As I sit here at my cousin's wedding reception watching the beautiful couples on the dance floor, I am once again filled with overwhelming darkness.

It's not so much that I want to find the perfect husband.  I'm fine alone.  But seeing my family grow up and find love, seeing my friends do the same.. it makes me wonder what is so wrong with me?  Why doesn't anyone love me?

Sure I live a busy life, and when I'm off I stay home instead of going out with friends, but still.

Will I ever fall in love?  Will I ever find mister right?  Or is love not for me?  Is that not what God planned out for me?

Does he want me to be alone forever?  If so, why?  Why wouldn't he want me to have a life long partner?  Why don't I deserve what they have?

I have so much love to give.  I want to give it to someone.  I want to give it to my special person.. I want to give it to my children.

...

I quickly shake myself from falling deeper and deeper into this sadness.

I see more and more couples walking to the dance floor.

Neon Moon plays.

That's the song.

Every couple at every event rush onto the dance floor to dance with the person they love most.

I think I'd cry if I ever had that special person to finally share this song with.

I hate to be a downer.

I hate for people to think I'm sad sitting here alone.

So I smile.

I smile and I put on a show.  That's what I do best.

I sit up tall and show everyone a strong woman.. when on the inside I'm sobbing and screaming for help.