Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Simon sat back in his chair. It was the 14th of August and he was having the craziest day at work. Being a music producer was a lot harder than it seemed, but he didn't mind the hard work - he just didn't think LA would be so...busy. All he did was rush from one place to the other, always doing the same thing. The people in the streets and in his building, they always rushed by, the unanimous cacophony of trampling feet sounding in his ears and the craned necks to stare at their phones always in his sights. He missed his friends. He smiled when he thought of the fiery redhead that he could call his best friend and the always stunning black-haired beauty he could call his sparring buddy and biggest fan. 

He thought about the tall and tan explosion of glitter, who he could call his roommate and confidant. And the sulking, tall, dark and handsome, who Simon could call his subject of teasing, but also the closest thing he had ever had to a brother. He thought about his sister, the chatty and always energetic ball of light. And the brooding Latino, who he bickered with constantly, only to fall into a conversation in Spanish about how the others annoyed them so much (but it was all a joke and they both knew it).   

Simon turned off the lamp on his table, gathered the last of his papers and took his coffee cup along with him, although it had gone cold hours ago. On his way out, he threw it into the bin and waved goodbye to his assistant, the tanned and curly-haired Maia, who beamed at her. "Have a great night, boss!" she exclaimed, waving. Simon smiled softly and pushed the elevator button. "It's Simon, Maia. How many times do I have to tell you? And you too, darling. Say hi to Jordan for me. See you on Monday." he replied, making Maia blush a little and nodding enthusiastically. The elevator opened with a 'ding' and Simon waved at her, stepping inside. He tried not to think of another weekend when he would be sulking in his apartment. Maybe he should call Clary. Or Isabelle. But what would he say? It had been weeks since their last talk.

He tried to stop his mind from wandering, but when he got onto the street and started walking home, he noticed the street light from across the road flickering, like the light bulb was about to go out, and he closed his eyes. Today was the 14th. 

Simon was sitting under the street lamp, shaking and shivering in the cold, his wet clothes sticking to him in the rain and his shoes were muddy from trampling around the streets of New York in this ghastly weather. He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth, and tried to forget what had happened but he couldn't. His touched his cheek that still hurt like a bitch. He couldn't go home, not like this.

"Hey, you alright?" a voice drifted to him in the night and he raised his swollen eyes. A guy was standing next to him, and in this fast falling rain, Simon could only see that he was wearing all black, with a hood on his head and a few strands of blonde hair falling out. Simon nodded and turned his face away. He didn't need this right now. The guy kneeled next to him and Simon felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned, a little panicky, and was met with a pair of blue eyes. But not just blue - there was a speck of brown in one of them and they looked worried. There was a small crease between his eyebrows as he studied Simon. "Don't look like it. Wanna tell me why you are sitting here in the rain, all alone and looking like hell?" the blonde asked and his voice was soft and sweet, with a hint of confusion. 

Simon stared at him, not really understanding why he was being talked to. "Are you mute? I can sign too, if that's why you're not answering." the guy now said, coming a little closer. This made Simon stir. "You can sign?" he asked with a small voice. The blonde smiled brightly. "And he speaks! Seriously, dude, that's the first thing you say to me?" he laughed and his hair fell on his face. Simon thought he looked absolutely gorgeous. "I don't live very far. Why don't you come with me, at least you'll be warm?" he said, with a hesitant note. Now it was Simon's turn to laugh. "Trust a guy from the street, looking sketchy as hell?" he asked, laughing. He felt better already. The guy stared at him, and he appeared to be thinking. "I look sketchy?" he asked finally, sounding a little insulted. Simon eyed him. "Like an assassin coming to kill me." he stated, which made the blonde huff a laugh. "Right. If that'd be the case, you'd be dead already. Come on." he said and rose, leaving his hand stretched out for Simon to take. He didn't really know why, but Simon took it and the blonde heaved him up.

