Chapter 07: Second Phase, Second Base!

Written by: DreamerofClouds

***

Author's Note:

Hello, my darlings!! I am so sorry for not updating sooner; but, I got bogged down by unexpected events (i.e. college program applications and re-testing for my Rx exam T_T) and couldn't update sooner. However - I did manage to complete this chapter and made it super extra long again, so I hope you enjoy! Didn't include Illumi as much in this chapter, but he will appear in the next couple chapters. I promise!!

Also, another note to make. The picture on top is Breeder - a character you'll meet later in the chapter. Just to let you guys know, this picture is an original, and I haven't drawn in a while so it's not as good as I wanted it to be, but here's to hoping you like it anyway! XD

In any case, onward with the chapter!!

Enjoy!

Sincerely,

Dreamer of Clouds

***

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!!"

"Would you stop moving?!"

"But it hurts!" Leorio whined, as I kept trying to put medication on his very swollen cheek. "Can't you put it on any lighter?"

I rolled my eyes. "Any lighter and the medication wouldn't be touching you."

"But-!" he started.

I poked his cheek.

"KYEAAH!!" The poor nineteen year old squealed in pain and cried, which sort of made me feel bad...but he deserved it. I can't help him if he's uncooperative.

It has been about five minutes since Leorio and I got to the Second Phase site, and we've been arguing back and forth on how to treat his injuries. For the most part, I was patient. But, patience can only get me so far.

"Now, hold still." I reached for him again.

"I don't wanna," he whimpered, wiggling around like a squeamish kid who sat on something nasty.

I grabbed his jaw roughly and pulled his face close to mine.

"You're going to have to if you want your cheek to get better," I said. "Now hold still, you big baby."

"Jerk..."he muttered, though made no further attempts to pull away from me.

I swabbed all of Leorio's right cheek with the betadine solution I pickpocketed from Tonpa's messenger bag and examined it. For the most part, it was good. But, it looked like I missed a spot, just below his ear.

"Hold on a sec," I said, leaning in more.

"A-ah!" Leorio began to panic. "W-wait, Arie?!"

"Like I said," I slipped my knee in between his legs and gave him a firm look. "Hold still. Otherwise, I'll make sure you lose your boys."

"O-okay," he said.

I applied more of the betadine around his ear until the whole area was covered. Once I was done, I began bandaging his bloated face carefully. Leaning back, I observed my handiwork.

He looked like a mummy.

A very puffy, red-faced, adorable mummy.

"There you go," I said, patting his head.

"Th-thanks," he muttered in such a low voice that I barely heard him. "You didn't need to do that though."

"Of course I did," I replied, rolling my eyes before handing him small laxative-free water bottle. Again, something I stole from Tonpa. (You know, for a guy who loves to trick people, Tonpa was fairly easy to manipulate).

"Drink up," I said.

"I can take care of myself," he pouted, snatching the drink and downing it in a few seconds. "I'm planning to become a doctor, after all."

"I know," I smiled. "So hurry up and rest your sorry butt, dumbass."

"I told you to stop calling me dumbass!"

"But it's so much fun!" I laughed.

"No, it's not."

"You're in denial."

"Shut up!!"

For a brief moment, I could've sworn he smiled too.

***

"Leorio! Arie!" Gon called out. "You guys are okay!!"

The cheery 12-year-old boy hurried over to Leorio and me, with Kurapika at his back. Despite the fact that they were exhausted from running, both of them greeted us with a smile. With Gon's the brightest, of course.

I grinned widely.

"Yeah, we are," I said, pulling the little munchkin into my arms and coddling him. "Why would you think we aren't?"

"Well," Gon said. "You guys weren't exactly in top shape when you left."

"Yeah," Kurapika nodded.

As usual, the blondie didn't say much, which sort of made me want to stick out my tongue at him; but, because I was in such a good mood after fixing up Leorio and meeting up with Gon, I decided not to.

