*peaks in quietly and carefully to check the area*

Hehe😅😅 my beautiful people
I hope you aren't angry anymore 😂😂I'm sorry😭❤️
The death threats ehn🙊🙊

Hello lovelies😩❤️❤️

I miss you all so much wallahi, who missed me?!

Because I'm such a darling💁🏻‍♀️☺️ I quickly whipped up something for y'all. I know you guys were very very angry😂😂
I'm soooorrrrryyyyy
Double sorry😂🙏🏼❤️

To all the beautiful souls that prayed for me😭❤️🙏🏼
May Allah grant you whatever you may desire

School is hard😩😩😭😭💔💔💔
Those of you still in secondary school don't grow up!!!
I'm telling you 😂😂

Ignore the typos wrote it real quick.

JAWAHIR

Time.

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Life goes on....whether you choose to move on and take chance in the unknown or stay behind locked in the past, thinking of what could've been....

Time is free but it's priceless. You can't own it but you can use it. You can't keep it but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.

That's why I, Jawahir Malik Zayyad decided not to waste mine anymore. Time has always being very precious to me. Right through my eyes the month of April had come and gone without me doing anything productive and beneficial in my life.

As May approached, I told myself, Jawahir that's it, you cannot, no you WILL not sit down and wallow in pain, misery and sadness while the cause of it is God knows where, you will get your ass up and proceed with your plans. You were fine before him and you'll be without him.

******

Kausar has been with me since her brother left, that's the ending of March, till now. I don't know what he told his family, none of them were bothered about his sudden disappearance for more than six weeks. Maybe it's a normal occurrence, who knows?

Not once did his family talked about him in my presence or ask me how he was doing. I'm so confused but from what Ammiey was saying it's as if he went to a seminar. For how long? I don't know!

So I had no choice but to go with the seminar crap but I'm a hundred percent sure that's not the case. I could have easily cornered Kausar and asked her but I concluded it wasn't worth it. If he isn't bothered about me, my whereabouts or my wellbeing then I shouldn't be either. So whenever my family ask 'how's Aayan? When is your husband coming back?' I just flash them a fake smile and say ' he is fine. soon'

When they noticed I didn't like talking about it, they mistook it as I miss him so much. They couldn't be anymore far from the truth, that's not the case at all. I couldn't be less bothered.

Suhayl and Suhayla are coming back for summer break, they will be landing today, I'm so happy to see them. I miss them so much. They will be landing in the afternoon, I took my bath early and drove to my parents' house. Kausar left yesterday and didn't return, she has been having lectures every day of the week so she's staying at their house.

The gateman pulled the gate open for me, I respectfully nodded as a sign of greeting.

I alighted the car and went inside. I met my younger siblings in the hallway. "Ya Jawjaw!" They yelled and ran to me. I hugged each of them. I miss them so much!

"Did you bring anything?" Affan asked curiously. Of course.

"Yeah I did," I rolled my eyes. "But I'll go get it, it's kinda heavy and I don't want you guys to destroy it."

I went to my car and got the cupcakes. I gave Nai'a and Affan a piece each and kept the others in the fridge. Let's pray they don't go back and it everything, this wouldn't be the first time.

As I always do when I visit my parents, I go greet my stepmom first. But she wasn't around so I went to Mammie.

I met her rearranging her closet. I swear my mom has. I mean she's always cleaning, doesn't she ever get tired? 

Whenever I sweep back then, she either maked me do it again or does it herself, she says the moment she steps into the room she knows it wasn't swept properly. Crazy? I know. God bless our mothers!

"Assalamu alaikum Mammie," I walked into the room and hugged her from behind.

She was very startled and attempted to wipe her face. I quickly turned her around and saw tears streaming down her face. I don't think there's a word to explain how it feels to see your mom crying. My mother has always being strong and for her to cry it must be something serious...or not. Because sometimes you have this urge to cry in order to let things out.

I didn't bother asking what's wrong, I know for a fact she just needs someone so I enveloped her in a big hug and guided us to her bed. She leaned her head against my shoulder and I continuously rubbed her back in a soothing manner.

After a few minutes of utter silent, I got her a glass of water. "Go and wash your face Mammie," she stood up without saying a word. While she's in the bathroom, I finished cleaning the room.

Mammie came out after a little while with a towel in her hand. Her face is all red especially her nose. "Jaw habibty, I'm sorry you had to see me that way, I...."

"— even superheroes need occasional rescues Mammie. I'm your daughter, I want you to be able to express your emotions to me. Don't show me what you show the world please. Be the real you, I don't want you to pretend, it's okay to not be okay."

Mammie gave me a tearful smile. "Mataa kaburat; when did you grow up?"

"La la la la, don't start, hold back the tears Mammie," I grinned cheekily. "Don't be sappy."

She smacked my forearm then pulled me for a hug. "Ouhibouki ya bint; I love you my daughter."