"I'm Jace, by the way. Assassin for hire." he said, smiling brightly and even through the rain, Simon could see his eyes shine in the flickering street light. "Simon. Agent for the Secret Services." he replied jokingly. Jace laughed again and nodded towards a street. "Well, Simon of Secret Services, why don't we get you all dried up and you can tell me those State secrets." he offered and held out his hand again. Simon eyed it and then, he took it, feeling the warmth course through his cold body, and he laughed. He was feeling much better.

Shaking his head, Simon stopped the flow of memories. That had been 3 years ago. The 14th of August. The blonde angel, that had come to save him. The one he missed the most. And yet, this was all his fault.

I miss you pushing me close to the edge
I miss you
I wish I knew what I had when I left
I miss you

Simon walked the street, carefully avoiding other people, who wouldn't have seen him anyways from their screens or the headphones in their ears, and he kept walking. He had taken out his phone almost on instinct and he wondered, if he'd call, would he pick up? Would he want to speak with him? 

"So...Simon. What's your story?" Jace asked him, as he set the cup of tea in front of him. Simon was bundled up in a blanket and Jace sat next to him on the couch, crossing his legs. Simon took off his glasses, before he took the teacup, to avoid getting them misty. He could see fine without them - a little blurry, but fine. Jace stared at him expectantly, so he sipped his peppermint and raspberry tea and thought for a minute. "What's anyone's story? There's not really much anything interesting to it." he said skeptically, trying to avoid the conversation. Jace scoffed and scooted closer to the armrest so he could lean on it. "A smartass, huh? And those bruises almost scream interesting to me. Spill." he said and Simon stared at the stranger. He had been so kind to him, but he didn't even know him. Why was he doing this?

"I had a rough day, that's all. My advice? If you have never met your father, don't go looking for him." he stated blankly and stared at the TV that wasn't even on. From the corner of his eye he saw Jace shift on his seat, and heard a sigh. "That's actually great advice. Too bad I met you a year too late." Jace replied, making Simon turn to him in confusion. They both stared at each other and then smiled. Jace came closer to him. "Stop hogging." he announced and pulled on the blanket, climbing under it. Simon could feel his leg pressed against Jace's and he stopped himself from shivering. But he wasn't cold anymore, Jace had made sure of that.

Simon tried to think clearly. They hadn't exactly broken up. That was the thing. They had just said goodbye, and that would indicate they broke up. But neither of them actually said it. So, should he call him? He missed him. A lot. The only thing that happened, that pushed them into this situation, was that Jace burned so much brighter than Simon. He was reckless, full of energy, positive, but he loved doing things, that could cause him pain. In literal sense. Because Jace wasn't happy. He was troubled, beyond Simon's help, and he dragged Simon with him. He burned so bright, Simon knew he would turn into ash if he wasn't careful. And for two years, he was. But then, he couldn't take it anymore.

You set fire to my world, couldn't handle the heat
Now I'm sleeping alone and I'm starting to freeze
Baby, come bring me help
Let it rain over me
Baby, come back to me

Simon realized, that without Jace, it was the opposite. He was in the coldest place he could imagine, just like all those years ago under that street light, cold seeping through his bones. The minute Jace had stretched his hand and Simon took it, the golden fire coursed through his veins, making him feel more alive than ever. After all they'd been through, Simon now realized, that even though he might go down with him, he wouldn't have minded. He thought being without Jace would set him free. All it did was make him miss his bright light inside, that never went out, not in Simon's eyes.

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah

Simon remembered those crazy nights all too clearly. His friends didn't think Jace was good for him. Well, they had their reasons.

