Trigger Warning- self harm (punching objects)

Third person's pov

"I'm in love with you" he said finally finding some courage in his body, her face dropped as she asked "What?" He stares at her for a few seconds before talking again. "I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear but I needed you to... hear it."

He looked down at his twiddling fingers as she stared at him intensely, "Probably not good timing, I know that. I just...". She couldn't stop looking at him, "What are you doing?" he tilted his head a little, looking at her.

She continued, "What do you expect me to say to that?" he looked down before looking back up and saying "I just needed you to know... Once."

She looked behind him for the first time in a while to try and process what was going on. "Well... I uhm... I can't." his look of anticipation fell as she said that and his gaze immediately fell to his feet. "Yea..." he let out his voice breaking.

He didn't look up, not wanting to stare into the face that is the source of all his pain and happiness. "You have no idea-" he cut her off "Don't do that." but she continued "What your friendship means to me."

"Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be more than that." he looked above her head and looked back at her. "I can't," she stated again. He refused to look at her trying to swallow the giant knot in his throat. "I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things... It's probably my fault." still not looking at her but his eyes were swimming in tears.

He realised he couldn't make her feel like it was her fault so he looked at her and said "It's not your fault." He let out a soft but painful smile. "I'm sorry I misinterpreted uh our friendship..." he used his fingers to wipe away the tear that slipped out as he walked away from her. She was left there to think about what just happened. She decided she needed to call and talk to her mom.

She walked wordlessly into the building and made her way to the office. She found herself walking to his desk instead of her own, sitting on his desk she dialed her mom's number.

"Hello?" a voice spoke through the phone. "Hey mom..." with the tone of Pam's voice Helene knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong Pamela?" sounding less relaxed than before, "Uh... Mom Jim told me he loved me." her mom let out a breath, realising the kind of dilemma she was in. "When did this happen?"

Fiddling with the telephone wire she responded with "About 10 minutes ago..." Helene wanted to make sure the questions she asked could help Pam clear up her issue by herself. "Did you say anything back? What did you say?" Pam replied a little distressed, "No, I didn't know what to say..."

"Pam you have to say something back honey." she let out a sigh saying "Yes I know...".

"So? How do you feel about this?" Pam looked at the dull carpet beneath her feet, "Uhm I don't know mom he's my best friend..." Helene throws out a chuckle, "That doesn't matter love, I heard the way you talk about him. He seems like a stand up guy." she remembers all the times Jim had brightened her day, "Yea he's great..."

"Baby... You can always fall in love with your best friend, especially when they treat you well. So what? Do you think you're in love with him?"

"Yea I think I am... uhm I have to go." Helene responded a little confused "Ok, call me soon." "I will" she replied quickly and cut the call as Jim walked into the office. When she turned around, he was looking at the ground and walking towards her.

"Listen... Jim-" he wraps his arms around her and kisses her, she kisses back after a few seconds, her hands working their way into his hair and then to his shoulders. They slowly pull away from the kiss, Jim softly holds both her hands and looks at them, "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." he smiled looking into her eyes.

"Me too..." she sort of lovingly gazed at him. "I think we're just drunk." trying to justify with herself. "I'm not drunk... " his eyebrows furrowed, scared he might have taken advantage of her "Are you drunk?" looking into his eyes she says "No" he smiles and leans in for another kiss, he's interrupted with her saying his name. He usually loved her saying his name but something about the way she said it this time broke his heart.

