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Dedicated to CatherineJeong
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I had gone to my master's room in the middle of the night for no reason. Well, none that was good enough anyways. It made no sense, it wasn't like I missed him or anything. You're worried, Jamaica... I knew being 'worried' about my master was unusual to say the least but I said I would be there for him and so I would. Even though he's abusive and disruptive? I sighed inwardly as I imagined his electric blue eyes glaring daggers at me through the darkness of the night in his room.
"When are you finally going to get tired of doing this shit?" He mumbled under his breath.
"Doing what?" I asked into the darkness.
"Leave." He grabbed my upper arm, seeming unfazed by the fact that one could easily lose their own hand in the darkness.
"Master?" I asked in order to stall him. As if you want to stay with the man who lashed you half to death. So many emotions all at once. Master was bad for me but I could be good for him, I had been given to him in order to do that... even though I had no clue how.
"For fuck's sake." He groaned in annoyance. "What?!"
"Ummm..." What do I say now?!?!
"I don't have all night, Jamaica."
"I can't sleep." I lied without putting much thought to what I was meant to say. Master's grip on my arm loosened slightly and he simply sighed; an action he effortlessly laced with irritation. I could imagine his broad shoulders slump downwards slightly with the action, his toned muscles tensing and relaxing under perfectly tanned olive skin.
"That's not my problem. Bye." He pushed me towards the door again.
"But I still haven't talked to you about you, master."
"Would you like me to teach you how to keep that mouth of yours shut and obey me all over again? I'll admit, its been a while since you've gotten a lashing from me, I actually miss it.... Is that why you're here, talking shit? Because you miss it too...?" He whispered in my ear like a sick maniac as his grip on my arm tightened significantly. I can't really remember how it felt; I was too distracted by my trembling hands, wobbly knees and racing heartbeat to feel the pain.
"N-no, master. I'm sorry, master." I mumbled solemnly, still frozen in my spot with my eyes to the ground. He suddenly shoved me against the wall. Hard. My head rattled momentarily from the force.
"Good. Don't come back here, or I'll hurt you for real this time." He sneered in my face, his warm breath burning my cheeks and the tip of my nose. I felt too exposed, so stupid, so... naive. Naive enough to forget that my master was still the monster that killed Amelia and treated me with cruelty - just like all my masters before him. Why on earth did I feel like he could have been different??? It must've been those stupid blue eyes... After taking a deep breath I decided that I hadn't gone there for nothing and he was going to listen to me. I had never tried to speak up for myself especially where my masters were involved but I knew some of the consequences.
"Master?"
"Christ! What!?" He half shouted half whispered, causing me to flinch.
"I..." I paused, contemplating whether or not this would be worth it. "I just... wanted to say why I came..."
"And?" He said, expectantly.
"I just wanted to know why you seem... distant these days... Is it me?" He sighed heavily, irritated once again.
"I've always been distant, you idiot... Its none of your fucking business anyways."
"But the King said -"
"Its none of his fucking business either, okay?!"
"Okay..." I said in defeat then silence ensued. So loud, so thick - it stifled me. "I think I should go to my room, master." I mumbled as I tugged my arm away from his painful grip after a long while. Relieved by the fact that I managed to say that with a straight face, when he finally let go I unconsciously cradled my aching arm between my good arm and my chest as I rushed to my room - weighed down by a lump in my throat and mind numbing frustration. How am I supposed to fix a sociopath?! I can't do this... not if he keeps pushing me away with threats... I sighed loudly as I collapsed onto the comforter then turned my head to witness the birth of a grotesque shade of purple and blue on my bicep.
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"Yawza..." Amber cringed at the bruise on my arm. She had caught a glimpse of it while I reached into one of the high shelves, my t-shirt sleeve exposing the purple thing in the process - a costly accident on my part. "What is that? Wait, don't answer, I know what it is... It was Dimitri, wasn't it?" She seemed concerned, I sighed at her intrusive reaction. Unable to explain myself, I remained silent; shame covering my face like a dark veil. I couldn't even hide it, I never was good at hiding what I felt...
"I provoked him..." I whispered after a while. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either.
"Jay... You're lucky you only got a bruise, you know..."
"I know..." I replied absent-mindedly.
"Hey, how 'bout you ditch this kitchen and do something fun for once, huh?" Amber nudged at my ribs with her elbow as she wriggled her eyebrows mischievously causing me to chuckle slightly. She's something else, this one...
"What if my master comes in and finds a half prepared lunch?"
"Does he ever eat your food?" Ouch... Her question stung me more than necessary but I had to be honest with her.
"No..." I replied.
"Then you have nothing to worry about." She smirked. "Let's go watch bad movies."
"Bad movies?" I questioned. Are the movies bad because the plots suck or because bad things happen in them??? Amber simply ignored my question and dragged me to the TV room. Being in there for reasons other than cleaning felt odd. Dimitri would surely have my head if he found out what we were doing. This thought didn't seem to have crossed Amber's mind at all as she sank to the floor, a cardboard box full of DVDs in hand.
"Come choose a movie or else we're gonna watch Frozen." Amber mumbled, effectively distracted.
"Okay..." I complied hesitantly. "Just promise to save my bum if master finds out."
"Well, duh..." she rolled her eyes playfully.
We ended up watching a movie chosen by Amber, regardless. Although, I was slightly saddened by the fact that it wasn't Frozen - it seemed like a really nice movie. I then discovered that I hated horror films, contrary to what Amber told me... "You'll love 'em...", she said... I did not "love 'em." At all. Not one bit.
"I don't think I can sleep at all now." I glared at her. I had my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears through most of the movie; it was sort of like reliving some of the things I saw at the auction house - my childhood.
