♥Chapter 15: ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ꜱʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ ꜱʟᴏᴡ♥

✿Kennedy✿

I rap three knocks on Jake's door.

Actually more than three.

My real plan was to give three knocks, but my knuckles got carried away until I was playing the tune of 'Do you wanna build a snowman?'

"Come in." His deep voice replies from the other side of the door.

I walk in bright and cheery on an early Friday morning.

I'm kidding, it's not early. It's 10.

Jake sits at his desk with a few books open in front of him, facing away from me as his head bows over the books.

"Whatcha doing?" I ask, walking in and standing behind him, looking over at the tiny, printed words. Oh mama, those words are tinier than ants. 

And he's studying those?

I like studying but that's only when I know what I'm studying and truly understand the subject. Otherwise, it's blegh.

"Going through some notes." His voice replies lowly.

Who studies on a Friday morning?

He seems quite focused though.

"I think I should go. I'm probably disturbing you." I say and move to walk out the door.

Before I can take a step, his hand shoots out to grab my wrist.

"Stay." He says, looking at my face now.

I blink before blushing a bit and nodding my head, "Okay."

He lets go of my wrist and turns back to his books.

I look around his room which I haven't decorated yet.

I knew I fell asleep in the car. Jake must have carried me upstairs. He saw my drool. Ew.

When I woke up this morning, I was half expecting to be abandoned in a dumpster somewhere in the middle of rats and mice. Imagine, my surprise when I woke up in my bed all safe and not in a dumpster. It was indeed an amazing surprise.

I got up, got showered, dressed and when I had nothing to do, I walked over to Jake's room.

"I'm sorry for falling asleep in your car," I say, "I can't really help it when I feel sleepy."

"Don't apologize." He replies without looking up from his book.

"I always have this problem where I just pass out when I feel sleepy and it's caused my parents way too many problems in the past," I say and shake my head at myself, "I once fell asleep on a horse."

Jake turns around to look at me with a raised eyebrow.

I nod, "Oh yeah, it was bad."

He continues looking at me before turning around back to his books.

My stomach growls but I ignore it, turning to look at Jake's room again.

His bed is clean and made up. My bed on the other hand...let's just say my arms hurt when I make my bed, so I save myself all the pain. 

My stomach growls again and I silently glare at it.

"You didn't eat?" Jake questions.

"Not really," I reply. I woke up like only half an hour ago.

"Why not?"

"I'm tryna stay fit," I respond, "I'm gaining a lot of fat and I feel like I'd look like flappy bird in a few days."

He whips around so fast as if I'd told him I'm gonna bash his head into a trashcan.

He frowns at me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He asks.

I give him a confused look and his eyes rake my body from below to the top.

He glares when he meets my eyes.

"What?" I ask.

"You're not fat." He states.

"I will be," I say.

I mean I know I'm not fat with my thin stomach and noodle arms but sometimes I like to imagine myself as other normal girls who have that juicy attractive flesh on them.

Like, imagine being struck by bony arms. I know I can be the cause of someone's death if I accidentally elbow them.

"Whatever your size is, you shouldn't miss breakfast." He says.

"I'll have to exercise," I say, "And I'm not really the most active person alive."

"Bullshit." He rolls his eyes.

He stands up from his chair and before I could ask what's he doing, he grabs my arm and pulls me out of the room.

"Where are we going?" I ask as we descend down the stairs.

For point two seconds I thought he was throwing me out of the house when we were walking in the direction of the front door but then we make a turn and find ourselves in the kitchen.

He leaves my arm and goes to the fridge. After collecting a few items in his hands, he spreads them on the counter.

He takes out two slices of bread and lays them out.

He cuts two slices of tomato before handing them to me.

"Arrange." He says.

I take the slices and arrange them on the bread. He continues cutting lettuces, cucumber, carrots and all sorts of stuff before handing me them. I continue arranging them on the bread.

At last, I drizzle a good amount of mayo and complete the sandwich with the top bread.

I look at the sandwich and gasp in excitement, "Jake! We made a sandwich together!"

I didn't really have friends when I was young, so I never got to do stuff other people normally did with their friends.

Jake picks the plate and makes me take it, "Yeah, now eat."

I plop myself on the kitchen counter and take a big bite out of the sandwich.

Jakes watches me as I eat.

He's standing really close to me with our shoulders touching as he leans against the counter on his side.

I try ignoring his stare and instead try focusing on my sandwich. I don't wanna accidentally drop it and ruin all our hard work.

Alex is not at home and it's really quiet in the house except for my light chewing noises.

The mayonnaise smears on my mouth and I bring up my thumb to wipe the corners of my lips before putting my thumb in my mouth to lick my finger clean.

I turn to look at Jake.

His eyes are on me.

My mouth, more specifically.

He reminds me of that hungry dog again.

"You want a bite?" I ask, gesturing to the sandwich in my hand.

His eyes don't flicker from my mouth, and I wonder if I still have mayo on my face.

"Do I have something on my face?" I ask, wiping a hand around my mouth.

I lick my lips to clean them.

He licks his.

"Are you okay?" I ask when he seems to have a different sort of look on his face. 

He stares at my mouth before his eyes flick to mine.

He puts his hands on his face before letting out a groan, "You're such a fucking tease, Ken."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

What did I do?

"Sorry," I say not knowing what else to say at that moment.

His hands drop from his face as he looks at me again.

Without warning, his hand comes on the back of my neck, and he pulls me until our lips connect.

