grey, no sugar, not much milk. Thanks."
John went into the kitchen and busied himself with the tea making, picking a few eyeballs out of the mugs before he poured tea into them.
"Why were there eyeballs in our mugs Sherlock?" He asked as he rendered the living room, holding two steaming cups of tea.
"Were there? I must have put them there and forgot about them." Sherlock looked up as John placed down his tea beside him.
"John?" Sherlock's voice was casual.
"Yes Sherlock?" The doctor responded innocently.
"You seem to have forgotten to put a top on today." This was just a statement of fact and held no emotion.
"So I have, oops. What a scatyerbrain I am!" John was surprised at his flatmates lack of reaction and checked his watch surreptitiously. Sherlock's heart rate was completely normal. This was not what he wanted, not what he wanted at all.

Sherlock was lounging languidly on the sofa with his long legs stretched out in front of him. John sat down beside him and looked at the article Sherlock was reading over his shoulder while he pulled a shirt on that he had left on the arm of the sofa.
"Anything interesting?" His tone was even and as normal but he shuffled closer to Sherlock as he asked it. Sherlock coughed and rearranged himself slightly.
"Nothing much, a few robberies but not much more than that." John nodded but reached over to take the newspaper from Sherlock anyway, placing his hand on his thigh to steady himself as he did so.
"May I?" Sherlock handed it to him and John settled down to scan through its pages. He didn't move his hand though. Sherlock looked at where it lay on his leg and coughed. Then he looked pointedly at John.
"John."
"Yes?"
"Why is your hand on my thigh?" John had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed as he apologised and retracted it. The number on his screen that he quickly checked remained steady: 70 beats per minute. Not raised, just a normal resting heart beat. God, this man was difficult to read. Watson shuffled slightly then rearranged himself entirely so that he was lying on the detectives lap with his legs over the sofa arm. The numbers on his watch shot up: 165. This was so confusing.
"What are you doing?"
"Just making myself comfortable."
"Oh, ok." Sherlock didn't say anything more and instead started to gently run his fingers through his best friend's hair. John was very confused now. He felt like there were definite mixed signals here. This was getting ridiculous, he made up his mind that he was just going to ask him outright.
"Sherlock?"
"Yes John." Sherlock's voice was gentle and he looked lovingly into the eyes of the man on his lap. At least, John was pretty sure it was lovingly, he still wasn't at all sure.
"Do you like me?"
"Of course I do, you're my best friend." John shook his head gently against Sherlock's lap.
"No I don't mean like that." Sherlock's fingers paused in their movement through John's hair.
"What do you mean then?" John sat up and angled his body so he was facing the other man.
"I mean do you like like me?" Sherlock looked incredibly confused.
"I really don't think I follow, what on earth are you talking about?" John sighed, why was nothing ever easy with Sherlock?
"What I'm trying to say is, are you attracted to me?"
Sherlock paused to consider for a minute. His voice was decisive when he spoke.
"Yes and no."
"It's one or the other Sherlock. Why can't you ever give a straight answer?"
Sherlock was silent, watching John.
"For gods sake Sherl, this shouldn't be difficult! I've been tracking your bloody heart rate for 24 hours now and sometimes it goes up when I do something like when I didn't tell the cabbie you weren't my boyfriend and when I lay in your lap just now which suggests you are attracted to me. But then, other times, you don't react at all like when I tried flirting with you using a dirty joke and when you saw me without a top on which makes me think maybe you don't like me after all! I don't understand you at all Sherlock Holmes, why can't you just give me a simple answer to anything?"

Sherlock looked at him again and then spoke in very level tones.
"Go in then, ask me questions and I will answer simply and truthfully with yes or no but you have to be more specific than do you like me."
John sighed and ran his hands through his hair and licked his lips.
"Ok then, we will do it your way, as usual." He paused then said, "Are you attracted to me in a physical way?"
"No" Sherlock's voice was emotionless.
John's heart dropped.
"Oh, I guess that's the end of that then."
"Why do you think that? Physical attraction isn't everything John. Don't give up before you've even begun. Go on, ask me more questions."
"What else can I ask?" Sherlock didn't reply but just looked directly into John's eyes.
"Ok. Ok. Umm, let me think. Oh, I've got it. Do you like me romantically then?"
Sherlock smiled. "There you go, now that's the right question." John looked relieved.
"So do you then? Like me romantically?"
"Yes." The number on his watch had gone up and John's own heart rate sped up too as Sherlock said this.
"Keep going." He encouraged. John kicked his lips again then asked another question.
"Do you want to be with me?"
"I need more than that." John tried again.
"Do you want to be with me sexually?"
"No."
John was beginning to cotton on now.
"Do you want to be with me romantically?"
"Yes."
"Ok, so we're getting somewhere now."
"Keep going."
"Ok. Do you want to sleep with me?"
"No."
"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"
"Yes." John smiled at this.
"Ok, can I ask some questions that require more extended answers now?"
"Ok then, go ahead."
"What do you feel when you are around me?"
"I feel.. I feel.." sherlock paused for a moment, he was not used to talking about his feelings. But then he knew exactly what to say.
"I feel happy and warm and joyful all at the same time. I want to hug you and kiss you and spend every second with you. I want to tell you all my secrets and I want you to tell me all of yours. I want to watch crappy rom coms with you as we cuddle on the sofa. I want to watch shooting stars with you and wish that we will spend the rest of our lives together on every one. I want to be near you all the time. I never want to let you go. I want to hold your hand and dance around to cheesy music like idiots with you. I just want to be with you."
John looked taken aback by this long outpouring of emotion from Sherlock. It was the most he had ever heard Sherlock say about his own feelings.
"Is that enough for you?"
"Yes, absolutely yes. I want all of that too."
"Good."
There was a silence as John built up the courage to ask his next question.
"Why aren't you physically attracted to me though Sherlock? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough for you?" John looked down at himself as he spoke, trying to find the imperfection Sherlock clearly saw.
"No, no! God no! You are perfect John, absolutely perfect in every way it's just that that's not a possibility for me."
Sherlock could almost see the cogs turning in John's head.
"What do you mean, not a possibility for you?"
Sherlock sighed.