Treasure this moment while it lasts, Princess, I thought to myself. I'll come back and haunt you...

"Speaking of which," Leorio said, slightly groping his enflamed cheek. "How did we end up here? I don't remember much of what happened."

Crossing his arms, Leorio closed his eyes and thought deeply about it. Instantaneously, Gon and Kurapika's eyes widened. They shot me questioning looks, turned to look at Leorio, and then went back to watching me.

"He doesn't -" Kurapika began to whisper.

I cut him off with a firm look.

They understood my warning very well: DON'T SAY ANYTHING. OTHERWISE, I'LL NEUTER YOU...

They kept their mouth shut.

Which made me super, duper happy.

Leorio's already recovering from his trauma, I thought a bit worried. The last thing he needs is to worry about his near death experience with Hisoka.

Speaking of Hisoka, where was that flashy-dressed bastard?

Letting go of Gon, I stood up, fixed myself and began scanning the grounds. Again, there were significantly less applicants than we had in the beginning, but still enough to provide coverage for Psycho Clown to hide.

Despite the fact the guy could conceal his Nen and Bloodlust well, I could still clearly feel his eyes on me. Tracking my every move, my every breath. Like a certified pervert.

A shiver ran down my spine.

The whole situation made me nervous.

"Oy, Fatty," a finger poked my back.

I jumped and punched the living heck out of the person behind me. Which was Killua. Luckily for him, he put up his skateboard and blocked it. Unluckily for me, the skateboard - like everything else in the Zoldyck residence - weighed a freakin' ton.

Now, I may come from a family of professional assassins who had been trained to endure torture and pain, but this shit - still - friggin' - hurts!

I wailed. "AAAHHHH!!"

Pulling back my throbbing fist, I bit my lip and squealed in ungodly pain. Killua just rolled his eyes and returned the skateboard back to his arm.

"Stop crying," he said, somewhat annoyed. "It's not that bad."

"Yes, it is!!" I waved my watermelon-sized hand in front of his very uncaring face. "Look at it, dork. This isn't normal!"

"Really?" the brat said in a deadpan tone. "I always thought it was like that."

I was ready to strangle the kid. "You little -"

"Hey Gon," Killua grinned, turning to the happy-go-lucky boy who was watching us with a nervous smile, and completely disregarded me.

"Hey Killua!" Gon grinned, before looking my way. "Um, shouldn't you help-?"

"I can't believe you actually got here," Killua interrupted. "I thought you were done for."

I sighed, before shaking my hand and sucking it up. If it weren't for the fact that they're cute together, I would've whooped his ass already.

"Arie," Kurapika said. "I think you should fix that hand."

"It's fine, it's fine," I waved it off. "It's not like this is the first time Killua did this."

Flexing my fingers slowly, I showed them that there was nothing to worry about. Sure enough, it was functioning well. Just a little bruised, is all. A funky, red-blue color.

"See?" I said.

All of a sudden, Leorio took my hand.

"Let me have a look," he said, examining my injury with a keen eye. Unlike earlier, the expression on his face was genuinely serious.

It actually made me nervous.

"Is it...okay?" I asked, scratching my cheek.

"...Yeah," he responded, still keeping focus on my injury. "Just put an ice pack on it for fifteen minutes every few hours for a couple of days. Then, switch to a warm compress - not hot - afterwards. That should increase the blood flow to your hand and speed up the healing process."

The fingers of his free hand lightly skimmed the area around my bruise.

"And of course, you should elevate it above your head, when you get a chance," he continued. "Doing so reduces the swelling and prevents too much blood from going to the injury site and causing discoloration."

"Okay..." I said, though somewhat unsettled from his personality change of happy/annoying to serious/knowledgeable. "Thanks?"

"No problem," he grinned.

He then proceeded to put on the button-down polo shirt I bribed from an applicant, who didn't have enough energy to make it just outside of the Second Phase site gate.

