I had writer's block... And final exams... 🙇😥 but it's over now so let's get right into it.
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"Wake up, Jamaica." Dimitri smiled at me as his palm caressed the bare skin of my stomach, reminding me that there was something bigger than me growing there. A baby; our vulnerability. "Its my coronation today..."
"I know..." I sighed, opening my heavy eyelids to look at his fully clothed figure. "You didn't sleep a wink and you made sure I felt it." I grumbled, referring, almost grudgingly, to his belly rubbing habit which he did nearly all night.
"Sorry... I'm nervous." He reluctantly begun to withdraw his hand from me but I held it in place with mine. Our fingers intertwining, marrying.
"You don't have to do that..." I reassured him because I knew he needed it. "Maybe baby likes it." I tried to smile when I said baby. Dimitri smiled too at this. Soft lips closed and puckered slightly, he brought them to the corner of mine. It was short but sweet. Like two teens in love sharing an accidental first kiss, there was a certain timidness to it, a certain unease brought on by notions of entering uncharted territory. The corner of my lips curved against his when I smiled.
"I love you so much." I squeezed his trembling fingers when he pulled away.
"I love you too, Jay."
"Move so I can also get dressed." I jokingly shoved him so I could get past. "What should I wear? What do people wear at coronations even?" I chuckled, eager to show support and enthusiasm for the special occasion.
"Jay..." He stood up too and lowered his gaze to meet mine.
"I know its early for me to start preparing but..."
"Jamaica." He grabbed my shoulders.
"Jeez, what?" I tried to shrug his hands off me but they were stuck, it seemed.
"You can't come."
"To your crowning? You're joking, right?"
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and finally loosened his grip on my shoulders before he spoke. "Its too dangerous now with the baby. You smell of hormones, they'll sense you."
"Right." I said dryly.
"Jamaica, please understand. I love you, and I want you to be there but baby..." He paused. "I have everything to loose.
"Just go. Its fine."
"Jesus, here we go again..."
"What?" I crossed my arms as I let Dimitri hear the annoyance in my tone of voice.
"Its not fine!" He snapped. I shrank away from him. "I can't risk it, Jay. I am bound to you, you're carrying our baby. I will not risk losing you. I'm sorry if that means keeping you locked in a house." Gently, he held the side of my face in his palm. "Anything can happen and I need for you to be here, away from prying eyes. I still have no idea where the fuck Agnes is. She's probably going to try and sneak in to get to me-"
"I said its fine, Dimitri." I huffed and turned back towards the bed. It had to be at least five in the morning and after just reconciling with Dimitri last night, fighting a loosing battle with him was giving me a headache and making me even more tired than usual. "I'm too tired for this. Show me pictures when you get back, I'm going to sleep."
"Jay..."
"I'm over it." I lied, feeling marginalised as if I was a leper. "You have good intentions and that's what matters." I continued as I got back under the warm beddings.
"Please don't be like this?" He followed me onto the bed and straddled me.
"Whatever you think I'm being like, I'm probably not even doing it on purpose." I sighed. "Listen, if me staying home is what you think is the best thing then its what I'll do. Okay?" I spoke before grabbing his face and bringing it towards mine. I took a few seconds to admire the beauty that was my boyfriend. I blushed when I caught myself refer to Dimitri as something so normal and ordinary. It was incongruous and I loved it. His wide, electric blue eyes watched mine as his thick, dark eyebrows furrowed in concern. His plump lips were far too gorgeous to not be smiling just then. I felt his smooth, just shaved cheeks with my fingers.
"You're so beautiful." I said suddenly almost on the brink of tears. This gorgeous, wonderful, loving man was my boyfriend. Oh god... breath.
"Shit, are you going to cry?"
"I'm trying not to."
"Because you can't come to the Coronation today?" His index traced my cheeks.
"No. I don't know... Its just... you're so perfect to look at." I was falling apart. Oh no. Keep it together, Jay. Not this shit, no fucking crying. Stop it!
"Seriously?" He mused, evidently confused.
"Shit, I'm so ugly for you." Stop.
"Looks don't mean anything-"
"That's bullshit."
"But you're so fucking gorgeous..." He paused to kiss my mark on my neck. "Inside." He kissed my trembling lips and then travelled to kiss my tummy too. "And out." He fondled my tender boob through the t-shirt that had somehow ridden up. "And I fucking love you. I'm lucky I have you."