She blinked fast and took in a lot of breaths, he understood. He always understood, even without words. "You really gonna marry him?" he asked moving his head to get a better look of her face. She nodded, still staying close to him. "Okay..." he slowly backed away, gradually leaving her hands with him.

~~~~The next day at work~~~~

Pam was sat at the reception desk, everyone had arrived for the day except the one tall handsome guy that got her through her days.

"Where's Jim? He's never this late" Michael came out of his office confused as to why he was not at work. Dwight just rolled his eyes, not wanting to waste his time on this. Who was he kidding? He wanted to investigate this but something was stopping him. He just wasn't sure what it was.

9:45

Jim walked in, his face sunken, eyes puffy, he didn't even glance at Pam. He dropped his satchel on his desk and walked into Michael's office. Everyone stared at him, he has never turned up to work looking so dishevelled before.

He seemed to drag his body to do the day's work, nobody approached him feeling like they were not close enough to talk to him. Not a single soul in the office felt comfortable with the lack of Jims natural charisma and humour, all of them missed his presence.

Weeks went by like this, him not talking to anyone. He didn't prank Dwight anymore, he stopped talking to people in the office, he seemed to avoid being in any sort of social situation. Although Oscar couldn't take it anymore, he slowly but surely got Jim to talk to him.

Soon enough with all the little lunches and dinners, Jim and Oscar seemed to get extremely close, so close that Jim finally felt comfortable telling him why he withdrew himself from everyone. Upon the new information Oscar felt his heart ache for Jim.

Pam had stopped talking to him altogether as well, she was hurt from what happened that night but she needed to focus on her wedding not on some small crush that meant nothing. The girls would talk about the plans a lot and Jim was not far from Pam's desk so he had to unfortunately deal with it.

But the heartbreak and the wedding planning finally got him one day and wrote a complaint against her regarding using company time for personal reasons. He redacted the complaint after a couple of days, feeling selfish doing what he did. But no story gets left untold.

Michael decided he wanted to solve all the office problems himself. Complaints after complaints were getting supposedly solved, in reality he made them worse.

Soon enough Michael called out the complaint against Pam "She should stop planning her wedding on company time. Oh nevermind it's been redacted." She looked shocked and a little hurt by this revelation.

"Uhm... whose complaint is that?" she asked, Oscar looked at Jim with a soft frown. "Jims" her face fell as she slowly looked at him with confusion and pain. Phylis muttered "Oh boy" but it was so quiet everyone heard it.

Jim didn't say anything, in fact he was unfazed, he stood up and walked away from everyone to the kitchen. Michael couldn't stay as he had to leave for a meeting, once he left Pam stood and walked to the kitchen wanting to talk this out. Everyone saw this and dropped what they were doing to eavesdrop. Dwight and Angela were the only ones still doing their work, and Oscar? Well he was concerned for his friend.

"Jim?" He just looked at her with a blank face. "I can't take this anymore. You don't talk to anyone but Oscar. You stopped being my friend overnight! It's frustrating Jim! I miss my best friend. Where did he go?" she let out finally, she didn't realise but her voice was raised up and Jim didn't like that she did that. His eyes swam in tears just like the last time they spoke to each other.

"Is this because of what happened on Casino night? If it is, you need to grow the fuck up and stop acting so selfish! Just because I rejected you doesn't mean you act like an asshole." he scoffed and looked into her eyes, he wanted her to see the pain in his eyes, the pain she caused, and she saw it.

"Pam, if you think even for one minute that this is because you rejected me then you need to think again, because you liked it! You kissed me back! You said you've been waiting for it for just as long as I have! You rejected me twice in one night. I can't be your friend because you chose Roy even though we both know I'm better than him. Just because you want me to hold on to our friendship doesn't mean I can. I can't be waiting for a happy ever after that's never going to come! Do you know how hard it is to think about how you're with him in the morning? I was always all in but I realised on casino night that I'm a chance you will never take. It hurts to know that all I have is second place! I thought ending my connections with you would be easy, but what's good is ever easy, and now you got me stuck in therapy! You hurt me and then you try to convince me that I am wrong? You know what? I caved and instead of running away from my feelings I waited. I waited for you to realise that you need help to get out of that relationship, isn't it just ironic how it's now me who needs the help. I might act cold to everyone, that doesn't mean I stopped feeling! In fact I'm conflicted between feeling sad and what I think is happiness! I can't even figure it out because no one ever fucking talks about the aftermath!"

Everyone was shocked by the amount of emotion in his voice, he was never known to be vulnerable but everyone saw a different side of him, even Dwight stopped working to see if he was ok. He took in a breath before continuing.

"I'm sorry Pam but you make me want to be someone else, just so I can feel some kind of release, and feel like I'm enough for myself. I've been fighting in my head to figure out who I am, because you Pam made me forget who I am. I don't fucking know myself anymore because I immersed myself in making you happy. I'm just glad I found out I have no chance..." he trailed off and walked away from her.

Everyone sat back down but didn't stop looking at him, he grabbed his coat and walked out of the office without a word, but not one person missed the tears that flowed down his face.

Dwight looked out the window with Oscar to see Jim in the parking lot, his head up to the sky, eyes closed but tears still flowing. Oscar ran down to be with Jim, knowing his tendencies. Oscar learnt that Jim was prone to self harm after he told him about what happened with Pam. That's the main reason Jim is in therapy, Oscar convinced him.

Dwight saw Jim go to punch the side of the building, he started with one blow. He cried in pain but continued doing it, Dwight finally understood what those bruises on Jim's hand were. Once he even came with a cast. Dwight decided he wanted to be there for Jim so he made his way to Jim but not before seeing Oscar stop him from punching the wall and Jim falling into his arms in tears.

A/n: Hi! I'm new to writing Jim and Pam stuff but not new to the show at all. I know I portrayed Pam as this evil person but trust me I love her and I love Jim. But you should know I like writing things with sad endings. 

If you have not read my other books then this will be pretty odd but this is how I end my chapters.

Have a g'morning or g'night wherever you are... I love you guys

Byeee🥰💙❤️