Heya Guys! Do I have some sizzling goss for ya'll! But first of, let me start my blog with a heartfelt thank you to everyone who diligently read my rants and raves. I am humbled by the increase of followers (you can suck it, Nathan. I have more followers than you now!) .

I am also indebted to Marykelly aka Scribbling_Myrtle. Being her personal assistant, I get front row seats to all her new projects and public engagements.  I love answering her fan mails and managing her social media accounts.

The best part of being her assistant is, she personally mentored me in writing and in return, I taught her how to speak Sindarin, Tolkien's language of the elves:D Just between you and I, she ain't Tolkien material but she is trying her best!  Ahahaha! Her never say die attitude is endearing, among other things.

So, as I was saying,  last week, the school's chatter boxes and nosey parkers had their tongues all wagging with the amount of juicy dramas that occurred in school.

First on the list is the Hairlice epidemic. For the love of skinhead! This actually had me laughing and reporting to school wearing a shower cap! According to my informer,  there was a hairbrush laced with lice that was left at the girl's locker room and someone freaking used it!

Our school nurse, Nurse Santino went full throttle and issued a memo for an emergency scalp and hair inspection, STAT! No one is exempted not even the school principal. His toupee was the first to be ceased for a thorough lice screening test.

Even the faculties went under Nurse Santino's eagle eyed scrutiny. The marching band and the cheer leading team were the next group to be inspected for hair pets followed by the school varsity teams. 

Our class was examined for nits in the afternoon. I told Nurse Santino not to bother checking Jet's hair because with the amount of hair products that guy puts on, those little hair fairies won't stand a chance. If the shampoo and conditioner won't kill them, his hair relaxer and antifrizz serum would finish them off!

Anywho, the whole school was relieved to find that everyone was cleared and no one was harboring a blood sucking fugitive in their hair.

The second fiasco for the week was even more serious because it involves theft. This put our school's first aid and medical manikin, Mr Chase in the middle of the spotlight.

A little background on Mr Chase. The First Aid teaching manikin was donated to our school by Jet's Dad, Mr. Le Blanc for our Biology and First Aid class. Mr Chase has a detachable head, removable eyes, dentures, a chest that can be use for CPR and a detachable genitalia.

For the most part, only the sophomores and seniors get to play with Mr.Chase while the freshmen and us juniors are given  Resusci Anne CPR dolls that we use for our First Kiss training, I mean First Aid.:D

On that fateful  day, our P.E. teacher, Miss Chastity called in sick, so we were herded to join Ms. Boyle's health class together with the seniors.  Ms. Boyle's Health classroom is no ordinary classroom because it has a hospital bed, a first aid cabinet stacked with bandages, different types of dressing and splints. There's a bright blue spinal board resting on the corner of the room and right beside it is a pair of crutches and a wheelchair with a flat tire.

The "star" of the room is no other than the medical manikin, Mr Chase who is lying butt naked on the bed with just a face towel covering  his private area which is really a stupid thing to do since, Mr. Chase's "crown jewels" is lovingly being showcased on top of the bedside table for everyone to see! Hihihihihi!!

The "artifact" drew so much attention from my classmates that they took snapshots of the thing. Nathan even artfully edited his photo. He made it look like an ancient elephant, the Woolly Mammoth (Mammuthus primigenius) complete with two ginormous tusks! :D  It looked so gross and amazing at the same time!

The class went on without any hitch until my classmate Jared who, out of nowhere,  had the need to up his "asshole" level so when Ms. Boyle stepped out to take an emergency call (video call from her on again, off again bf from interstate), Jared scurried towards Mr. Chase's unsuspecting body part. He picked it up  and held it aloft like he was holding a boomerang and freaking hurled it in the classroom!

It didn't fly like a boomerang obviously because well firstly, it's a replica of Mr. Chase's "ding dong" and secondly it ain't a boomerang!  So the thing soared head first, like an unwanted sausage and made its tentative landing where a couple of girls were sitting.

Now, everyone in school knows that you don't mess with Jared and it's best not to meddle and let nature takes its course. But not this time because my Raven baby doll was sitting within the target zone and that silicone missile is coming straight at her fast and full of Jared's fury!

