A/N: I thought so long and hard how to do this, this is a little sad (or a lot) so don't kill me. :)x

------------------------------------------------------------

Do you know the moment when spring comes, and the fresh air, the sound of birds singing in the morning and the smell of blooming flowers hits you, and somehow, it always brings back memories. That's how Jace felt, when he opened the door to his balcony in the penthouse he'd been living almost 4 years now. The air was cold and crispy, but when the sun hit his face, it was a warmth he wished he could feel just a little longer. 

He had taken his coffee with him, so he sipped it, realizing it was the first time he experienced spring and its awaking sounds and smells alone. He and Simon had been together for so long, he never fathomed that he might be greeting the season alone. It was their thing, because spring was the time they found each other. They had met in a dog park, where Jace had been walking with Ash, his 2 year old golden retriever. Simon had been there to pet the dogs. Literally. It made Jace laugh even now, when he remembered how Simon had been surrounded by puppies, petting them and playing with them, and when Ash had ran over to lick Simon's face, he had instantly taken to him. Simon had said that he goes there often, when he is feeling down and needs to cheer up. Puppies will do that to you, obviously. 

Jace looked at the sky and the few clouds that drifted there. That day they had laid down on the grass, with Ash playing around with other dogs and Simon and Jace played spotting cloud animals. 

"That one looks like a clown." Simon said. Jace laughed. "What? How on earth is that a clown? That looks like a distorted version of Santa Claus." Jace replied, squinting at the sky. The ground was cold but they had put a blanket underneath. The first lighting hadn't struck yet and Simon was superstitious about these things - you can't lie or sit on the ground before the first lighting storm has passed. "No, look, it even has those big-ass shoes." Simon said, pointing at the cloud, that could've been anything from a rabbit to a blob of nothing. Jace laughed again, looking at him sideways. They had only met, but were already conversing like they had know each other for years.

Jace shook his head, trying to clear his mind. The memories were always painful, but in Spring, he now realized, it was all so heightened. The breeze that came over him filled his nostrils with the smell of fresh lavenders and with a hint of fresh laundry, and Jace remembered the first time he had went to meet Simon's parents. It was almost the end of spring and they had been out in the garden, when he picked up the small lilac flower and handed it to Simon. The laundry drying on the ropes behind them flapped in the slight wind and Simon's face lit up in the sun. He cracked up and took the flower, kissing Jace's cheek and thanked him. It was one of the most purest moments because Simon hadn't thought that Jace remembered that he adored the smell of Lavender. It was why Jace had bought himself the same scented candles, so he could lit them when they had another one of their romantic dinners.

In the firebreak, in the vaults
Lost memories get old
Tiny love left unsaid
Like grains of sand left in my bed

Jace saw a little robin make its way to his balcony, landing on the railing. It let out a little chirp and looked at him, as if he was asking 'what are you doing out here alone?'. Jace sighed and stared at it. "Hey, there, little guy. Or girl. Are you coming to tell me that another spring has come and this time, I'll be alone to face it?" he whispered quietly. It was ridiculous, now he was talking to a bird. The robin just chirped again and hopped around a little on the railing, flapping its wings and puffing its orange chest. Jace closed his eyes, letting the sun caress his face. Simon and he had once discovered a little bird outside Simon's parents house, it had broken its wing. Simon had instantly rushed over, and took the little thing in his hands.

"Look, it's broken its wing. We should take it to the vet." Simon said, gently stroking the bird, that chirped happily. Jace watched him, with adoration in his eyes. Simon looked so sweet, his brunette hair falling onto his face when he observed the bird. He was so gentle, his hazel eyes looking for other signs of injury and Jace's heart burst of happiness. This beautiful human being was his and only his. That was the first time Jace knew that he was in love with Simon.

Jace sipped his coffee and the robin flew away. He watched it fly high in the sky, gliding beautifully and he felt tears stinging in his eyes. Not again, he thought, blinking rapidly to keep his eyes from watering.