"Simon? For fucks sake, Simon!?" Clary yelled, and Simon laughed quietly from where he was sitting, leaning on the bathroom wall. He stared at the bed, where Jace was jumping on. Clary opened his door with a bang and her furious eyes were going around the room, like a cats. "What the fuck, Simon? Jace? Are you...Please don't tell me your high...again?" she sighed and stepped closer to Simon, ignoring Jace, who plopped down on the bed and tried to scramble up to hug her. "Simon...Simon, this has to stop." she stated, leaning down and touching his cheek. Simon felt the touch like it was a thousand needles in his cheek. "Ow." he stated, moving away. Clary frowned. "Simon, I am telling you this for the last time. Stop, or you won't see me here again. I mean it." she said and Simon laughed. "I can't see you anyway! And you don't see me! Not really." he exclaimed, his words not making any sense to Clary, who frowned and stood up, determined. "Fine. If this is what makes you happy..." she glanced at Jace, who's eyes were glossed over ",if he makes you happy, then I won't come between you. But leave me out of it, Lewis. I can't stand by and watch as you destroy your life." she said and turned on her heel. Jace crawled up to Simon and kissed him, so the brunette didn't even think twice about possibly losing his best friend.

Simon reached his apartment, unlocking it. He slipped out of his jacket, hanging it on the rack, and stepped to the kitchen, pressing the 'on' button on his coffee machine. He stared at his apartment. It wasn't as lavish as one would think. He made good money, but he was never one to show it off. He stared at the wall next to the mirror, where he'd hung pictures of his best friends and his boyfriend. He guessed all of them were exes now, in a way.

I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life

Simon had invited Jace in, into his life, and everyone saw it a a catastrophe, waiting to happen. After a year, Simon's friends pulled away from him. He loved them all, heart and soul, but they still didn't think that Jace was good for Simon. Quite the opposite. And Simon knew this to be true. Yet, he asked Jace to be his boyfriend, to live with him. He asked Jace to come into his life, and make it theirs. He asked for Jace to be his and only his, and he allowed him to burn the ground he walked on, pulling them both down. But the fall was oh, so sweet.

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah

I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life

He poured the coffee, and drank it black, like Alec would. Alec would tell him, that it was okay to love someone like that, but that you had to think about yourself, and what's best for you. If you love them let them go etc. He thought about Alec's glittery boyfriend and could almost hear Magnus's voice inside his head. "You little blockhead of a bisexual disaster, listen to your wisest, oldest and frankly, the most fabulous friend, and shake some sense into your head. DON'T CALL HIM or I'll slap you so hard there will be a glittery hand-print on your beautiful face." Simon laughed in the empty apartment, his voice echoing back from the silent rooms, sounding eerie. He sighed. Isabelle would probably slap him too, but without the monologue.

I miss you more than I thought that I could
I miss you
I know you missin' me too like you should
I miss you

His heart clenched when he thought of the day exactly a year ago. He and Jace had their anniversary and the blonde had pulled all the stops. He was sober, dressed up and he took Simon out on a date. A real freaking date. They started by having breakfast at the little cafe next to their apartment, pancakes with ice cream and maple syrup, Simon's favorite. Then Jace had taken him swimming to the little hidden lagoon they had discovered after they had escaped from Alec and Magnus, and them trying to force them into couple therapy. After that, they had picnic on the beach and Jace sneaked him into a nearby cave, to make out of course, but to also carve their names onto the cave wall with a pocket knife. In the evening, they went to an amusement park and Simon felt like 6 again, he played all the games and Jace won him a huge, soft version of Spiderman. They finished by having takeout and driving to a secluded area outside the city, so they could watch the stars on the hood of the car. That's when Jace told him that he would want to make this last forever. But he couldn't.

"Simon, I want this. I do. But I know myself. If I'd have to live like this every day, I couldn't take it. It's not me. It would crush me, and I am not ready to fight for it. I want to fight, for what we have, but I'm not strong like you. But I love you. For what it's worth, I will always love you."

And Simon had kissed him and told him, that it was okay. That it was alright that Jace couldn't find the strength to fight, because Simon liked the way Jace had turned his world upside down. He ruined it, in the most beautiful way. It was their downfall, but holding hands and whispering their 'I love you's, Simon really thought they would eventually land on their feet. He was so very wrong.

