♥Chapter 18: ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ꜱʜᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ʜᴏʀʀɪʙʟᴇ♥

✿Kennedy✿

"You found the correct direction to the mall yet?" I ask when Toothy walks back.

Jake shoots me a flat look, walking behind Toothy.

"I don't know." Toothy answers. "My GPS seems to be broken."

"We're going to be lost forever, aren't we?" I question with a sad look.

Corey who's sitting beside me, chuckles. His arms around my shoulders.

A guy from the group catches our attention when he speaks in a loud excited tone.

"Cheers for this night where our legendary football team reunites." He holds up a hotdog instead of a drink.

Other guys hold up their hotdogs too.

The drinks are quite preoccupied staining the ground right now so the hotdogs have to do.

A hotdog passes to Corey, Jake, Toothy and me.

We raise our hotdogs in the air and take a bite all at once.

After a while, the guys pass around a pack of cigarettes.

I almost take one, but Jake shoots his hand out and grabs my wrist, placing it back on my lap.

I look at him and he gives me an 'are you serious' look.

"I wasn't actually going to smoke," I say, "I just wanted to touch it. I never held a cigarette before. What does it feel like?"

"Like a cigarette." He snorts.

I fake a surprised look, "Wait, really?"

He gives me a blank look.

I glare, "You were supposed to play along and nod your head looking overly enthusiastic."

The guys pass around a lighter next, lighting up their cigarettes.

Toothy and Corey don't take one. Neither does Jake. Such good children.

I know I would have definitely smoked twenty times a day if I didn't have asthma.

Hold up.

Asthma.

Cigarettes.

Smoke.

I quickly jump up, holding a hand to my mouth as the guys let puffs of smoke out of their mouths.

I should have asked them to smoke after I walk a good distance away.

It's not like I can ask them to put all the smoke back in their mouths now, can I?

Jake's head snaps towards me. He notices and without another word, stands and takes my wrist, pulling me away.

"This was one of the reasons I didn't want you to come here." He grumbles as he pulls me far away until we slowed to a normal walk on the field. "They have cigarettes, alcohol-"

"Alcohol, no more," I grin, "It's on the ground. Over there." I point at the huge stain.

He grumbles something under his breath.

His hand still clutches around my wrist.

"You're still holding my wrist," I say.

"And?" He asks.

I blink.

Then shrug.

"Are we taking a walk?" I ask.

He shrugs.

"If we are then it's a bad idea bud," I warn. "I'll be a wheezing donkey under two minutes."

"Shut up."

"You're not supposed to say that to a diseased person."

He looks down and frowns at me, "You're not diseased."

"I am."

"You're not."

I furrow my eyebrows, "I am."

"You're fucking not. Shut up."

I look at him in confusion, "But I am, Jake. I got asthma and I get sick really easily-"

"And?"

I frown in confusion, "Do you actually study medical or does medical have a new definition I don't know about?"

He gives me a look.

He stares at me for a moment longer before taking out a sigh and turning his head away from me.

"Forget about it."

"Forget what now?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "Nothing."

"So am I diseased or not?" I ask, still confused.

He glares at me, and a flicker of emotions crosses his face before he frustratingly runs a hand through his hair.

"Fuck." He curses, looking ahead and not meeting my eyes.

I stare at him in confusion, waiting for him to say something else.

We continue walking for a little while before he finally stops with a hard look on his face.

I take two steps ahead and realize he's stopped walking. I turn around and face him.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

His fists clench with his eyes fixed on the ground, "My-" he cuts himself off, shaking his head, "Nothing."

I tilt my head, watching him.

He doesn't meet my eyes.

It takes a long time for his eyes to flick to mine.

A breeze of gentle wind blows past us, making my hair fly back and for a shiver to go down my back.

"It's getting cold." I laugh, rubbing my hands on my bare arms.

I look at Jake to see him blankly looking at me. Well, not exactly blankly. His eyes focus on me with his expressions unreadable. The wind doesn't seem to faze him.

A smile spreads on my face on its own, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He tilts his head as I did.

I hold his gaze, feeling something warm in my chest.

"My..." He starts, hesitating. "My mom died of asthma."

My mouth falls open.

He looks away from me, at the ground with his jaw clenched. His hands fists on either side of him.

His mom...

My bottom lip quivers with tears brimming my eyes.

"Jake..." I step forward and put my hands around his neck.

His body tenses before slowly relaxing. He makes no move to hug me back.

"I'm so sorry," I say.

A realization dawns upon me and I pull back, looking up at him.

"I'm so sorry Jake," A tear slides down my cheek, "Your mom...I remind you of her with my own disease-"

He cuts me off by grabbing the back of my neck.

His face is still blank, "Shut up."

A few more tears roll down my face and he sighs. He brings my head to his chest and puts his arms around me.

"Don't cry," He says.

"I'm so horrible-"

"Shut up, Kennedy," His tone isn't rude or mean. He sounds tired.

Now it makes sense why he hated me so much.

"You hate me so much right now," I say.

"Would I be holding you like this if I hated you?" He asks, his arms tightening around me to emphasize his words.

"I don't know," I answer. "You're brain kinda works differently than the rest."

He lightly slaps me on the back of my head. "I don't hate you." 

"Okay."

I speak after a while, "You dislike me then—"

"Shut up."

I keep quiet for a while.

"Asthma is a disease," He says after a while, and I pull my head back to look at his face, "but just because it is, you don't have to see it as one. Your disease only takes over your body. Not over who you are."

"I never let my disease take over me," I say.

He nods, "I know."

"You know I had bullies back in California?" I ask and he looks at me.

I nod, "Hard to believe isn't it?" I ask, "Since I look so tough and all but anyway, yeah, I had bullies and they always tried to bring me down. They always said mean things and talked bad about my parents. But guess what? I never let it get to me."