I've been trying, oh
Dancing away the dead gone days
I've been flying, oh
The moment that I see your face

He noticed the coffee had gone cold and he grunted. Jace wiped his sleeve over his nose, sniffing, and went inside. His apartment was big, but not so huge that it had unused space. In the middle of the room was the grand piano. A gift from Simon, when it was their one year anniversary.

"Simon... this is too much." Jace said, standing over the musical instrument, staring at it in awe. He turned to Simon, who had been fidgeting with his hands, a sign that he was nervous. Now, he looked up and smiled shyly. "Actually, it was my grandma's. When she passed, grandpa said that he had no use of it, since he didn't play, so it went to the basement. It was pretty roughed up, but it took some effort and I got it fixed up." he said sweetly. Jace wanted to say something but Simon cut in quickly. "It was a minimum cost, Jace, don't worry, okay? Besides, I would love to hear you play. Please?" he said, with a pleading voice. He knew Jace was going to object. But no one could resist that pouting face. He strode closer to him and held him in his arms, hugging him close. Simon's hands went around him and Jace smiled. "Thank you so much." he whispered and then pulled back a bit, so he could kiss Simon.

He noticed his cheeks were wet. Damn it, he thought. It's been months and yet, he couldn't shake the years worth of memories. I guess that's how it was going to be. It had to get worse before it got better.

I remember, I remember, I remember goodbye
Insulted brain running from your eyes
I remember, I remember, I remember the fights
Burning deep into the night

Jace looked at the piano and then at the small figurine on his coffee table. It was a small bird made of glass. He remembered the time they were fighting about Clary, because Simon thought Jace was cheating on him. After a fit of rage, Simon flipped over the small coffee table, making the things on it fall and the vase and the figurine, that was in the shape of an elephant at the time, shatter. After Jace and Simon hadn't spoken for days, Clary had called Simon, explaining the whole ordeal. Jace had been helping Clary to plan the right date with Isabelle, and that's why he had been out a lot. No matter what he told Simon, he was still so insecure, always scared that Jace was going to leave him. After they had made up, Simon had bought him a new figurine. It was a bird. Simon had said, that it was the bird that they had saved together. So when things got tough, they could look at it and remember, that together they can save anything.

I remember, I remember, I remember your scent
When I just woke up and I'm on your chest
I remember, I remember, I remember the sound
Of your heart racing when you do bad things to me

Jace moved to his bedroom, he needed to lie down. Throwing himself on the light blue covers, he buried his face in the pillows. A month after their break-up the pillows still had Simon's scent. But not anymore. He felt a tear make its way down his cheek again, this time he didn't wipe it way.

"Jace?" Simon asked silently, when he let his hand slide across his chest. Simon smelled so good, but especially in the morning. It was like a musky scent, indescribable but so intoxicating. He let himself inhale it when he hid his face in the crook of Simon's neck. "What, babe?" he asked, mumbling into his skin. Simon chuckled and his chest moved under him. He let his hand go to the beautifully sculpted abs on Simon's stomach and smiled slightly. Simon's breath hitched but he didn't stop talking. "I was thinking..." he started and fumbled with words when Jaces hand slid lower on his abdomen. "I- We've been together for almost a year now." he continued, his voice growing huskier when Jace played with the waistband of his boxers. Jace wanted to laugh at Simon's predicament, but kept quiet. "So, I was thinking- I-, would you cut that out?" he said, slapping at Jace's hand, who chuckled. He raised his eyebrows innocently at Simon, who looked exasperated. "What?" he asked smugly. Simon rolled his eyes. "It's important, Jace." he said. 