You set fire to my world, couldn't handle the heat
Now I'm sleeping alone and I'm starting to freeze
Baby, come bring me help
Let it rain over me
Baby, come back to me 

Down here, all alone, there was nothing he would've liked more than to be with Jace. But he knew he couldn't do that. If he'd call him now, all of this would have been in vain. He had to believe, that Jace would find a better life, or live the same, just without Simon. All he could hope for, was that him leaving, didn't cause Jace to fall even further. All he could hope for, was that Jace was now ready to fight, for himself.

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah

I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life

It had been almost half a year now. Almost 6 months, since he moved to LA, since he last saw Jace. Since he had seen his friends. 3 weeks since he last spoke to any of them. And a week, since Simon last took out his phone, wrote a text to Jace and deleted it. He took it out again, scanning their last conversation. He smiled. 

From Jace:

I know this means nothing to you, but I went to rehab. I won't be contacting anyone for a while. I want you to know, that even though I am doing this for me, a part of me is doing this for us. I hope you won't forget me. 

To Jace:

I will never forget you Jace. I could never forget the one who saved me. Now go save yourself. x

He started typing and minutes passed. He typed and poured his heart out. When he reread the text he sighed. He could never do this to Jace, he couldn't pull him out when he was getting better. He couldn't be that selfish. And if Jace decided that they were never going to work out then that was fine, too. As long as Jace was happy, Simon could bear to walk around with the small hole in his heart. And the light that shone a little brighter with Jace, had gone all out now.

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah

I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life

He put the phone away, just as it rang. The caller I.D said 'Alec the Grumpy Cat'. He almost laughed, barely remembering he had set the nickname. It seemed so long ago. He picked up, his heart pounding. He hadn't heard Alec's voice in a long time.

"Hey, Simon. How are you?" came the deep voice and Simon smiled.

"Hey. It's really good to hear your voice, Alec, and not just because it's sexy as hell. I'm good, settling." he stated, running his finger over the rim of his coffee cup.

Alec chuckled lowly. "Haa-haa. You crack me up." he replied. Simon went to sit on the couch.

"What's up?" he asked and heard Alec sigh. His stomach clenched.

"I wouldn't have called if...I mean, Magnus told me not to." he stated and Simon could hear Magnus yell something in the backround. Simon arched his eyebrows.

"Well, if Magnus told you not to, this must be really important. Or bad." he replied sarcastically, although he tried keeping his voice casual.

"I- Yes. I mean, it's not bad, I just thought you should know." Alec said and Simon could hear shuffling, Magnus's voice and then there was silence. Simon assumed Alec had left to go to a quieter room, where Magnus wouldn't disturb him.

"It's about Jace." Alec finally said, his voice tense and Simon sat up on his seat, setting down the coffee cup. His heart pounded faster.

"Yes?" he only said, scared of what might come next.

"He's out. I mean, he did 6 months and he should do 6 more, but they said that he was doing great. And he has to have his check ups and a nurse is monitoring him from time to time, but other than that, he's fine." Alec stated. Simon's heart clenched. He blinked his eyes.

"Oh. That's wonderful." he said, his voice sounding strange and his throat hurt.

"Simon, he might never call you, but I thought you deserved to know. That he's finally better. And I think that's all thanks to you." Alec said, worry in his voice but it was gentle. Alec always knew what to say.

Simon sniffed. "Thanks, Alec. For letting me know. I gotta go, but it was nice talking to you. Say hi to Magnus for me." he said quickly, trying to finish up before he started crying. 

"Okay, Simon. But call me tomorrow? I think we should meet up. It's been ages. I can't talk to only Magnus all the time, he drives me nuts." Alec said, trying to lighten his mood and Simon chuckled through the tears. 

"Right. I'd love that. Thank you, Alec." he said and smiled.

"Of course. Take care, Simon." Alec said and they hung up.

Taking a deep breath, Simon let out a shaky breath. His Jace was out and he was okay. He wondered vaguely if he'd call him. Or would Simon even want that. Wouldn't that be too painful?

