WARNING: angst, foul language, implications of sex, fluff

i will now

NOW

"for fucks sake, (y/n)," pat cried out, hands flying upwards to cover his face. "i need you to be my girlfriend for five minutes."

"and what have i been for the past three years, huh?" you almost screamed in reply, pat's back facing you now. "just some girl who you've made stick around? you think i haven't been your girlfriend for over three years? you want me to start now, huh? jeez, pat. honestly, i thought these past three years we were just best friends!" a hearty laugh left you, the built up anger finally pouring out.

"this is serious!" he turned to face you. his face was red from having his hands covering it, his eyes were red, too, but for other reasons. "this is serious for me, and i need you to be my girlfriend. not someone who takes pity on me, not someone who'll give me a small pat on the back and say 'get over it'. i need you, as my girlfriend, through this. but, if you don't want to, then fine. you can leave."

pat only said that to you if he was extremely distressed. he had only said it once before.

THEN

"you don't have to stay if you don't want to," he whispered, not daring to raise his voice again. "you can leave."

those three words broke your heart. it was your one year anniversary, and pat had gone all out to make you feel special. you did. the red roses, the little chocolates, the teddy bear, the few love notes from him to you. you felt so loved the whole day.

but, now,

"pat, i don't want to leave."

"well, it seems to me like you do." he was rested on the corner of your newly shared bed. that was another thing pat had gotten you, a key to his apartment, asking you to move in with him.

when he presented the new, silver key, you felt like your heart had stopped. it was a shock to the system; never had anyone wanted to live with you. yet, here pat was, giving up his personal space, opening it up to share with you.

obviously, your initial reaction had made pat think the worse: you didn't want to move in with him. that you thought it was too quick, that he was being too forward. your actual thoughts had been the complete opposite of that, but, in the moment, that wouldn't change pat's thoughts.

so here you were. pat's body was slumped forward, his elbows pressing into his knees and his head in this hands. a position which wasn't new to neither pat nor you. the key had been long forgotten about on the kitchen table top. all pat could think about was your face when he asked you. it was replaying over and over in his head as you were stood a few feet away.

"pat, please listen to me," you moved closer to him, bending down between his knees. you instantly grabbed his hands, lacing your fingers with his. "i don't want to leave. i want to live with you. i could never, ever imagine leaving you."

"really?" he lifted his head to look into your eyes, his visions blurred from the tears that threatened to spill. "'cause your face said different when i pulled out that key."

"i was shocked," a hand caressed his cheek. "that's all. no one's ever wanted to live with me before, and the fact that you're asking me, the person i love the most in the world, just made me speechless. but in a good way."

a small smile managed to creep it's way onto pat's face. he sniffled and rubbed his tears away with his free hand before pulling both of you up and pressing his lips against yours. it was needy and harsh. his lips tasted slightly salty from his tears, but you ignored that completely when he sat down on the bed, pulling you onto his lap.

"i love you." he mumbled against your lips, his hands pressing into your hips to keep you steady.

"i love you, too." you replied breathlessly, your hands knotting themsleves into his auburn hair. that night, you showed each other how much you loved each other again.

NOW

pat seriously just needed you to love him. once he spoke, he instantly dropped himself on his bed. hanging over the corner, he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. his head in his hands. a position you found him in so many times.

he was still dressed head to toe in his baseball uniform. his, now dirty, d-back's jersey covering his upper body. his, also dirty, d-back's cap still on his head. his off white pants, dirty too, still tight around his legs. the only thing he had taken off when he got home were his shoes, leaving his long, red socks on. he smelt like red dust and sweat, one of your favourite scents on him.

this game had been stressful: he had no hits; they had lost majorly, being humiliated by the opposite team afterwards and mazz had broken the news to the team. you can still remember the looks on all eleven of the boys faces', their hearts slowly breaking as they said goodbye to their best friend.

THEN

"i'm leaving, guys." mazz said definitely. there was no hesitation, no worry, nothing. you already knew, his father, joe, having told you towards the beginning of the game, hoping a d-back's win would cheer you up. but, it didn't. because they didn't win. and, knowing one of your best friends would be moving states away broke your heart. you could only imagine the reaction the others would have. once the game ended, you moved onto the pitch, knowing you needed to be there to support the twelve baseball players.

and now, here you could see all of their reactions. at first, they all stayed pretty still in the dugout. a couple of nods of heads and a few murmurs were all to be seen and heard. then, mazz opened his arms wide, promoting a group hug between the players. they all gratefully accepted it. truthfully, it was the first time you'd seen them interact like that; you knew they were all close, but you had never seen a d-back's group hug before.

"i'm gonna miss you all so much." mazz's voice was barely audible, but the team heard it. you heard it. as they all pulled away, a few wiped away tears with the back of their hand, their forearm or their dirty jersey. a chorus of sniffles, 'we love you, man' and 'we'll miss you, too' followed after.

the first person to leave the dugout was pat; you knew he would take it especially hard. him and mazz has been friends for years, practically their entire childhood. and finding out your childhood friend, who you'd loved, was leaving, hit hard.

instead of walking over to pat, you went straight into the dugout. in no mean to spite pat, but to give him some time. mazz welcomed you with open arms, you head instantly hiding in his shoulder.