"Ah, Fatty," Killua said, looking over at me. "Where were you earlier?"

I blinked. "What?"

"You weren't here when Gon and Kurapika arrived," he said, raising an ever-so-skeptical eyebrow. "I saw them enter the gates without you. What were you doing?"

Ah, shoot...

Now, how the heck am I going explain that to him? I can't exactly say I was screwing around with Hisoka. That wouldn't exactly sound decent or lady-like for me.

***

Flashback

***

"Ah, stop it!!"

"You don't like it?"

"No!" I said, cursing Hisoka. "You're too big!"

"Funny," Hisoka laughed, digging in deeper. "Judging from your fiancé's size, I thought you liked big."

"Bastard," I growled, trying to wiggle out of his grip, but to no avail. If anything, Psycho Clown tightened his hold on my wrists and pushed down on me harder.

It hurts, I thought, bearing the physical agony. Why the heck is he being such a pain in the ass?!

Wait, no.

Not like that.

...Okay, before you sickos get the wrong thing in your head, let me be the first to say - this is NOT what you think it is. There is no kinky funkery going on, there is no dirty no-no dance going on. I just got myself in a very compromising position.

After leaving Gon and Kurapika, I chased after Hisoka to make sure Leorio was okay, and to get some answers out of Hisoka. But once I reached the outer edges of the Numere Wetlands, I lost track of him.

Then, just to spite me, Hisoka appeared behind me and freaked me out. And because of my short temper, and because he said something that got on my nerves, I sorta lost it and tried to castrate the guy.

Hisoka tossed Leorio aside and pinned me down easy.

So, here we are now.

I glared at him.

"You know," Hisoka leaned down and pressed his lips against my ear. "I like you like this."

"And I like you like those Ugly Daffodil Idiots," I snapped back. "Dead."

"That's a shame," Hisoka replied, pulling away and hovering over my face so we were just millimeters apart. "If you were to kill me, then you wouldn't get answers to your questions, now would you?"

Just as I was about to make a smartass comeback, I realized he was right. My temper was getting the better of me again. A couple of seconds of silence passed before Hisoka loosened his grip and got off me.

Rubbing my wrists, I propped myself on my elbows and glared at him.

"What are you planning?" I asked.

An amused expression appeared on his face. "Did you not want me to get off?"

"Oh god," I said. "You're a freakin' pervert."

For a moment, I thought he was going to say something obnoxious, like "I'm a really big one"; instead, he simply chuckled and said, "To answer your question, the last thing I want to do is upset Illumi by killing his dearly beloved."

How kind of you, I thought sarcastically.

"You came here for your friend, didn't you?" Hisoka gestured to Leorio, who was sleeping on the ground like a baby and had his ass sticking up in the air. With drool spilling out the side of his face, he giggled, muttered someone's name and snuggled closer to the ground.

"That's just creepy," I muttered.

"But perfectly normal," he chuckled.

"Right..." I nodded.

...

...

...

There was a superbly awkward silence that lasted a groveling five seconds. Which was practically eating me alive.

I mean, who the hell gets caught after stalking their prey? One minute I was at the guy's throat; the next, I was talking to him about my friend's misshapen behind.

It was really weird.

I should definitely stay away from this guy, I thought to myself.

"He's not the only reason you came here," he said, drawing me out from my inner rantings and making me face him. "You have questions."

Eyes slightly narrowed, he watched me carefully.

I nodded, "Yeah."

"So what is it?"

"What's your relationship to Illumi?"

"Oh?" A sly smile crept across Hisoka's face. "Illumi hasn't told you?"

I didn't respond.

"If you're so curious," he continued. "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

"Because," I said, my annoyance practically eeking out of my words. "Illumi won't tell me anything."

"So what makes you think I'll say something?" He asked, crossing his arms. His behavior was completely different from a minute ago. Relaxed, but still somewhat guarded.