"Oh, come on... It was just a kid. Besides, it wasn't even that scary. Chill out, girl." I just continued my wordless assault. The fact that people enjoy watching such irked me. Yes, I had seen things... things that I wish I could unsee but it didn't stop me from feeling like some demon possessed child was going to come at me during the night. It also brought back memories I wished I could forget at will, reminders of dark times when I would make a friends only to have them killed right in front of me just so that those beasts could find humour in my reaction. I couldn't help but feel angry at Amber for her insensitivity. Tears prickled at my eyes as Amber nonchalantly went on and on about how the child's mother had been left to die with her own guts in her hands. I couldn't handle it. Not all over again. So I walked away while Amber turned to put the movies back.
"Jay?" I heard her call out as I picked up my pace, eager to forget. Gosh, I can't even handle being alone anymore... I only realised what I had done when I found myself standing at the foot of my master's bed as he glared at me from behind his boring-looking book. The tears flowed freely by the time master had softened his gaze and got up to close the door behind me. He stood in front of me while my gaze had dropped to look at his bare feet.
"I... shouldn't have c-come here..." I said between unattractive sobs. Gosh, I'm such a baby...
"You're right." Master's usually gruff voice sounded almost gentle as he took my chin between thumb and index. This time feels different to the first. Master then tilted my head upwards so as to use a semi wet towel he got from the bed to wipe my tears (and also some snot, embarrassingly...) the towel smelled like men's shower gel and musk, it comforted me slightly... in a very sad, desperate way. He's just like them, Jamaica so what's the point of being here...? Leave while you still can. But I don't want to be alone. Not tonight. Once he was done, his eyes of electric blue searched my dark brown ones. I bet he saw everything in them... I never was good at hiding what I felt. My body still shook with tear less sobs and I tried to be be quiet about it with the exception of the occasional sniffle here and there.
"Go lay down or whatever... Over there..." Master said awkwardly as he gestured towards his bed. I glanced at the massive thing then back at him. Spreading it for him everyday was one thing but laying down in it was another. "Relax... I'm not interested in touching you that way, I'm not that fucked up." He seemed genuine enough... considering my emotional state at the time. So I hesitantly crawled on and leaned against the headboard as I sat cross-legged, still sniffling every few seconds.
"I said lay down not sit, Jamaica." Master sighed. I did as told without protest. The light went off and the bed dipped. My heart did several somersaults in my chest as a strong, warm arm wrapped around my boney waist. I was silently glad he had noticed my weight loss but never mentioned it; he was just... there. Not judging or being angry... he was just there for me. Its part of the 'arrangement'... Isn't it?
"Don't think, just relax..." he mumbled against my ear. Well, on the bright side, I had braided my hair into two cornrows so I didn't have to worry about the possibility of getting kicked out of there because my hair was in his face.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked, still unable to understand him.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me right now." He sighed. "Because I know you're the type of person who'd do the same shit for me and that's saying something seeing as I'm a real dick when it comes to you... I owe you after that night." He finally said after a few seconds. I wanted to ask which night he meant but I chose not to since he already seemed on edge. I turned around to face him instead, my hand reaching into the darkness to find his cheek. Gosh, I love the stubble on his cheeks. Heat rushed to my cheeks at my inappropriate thought. There those darn butterflies are again. I squirmed slightly in his arms as I tried to get more comfortable. The pad of my thumb absent-mindedly caressed his perfect cheekbone as I let myself receive comfort. Master also seemed deep in his own thoughts as he rubbed circles on my lower back when he suddenly stopped to reach behind me and flick the lamp on. His hand returned and my eyes fluttered shut in contentment.
"I want to kiss you, Jamaica. Right fucking now..." He mumbled against my lips, it never occurred to me how intimate we were being until his... confession.
"Okay..." My breaths suddenly became short, shallow pants. You're actually going to let him kiss you!?
"Then open your eyes..." he chuckled, evidently amused by me. As soon as I opened my eyes, his hand travelled from my waist to my cheek while he stared me down with his eyes. He must've known what he was doing because he smirked when I looked away from his enchanting eyes. He moved closer and as soon as his lips brushed mine, my eyes were closed again. It felt so... right yet so wrong at the same time. He took my bottom lip between his teeth and sucked it ever so gently, causing me to shiver with toe-curling contentment. Sucking gradually became nibbling and by then, I was a moaning mess under him. Not that I even knew how to control it or what on earth I was doing - I had both hands fisting his dark curls, tugging and pulling while I lost my mind. His lips travelled to my neck and I abruptly came down from my high, frozen in place as he nibbled at the soft flesh there.
"I'm not going to bite you, Jamaica." He chuckled causing me to sigh in relief. Master came in for another kiss but I didn't think I could handle that. I already had a lot on my mind.
"No more, master... Please." I whispered breathlessly, he smiled at me, seemingly genuinely, I guess. Though, he kept staring at me, it was different to the way he usually did, maybe there was now a certain... softness to his gaze.
"You're looking at me differently... Why?"
"I don't know yet..." He too seemed confused but he was still very much intrigued, I could see it. "There's more to you than I thought..." He whispered. "Turn around for me." I hesitated at first but then decided to obey. His strong muscular hand snuck around my waist again and pulled me closer to his hard chest, his less than graceful boner now poking at my butt cheeks - damn butterflies!

Boy, it sure does get lonely in that there comment section... Why don't you guys leave me something nice in there? Tell momma how your hearts feel after that kiss. And how you feel about Jamaica (a.k.a - le-cry-baby-who-cries-more-than-she-would-like...). Please don't forget to VOTE!!! .... AND SHARE!!!

Excuse any typos, I didn't go back and look for them when I uploaded this coz I'm a lazy bum...