He gives me a flat look, "Liar."

"I'm not lying."

He continues giving me his look.

I look back at him.

We continue looking at each other.

I slump after a while, "Okay fine maybe once or twice."

I mean maybe a couple of hundred times.

He gives me another look, not believing me.

I scowl, "Fine I let them get to me."

His face softens, "You shouldn't."

I shrug, "It's kinda hard when they mock you on every part of your life. I just so happen to take people seriously."

"You shouldn't." He repeats, his hands coming to rest on my waist. I get butterflies in my stomach.

"I shouldn't." I nod, agreeing.

He looks at me, his eyes searching my face.

Another flat look comes on his face. "You're still going to."

I look down, "I can't help it."

His grip on my waist tightens, "Good thing no one's going to say shit to you while I'm here," He says. "Now forget about all those bullies. They don't mean a fucking a thing."

I smile before raising my fist and landing one solid punch on Jake's bicep.

I wait for him to shriek or yell or even give a wince.

He frowns, "Was that a punch?"

My smile falters, "You didn't feel it?"

He shakes his head.

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

I pout.

"You should give me some tips on getting muscles like yours," I say.

He raises an eyebrow, "Sure?"

I nod, "I want to be strong and tough and big looking just like you. Grow those big muscles." I pat my flat biceps.

The corners of his mouth lift into a small smirk, "You need to go to the gym and lift some weights then."

"I don't want muscles anymore."

A small breathy chuckle comes out of his lips, making me almost fall flat to the ground.

He chuckled!

Jake opens his mouth but gets cut off when a football soars in the air towards us. He grabs my shoulders and twirls us away just in time, letting the football fly past us.

"You two lovebirds gonna be standing there forever?" Trevor yells across the field with his whole crew watching Jake and me.

While a blush rises through my cheeks, Jake's eyes narrow into a glare.

"We stopped smoking, you can come back now!" Cute guy yells, grinning.

Jake glares some more before leaving my shoulders and walking behind where the ball landed. He positions the ball under his foot, a challenging look on his face as he looks back at the awaiting guys.

His foot swings back.

And oh mama, he sure does know how to kick some balls.

✯✯✯

❆Jake❆

I pull into the driveway and cut off the engine.

I look to my left and sigh, watching Kennedy's snoring figure. Her head leans against the window with a long line of drool sliding down her chin.

Taking a few tissues, I gently pull Kennedy away from the window and rest her on the seat before wiping off the drool and closing her open mouth.

I get out of the car and walk to the other side, pulling Kennedy's sleeping figure into my arms and closing the door with my foot.

She's a damn heavy sleeper.

I bet if I fucking drop her right now, she'd only curl into herself and continue sleeping.

Walking up the stairs, I find myself contemplating again. My room or hers?

Deciding it's her fucking wish if she wants to come into my room, I take her into hers and lay her on the bed, pulling the covers over her body.

Her inhaler.

I pull the covers down again and take out the inhaler from her pocket.

Walking out of the room, I gently close the door and walk into mine.

A heavy feeling weighs down my chest. I rub the spot between my eyebrows and run a hand through my hair a couple of times.

The room in front of me lays cold and uninviting making me want to turn back around and go back to Kennedy's warm fuzzy body.

Fuck.

Kennedy's big eyes come into my mind at the way she was looking at me tonight. So patient.

I never intended to tell her about mom.

I never meant to tell her anything.

Seven years ago; I came home from school. 

I won another football match and got one of those big fucking trophies that I keep boxed in the basement now.

I searched everywhere for mom, calling out her name.

I thought she went grocery shopping or some other shit but when I opened the door to her bedroom, there she was; lying cold on the ground. Spots of blood stained the white carpets.

I remember the way my own body turned ice-cold at the sight of her.

The way it took me five seconds to snap out of myself and scream out to her.

The way I ran and knelt down beside her, shaking her limp shoulders.

The way her eyes remained close.

I called Alex but he didn't answer.

I called the ambulance, and they came in half an hour before pulling her away from me.

I yelled at them to let me stay with her, but they held me back, taking her away.

Alex came three hours after, rushing into the hospital corridors, searching for me.

Before he came, the doctor had already given me the news that mom was no longer there.

I remember taking the news all alone; then slumping into the nearest chair with my heart sinking deep into a dark void.

By the time Alex came, my heart and head had already sunk too deep into voidness. He shook my shoulders asking me to tell him what happened, but my lips remained shut, not being able to have it in me to speak out loud.

Since then, a feeling of emptiness always weighed down on my chest. Whatever I did, it always felt exhausting and infuriating like I was going mad inside my head.

The only person I let close was Toothy. My mom was like her mom. We shared the same pain.

Years passed and I found myself getting used to the empty feeling. I wore it on myself like a shield against pain.

When Kennedy came, the shield I wore for seven years, I felt that shield crack.

She makes me wanna rip out the shield around my heart despite the pain.

I thought I could keep in the heavy void feeling buried deep within myself, but Kennedy demands to let the pain out. To let it out until there's no more pain left. 

Tonight I let a slip of that pain out and she turns it into relief with the way she reacted to it.

Maybe I'm attracted to Kennedy because of how much she reminds me of mom.

Of course, there are other reasons why I'm attracted to Ken.

I thought I could get my shit together then think about Ken, but she makes it so fucking hard.

One minute she reminds me of mom's lifeless body in my arms, the other she makes me wanna hold her close and protect her in ways I couldn't protect mom from.

One thing's for sure, Kennedy's cracking my shield and I can't help but let her break it. 

✄ ✄ ✄ ✄

Who's your fav character till now?

Words: 2,400

Date of posting: 28th March 2022