I saw in the corner of my eye, Nathan,  as he was about to get out of his chair to rescue his Girl bestfriend and Jet who was about to do the same thing but not before he re-applied his eyeliner and checked his hair on the mirror.

I for one wanted to save my honey sugar sweet from being hit by a flying torpedo so I pushed Nathan away and elbowed Jet to get to my lover first. Mr. Chase's member was about to make contact on Raven's chest when I deflected it with my quick action, well executed  bear and chicken karate strike combo!

The object flung and redirected its course towards my other friend, Mariella who was quick enough to grab her geometry book and swung it like a baseball bat. It went airborne again for the last time until my classmate Jolene, leapt from her chair and caught it midair. And the crowd went wild !!!

Too bad, the celebration was cut short when Ms. Boyle came back, her face flushed, a faint trace of dried tears on her cheeks and blood shot eyes. Everyone in the class including the naked Mr. Chase knew that the star crossed, interstate lover broke up again. Luckily, the bell rang marking the end of the period.

I was in my Biology class  when Ms Boyle paid us a visit together with the school security. Apparently, our health class was a crime scene! Mr. Chase's privates had gone missing! To add insult to injury, the perpetrator left a banana on the bedside table kinda like a calling card!

Everyone in that class was a suspect. They were able to quickly eliminate all the seniors. During the locker room inspection, the school janitor called off the search after he found the missing member  while he was cleaning the chemistry room. The body part was left on a lab table, propped on top of an empty beaker.

Nobody knew who did it. Everyone thought it was Jared but it was highly unlikely because that jerk refused to take any subjects that ends in a suffix, -try. So Geometry, Trigonometry and Chemistry are all  no-go zone for him. Mr Chase's pickle was found abandoned in the Chemistry room surrounded by flasks and glass pipettes so by rule of deduction it can't be him.

But there's a rumor circulating around the students that the prickpocket is no other than Jolene. After all, she was the one who caught the manikin's organ and nobody really saw her handing it back to Mr. Chase.

Unfortunately everyone's attention  was on Ms. Boyle at the time, who broke up with her bf yet again and was crying her eyeballs out!  Then the bell rang and everyone went on their merry ways. We all totally forgot all about Mr. Chase and his removable body parts by then.

Talking about Jolene, she recently joined our school last year and she has always been cocky and over confident. She often hangs out with these group of love struck girls whose sole purpose in life is to flirt with every good looking boy in school. They often spend their free period in the library, scanning the hall for unsuspecting victims and writing fan fiction about vegan vampires,  blood sucking fruits and some crime fighting miraculous insect armed with a yo-yo!

For the most part, they are quite harmless and often keep to themselves except for Jolene. Jolene has this annoying habit of mimicking people. From hairstyles to crushes, fashion choices and hobbies. She has the penchant of stealing someone's style and making it hers. They say "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but hey, it's more of a social transgression if you ask me. How come some people like Jolene feel  the need to copy?

What possesses her to come to school wearing the same cologne as your math teacher hoping that the scent will help her snag a "B" when it's obvious her exam paper is a flawless "D"?

This is why everyone in school including the cafeteria ladies were all seeing her as "suss".

Our hunch grew when she started hanging out in our group because of Mariella. She admired Mariella's  long curly locks so one day she came to school,hair all permed to the roots.  She looked like a red headed poodle! AHAHAHAHA!

Mariella did not take offense. She even graciously  invited her to chill out with us at her parent's cafe, the Spyder Web. That was the biggest mistake she ever did.

When Jolene was introduced to the Lost Boys, she quickly swooped down and proposed her feelings towards Piper which was received with a double thumbs down. She then tried her luck with Hawky but good ole Patrick gave her a Canadian "eh" for an answer.

She was about to use her charm on Jet but Jet responded with a deathly gaze that made her stop in her tracks and back away from him.

That's when Jolene pulled me to the side and told me that she is falling for me. What the frack?! I was about to tell her to stop harassing me or else I will tell my mom when the door of the cafe opened and Nathan and Raven baby doll strode in wearing an identical outfit --- A maroon RVCA hoodie, navy blue shorts and a pair of black Vans. They both had their hood up and I have to say, from afar, they looked like twins.