"You're a lot easier to manipulate," I stated without hesitation.

Now, that got Hisoka.

"Really?" He asked, trying his best to hide his amusement though completely failing at it. "I would think he would be easier to manipulate, considering Illumi is..."

"Illumi?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Tell me about it."

Oops.

That wasn't supposed to slip out.

"Ah!" I said, shaking my head profusely. "Forget I said that!!"

"What?" Hisoka chuckled, this time deep and hearty. "It's not true?"

"It is, but -" I ran my hand through my hair and let out a frustrated sigh. "Shut up!"

He did.

But that smug attitude of his did nothing but irritate me more. So, I punched his arm. The guy didn't even flinch. If anything, happiness spread across his face like a glorified parasite.

"You're amusing," Hisoka said, prior to getting up and throwing Leorio over to my lap.

I caught the guy with ease. Positioning Leorio just behind me, I wrapped his arms around my neck, hooked my hands under his legs, hoisted him up my back and got on my feet.

"If you ever want something fun to do," he said, mischievously. "Find me after the Hunter Exam. I'll make it worth your while."

And then he left.

***

End Flashback

***

I shivered.

That was the closest I was ever be willing to get to Psycho Clown. At least, until someone places a bounty on the creep's head.

"So?" Killua asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked around.

Everyone was waiting for me to answer - especially Gon and Kurapika. They were the only ones who knew where I really was. I bet they were dying to know what business I had with Hisoka.

It's just too bad that I can't tell them.

I need to figure something out.

"We're all waiting," Killua pressed on.

God, this kid knows how to work my nerves, I thought, a bit irritated.

Don't get me wrong, though. I do love Killua, but he really knows how to push my buttons. He doesn't know when to stop asking questions.

If anything, Killua asked more when told not to.

And just when I thought things couldn't get any more annoying, Leorio snapped his fingers as if he had an "a-ha!" moment.

"Wait a minute," he said, eyes narrowing. "You've been with me this whole time. You're the one who carried me here, weren't you?"

I didn't like where this was going.

"So?" I asked.

"So, you must have seen what happened, know why I ended up like this, know why I can't remember a thing," he said. "You know what happened to me."

I watched him carefully, making sure not to give anything away. He's at that psychological stage where he wouldn't accept no for an answer. I need to figure out a way to lighten things up...

"Gon and Kurapika where nowhere to be found," he continued, his anger not letting up. "Killua didn't show up until now. And you're the only one who was with me when I woke up. I can only assume you know what happened."

He smacked his hand on the ground and leaned in, until our noses were touching.

"Tell me," he demanded.

I laughed, nervously rubbing the back of my neck. "Um, Leorio -" I began.

"Don't lie to me, Arie!" he yelled.

Ah, shit.

He's pissed.

"I swear to God, I'm gonna -"

"Okay, okay, okay," I threw my hands up in surrender. "I beat you up!"

"What?" Leorio exclaimed. "You did what?!"

Kurapika then asked the question that was on everyone's mind: "What do you mean, you 'beat him up?'"

"Well, Princess," I replied, somewhat snarky, "Beat up is a slang term that refers to one being worn out or torn up. Other words that relate to the term 'beat up' are: fight, hit, punch, kick, hurt kill, slap, attack, destroy, knock out, whooped and owned."

I crossed my arms and dared him to challenge me. "Got it?"

"That's not what I meant," Kurapika pressed his lips together in a thin line. "You're a lot more immature than you were twenty seconds ago."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

He crossed his arms and looked away.

Good, I thought, somewhat content. Maybe he'll stay that way for the rest of the day. Rest of the exam, if I'm lucky...

"Be serious, Arie," Leorio dragged my attention back to him. "Why the heck would you do something like that to me?"

"Because I needed to," I responded.

A small idea began forming at the back of my head and, at this point, I had no choice but to flow with it.