This got Jace's attention, so he stopped his movement, letting his hand rest on Simon's chest, his focus completely on him. Simon looked up at the ceiling, mumbling something and Jace smiled sweetly. He took his chin in his hand and made Simon look at him. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "What was that, baby?" he asked, encouragingly. Simon swallowed. "Would you, maybe want to move in together?" he asked in a rush, his cheeks colored the shade of red. Jace's heart skipped. He tried to speak. "You...mean that?" he asked finally, after he had made no sound. Simon let out a breath in relief. "So you'd want to?" he asked shyly. Jace rolled over, so he was on top of him and Simon was trapped. The brunette's eyes widened a bit and Jace had the brightest smile on. "Of course! You cute little idiot, did you think I'd say no?" he exclaimed, and Simon's eyes betrayed his relief. He shrugged. "I don't know...maybe?" he replied. Jace shook his head and leaned down, kissing his lips slightly. "Simon, I love you. Of course I'll move in with you." he said and Simon smiled at him. Jace's heart melted at the sight.

Jace closed his eyes tightly, trying to stop the flood of memories. Coming to bed was a bad idea, there were a lot of good memories here. He tried to stop thinking about the two of them in bed but obviously, he was stupid enough to think that the thought of Simon in his bed wouldn't make him feel all kinds of things.

I wanna feel like it's the first night
I wanna meet you for the first time
I remember, I remember, I remember your smile
When your face lit up and it felt so right

Jace couldn't stop the memory from the same night flowing before his eyes and let out a strangled sound. Why was this so hard?

"So, whose place will we move to?" Simon asked, making Jace scoff. "What?" Simon asked, trying to sound serious, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice. "You know it's gonna be here, Si." Jace said, kissing Simon's shoulderblades. Simon moved a little under him. "Oh? What if I protest?" he asked, not annoyed at all. Jace smiled against his skin, and moved to kiss his neck. Simon's breath quickened. "Do you need convincing?" Jace asked, his tone low and barely above a whisper. Simon's eyes were now darker and clouded with lust. "I don't know, maybe?" he said, looking at Jace intently. The blonde chuckled and kissed Simon's neck all over, biting it a little. Simon let out a soft moan and Jace's heart skipped a beat. He loved Simon's voice and the noises he made. Small and quiet, low and loud. "How about now? Are you convinced?" he asked, moving to Simon's earlobe, biting it. Simon breathed hard but smirked. "I'm still not sure if..." he started but gasped when Jace's hand went into his boxers and he kissed Simon on the lips, swallowing the sound he made.

Moving his hand, Jace relished how Simon shook under him, making himself groan in excitement. "Ah, I think you're almost there. I might even agree with you." Simon said, out of breath and his voice husky, when Jace pulled back. He only smiled at Simon and pushed his body against him, grinding on him and making Simon moan louder this time. Jace felt himself getting hot and all he wanted was to touch Simon, everywhere. So he did. Their bodies curved against each other, colliding into each other, feeling the presence of the other in a way that made Jace's toes curl and his breathing hitched.

"Simon, I love you." he said after, kissing the corner of his mouth softly. Simon smiled, his face flushed and he was catching his breath. He looked over to him and Jace saw his eyelashes flutter and his hazel eyes seemed deeper than ever. "I love you, too, Jace." he said, putting his strong hands around him, his body hot against Jace's and kissed Jace's jawline, sucking slightly. Jace groaned loudly and Simon laughed, ready for round two.

Jace opened his eyes, sensing that he was having a problem now concentrating on anything else but Simon. He cursed loudly when he realized he had a problem downstairs also. Rolling his eyes he got up, heading for the shower. He needed a cold one and fast.

I couldn't sense a trap
A special moment or a slap
Tiny love will attack
As it gets bigger behind your back

When he came out of the shower, he let his wet hair hang around him, looking at the bedroom with critical eyes. There were things that were Simon's and he needed to get rid of them. But he hadn't had the heart to do it yet. Yes, Simon was the love of his life, and he just let him go.

I've been trying, oh
Dancing away the dead gone days
I've been flying, oh
The moment that I see your face

He eyed at the shirt on the chair, behind his desk. That was also Simon's. He left it here the last time he was here. The night before everything shattered and Jace couldn't help but feel his heart beat faster, and the pain in his chest grew when he took the shirt and put it close to his face.