"i'll miss you, too, (y/n)." his voice muffled by your shoulder.

"good," you sniffled, stepping back from him. "that's all i came over here for. wanted to keep you in check for another day." the boys laughed at that comment. it was one you made everyday game to at least one of them, and if you didn't say it, then, well, you don't know, because you always said it.

"go see pat, he'll need his girlfriend right now." mazz playfully turned you around and pushed you out of the dugout.

"he'll need his best friend after." you smiled, holding onto the metal pole of the entrance.

"we'll all be there." fotch smiled at you.

once you turned around to walk out to pat, the boys all began conversing about mazz's future. some playful comments were made here and there about his new state, particularly the potential girls pining after the baseball player.

pat was knelt down, his head in his hands between his knees. you didn't know how long he had been like that, but you knew it must not have been uncomfortable. when you reached him, you sunk down onto your knees next to him, not caring about the red dust that now coated your knees.

a comforting hand made its way onto pat's lower back as he continued to shake slightly and curse into his hands. he knew you were there, he just didn't want to entertain the idea yet. you rubbed small circles onto his back, an often sign of comfort you showed for him.

"i know it'll be hard, patty," you leaned into him, your head going to rest on his tense shoulders. "but you've got to be there for him, you've got to be his best friend-"

"and i will be," he replied abruptly. "i just can't right now. i need time to mull it over."

"you will have time, but mazz leaves in a week or so, you don't have forever."

"i know." he huffed, finally defeated by the true. pat, too, dropped to his knees, sitting down on his feet. this caused you to move slightly, your head still resting on his shoulder, a hand still rubbing his back.

you don't know how long you stayed like that for, but it wasn't long. soon, the boys were calling you two over for post-game food and drinks; a tradition which wasn't about to die. somehow, you had all clamoured into three cars, squashing together in high spirits despite the terrible game and news.

NOW

pat still rested on the corner of your shared bed. the events of the game, and what happened after, we're still being played back in both of your minds. before you knew it, sniffles came from pat. as much as his hands tried to hide it, you could still see the pain he was in.

his shoulders shook and slouched forward even more, his leg began jerking up and down, creating an unsteady rhythm. regardless of the little spat you had just had, you were instantly in front of pat. it didn't take you long to pry his hands away from his face, lacing your fingers in his long ones.

seeing pat's hazel eyes bloodshot was your weakness. knowing he was hurting pained you more than words could explain.

"patty, i need you to look at me," you whispered, your eyes desperately pleading for his to look into yours. "please, baby." he did as you asked; he was a sucker for you calling him baby.

"i'm sorry for shouting at you. i'm sorry for making you feel worse after your game when you really just needed me to be your girlfriend." your hand let go of his, moving up to caress his cheek and then pull his cap off of him. he sighed in relief when his head felt free from his tight hat. before running your fingers through his slightly sweaty auburn hair, you set his cap on your own head, earning a low chuckle from him.

"there's the pat i know," you smiled, weaving your fingers into his hair, tugging at a few strands slightly. "my happy, smiley boy." pat blushed at your affectionate name for him, like he did with most names you called him.

both of you stayed there for a few moments, basking in the feeling of one another. as you contently continued to run your fingers through his hair, his eyes closed and a quiet hum left his lips.

"remember the first night i stayed here?"

"hmm." was all pat could reply. his eyes still closed in pleasure. his stress leaving him.

"i was so nervous, to tell you the truth. even though i've known you for years, you never fail to make me nervous. it was after a game. i can't remember if you won or not, i was just so excited to be going home with you." you stopped running your hand through his hair and stood up. pat's eyes opened in surprise until he knew what you were doing. he shuffled himself backwards, bringing his knees together before grabbing your hips and pulling you on to him. as you sat there, his hands held your hips and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

you sighed in content, smiling slightly, before continuing. "i never expected anything from it, just a night in with you. i had the best bath and the best nights sleep with you that day," you both giggled, remembering the bubbles that filled the tub and part of the bathroom floor. "i was so happy. i still am. and that's because i'm with you. i don't want to leave-"

"i don't want you to leave, i shouldn't have said that-"

"patty, shush," you interrupted him, like he did to you. "i know you didn't mean it. you were angry and that's understandable; i was being a bitch. i shouldn't have gotten angry about what you said. i should have just held you and been your girlfriend, like you wanted me to. and i will now."

you leaned forward, pressing a soft and delicate kiss against his lips. "how about me go eat ice cream, watch a bad movie and fall asleep on top of each other on the sofa?"

"okay," pat smiled, quickly pecking your lips. "but, you're sleeping on top of me; i always sleep better like that."

"okay," both of you smiled, kissing each other again, deeper this time. "let's go."