"During the exam, I got worried about you and Kurapika," I explained, after seeing Leorio calm down a bit. "So, I decided to back track a little and found you in the middle of a standoff with a wild, psychotic animal."

"Wild, psychotic animal?" he asked.

I ignored his interjection.

"It was big, it was scary and it was powerful," I continued on. "Now, I know you're a human being and you're a lot smarter than some dumb animal; but, the thing is, it wasn't a dumb animal. It was intelligent. Analytic. It wore you out, making you chase after it."

I looked him directly in the eye.

"At some point, I was hoping you would figure it out and leave," I said.

Leorio frowned. "But I didn't."

There was no response.

He already knew the answer.

"You chased after it until your knees were wobbling and your legs could barely keep you up. When the animal saw this, it charged after you. It was then I knocked you out, made you look like a less formidable opponent and took care of it."

"Took care of it?"

I nodded. "Then I carried your heavy-ass body on my back, all the way here, so I could bandage you up. That's when you woke up. Clear enough explanation for you?"

Leorio's eyes widened. "R-really?"

I nodded, unblinking.

Though I was clearly aware of the fact that I was manipulating the facts, my story wasn't a total lie.

Hisoka could technically be classified as a wild, psychotic animal, and Leorio really would've been killed had I not stopped him from assaulting Hisoka. Plus, that was all they really asked for. Everyone wanted to know where I was and I did tell them.

Not completely, but again, not a total lie.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Gon and Kurapika almost buy into my explanation. Killua, on the other hand, knew my tactics and my lying face so he wasn't as easily convinced. He knew something was up, but decided not to press the issue anymore.

Either because he didn't care anymore or because he knew I would kill him later.

Probably both.

Anyway, Leorio ran his hand through his hair and sat against the tree. "Wow," he breathed, completely taken aback. "I...I didn't know."

"Well, now you do," I said, corner of my lips twitching upwards. "Which explains why I bandaged you up."

"Because you hurt me?" he asked.

"Nope," I shook my head. "Because you're my friend."

"That's disgusting," Killua said, fake-barfing. "You two should get married. You're a lot gushier with him than you are with my brother."

"Oh?" I smirked. "So you watch me and your brother?"

Killua scoffed. "Can't watch if there is nothing watch, fatty."

I rolled my eyes. This little brat...

"Excellent work, everyone!" Exam Proctor Satotz announced, grabbing everyone's attention. "Phase Two of the exam will occur here in Biska Forest Park."

He gestured towards the two metal doors that guarded an enclosed section just outside of the Numere Wetlands. Although we couldn't see what was inside the walls because the walls were so high, we could tell it had a much nicer, friendlier environment than the previous one.

"So, I shall take my leave," Satotz said, looking around to meet everyone's faces. "Best of luck to all of you."

With a last salute, the fantastic purple-loving man marched back into the Numere Wetlands and disappeared.

A moment of silence passed.

Then, the metal doors began to slide open.

Sweat dripped from everyone's brow. No one knew what the new challenge was, no one knew what they'll be put against. It was an unnerving mystery that racked on everyone's brain. To be honest, I was sort of on edge too.

Until the doors fully parted and I saw a red-roofed white French country styled house surrounded by dozens and dozens of kitchen counters, bonfires, and rotisserie equipment.

My eyes immediately darted over to Tonpa.

Better watch out, Piggy, I thought, an evil smirk plastered on my face. I'm coming after you and making your skin extra crispy...!

Before I could figure out what spices I should use to season Tonpa - rosemary, oregano or parsley, if you were wondering - a voice boomed out loud. "Will all the applicants who passed the First Phase please enter?"

Everyone slowly stepped into the enclosed area and neared the front of the country manor. At the base of it, sitting in a rather luxurious leather chair was a scantily-dressed girl with five weird-ass green pigtails, a see-through shirt, and booty-shorts.