Upon meeting Nathan and Raven,  Jolene developed an obsession towards the two. She told my Raven baby doll that she is in love with Nathan. Hah! Good luck with that. Jolene didn't waste no time in getting to know Prince Charmless. She started her twenty question Q & A.

Every response from Nathan was followed by an unequivocal "me too" from Jolene. She got very excited when she found out about our band and Nathan being the vocalist. She bragged about being a vocalist herself in an all girl band which she won't tell us the name and like Nathan, she also plays the electric guitar.

I knew she was putting us on because, when we handed her Mika's guitar and asked her to play us a song, she gave us some lame excuse. She said she injured her big toe so she has problem strumming the guitar. Are you freaking kidding me ?! LOL

The following day, Jolene came to school wearing a hoodie, similar to the one Raven was wearing. She developed a liking towards strawberry soda, Raven's go-to drink. She even came to school riding a mountain bike similar to Raven's bike and get this, Jolene enrolled herself to a fencing class because she found out that my honey sugar sweet is an excellent sword fighter.

Not only that, Jolene bought a skateboard. The very same brand to the one Nathan is using and started skating in school. Her skate exploits was short lived though when she lost control of her ride and her skateboard traveled  riderless in the hallway and nearly tripped Ms. Deveraux as she exited her classroom. The board was confiscated and it won't be returned to her till after spring break.

The neuroses didn't stop there. Jolene found out that Nathan is into UFOlogy and Cryptids so all of a sudden she became a Bigfoot expert and an X-files fan.

Even Jolene's feet smells like sweaty putrid cheese that rivals Nathan's stinky, decaying tootsies. Meant to be? YUCK! Will this madness never ends?

This has got to stop so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I sat beside Jolene during our English class and shared some juicy "fake"news about Nathan. I got Jolene's attention hook, line and sinker as she wrote down Nathan's favorite things, among them Nathan's onion scented deodorant and his favorite perfume, Old Spice.

The following day, Jolene reported to school  wearing Raven's signature style ---- Converse hi-top, skinny jeans, hoodie,  plaited hair under a baseball cap and ...smelling like a homeless man under a bridge with a hint of onion aroma emanating from her armpits that burnt the olfactory and stung the eyes!!

The odor was so deadly that the homeroom teacher felt nauseated and nearly fainted from the smell that she later described it as I quote "like your head was trapped inside a loaded diaper". The rest of the class ran for their lives.

The commotion caught the attention of the school principal and everyone was rounded up in the gymnasium including Jolene.  After a fifteen minute pep talk from Mr. Willoughby, we were told to go back to our homeroom class except for Jolene. She was asked to take a shower in the locker room and was given fresh gym clothes to wear.

I was told by my informer that Mr. Willoughby had a word with her and she admitted stealing Mr. Chase's private to get attention from the boys.  Well, that totally backfired on her!

The principal had a meeting with Jolene's parents and from that day on, Jolene was no Doppelganger no more.

Her stunt didn't make her popular with the guys instead the boys avoided her like a plague.

And thanks to my quick thinking, well executed, tactical charge --- I have prevented Jolene from
jacking my friend's clothing style, choice of cologne, food favorites, hairstyles and nicking other notable aspect of their personalities.

The school's thriving ecosystem is safe and secure.

Not only that, Jolene learned a very valuable lesson —- never mess with the lost boys!

Jacksie, over and out!

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Author's Notes: Thanks for reading Jacksie's blog and I think what my good friend here is trying to say is that having your own sense of style and self identity is what really matters. People should like you for who you are.

Copying someones personality, the person's likes and dislikes, her personal interest and style is a mild form of identity theft. You won't get jail time for it but in a social group, you are blatantly telling everyone that you are squarely insecure, with no or low self esteem and a pathetic loser.

If you think you will get extra brownie points from your crush or from your "imaginary boyfriend" to like you for realzzz by  mimicking him? Guess again. You just booked yourself for a one way ticket to the island of Bye Bye :D

Mimicking someone is indeed a form of flattery. I am not saying it is a bad thing but in small doses. Having your own identity through your very own sense of style, the choice of music you listen to, the hobbies and activities you indulge in, makes you, uniquely YOU.