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Jacksie's Squawk Box: Totally Sick!

What's up guys! As you all know, I have been struck by a bad case of the runs. Yep, for two days, my diarrhea was so bad, the bathroom across the hall became my temporary shelter. I am a little bit better now although, I am still nursing a high temperature due to the fact that my body lost more than its fair share of fluids. The school recommended me to take the full week off and report back the following week.

My social media was bursting with get well messages coming from my loyal followers. I am so humbled and grateful by their gesture that I feel like rubbing Nathan's face and force feeding him to eat his own brand of humble pie! I so loathe him! He had been testing my patience for the past few days!

I am fully aware about Nathan's plan to humiliate me both online and in real life while I am here at home helpless, pissing out of my ass and my sore bum erupting like an upside down volcano! Everything that Nathan tweeted and posted were all blatant lies! It's kinda like his alleged successful attempt to execute a perfect dragon flip. If it's not caught in video, it never happened.

Anyway, to clear things up for everyone who has been emailing and texting me non stop, even in the wee hours of the morning. I did get sick but not from a mad cow disease! Nathan lied!

Another thing, I never contacted foot and snout (sic) disease. That's another of Nathan's devious fake tweets and geez, it's foot and mouth and not snout, you idiot!

My fever's got nothing to do with Avian flu and I do not have Leprosy of the ass! There's no such thing! Gosh Nathan, a word of advice, if you want to defile my reputation, get into the habit of reading medical journals and do your research first!

I know a lot of you were wondering how I got sick. I did mention before that we all had our yearly flu shots a couple of days ago but that was not the main reason why I fell ill. It's part of the reason though. Okay, I might as well come clean. So, this is what really happened.

Last year when we had our very first flu shots in school, there were a couple of students who got sick after they received the vaccination and two of them were from our group --- Mika and of course the weakest link himself, Nathan. It's nothing fatal and no one bites the dust. The fever and body weakness only lasted for two days max.

But boy, oh boy! The amount of attention those two dweebs received from Mariella and Raven baby doll, is enough for us vaccine survivors wishing to be sick too! The two were like 'nurses on wheels' carting food and all out fussing over the two sickos as if it is their last days on earth.

There was endless supplies of burgers and french fries courtesy of the Spyder Web Cafe. Mariella's parents owns the joint so I am pretty damn sure that Mariella coerced her mom to donate food for the gutless and the sick. Nathan being the gutless.

My lover baby doll Raven was always at Nathan's side, like a modern day Florence Nightingale on inline skates. Instead of a lamp, she carries a flashlight and she clobbered me with it when I was there at Nathan's house eating the burgers and fries that Mariella brought in for him.

That's a sign of affection and affliction because damn that girl can hit like a guy and it hurts likes sweet hell. Truly, my Honey Sugar Sweet has a secret carnal feelings towards me, word up! *lol* It's obvious my secret gf (just don't tell Raven baby doll) was using the sick tool which is Nathan to make me jealous and darn tootin its working!

That's when I decided that I wanna be sick next flu shot so my Raven baby doll will take care of me. Unfortunately, my plan was nearly foiled by Jet and his guyliner. He too was hatching a plan to make himself sick so he can have her chérie to come and take care of his corpse like body and I dunno, prepare it for burial most probably. *lol* The vaccine didn't make him sick, thank goodness.

I heard from the grapevine's lead grape (Mariella) that Jet went for a night time run with wet hair in a sheer desperation and a lame attempt to catch a flu! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's futile! A virus like him can never catch another virus! *LOL*

Okay, now my plan was elegant and simple. During V-day, after I received my shot, I will cleverly head straight to the cafeteria and order two smoothies. I often get cold chills after the vaccine so if I drink something cold, it might pump up more arctic chill down my spine and hopefully, I might get a low grade fever --- enough to trigger Mariella and my lover to take care of me.

It was going according to plan, I was at the cafeteria, lining up to get my meal after my flu shot, when I over heard Nathan from the back of the line dying to have his Friday burrito. I immediately scanned the burrito tray and there were three left. The two students in front of me ordered one each. Now, I am in a dilemma as to whether I should get the smoothies or grab the last burrito just to ruin Nathan's Friday burrito streak. I have enough money to buy one item so I went for the more obvious ... no, not the smoothies but the burrito.

The purchase was even sweeter when the cafeteria lady declared that it was the last burrito. Yes! I Mexican waved the mexican wrap at Nathan and took a big bite before I hollered "It's the last one!" and ran for my dear life! Then came the unsuspected problem. With all the excitement and adrenaline, I forgot that as much as I like burrito, my stomach and its fellow posse of entrails hated this particular Mexican cuisine and declared a Revolución against me!

During gym class, I started to feel the chills. My hands became cold and clammy and I was honestly getting excited because my tactic was in motion until my tummy started to make a godforsaken noise that sounded like an off key Tuvan throat singer.

It was followed by a severe pain right around my lower tummy and I knew right there and then that I needed to go to the nearest bathroom or else I will be nuking the whole class. I quickly asked for a hall pass, dashed to the bathroom, dropped by the school clinic, picked up my skateboard and left lickety-split.

By the time I got home, the Blitzkrieg has begun. It was an all out war and my rectum was the first to fall. My diarrhea was so bad, I instantly developed fever. Even in my weakest state, I was able to text everyone including the love of my life and soon to be announced in public as my official gf, Raven (don't tell Nathan).

Everyone rallied to see me including Nathan of all people. I have a feeling he wanted to 'return the favor' *my ass* and help me to recovery and at the same time mooch for food. But my mom ruined my plan. The woman instructed everyone not to come and see me because my loose bowel movement was so severe that the smell according to her sticks to the skin. That piece of fake news scared Mariella and my babe away. My fellow lost boys remained unperturbed though and still came to see me wearing gas masks.

Piper and Hawky brought my home works and school assignments while Jet and Nathan brought tummy approved bland food. Raven baby doll who couldn't resist not to see me later on, paid me a visit.

It would have been a picture perfect day even if I am still recuperating but Nathan was there with her. He freaking ruined my time alone with my honey love. This time around, it was him holding the flashlight.

So yeah, that's my kick ass story :D

P.S. I think I have a message from Myrtle ... I will let you know about it in my next blog. Till then, Mellyn!

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AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you for reading Jacksie's blog. Like I said before, this is my exercise book to help me improve my first person POV which I kinda suck big time;D Write a comment and vote because out of the five lost boys, Jacksie is the most engaging character and he often respond to comments.

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