Behind her was a very large - but very cuddly - man with chubby cheeks and a chubby forehead. Both of them greeted us with very big smiles.

"Welcome!" the overly-revealing, big-boobed Hunter exclaimed. "I'm Menchi, the Second Phase examiner."

"And I'm Buhara," the Cuddly Man said, "the other examiner."

Everyone remained quiet.

No one shared Menchi's or Buhara's excitement.

Just like before, everything was tense. We all kept quiet and attentive, as if waiting for a bomb to explode or someone to catch on fire.

No one exploded or caught on fire.

But someone was very hungry. A loud, scary grumbling noise resonated from Cuddly Man's bouncy belly, and growled in everyone's ear. It scared the bejesus out of some applicants.

Which made me laugh.

(Arie: All of these guys are wussies.... Me: Said the person who screams at everything. Arie: Shut up. Me: *pokes* Arie: *stabs* Me: Nyuuuuuu T________________T)

Leorio made a stanky face.

"W-what was that?" he asked. "I'm not the only one who heard that, right?"

Just to mess with him, I raised an eyebrow and looked at him weirdly. "Heard what?"

He smacked my arm.

"You're not funny!" he pouted.

"Yes, I am," I smirked.

Although I could tell he wanted to argue, there was no denying the happiness crinkling around his eyes. He just shook his head and turned his attention back to the front.

Menchi leaned back on her comfy chair and grinned at Buhara.

"You must be hungry, huh?" she asked.

"I'm starving," Buhara grumbled, rubbing his pot belly. "Really starving."

"Well, there you have it!" Menchi exclaimed, standing up from her chair and placing her hands on her hips. "Phase Two will include..."

She paused for lame dramatic effect.

"COOKING!!"

My mouth fell open. Oh - my - freakin' - GOD!

My skin jittery, my fingers antsy, I was completely prepared for this section. Cooking was one of the best assets that I had as a young adult and as a vigilante and there was no way I was going to screw this up.

Looking around, I saw several applicants stare at Menchi in disbelief. Completely lost, completely unexperienced. A huge grin spread across my face. I am so going to kick all your asses!!

Ninja warrior Hanzo was the first to react.

"C-cooking?" he asked.

"Wait! Cooking?!" a somewhat well-rounded, blond-haired, Mohawk-like ponytail guy said out loud. He looked downright furious. "We're here to take the Hunter Exam!"

"That's quite right," Menchi replied, unfazed. "Your challenge for the Second Phase is to produce a dish that will satisfy our palate."

Now, unlike me, Kurapika and Leorio didn't look the least bit excited. If anything, they looked like a couple of lost puppies. To my right, someone stupid cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Why do we have to cook?!" he yelled.

"That's because..." Menchi raised her head up high. "We are Gourmet Hunters!"

Instantly, my mouth watered. Now, these are some people I'd love to hang out with. They totally get me.

Unfortunately, no one else did.

Specifically the fat-ass with the blonde ponytail Mohawk. They all laughed, which irritated the heck out of me.

"Man, what a letdown," another applicant said from behind me. "They're Gourmet Hunters."

Annoyed, I turned around and glared at the man who made the comment. Once he saw the look on my face, he immediately shut up and lowered his head apologetically.

I turned around and sighed.

It's okay, Arie, I told myself. Let it go. Let them think that cooking's that easy. Let them bloat up their ego, so you can have the pleasure of popping it yourself later.

And by the looks of Menchi's dissatisfied face, she had the same idea too. Heaving out a heavy sigh, she crossed her arms.

"So, Gourmet Hunters," the stupid Blonde Mohawk ponytail guy said name with a mocking tone. "What are we supposed to make?"

Menchi closed her eyes. "Buhara..."

Everyone turned their focus to Buhara, who stood up an intimidating 10-feet and whose footsteps shook the ground. With a big smile, he announced to everyone the challenge. "The required ingredient is pork."

"Pork?!" the same guy whom I glared at earlier spat out. "As in pig meat?"