I remember, I remember, I remember goodbye
Insulted brain running from your eyes
I remember, I remember, I remember the fights
Burning deep into the night

He saw the wall opposite to the bed, where he had hung a painting, because he hadn't bothered to fix the hole in the wall just yet. He looked at his knuckles, remembering how it hurt when he punched it. But not was nearly as much when Simon walked out the door.

"Look, it's a great opportunity. Why can't you see that?" Simon was saying. Jace growled. Simon had gotten a job offer in LA. Journalism was his field of work and through Clary, he had gotten a lead job in one of her father's companies. "So what? We move to LA? My job is here Simon, my family is here." Jace said, his face flushed and he tried not to sound like a whining baby. Simon threw his hands up in anger. "We have had this fight before. And like before, I repeat myself - my family is also here. And so, we should stay here because of your job is here? What about my job? So my dream should be discarded because your dream is here?" he said, his voice angry and Jace had never heard it like this before. 

He paced around the bedroom, trying to stop himself from lashing out. "That's not what I said." he tried. Simon laughed maniacally. "That's what you said, basically." he snapped. Jace eyed him and trembled, his hands in fists. "So what happens now?" Jace asked. "I'm supposed to move there with you? What will I be doing there?" he continued, pacing around again. "Stop that," Simon said, putting  a hand on his shoulder. "Stop pacing. And no, that's not what I- I don't know okay? I want this job, and I also want to be with you." he said, his voice desperate. "I'm not moving to LA. And you know what I think about long distance." Jace said, his voice stern and holding back emotions. Simon fell silent as he watched him with cold eyes. "You're not even trying to make this about us. You're making this about you, once again, Jace. I'm so tired of it."

Jace stared at him, crossing his arms. "Yeah? Well, go then. It's not like you care anyway." he said. Simon let out a noise and shook his head. "You're unbelievable. After 2 years, this is what you say to me? Fuck you, Jace. I probably care more about this relationship than you." he said. Jace breathed in. "You don't get to say that! Simon, this- this is ridiculous!" he shouted. Simon looked at him with a deadly stare and Jace almost flinched. "So my dreams are ridiculous to you?" he asked in a steady voice. It was cold and Jace had never been so scared ever before. Simon held up his hand when he wanted to say something. "No, don't. I'm going. I'm getting my stuff tomorrow and leaving. Don't bother being here, I don't want to see you anyway." Simon said, his eyes still cold as ice. Jace felt the tears coming but he held back. And his stupid, stubborn ass was just standing there, lips sealed. Simon nodded. "Right, that's what I thought. Bye, Jace." he said, turning around and walking out the apartment.

When the door closed, it almost echoed and Jace let out a loud scream, hitting the wall with his fist. He felt the pain, but that's not why he crumbled to the floor, his tears now streaming. Simon was gone.

I remember, I remember, I remember your scent
When I just woke up and I'm on your chest
I remember, I remember, I remember the sound
Of your heart racing when you do bad things to me

Jace put his face in his hands. He ruined everything and now Simon was off in LA, living his dream and he was without Jace. He didn't need him. But as soon as he had left, Jace knew he couldn't live without Simon. He was his anchor, keeping him grounded, so he wouldn't fall apart and would pull him back, whenever he felt like losing himself. Now, he had nothing.

I wanna feel like it's the first night
I wanna meet you for the first time
I remember, I remember, I remember your smile
When your face lit up and it felt so right

He tried to steady his breathing, but he kept gasping for air, his face flushed and wet from tears. I'm an idiot, he thought, falling onto the floor, the shirt still in his hands. What if this was it and he could never move on? Without Simon, there was something missing. 

His doorbell rang and he looked up. Maybe it was Simon? He shook his head. Why would he be, after the way he treated him. He got up, flung the shirt on the floor and looked at the mirror. He tried to make himself presentable, but he couldn't deny the red and puffy eyes. Oh well, he thought. 

