I've always been jealous of him. He always been there smiling, not a care in the world... I hit him because he's obnoxious. Deep inside he's perfect. I'm jealous of him.

He laughs and smiles.... Like he doesn't actually have a worry in the world. I try to do the same he does but it doesn't work.... People can see right through me.

He's the bright and happy one while me... He thinks I practically hate him. I don't I just hit him because I care... I guess.

Jealousy. Its a horrible thing. Sometimes you are jealous of someone that you just want to smash them. But this is not they thing here, its because of his laugh. His laugh is like tingling bells in the morning. Its a beautiful sound, and his smile, every time I see it my day gets brighter.

And I'm jealous of that. I can't do those things, I've tried but I fail. I wish I can be like him... I can't. Nobody's perfect.

One day he left me. He slowly got a desise which slowly liked him each day. It became so bad he had to go to the hospital... I didn't go visit him because.... I was scared. Scared of him.

I can't look at him not smiling... It hurts me inside... It reminds me of myself. Of how I used to be. The child who doesn't have feelings, the boy who never smiled. When I met him, my whole life changed.

He was my hero... I couldn't stand him frowning or crying.... It just took me to the past of the horrible memories.

I didn't go visit him once... One day I actually got the courage to visit him.

He looked horrible... He didn't frown... He actually smiled. Still I was jealous. How can he do that... He still can smile, not a care in the world. How does he do that...?

He even laughed when he saw me! Still that same Dane... Mathias...

Sometimes I forget why I'm jealous of him. Mathias... Why am I jealous? Why are you so carefree?

Even if he saw me cry... He still smiled. He cheered me up. He laughed.

Whenever he's sad... I stay in the shadows... Scared.

What is this jealousy I'm feeling?
Is it because of Mathias...? Or is it actually something else...