I gasp in surprise before quickly putting the sandwich aside. I don't want that to fall when my hands visibly got weak as Jake kisses me.

His lips move over mine and his tongue slides out to lick my lips. I put my hands on his shoulders to hold myself up. My mind goes to the kiss we had in my room. 

I can barely feel my toes with the way Jake's large hand cups the back of my neck, pulling me towards him.

Oh mama, am I going to faint?

He pulls away abruptly. I let in a huge gasp of breath.

"Fuck." He curses, squeezing his eyes shut. His hand still holds the back of my neck.

"Are you okay?" I ask as I try to regain my breathing.

His eyes snap to mine and he raises his eyebrows, "You think I'm okay?"

I look at his hooded sea-green eyes. His face morphs into a look that I can't decipher. 

"You look bothered," I say.

"Because I fucking am."

I look down, playing with the hem of my t-shirt, "You should have just told me you were hungry. I would have given you the whole sandwich—"

I stop as his hand grabs my chin, making me look at his face.

"You seriously think I want a fucking sandwich?" He asks.

"Pancakes then?"

"You." He snaps, "I want you."

My eyes widen.

"Since you came here I can't stop staring at your fucking legs or stop thinking about how much I want to fuck you. Shit, I'm trying to be so fucking nice by trying to keep my distance, but you make it so hard, Ken." 

My brain losses all the words I know as I stare at him in shock.

Does he seriously feel like that...?

I look down, biting my lip, "I'm sorry."

His hold on my chin tightens making me look back at his face, "Don't fucking apologize."

I play with my fingers nervously, "I don't want you to feel like that."

"Why the hell not?" He glares.

I purse my lips, not saying anything.

He waits for me to speak.

"Tell me." He says again.

I blink at him in confusion. "Tell you what now?" 

He closes his eyes and lets out a big sigh, remaining like that for a while. 

Opening his eyes, he repeats slowly. "Why don't you want me to feel like that?"

"I'm...I'm not good enough, that's why," I say pathetically.

I had childhood bullies who always made fun of me and called me a loser. They always look down on me and made fun of how I speak, my voice, my hair-literally everything about me.

I remember one of them coming to visit me when I was in the hospital.

I thought they'd be nice and give me flowers or something but all they did was taunt me.

'No one cares about your annoying ass to stick around. Even your parents left you'.

I was hurt alright, and I tried ignoring them by making myself repeat that it wasn't true.

But if those bullies never saw anything good in me then why would Jake?

"Is that what you seriously think?" Jake asks.

I don't meet his eyes which gives him the answer. 

I gasp when Jake kisses me harshly.

He pulls away with a glare, "You think I'll be this fucking horny around you if you weren't good enough?" 

My eyes widen at his words.

Jake's horny?

"You're horny?" I ask him.

He narrows his eyes in response.

Oh mama do I need to keep Holy water around the house or what?

I open my mouth to speak again but gasp when something catches my eyes.

"Aw is that a baby bird?" I coo, looking at a blue baby bird sticker stuck to the door of a shelve.

"You're getting distracted," Jake sighs as he grumbles.

I snap my attention back to him, "Right, sorry."

"Stop," he presses his lips against mine, "fucking," and again, "apologizing." And again.

I nod, too much stuck in a daze to form words.

When I did however get my ability back to form words, I give Jake a confused look.

"So are we friends?" I ask.

He gives me a look as if some bird pooped in his mouth, "What the fuck?"

I play with the hem of my t-shirt again, "I mean I don't think strangers kiss each other and live in the same house. Even friends don't kiss each other on the mouth. Are we friends with benefits?"

I know all about friends with benefits.

Don't tell Gary.

"We're not fucking friends," Jake says it as if he's drinking acid.

"Then what?" I question.

I hope he doesn't say that he wants to go back to being strangers.

His thumb brushes the side of my face.

"I don't know but don't you fucking think about abandoning me. I'm already into whatever shit this is." He warns in his deep voice before his tone falters a bit. "Unless you don't want it and want to end this."

End this?

Is he serious?

I place my hand on his wrist.

"I don't want this to end," I say, honestly. "I just want to go a little slow. I'm still new even in the friend's topic so imagine my inexperience when I'm going to be with you."

"Whatever you want." He says.

He leans in for another kiss, but I stop him by putting my hands around his neck for a hug instead.

It's not that I don't wanna kiss him.

I do.

It feels so amazing.

But if he kisses me anymore, I'm sure I'm gonna faint and probably go into a coma. Trust me, with the way I've already been in a coma, you do not want to experience that.

I mean what I said, I want to take things slow.

I often hear people-mostly from the TV shows-that rushing into any sort of stuff causes drama and too many problems and often ends in a horrible way.

And I don't want that if I'm gonna be living with Jake.

He gives an unhappy disgruntle noise at my actions but doesn't pull away. He puts his hands around my waist and pulls me closer until my front plasters to his. I wrap my arms around him, feeling his muscles underneath his hoodie. My head lays on his chest and I can feel the way he's breathing. 

Why is he breathing so fast?

"You're breathing a little fast. Are you okay?" I ask.

He tightens his arms around me, not saying anything for a while. His hands remain still around me.  

"I've never hugged anyone like this before." He says in a low voice. "It feels...relaxing." 

Remember when I said I love warm hugs?

Hugging Jake is my new favourite thing. 

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Words: 2,200

Date of posting: 24th March 2022