I thought this Saturday will be like most of my Saturdays ---- low key, ordinary and pretty much unremarkable.

As fate would have it, this particular Saturday is going to be life changing...

It all started when I forgot to set my alarm. I didn't get to wake up to the soothing and calming voice of Cardi B singing her uplifting song, WAP.

Instead, I was pulled out from my slumber by a loud banging knock at my door followed by my mom's angry voice threatening me to get up or else, she will allegedly smack me with a wooden spoon! Surprisingly, not her usual weapon of choice.

She often goes for the belt but good on her for being a bit creative this morning and opted for a kitchen utensil for a change. LOL!😂

I did not reply and waited for her second salvo ---- :)

"JACK LEWIS DAHLBERG!" Oh, the full name call out! Send shivers down my spine! "I AM COUNTING TO FIVE AND IF I COME IN AND YOU ARE STILL IN BED, YOU WILL GET IT!

FIVE!

She came barging in only to find me on the floor doing a one hand push up.

"Morning Mom!" I said. "Whats for breakfast?"

She sighed and stared daggers at me before she turned around and headed downstairs.

The 'woman' woke me up at five am in the morning. Way too early for a Saturday wake up call.

Anyway, I did my morning ritual--- fix my bed, tidy up my room and lastly I picked up my phone, took a selfie and sent it to my secret gf,  Raven baby doll.

She replied with an angry text, "JACKSIE! STOP SENDING CLOSE UPS OF YOUR ABS! DO YOU EVEN CHECK IF YOUR NAVEL IS CLEAN ?! FYI, ITS FULL OF BELLY BUTTON LINT! YUCK! YOU JUST RUINED MY BREAKFAST!

That girl could not hide the fact how much he hearts me! :)  The more you hate, the more you love they say. 😘

Just  a reminder to my readers, my relationship with my baby love is highly confidential. Even Raven does not know that she is dating me !(lol). So  mum's the word because if she ever finds out about our carnal coupling,  its an instant break up and we do not want that :D Now back to my story.

I could smell the scent of bacon, hotdogs and hash browns, a strong indication that breakfast is ready so I quickly ran downstairs only to find my best friend and arch nemesis Nathan, gobbling up my meal, leaving me with one solitary hotdog on my plate.

"Nathan you moocher! What are you doing here this early?!" I sat beside him while my mom brought in a second batch of freshly cooked hash browns, bacon and a full stack of hotcakes.

"I got some tea. But we need to act fast.. Thanks Mrs. Dahlberg." He said, as his fork stabbed two hotcakes and placed it gently on his plate.

"What is it??" I poked Nathan's shoulder with a tongs.

"I will tell you on our way to Spyder Web Cafe. Eat up first." He took his cup of hot  chocolate and drank --- his stupid pinky finger extended up.

I quickly ate my breakfast. Lucky my mom cooked a few more sausages. She even made an extra sandwich for Nathan to go.

I wonder? What is this "tea" that this Tea Bag is dying to tell me?

Well my dear readers, it turns out that the big bombshell is all about a planned 'secret date' between two of our romantically challenged friends, Greg and Mariella! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Those two ?! No way!

Nathan later told me how Greg and his Mathlete friend, Tim (Mariella's cousin)hatched a secret scheme so that Gregoromeo can be with Mariejuliette without  looking like it's a real tryst ---they called it Operation: RoadKill.

"Nathan, what is that got to do with us? With you?" My face showed total confusion. "Leave them alone! Let those "star-parallel lovers" have their moment!"😂

"You don't get it, do you! They plan in getting Raven to take part in their cheeky plot." He quipped. They will use Raven as Mariella's cover!

"QUE HORROR! 😱 Not my girlfriend, I mean your bestfriend!" I ducked just in time before one of Nathan's deadly punches landed on my shoulder. "Now the plot thickens! I'm all ears, Nathan. Tell me more."

"That's all the deets that I have." Nathan's voice sounded dismayed. "That's why we need to go to the cafe where the two nerds are and surprise attack them! We need to be there just in case ..."

"In case what, Nathan?"

"In case Raven needs a company." He explained. He bit his bottom lip. " As Raven's bestfriend, I should be her d-d-d-d-chaperon."

"What about me, Nathan? As Raven's future bf, don't you think its but logical to have me as her date?