"Iinaa ahbk 'aydaan; I love you too." I smiled softly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Mammie shook her head. "I don't want to—"

"—burden you with my problems." I completed the sentence with a glare. "I thought we've talked about this Mammie, don't treat me like an outsider."

She sighed and took a seat, I also quietly sat down beside her. I took her hands in mine and gave her a reassuring smile.

"My elder brother called..." she started.

"But you don't have an elder brother Mammie." I echoed in confusion.

"I do," she grimaced. "My half brother, we have the same father."

No way!

"But I thought Goggo is Papi's first wife which makes you the eldest child?"

Mammie shook her head. "My Abbie married my mama after he and his first wife divorced, my brother Mukarram is his eldest child and the only child he has with his first wife."

Wow! "But why now Mammie? Why is he calling you now? After all these years he didn't bother looking for you then why now?! What does he want?!" I spatted bitterly.

I only know bits and pieces of what Mammie went through with her paternal family but even with the small information I have, I know what they put her through was horrible. So I don't understand why he's contacting her now?

Mammie smiled, "But I also never bothered to look for him."

"But your case is different." I argued.

"How?"

And I came up with nothing. "But still Mammie!"

"You are being biased Jaw." She chuckled. I pouted.

"Mukarram isn't like my other relatives. Why he didn't look for me, Allahu a'alam. But I'll take it, I want mend my relationships even if it's with him only."

"Is that the only reason you were crying?" I raised an eyebrow well both.

"Mhmm," she nodded. "and the fact that he sounded almost exactly like my father, I miss him."

I draped my arm around her. "He's in a better place in sha Allah." 

"In sha Allah."

Mammie told me about her brother, my uncle. And from what she said he doesn't seem that bad. I just pray that her meeting him will bring only happiness. That side of the family have hurt her more than enough.

By 2'o'clock, Affan, Nai'a and I left for the airport. The plane lands by five and with the traffic jam of the city, it's better we leave early.

Abby's driver, Malan Musa is driving us with Affan in the passenger seat. He's too stubborn, he insisted on seating there. That leaves Nai'a and I in the back.

We arrived at the Nnamdi Azikiwe airport.

*****

After picking the twins up we stopped at a restaurant because they were hungry and couldn't resist.

So here we are, Suhayl is stuffing his face like there's no tomorrow. I eyed him weirdly.

"Why are you looking at me that way Jawjaw?"

I sighed before answering. "Nothing."

He eyed me skeptically but still said nothing. Thank God.

"So how's my brother in-law Jaw?" Suhalya asked.

Ugh! For Allah's sake!! Do they have talk about him all the time, I'm trying so hard to forget about his existence even if it's for a little while but they wouldn't let me. Aayan this, Aayan that! Haba!

As usual I just smiled and told her he has travelled. "Let's go,"

I can't say what really happened on our way back home because I completely zoned out. I'm feeling down and I have to do something ASAP before I sink deeper.

I offered a nafl then went to the kitchen.

Suhayl came in as I was putting the chocolate lasagna I made into the oven. "Hey baby sis!"

"Hello." I smiled in a tired manner.

"Are you sure you're okay Jaw?"

"I'm fine for Allah's sake!" I snapped. "Will people stop asking me that, do I look like I'm not okay huh?"

Suhayl stared at me flabbergasted.

Ya Allah what am I becoming?!

I ran out of the kitchen to my room. Thank God after getting married my room was left as it was. I closed the door and slid down.

I don't want to be bitter, like I used to be when it happened. I don't want to be that person again, I'm not proud of her.

I cried my heart out to the Almighty, Ya arhaman rahimin save me from myself.

I spent the whole day locked up and no one tried to bother me and for that I'm very grateful. I needed those few hours to myself.

A knock broke me out of my reverie. "Come in, it's open."

My brother came in holding a plate of the chocolate lasagna I made.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Suhayl kept the plate on my bedside and sat down beside me on the floor.

"Hey," he smiled brightly. "I brought you chocolate, they were trying to finish everything that's why. I know you'd want some."

"Suhayl," I cried and threw my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

He rubbed my back soothingly. "Shh," he cooed. "Hey it's okay," I clung to him tighter and kept sniffling and apologizing. "I said it's okay Cutie patootie." He pulled me away from his body to look at me. "Don't cry," he shook his head. "tears don't look on you."

"I'm sorry," I pouted. Suhayl pinched my cheek. "It's okay."

"No it's not, I was just—

"—you don't need to explain Jawahir. It's okay," he picked up the plate of lasagna and fed me a spoonful. I smiled and took the spoon, doing to him as he did to me.

We fed each other silently till we cleared the whole plate.

"Masha Allah," Suhayl exclaimed and leaned against the bed, stretching, "No pastry match up to yours."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh please."

"I'm serious, your hands are blessed."

That sounds oddly familiar.

"Thank you." I grinned.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure," I gave him my full attention because he sounded very serious.

"Nabila and I, we're not together anymore."

"Ohh," I said not knowing what to really say.