I had to restrain myself from turning around and smacking the guy. I mean, come on! Who the hell doesn't know pork is pig's meat?

God, I hate stupid people.

"You're free to use meat from any species of Biska Forest pigs," he continued. "You must use the cooking facilities here to prepare the pork. And you only pass if we both find it delicious."

"And we will evaluate more than just taste," Menchi added. "Don't underestimate the intricacies of cooking. Got it?"

Of course they don't, I thought.

All around, the Hunter applicants began whispering to each other about how easy this challenge was and dreaming of their futures as official Hunters.

Like I said, stupid.

"When we have both eaten our fill, the exam will end." Menchi concluded.

Mohawk ponytail snorted and crossed his arms.

"We get it, we get it," he interjected, completely impatient. "Let's just start already."

"In that case," Buhara said, giving everyone a close-eyed smile. "The exam's Second Phase begins now!"

He raised his hand and then smacked it down on his oversized belly, which released a loud, metallic sound that sounded very much like a gong.

Everyone dashed out of the gates.

***

So, the hunt began.

And it was led by some of the dumbest people ever known to man.

Most people didn't know where to look, which was okay since no one was familiar with the area; but still. There was a fine line between being lost and being downright stupid. For example, applicant #218 Beya Kodoma decided to look under a rock, as if a fat-ass pig could somehow fit under there. Another applicant, #53 Pokul, looked behind a tree. And - as if this somehow surprised me - another applicant, #79 Poyi-To, was asking everyone if they carried any pig meat in their pockets.

"Don't worry, Arie!" Leorio said, trying to cheer me up. "We'll find the pigs before anyone else does!"

He bent down low and tried to look under a bush, while we were walking around. I let out a frustrated sigh.

Again, I thought. I'm surrounded by dumbasses.

Beside me, Leorio decided to further emphasize my point and said something that jinxed us. "Catch a pig and cook it," he said, very carefree. "This is way easier than the First Phase!"

Kurapika nodded thoughtfully.

"I hope it will be that simple," he responded.

Just as I was about to say something smart-alecky, Gon's expression perked up and - without a word - he ran to the edge of a hill, jumped off and slid down its side. Which left me confused as heck.

"Oi, Gon!" I called, running after him. "What the heck do you think you're doing?"

Killua pushed me from behind.

I fell flat on my stomach and ended up eating a face-full of dirt. As if to irritate me even further, he pushed me again to give me a running start. Quickly, the grass began grinding away my skin, layer by layer.

Turning, I gave Killua a nasty glare.

"Last one there is a rotten fatty," he said, smiling.

He proceeded to leap off the edge, land on his tush and began riding down with me. Travelling at a very fast speed. And for some reason, Kurapika and Leorio followed his lead. They leaped off and headed our direction, too.

I let out another frustrated sigh.

Can't they walk or run down the hill? I asked myself. Like normal people??

Then, I realized they weren't normal people.

One was a cross-dressing Princess who had mood-changing-colored eyes and a long-standing grudge against a notorious Hunter group; the other was a money-crazy medical student and a perverted virgin.

(Me: By the way, guys, I personally love Kurapika and Leorio; so, don't think I hate them. It's just fun to have Arie pick on them XD)

Within five seconds, Killua, Kurapika, Leorio and I all smacked into Gon. And even though the impact hurt like hell, Gon didn't even flinch.

If anything, the kid acted like it never happened.

Grabbing my shoulder and pushing me aside, Killua growled. "What was that about, Gon?!" he asked.

Gon didn't even bother to look at him.

"Found them," he whispered.

"Pigs!" Leorio exclaimed.

"Huh?"

I sat up and looked in the general direction he was facing. Hordes of mammoth-sized pigs with enormous snouts filled the whole clearing. There were so many of them, I lost count.

"Lucky for us, huh?" I said, crossing my legs and nudging Leorio.