"It's not a date!" Nathan yelled. "Look Jacksie, if she is going to be Mariella's companion, I do not want her to feel awkward, a third wheel. I want to be there for her..."

"...Like her date." 😏 I said flatly. I was trying to hide my mirth.

"IT.IS.NOT.A.DATE! DAMMIT!" 😡 Nathan's face started to turn red.

"I smell bullshit!" 🤭I teased, batting my lashes at him. He went berserk and chased me around my backyard and through the front yard. Lucky for me, I am a better runner than him.

Here is the thing my dear readers, just between us, Nathan here has a secret crush on Raven. He will never admit it because he believes that crossing the friend-zone ruins friendship. The virtuous Nathan!! I don't buy his bs, as far as I know, he really wants to be Raven's D-A-T-E. The cad is bringing me along as a cover so that no one can know his real plan. If someone questions, I will be his fall guy. Hahahaha! We will see about that:)

We rode our skateboards from my house to Spyder Web Cafe. Mariella's parents owns the cafe. This is where we hangout and it is also the Clan Ammos (Nathan's gaming squad)headquarters.

We found both Greg and Tim at the pool table playing billiards. Tim was surprised to see us but being Nathan's gaming friend, he let us in with their 'RoadKill' plan.

So the idea is to have Greg take Mariella somewhere that wont raise suspicion that they are going on their first official date. Raven will be with them as the sexy red herring! lol!😂

"I'm going with them, Tim." Nathan curtly said. "As Raven's bestfriend..."

"...As my Raven baby doll's ardent admirer and long time secret bf...hihihi!" 😅
I could see steam coming out of Nathan's head when I interrupted him. "I should be her date to wherever hell Greg is taking them! Where are we going anyway? Greg, you are paying for this mystery tour, right?"

"Shut up, Jacksie.!" He grabbed a billiard stick, brandishing it like it's a kendo staff. "You will never date Raven!" He warned me. "I will never allow it! Over my dead body!"

I ignored his threat and turned my back from him.

"Hey Greg, who do you want to be Raven's partner to your thing?"I asked. "Mr LoveHeart aka me or Mr Athlete's Foot aka Nathan."

"Look Guys, I am nervous as it is." Greg pleaded. "Do not add to the tension, please."

"He chose me!" I exclaimed. "Thank you, Greg!

Nathan's face started to morph into an angry gorilla. 🦍 He lunged at me and was about to put me on a headlock when the door opened and three boys came in.

Saved by the the three ding-a-lings.

"Jet is here!" Greg sounded relieved. He hurriedly made his way to the bar to greet the boy wearing a red headband and black distinctive ripped jeans.  He is one of our skater friends and has been crushing on Raven since the day Nathan introduced him to her. Not his finest moments, as fate would have it!

The other two boys with Jet were a year ahead of us and if I am not mistaken, they are friends of Jet's older brother, Flynn. I can tell because they are wearing our school's Letterman jacket with the word "Demigod" scribbled on the left sleeve. The Demigods are our school's elite athletics team.

"Hey, not a word about our plan." Tim warned us. "If you think my cousin Mariella is the gossip queen of our year. That brunette with his phone pointing straight at us ---- that my friend is the gossip king of the senior year."

I knew this guy. I worked with him one summer at a bakeshop. The whole time I was there bagging bread and taking orders, he was on his phone the whole time. He would then leave me by myself at the counter and wonder off for his break. He will show up 2 hours later. The guy is a nightmare! If he is not on his phone, he will be sitting in the break room eating boston cream. That prick even got me in trouble when he had a lightbulb 💡 idea to use the bread slicer as a paper shredder! It jammed of course, the idiot panicked and blamed me!

"Jacksie, bro! What's up?" said Mr. Employee of the month.

"Hey Matt, Don't you have any sour dough bread to slice??? What are you doing here?" I said.

He just smiled ---that crazy psycho smile.

"Wouldn't you want to know?" He smirked and  elbowed me as he pass to speak to Tim. He is so arrogant! He stride into the room like he is carrying a giant ball hanging in between his legs! Lol!🤭

I followed him and listened to their convo.

The first ten minutes of their chitchat is boring. It's all about school activities and gossips about teachers. Until he mentioned the Rialto Theater which is owned by Nellie's family. Nellie is Flynn's girlfriend.