I noticed how he changed strategy and said and did all the things he thought I would want him to instead of taking a more rational and realistic approach like he originally intended and it made me appreciate him even more.
That was it. I was officially about to cry for no good reason. I pushed Dimitri off me and sat up. Breath. My throat tightened and my vision was blurring. Don't cry.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah... Baby hormones..."
"Cuddles?"
"No, no. Hugging me will make it worse. Just give me a second."
And so he did.
After about two minutes of silence and me trying my hardest to calm down, I felt better.
"I'm okay now."
Dimitri looked at me and began to smile broadly.
"So what's so funny?"
"You." He grinned as he crawled back towards me. "So you think I'm Beautiful?"
"Useless man." I huffed and crossed my arms. "You woke me up really early, so excuse me if I'm a little moody."
"A little." He chuckled. "God, I can't wait."
"For?"
"Everything. I'm filled with excitement; for you to be bigger, fuller; for more hormonal mood swings, for baby, for parenting, for more babies." He looked me in the eyes. "Thank you. I have so much to look forward to beyond material success for once and its all because of you."
"More babies." I mimicked mockingly in a silly high pitched voice while I crossed my eyes and waved my arms in Dimitri's face. He knew he was pushing it and he laughed at my response. "No need to say thank you. This isn't a barter transaction." I reassured when the laughter died down a bit.
"I know... I just feel like I should. I'm sorry you can't be there today."
"Listen... Even if I'm sad I can't come, today is your day and if my absence and assured safety is what you need to be able to truly have a happy, worry free time then I'll oblige. I'll see you on tv." I smiled softly.
∞∞∞∞∞
That was the last time I saw Dimitri that month. He led me to a black vehicle with tinted windows, kissed my forehead as I sat in the back seat and he stood between the open car door and me, and then turned to leave and get into another vehicle.
Maybe I unconsciously foresaw his disappearance, maybe that's why I was crying my eyes out. Maybe he knew too, that's why he held on so tight, so long. I remember sitting there, committing every detail to mind. The dampness of his gelled back hair, the fervour of his electric blue eyes, the spicy smell of his after shave and cologne and the way they made my senses dizzy with adoration, the taste of the orange juice we had for our ridiculously early breakfast on his warm tongue.
Oh god,..
I sighed at the memory of the sticky leather seats, the smell of pineapple airfreshener, the blonde haired driver and his brunette friend; Jones and Smith. It took me a while to realise that those were their surnames. They're actually Richard and Colleen. Dimitri trusts them so I guess I do too but its been a month. A month of silence, of living in a small cabin in the mountains in the middle of nowhere with no communication from Dimitri.
Did Agnes get her dirty fucking hands on him? Jesus Christ.
I'm loosing my goddamn mind!
Tears stung my eyes and I had to try and blink them away. I couldn't do it. Just like I couldn't blink away the father of the baby that was growing inside me.
And it wasn't just me who was beginning to get scared out of my mind. Colleen and Richard were beginning to get jittery too. I could hear them whispering between themselves.
"What now? We were only supposed to be up here for a week, two at most." Richard said.
"Well, we can't just fucking leave her, she needs us, Rich."
"He could be dead. Man's had a target on his back for years even more so now."
"Regardless. We're here for her, and we're gonna do our goddamn jobs like we said we would. Have some sympathy... She might be pregnant, for God's sake." Colleen scolded Richard.
"That's even worse. We have to get a move on things. I'm getting sick of hunting meals."
They did this often, there wasn't much else to do anyways.
I sat on my bed and felt my tummy, remembering how Dimitri had done it, trying to mimic his movements, the way his hand moved...
"Ma'am? Something just came in... It's about-" It was Colleen.
"About Dimitri?" I sprang off my bed.

Its two in the morning 😪 😴
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P.S, I feel like its incredibly important, as a human being, to say thank you and show appreciation for the support shown during my time away from this book. I tried to follow some of you but there's so many of you versus just me and my shit memory so I might be working on another way... but like oh my goodness, guys... I can't believe how many of you stuck around, and hello to the new ones. hi, you're awesome. Just... wow, you guys. Thank you, dziękuję, danke, gracias, zikomo, nda lumba... I can't believe...