Losing Something
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After rushing down the steps to the front doors of the castle Janna saw Fawkes standing in a tree waiting for her, his downy feathers were smoothing out "take me to the clearing Fawkes"
The bird opened its wings, displaying with bright red and fiery yellow feathers in his wings, he clicked his beak at Janna setting off into the air his tail feathers swaying in the shadows of his past wing flaps. Janna began to run after the bird, soon realising it might have been easier to run after him as a wolf with three good legs than as a human with one. Ash squeaked in her pocket, attempting to peek his head out of the pocket but getting moved back down as Janna's feet hit the ground.
The bird wove through tree trunks, flying gracefully and effortlessly with long wings brushing the snow in the air. Janna's lungs got stiff with the freezing air entering her body, everything but her lungs were warm, making it near impossible to breathe.
Soon the clearing was up ahead, this time when Janna stepped through the krummholz of the clearing she stayed human, once again Fawkes was sat on the stump, watching for Janna to get the stone. Just like the first night Janna pulled the stone from the hole of the twisted trunk, she felt a wind go through her chest, she breathed in then turned around to see only Remus "oh"
"Yes," Remus looked around him "I thought you would at least want to see Sirius"
"No, no, no" Janna said hurriedly "I need to talk to you about... you know, the..."
"The furry little problem?"
"Yeah, that" Janna sat on the stump, she pursed her lips "when you were... er... not under the influence of Wolfsbane, did you ever feel the need to go to, something like, a pack?"
Slowly Remus looked at Janna, he breathed in deeply and sank his hands into his pockets "no, I... was never introduced to one so I suppose I never felt the urge to join one"
"I've never been introduced to one either" Janna ran her fingerless gloved hand through her hair, squinting at the dead grass rimming stump "not that I know of"
"You would not be here if you were in one, packs are... more like families, you can not just leave, you either have to be disowned or change your name"
Janna nodded, she pursed her lips "I don't know what to do, Remus, I... I'm not supposed to tell my friends but I can't hide this from them forever... I just hate the lying"
"My friends knew after the middle of first year, you are far more careful than I was. I can see why, the laws are far more stricter than they were thirty years ago"
"It's unfair, Greyback's still out there, he causes laws to be enforced and he never follows them..." Janna shook her head "I'm not sure I can survive another fight against him, he was so huge"
"You are a twelve year old, that makes you young, he's much older than I am, of course he is bigger" Remus came to Janna "those wounds you had, how are they?"
Janna put a hand on her right side where the gashes were "still there, it'll be a hideous scar when it's healed, then the one on my face, it'll maybe disappear" up close Janna's saw most of Remus' scars "I'm probably fretting about nothing, I'll probably get way more as time goes on"
"No, you won't" Remus said as he knelt to Janna's side where she covered the gash "let me see, I might be able to tell you what you can do to heed the scarring"
Reluctantly Janna pushed away the cloak, then pulled up the three jumpers to reveal the gashes, she could not cover them up because there was nothing more to do but let it heal itself "Pomfery put silver dust and dittany in it, she says it helps the wound heal more quickly, it's just downright uncomfortable"
Gently Remus pressed Janna's skin, it was strange feeling a sensation of fingers touching her without warmth or mass, it felt like a phantom pain, he pressed somewhere else, concentrating on the swollen red of the wound "the wounds aren't too deep, you're very lucky, Janna, you possibly only have to wait five weeks"
Slowly letting the jumpers curl over her skin again Janna stared at Remus "Remus... I... You know that when you're resurrected you lose something that makes up who you are... Do you think you'll lose your lycanthropy?"
Remus stared up at Janna, he glanced at the forest then back to Janna "Yes, the lycanthropy isn't a part of my soul, my body was the vessel" he studied Janna's face "do not get any ideas Janna—"
"I'm not—I'm just wondering" Janna reassured him but he raised an eyebrow "I don't like secrets, Remus, especially when I'm hiding them from myself. I hate pretending that I'm normal, I'm sick," Janna's voice lowered "that it's not my fault that Winslow died"
Remus leaned to Janna "it's not your fault, Janna. Greyback is ruthless—"
"How do I bring Winslow back..." Janna felt a rise in her stomach "how do I bring my parents back?!"
Remus' voice stiffened "I'm afraid it's not so simple" he sat next to Janna "You see, you need a soul to live, anyone who had their soul taken by a dementor, taken for a Horcrux, made an inferi, lost through insanity is not able to come back"
Janna stared at Remus, her eyes watering "but..." she stared at her hands then snapped her fingers "Lily and James, they were a part of Horcruxes"
"The Horcruxes were destroyed, setting free the soul..." Remus nodded as he explained "It's not morphed or disfigured, just trapped"
Janna stared at the snow, seeing the crystals refract the dull blue light of the clouds turning the light purple. Following one of the lines of purple shine she saw a rainbow in the snow "What are the limits?"
"Limits?"
"How far in time can the person have died?" Janna pushed her hair back "do souls have an expiration date?"
"Janna, souls survive lifetimes," Remus smiled at Janna and her choice of words "I'm sure they don't have a shelf life. Souls are static at times, but only rarely"
A wind drifted through the clearing, Janna looked to the Eastwards to the source of the wind, the wind was causing loose snow in trees to fall from the fingers of the batches. Janna let the cold mingle over her skin and in her hair "Remus..." Janna looked down at her fingers "will I..." She breathed in to ask her next question, she wondered if she could trust him. Remus looked at her, curious to know what her question was "will I be able to survive bringing all six of you back," she looked at him "I know there are more of you... how will I do it? How does it even work?" Janna pursed her lips, wondering as she searched Remus' face for an answer.
"I know you will have to use a fair amount of dark magic, however I am adamant you will be alright, Dumbledore is certain that your soul isn't tethered to the darkness"
"How do you know my soul isn't tethered to darkness?"
"Because if darkness had attached to your soul you would have attracted far worse than your ricocheting abilities" Remus stared at Janna's cheek where the newly healed scar stretched over her nose "Greyback wants to get to that power, that's why he is hunting you down" he looked up at the pinkish clouds "fascinating that you weren't in the Ministry's books after your birth—"
Janna snorted, interrupting Remus "I have been hunted by an official for my whole furry problem's reign, the official's name is Jackdaw. He's been trying to prove I'm a werewolf for ages, he threatened me, trying to catch me on a full moon, coaxing me out, writing runes on the front door. One day he even tried to get Mr. Winslow sacked for possession of a dangerous XXXXX beast" Janna held her breathe, then let the hot air rise to her nose to fog up to air "He called me Beast, muggle policemen had taken him away when he said it, he was yelling like a mad man... Then he told everyone that I was a Black just a few months ago but nobody knew what I looked like. Mr. Winslow told me Jackdaw was searching for my files, you see he was a paper-pusher, as he would say," Janna deepened her voice to imitate Mr. Winslow's "as vulgar as it gets, using an American term to describe me." A small smile spread across her face "it was the only job he could find, there was inheritance to keep the family afloat however Mr Winslow didn't think it was right to lounge at home all day and not work for your bread" Janna's fingers began to fiddle around the stone "I miss him... I still need him, even now, he was always finding books about dark magic and lycanthropy..." She hugged her chest, her bottom lip trembled "I need him now... I need him now..." There was a weight on Janna's shoulders now, Remus pulled her into a hug, she did not feel warmth at all but she did feel something else "have you been able to find him? Maybe put him in a portrait or something if you do"
"Will do," Remus said softly, letting Janna rest on him as her shoulders shook, blanketed in tattered robes he protected her "don't worry, we'll find him"
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