"Yeah," he nodded. "With me being there and her over here it's pretty hard. And honestly it isn't a serious relationship that's why I ended it before it could go any further and make things worst. I know you won't forgive me if things end up badly and I don't want that. We're friends now though, she's no longer just my baby sister's friend."

"Suhayl, you did the right thing. Iinaa fakhur bik; I'm proud of you. Thank you."

He just smiled. "Okay I'll leave now. Good night."

"Tusbih ealaa khayr; Good night."

"Jaw," he called by the door. I looked up. "When you need to talk about it, I'm here." He smiled.

I smiled back. "I know."

I ended up spending the night at my parents house. Abu at first said I must go back home because, and I quote 'you don't have your husband's permission' I mentally rolled my eyes astagafurillah. I lied and said that I asked him and he said it's okay.

Allah yafe mun; God forgive me.

The twins, Nai'a, Affan and I ended up having a movie marathon with loads of junk food.

I miss my family so my wallahil azeem. I'm already dreading going back to that place I used to call home.

*****

"I'm telling JaYan delectables is the perfect name for it." Amani argued stubbornly. Nabila rolled her eyes in exasperation. "For the last Amani, she's not naming her business that."

Amani harrumphed and crossed her arms but said nothing.

"What about Jaw's delicacies?" Jahara suggested.

Suhayla shook her head. "I don't like that one."

As you can tell my sister, sister in law, friends and I are trying to come up with a good business name. We are at my parents house, I've been here since the twins came back, two days ago.

I decided I'll start it now since Ramadan is approaching. I plan to organize iftar(s) for the poor as a form of sadaqa during the holy month then after Ramadan I'll start the business properly.

In a way, it'll spread the news around but I'm more concerned about the reward I'll get for feeding the poor.

"JMZ pastries?" Hairan said hesitantly.

"Ohh I like that one," Amani yelled. "But instead of JMZ why not JAA," she wiggles her brows. "you know Jawahir Aayan Abbas!"

"Even though it's my brother's name I don't like it, what's Jaa?" Kausar scrunched up
her nose, pronouncing the 'JAA' as a single word instead of letter by letter like Amani did.

"Jawahir's Golden Kitchen." I whispered quietly, talking for the first time since we sat down.

They all gasped. "Ya Allah Jaw, you're a genius." Jahara exclaimed.

The rest nodded their heads in agreement.

"How did you come up with that?" Hairan asked.

"Aayan you're not helping!" I whined. Aayan's eyes left the road to take a quick glance at me, sticking his tongue out in the process.

I huffed, crossing my arms below my bosom and looked at the window, turning my back to him.

"Don't tell me you're angry?"

I ignored him.

"Common Tesoro habibty, I was just kidding." I said nothing. "Ayooniy, Habibty, Tesoro, Malika, Azizaty." He kept calling. I bit my lips to hide my smile.

"Toh I'll come up with a business name for you, please look at me."

Silence.

He picked up my left hand with his right hand, stirring the wheel with only one hand.

"Stop ignoring me," he said in a childlike tone. He entwined our fingers and brought them to his lip, successfully placing a burning peck on the back of my hand. "Please."

Ya Allah.

I turned to look at him with a pout. "Fine but you'll have to come up with a name of you want me to forgive you."

He tightened his hold on our entwined hands, which he placed on his laps. "You don't have to worry. I'll come up with a fantabulous name and I'll even make the logo."

"Okay oo, I'm all ears."

"Lemme think." He kept quite for a few minutes before exclaiming. "Aha!"

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"Jawahir's...........Golden...........Kitchen!"

"Ya Rabbi!" I squealed happily. "I looooovvvvveee it, I would have hugged you if you weren't driving."

I haven't even closed my mouth properly when the car was suddenly pulled over. Aayan turned to look at me with his arms wide open. "I'm not driving now."

I grinned and threw my arms around his neck. "Thank you, thank you."

He chuckled. "No need to thank me." He burrowed his face in my neck, placing small kisses there.

I felt nauseous from that memory, we were coming back home from the hospital when Amar was admitted. "Excuse me," I told the girls before rushing to my room.

I dropped on the bed with a thud, I picked a throw pillow and hugged it tight.

I scrolled through my email, he definitely sent it to me.

Hot burning tears rolled down my cheeks. Why Aayan? What did I do to deserve this? Where are you?! Am I that unlovable? Do you not care anymore or you never really did? I desperately need answers.

Please come back, I....m-m-miss you.

😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔
Poor Jawahir😭😭😭❤️🖤🥀

Aayan where the HELL are you🔉🔉🔉🔉🔉

Toh nima kam jama'a I don't know where he is!

Zamu 'dada bincike😂😂

Nasun jameela😩❤️❤️

How are you guys? Ya kwana biyu?

I hope you're all fine.

School is 😑😑😑😑😑 but Alhamdulillah. Continue to pray for me y'all🙏🏼😩❤️

This is where imma gonna say a loooong good bye again.

I'll see you when I see you. Again updates will be very irregular.

Se kun ganni🚶🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

Yours truly
Memzyb ✨🌹