"I'm asexual John. When you look at a pretty girl or handsome man, you feel something. A pull towards them just because of their appearance. You think 'isn't she gorgeous' or 'I would definitely" Sherlock paused and coughed delicately, "do him' I don't have that John. I look at a person and see someone the same as all the other people with arms and legs and a head but nothing more. Of course, I know when someone is conventionally attractive but I don't see it myself. I look at you and think 'John Watson, my John Watson who is kind and sweet and funny and the kindest person I have ever met.' I look at you and see every memory we've made worked into every fibre of your being. I see the first time we met, "Afghanistan or Iraq?" In your shoulder. I see the man you killed to save me in your hand. I see the first time you called me your best friend in your lips. I see your loyalty and love and wonderfulness in your chest and in your voice and in your eyes and in my heart. That's what I see when I look at someone I like. The person I love. Not a body. Not an attractive smile. Not a fine figure but as memories and emotion. I love you, John Watson, not because of the way you look or the way you move but for the way you feel."

When Sherlock stopped speaking, tears were rolling down John's cheeks. Sherlock reached over to gently wipe them away.
"I.. I love you too Sherlock." John managed to choke out.
"You don't mind about the lack of sexual attraction bit?"
"Well I would be lying if I said it wasn't slightly disappointing but I would happily give up sex for you Sherlock." Sherlock laughed at this.
"I'm a sex positive asexual so you never know."
"What's a?" John began and then stopped himself. "Nevermind. It's not important right now, we can talk about it later."
"What do you want to do now then?" Sherlocks voice was uncertain, he wasn't at all sure how relationships were supposed to work.
"Am I your boyfriend now?"
"Absafuckinglutley!!" John exclaimed.
"Does that mean I can kiss you now?" Sherlock looked hopeful as he looked into his boyfriend's eyes. Instead of answering, John just leaned forward and caught his lips with his own. Sherlock wasn't sure what to do at first but soon he melted into it and kissed him back, melting into it. It was soft and gentle and filled with love. It was absolutely perfect, just like John thought Sherlock and just like Sherlock, thought John.

The end:)

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Bonjour:) C'est moi, Isabella. this is the authors note btw. My phone wont publish stuff so now im writing the an on my laptop and i dont know how to change the font thingy to bold or italic sooo oop. I know i say oop a lot, I'm not a visco girl, i promise, i just like the sound. Anyway, i was reading Johnlock fics and, as a sex repulsed asexual lesbian, i dont like smut at the best of times but especially so with Sherlock as he is so clearly ace. I mean there is literally a converstion in on of the stories where Watson asks Holmes if he has sexual desires. (i cant find the exact quote which is annoying, if anyone can find it, please let me know). The conversation goes something along the lines of Watson: but every man has needs Holmes. and Sherlock is just confused and uncomfortable and if that aint a perfect description of being ace then i dont know what is. But surely you have sexual desire for people, you are human after all? No Karen, no. I'm asexual but im still human the last time i checked, thanks though.

 I got this off an article talking about if Sherlock was ace in the BBC version: "The Abominable Bride" features a fun scene regarding Sherlock's ever-mysterious sexuality. In the middle of Sherlock's investigation, his thoughts are interrupted by Watson asking him if he's ever had sexual desires for a woman. Sherlock responds with disgust and doesn't want to talk about it, but Watson persists. The conversation is cut short when the men are forced to continue their investigation.

It then goes on to say that "Steven Moffat, writer of the Sherlock series, claims that Sherlock is not asexual because asexuality would be too boring" which is incredibly problematic and offensive but oh well, welcome to the world of asexual erasure which is more clearly shown when the articles mentions than "Steven Moffat argues that "There's no indication in the original stories that [Sherlock] was asexual or gay," which is complete bs as i have very recently listened to all 72 hours of the Holmes stories on audible and it is very clearly suggested that Sherlock is ace, even mentioning his lack of attraction at several points. Of course it is not explicitly mentioned he is asexual but i mean, this was written in the Victorian times, asexual was not a term back then so this is as close as you can get to Conan Doyle shouting "he's ace you fucking idiots!" I'm sorry, i know i'm ranting but this is something im very passionate about, my identity is hardly ever portrayed in media and when a character is quite clearly ace in the original stories, an adapter decides he wont write his show that way because being ace is "too boring". Thanks Moffat, thats really pc and nice of you to say. I think this is why i like detective stories so much because, similar to Holmes, Agatha Christies Poirot is also presented as ace and its the most representation ive ever had. It's pretty sad that my identity is more represented in 19th and 20th century literature than it is now. 

If you read this far, I am very impressed, i just needed to vent. Anyway, i think Sherlock is ace and probably aro or demiromantic but i ship him with John so ima go demi. Anyway, thank you for coming to my ted talk about asexual erasure. i hope you have a lovely night and enjoyed this fluff and my rambling vent. :) bubye