I miss you, I miss you
I wish you, I wish you
Would come back, would come back to me
Come back to me, come back to me

He put his feet under him and drew a blanket over himself. He closed his eyes. He wondered how long Jace had been out for. It hurt to know that it'd been a while and he hadn't even texted him. He felt all alone suddenly. Hearing the wind gush outside, he realized it was raining. Images flashed in his mind of how they first met, how they first watched a movie together, how they went swimming at midnight, how they stole Magnus's cat, how they totaled a car and got away with it, how they first said 'I love you' and how they first said 'I'll never leave you'. Tears streamed down his face when he thought about how he would do anything to get it back. It was very painful, because it meant he hadn't changed a bit. He still wanted Jace to ruin his life, just like he did before. He hadn't found himself in LA, he had only found Jace, everywhere he went. 

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah

I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life

He almost had a heart attack when the doorbell rang. He didn't, but he did fell down from the couch. He startled, trying to get up and hit his head on the coffee table. "Fucking, son of a-" he cursed out loud and once he had stopped seeing black, looked at the clock. It was 2 a.m. He mumbled under his breath, trying to understand who would it be this late.

In his haste, he didn't even look through the peephole first, he opened the door instantly. He should've looked.

Jace was standing there, dripping wet - so I guess it is raining, Simon thought - and his eyes were lowered. Simon's heart must've gone into cardiac arrest. He stood like a statue, one hand on the door and the other on the door pane, staring at Jace like he was a ghost. Then, Jace lifted his eyes, and they were just as bright as the first time he saw them. They weren't lifeless or glossed over, or confused. They were blue and bright, the brown speck darker in the dim corridor light and they looked almost begging. "Simon." he said and his voice was pained and full of sorrow. Simon tilted his head, almost as if to determine if he was seeing things.

"Jace? What are you...?" he started but his voice drifted into nothingness. He stepped away from the door, indicating for Jace to come in. When he closed the door, he turned to see Jace dripping on his carpet. "Um." he said, not really knowing any other words in the English language suddenly. Jace turned towards him and took a deep breath. "I can't stop thinking about you and I need you to know, that I'm not doing this for us, but for me. Because you are something that I need to be better. So will you please, help me be better?" Jace said, his voice loud and clear, but it faltered in places and Simon swallowed.

What?

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah 
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah

He stared at the blonde in amazement. He looked thinner than Simon remembered. His face looked healthier than he remembered. But he looked just as beautiful, still. The light inside him flared up, when Simon walked towards him and touched his cheek, sending the same flames to Simon's fingertips, making the nerves stand on end.

"Jace." he said and he leaned down to kiss him. When their lips met, it was like a collision, like a supernova, making Simon see the stars behind his closed eyelids, feeling the warmth on his lips, when Jace kissed him back. He pushed him back, so he could trap Jace between the kitchen counter and himself, and locked them in, no intention of letting go ever again. Promises fell from Jace's lips when Simon pulled back to kiss the skin on his neck, his jaw, his collarbone (Jace's jacket was somewhere on the floor, forgotten). 

Simon kissed him again, letting their bodies tangle in each other and feeling the light seep through his bones. "I love you." Simon whispered, as he let Jace's hands go under his shirt to hold his hips and Jace sighed, kissing his cheek. "I love you." he replied and Simon smiled, hugging him close. Jace was so sincere and bright, it hurt his heart as well as his eyes, but it didn't matter. He could hold him up, if he needed him, and he could help him keep the light brighter than ever. Simon let Jace consume him, but this time, his light didn't drown under Jace's, he made it golden and beautiful, like two angels that finally met after they both fell from the heavens and went through hell to get to where they were.

I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I have way too many ideas for this book to even comprehend them, and so little time. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this one, the next one might be a lot happier... :)x Also, if you haven't yet, you can check out my first Jimon fanfic called 'All good things'. #selfpromote #sorrynotsorry #actuallyalittlesorry

As always, vote, comment and thank you, my lovelies, for reading! :)xx