Agnes smiled at me as she opened the door to the back seat and got in, her big brown eyes twinkling with mischief or hope - I couldn't tell.
We had decided it was safer to meet on a rarely used dirt road about fifty kilometers away from the safe house.
Agnes herself, it seemed, was also in danger after rumours that she had played a hand in Dimitri's escape from execution had begun to spread. The old bitch was hiding from the new regime too. Funny how the universe works.
"Ya look well." She looked at me up and down. "'ow's the little one?" She whispered knowingly, reaching out to touch my barely showing, four month old bump.
"What do you want from me?" I snapped. Meeting my eyes, she withdrew her hand. Clearly, I was not in the mood for small talk - especially not with her.
"My son." She answered seriously.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. "I don't even know where he is."
"You bewitched 'im." Came her low toned voice as she pointed an accusatory finger at my face.
"That's ridiculous, Ag-"
"Don't!" She snapped and I shrank away. "I know. I already know 'bout that." She continued in a much calmer voice.
I watched as Agnes seemed to show hints of remorse and regret.
"I jus' wanna find 'im like you do... But 'e's lost. I saved 'im that day but 'e ran away from me to find ya." Agnes ran her fingers through her thick, dark hair and buried her face in her palms... just like Dimitri used to.
"He's not here." I said, trying to show a tough exterior and pretend that the fact that Agnes herself didn't know where Dimitri was was not eating me up.
"They could've recaptured 'im." She sobbed. I scoffed.
"Fake bitch" I mumbled under my breath. "We would've known by now if they did. And don't say that." I said to her as she shed her crocodile tears.
"'Elp me find 'im. I jus' wanna find my baby."
"I think you should leave." I cleared my throat. My tough exterior was crumbling. I couldn't take it anymore; the sitting around and waiting for something - anything - on the whereabouts of Dimitri, the sleepless nights, the crying, the anxiety-
"Please." Agnes held my hands in hers and begged me, her eyes locked on to mine. They were sunken - her eyes, I mean - the dark bags under them prominent as ever. She had lost weight and cut most of her previously long, dark hair. Now she sat across from me haggard and white lipped, her short, salt and pepper hair clipped back but still unkempt. "I need someone to 'elp me."
"Don't touch me." My voice was starting to crack. I tugged my hands away from hers.
"Jamaica..." She begged, her own voice raising in pitch and cracking as if she could be desperate. "I love 'im. Jus' like you do."
"You don't love him."
"'Es my son - how can I not? We need to find 'im."
"We?" I clenched my jaw in anger now. "All of this is your fault! He's in danger because of what you did to him. Because you don't know how to love. You're incapable of it after what you did to him when he was a boy." I seethed.
"I was young."
"So am I but at least I'm trying to protect my child. Even if its from myself because that's what mothers do."
"I love Dimitri."
"Tell yourself a lie often enough and it becomes the truth." I mumbled.
"I thought it was a small price to pay." She tried to explain. Lifting her red face from her open palms, her bloodshot eyes met mine again. I scoffed and looked out the tinted backseat window at the plush greenery. I cursed the day for daring to be so beautiful and serene amidst all this chaos.
"We were poor, Jamaica. Almost homeless... My son was starving." Her lips quivered as she spoke and watery mucus dripped from her red nose. "I went to a young witch for help. She said she could make us rich an' ensure Dimitri a bright future full o'love and great success..." She paused to wipe her face and collect herself before continuing. "She said the price to pay would be great and calamitous, but I didn't care... We were so 'ungry. Its bad enough that 'e was the King's bastard son."
"So you sold him because you 'were hungry'!?"
"The sex wasn't a big deal... I did it too."
"What the fuck?" I wanted to spit on her again. "Do you not hear yourself?"
"I was desperate. The witch said it 'ad to 'appen in order fo' the magic to work. I didn't know that there would be more... I didn't know that Dimitri would start to bleed out and feel like 'e was on fire on the inside every other day ever since it 'appened... That's why I asked Derek to kill'im... We didn't get rich in the end an' Dimitri now 'ad to deal with this 'orrible curse after everything I did for 'im. I thought the promise of 'is success 'ad been a lie too... I thought 'e'd be better off restin' eternally than sufferin' the way we were."
I said nothing in return - just balled my fists and willed them to remain resting on my laps and not fling themselves towards Agnes' nose.
"I saw your guilt, Jamaica..." She confessed, bloodshot eyes now fixed upon my belly. "You didn't want it just like I didn't want Dimitri... 'Cause of the guilt we 'ad. Our circumstances made us reject our sons an' we feel guilty for it."
"Stop comparing yourself to me. I love my baby and I want him to live-"
"So do I."
"I will smack you." I warned. "I'm nothing like you. You and I are nothing alike. I am neither a child abuser nor a master manipulator like you."
"I'm tryin' to find middle ground..."
"There is no middle ground to be found between us. You should get out of the car now."
"But Dimitri-"
"Get. Out."
"Jamaica, I can see him." She grabbed onto my hands again and begged.
"No, you can't." I objected, yanking my hands away to no avail.
"Darkness encroaches over him and he faces danger!" Agnes cried out, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"That doesn't mean anything! Leave me the fuck alone!" I too cried out as I managed to yank my hands out of her grip with a final tug.
"But I can't see him without you. I can't find him. You're bonded - mated - and I need your connection to see him."
"Bullshit!"
"Its true..."
"Get the hell out before I call Colleen to assist you."
"Please-"
"Out! Now please."
"I saw that 'e could die if we don't do anythin'." She said to me as she slowly reached for the door handle. "If you 'elp me save my son, I won't 'ave no reason to come for yours, Jamaica..." And with one final look, she exited the vehicle and left me alone.
I sat there, hiding behind the sense of anonymity and security provided by the tinted windows and tried to process what had just happened. Dimitri could lose his life and the way it looked, I couldn't find him without Agnes' sight and she couldn't do so either. Not without me. My heart sank. Agnes had threatened my child's life again and this time, I felt like I didn't even have the strength to make her back off.