He went to open the door, and Alec strode in. He was quickly followed by Magnus. Jace let out a breath "Hello to you too, come on in." he mumbled, closing the door behind them. "You've been crying again," Alec observed bluntly, taking a seat on the couch. Magnus stood behind the couch, his hand on Alec's shoulders. "So?" Jace snapped, taking some water from the fridge. Magnus rolled his eyes. "It's been months, Jace." he stated. Jace gave him a glare and didn't say anything. Alec looked at him with pitiful eyes. "Don't. Don't look at me like that." Jace said, his voice agitated. Alec widened his eyes. "Like what?" he asked incredulously. "Like you fucking pity me!" Jace yelled, slamming his water down on the counter, making it spill. He breathed in to calm down.

Magnus raised his hand, when Alec wanted to speak. "Jace, we understand you miss him. That's why were here." he said softly. Jace raised his head. "What?" he asked, not following. Alec stood up and came closer, resting a hand on Jace's shoulder. He wanted to shrug it off but didn't want to anger Alec. "He's back. Simon, I mean." his brother said and Jace's heart jumped. Simon was back? But he stopped himself right there.

"What's that got to do with me? He's going to go back anyways. He probably just came to visit his family and friends. You guys." he said with a pained voice. Magnus shook his head. "We saw him, yes. He looked good, but I could understand he was in pain. Jace, talk to him. If you love him, isn't it worth trying?" he asked softly. Jace closed his eyes. "I don't...nothing's changed." he said. Alec and Magnus shared a glance. "What?" Jace asked. Alec coughed. "He...told us that if he could, he'd fix it. He'd even move back if you'd wanted it." he replied.

Jace stood still. What?

I remember, I remember, I remember your scent
When I just woke up and I'm on your chest
I remember, I remember, I remember the sound
Of your heart racing when you do bad things to me

"Why would he do that?" he asked bewildered. Magnus shrugged. "'Cause he still loves you? Can't you see how selfless he is being? Jace, what you did... you at least owe him an apology." he said. Jace stared straight ahead, thinking. He did owe that to Simon. He also owed him 2 years of his life, which were the best he could count. If Simon was here, he would beg him on his knees, he would leave everything for him. He should've done it back then. Because he knew Simon was always selfless with him, and Jace never appreciated it. He cursed out loud.

"I don't deserve him," he said in a broken voice. Alec squeezed his shoulder. "Let him be the judge of that. He's at the park, waiting. He said you'd know where to go." he said. Jace snapped his head up. His Simon was waiting for him?

I wanna feel like it's the first night
I wanna meet you for the first time
I remember, I remember, I remember your smile
When your face lit up and it felt so right

When he got to the park, where they first met, he went straight to the oak tree under which they had laid, when they were laughing about the shape of the clouds. He inhaled the scent coming from the flowers, the trees. He saw people walking their dogs. He though about Ash and how Simon had offered to let him stay at his parent's country house when he got sick. To live his last days, running around the fields and chasing chickens. Jace felt tears prickling in his eyes.

He saw Simon leaning on the oak, deep in thought. He looked good. Better than the last time he saw him. He had his ripped jeans on, the black T-shirt and leather jacket, his hair tousled and looking like he just woke from a deep sleep. His wrist had a bracelet on. With a jolt Jace realized it was the gift he gave him, when Simon had offered to take Ash away to the countryside.

Slowly he made his way to the man. Simon looked up when he heard him. His eyes were painful to watch, they were so sad. Jace stood in front of him, staring at his beautiful eyes. Simon didn't say anything. They stood in silence and suddenly, Simon reached out his hand to him. He took it, relishing the soft touch that sent tingles from his fingers straight to his heart. His heart ached to hold Simon. They looked at each other, hand in hand and Jace stepped a little closer. Simon smiled and Jace returned the gesture. There was going to be a time when he would apologize. When he would do anything, to make Simon see, he was not the selfish person he was before. 

Right now, thought, they just stood there, both feeling the warmth running through their joined hands and enjoying the sight of each other after months. Jace somehow knew, everything was going to be alright. Together, they could still save themselves.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: You know the drill, my beautiful human beings; vote, comment and stay sassy! :)x