"Rialto Theater was closed for more than a year now. I thought it went bankrupt." Tim commented.

"It didn't go bankrupt. The movie house is heritage listed. They closed it down for refurbishment and fittings. Its grand opening is next week but today, Nellie gave us VIP passes for a private screening!" Matt proudly declared. "I will be happy to include your name, Tim."

"Wait, what movie is showing?" Greg asked. He sounded eager and very interested.

"It's that new movie about a vampire who lost its fangs due to gum disease, Fangless Love. Its a horror romance. A good movie date, if you catch my drift." He winked at Greg. 😉

"Really?! That is  the most anticipated blood and gore movie of the year! Way better than Twilight Sun." Greg gave Tim an inquiring look.

"Ah Matt..." Tim began,"Would it be possible if you can score me a couple of invites? I kinda need three..."

"FOUR!" Nathan and I corrected Tim in unison.

"I only got two left." Matt handed the ticket to Tim. "Hang on, let me tell Jet. He probably has a couple  more." He turned around and sauntered towards Jet who was sitting alone at the bar, preening his hair. He whispered to him before he exited the cafe with his team mate.

Tim motioned Jet to come to the pool table where the rest of us are sitting around.

"Matt told me that you want invites for Fangless Love, Tim." Jet sounded quite puzzled. "I thought you do not like vampire movie."

"Jet it is not for me. It's for Greg.."

"Greg is scared of vampires." Jet raised his eyebrow. "What is going on?"

"Nothing!" I said. "Now shoo! Go away!"

"It's ok Jacksie." Out of desperation, Tim told Jet our secret.

"Is that it? I can get you tickets, no problem but in one condition." Jet's eyes fluttered towards Nathan's way.

"What is the 'condition', Jet?" Nathan anxiously asked, his left eye started to twitch.

"I will be ma chérie's date" Jet smiled.

"Oh Boy!' Tim whined.

"Here we go.." Added Greg, face-palm.🤦

"Goddamit, Jet!" I marched towards him and wringed his neck. "Raven baby doll is my soon to be gf! It still counts even if she doesn't know it yet! She is my CHERRY, not yours, you emo Cajun!"

"Oh my God! Will the two of you shut up?!" Nathan said in gritted teeth. "Let Greg decide since this is his Roadkill." He gave him the look of choose me or else.

"Make your choice, Gregory. We are losing daylight." Tim reminded him.

"Uhm..." Greg scanned the three candidates. "Do not hate me but I choose ... JET!"

Before we can even react, Greg bolted like a frightened horse and made a mad dash towards the back kitchen, yanking Jet by his collar --- whisking him away.

I felt my bottom lip started to quiver. 😢 I turned my back from my friends and quickly pulled out a bottle of eye drops from my front pocket and squirt the salty water in my eye. Alas! The waterworks 💦 began. I started to cry...not gonna lie! 😭

Nathan took out the sandwich my mom made for him from his backpack and started to eat absentmindedly. He was breathing heavily like he is about to explode in bitter outrage.

"Sooo," Tim grinned, "That went well, right?"He draped his arm over my shoulder and dragged me to where Nathan was standing, motionless like a statue. "In life, there's always a winner and a ..."

He stopped talking mid sentence when he felt Nathan's arm wrapped around his neck. "I love you, Nathan. Are we still friends?" He teased him in his best imitation of Raven's honey sweet voice.

"Tim, I am gonna release you and Imma gonna count to five. You know what comes after five..."

"SIX?" Tim answered before he  pushed me and Nathan away and skedaddled straight out of the cafe, screaming Parley! Parley! 🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

(to be continued)

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoy reading Jacksie's blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. In 2023, I was struck by sadness that made me incapable to write anything humorous. I am not writing for myself like most writers do. I write because I want to make my readers and one particular friend happy.  Last year was very trialing for me. My loyalty was tested,  my trust was challenged and my honesty was met with deceit and pretense.

The saga is not over yet but I stand at the ready. Which side do you choose? The old self trapped and manipulated by legions of so called long time best friends.

The new self with a few good friends that you can count on one hand. Choose wisely my friend. Ignoring the issue does not mean that it does not exist anymore.

I write because I believe ... This is for you...