He didn't seem to think so, though.

"Uh..." he nervously began. "They're chewing on bones..."

"Don't tell me," Kurapika said dramatically. "They're carnivorous?"

As if the word carnivorous triggered a chain reaction, the nearest pigs spat out the bones they were chewing and glared at us. We stared back at them.

And of course, the biggest pig there seemed to take it as a challenge, let out a wheezing wail and then charged at us.

Irritated, I scratched the back of my head. Again? Really?!

Everyone yelled.

Quickly bouncing to my feet, I snatched Killua up, threw him over my shoulder and began running. The little kid grumbled and smacked me over the head with his skateboard and wiggled out.

"Dummy!" he said. "Stop treating me like a little kid!!"

"I would," I smacked him upside the head with his skateboard too. "If you stop acting like the biggest brat in the entire world."

"Fatty!"

"See, this is why-!"

"GYAAAHHH!!!" Leorio appeared behind me, grabbed my shoulders and drove me forward, causing me to practically stumble on my feet. "RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUUUUUNNNN!!"

Like I don't know that? I restrained the urge to spit out something sarcastic, since it really wasn't the time.

To be honest, I can actually run faster than this; but, because I needed to keep an eye on Killua and Gon, and because leaving Leorio behind would be mean, I slowed down a bit. (Kurapika can do whatever.)

Behind us, dozens and dozens of Biska Forest pigs chased after us. Up ahead, though, the other applicants turned to look in our direction, utter horror spread across their faces. Some of them even shot us nasty looks that asked, "What the hell did you do?!"

Yeah.

We were those people...

Several of the applicants got run over. Smacked in the back with the flat of the pigs' snouts. Flattened against the rough skin of hard-ass trees.

Only a few applicants fought back, though quite unsuccessfully.

Todo raised a bulky boulder above his head and flung it towards the raging bacon monster. The rock split into smaller pieces. Not too far away, Hanzo threw a couple of his shurikens at the pig too. It bounced off, like the snout was made of steel.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Illumi/Gittarackur flip onto a branch, looking totally hot. It made me want to gloat a little inside.

"Arie, watch out!" Leorio shouted.

Too late though.

I ran head-first into a rock - a very big, very hard, very painful rock - that crumbled into smithereens 'cause of my inhuman force.

I growled. Stupid little-! Why can't I just daydream about Illumi for a bit?! I mean, is that so freakin' wrong?!?!

In the back of my head, amongst all the chaos, the world said: yes.

Damn it.

Behind me, the ground started rumbling. I turned around, only to find an enraged pig charging at me full speed. I think it was the one led the attack earlier. So pretty much, I'm screwed if I don't move.

Leorio decided that this was the perfect opportunity to be a dumbass again by sprinting towards me, arm outstretched. Which makes me think that he's really suicidal.

"Arie!!" he shouted again. "You need to-!"

I threw a heavy-ass rock chunk at Leorio. It nailed him right at the stomach and he got the wind knocked out of him.

"Stop getting in the line of fire!" I said to him. "You'll get yourself killed!"

He muffled something inaudible. Couldn't really hear the poor guy since his face was half-buried in the ground.

"SQUEEAALLL!!"

The pig was getting closer.

Panicking, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment: I took out my Jacks and ran towards it.

Everything's bouncing off its snout, I thought, analyzing the situation. That's probably trying to protect its weak point.

But because the snout covered the pig's face completely, I couldn't tell what that weak point was.

Guess I'll have to figure it out, I sighed.

Right as the snout was about to flatten me into a pancake, I side-stepped the raging boar, brought down my Jack and stabbed it on the cheek.

The pig let out another terrifying squeal, which practically rendered me deaf.

"Ah!" I flinched, pulling away my Jack and using my arms to cover my ears. The boar glared at me and stomped on the ground, as if throwing a little tantrum. It charged at me again.

This time, angrier than ever.

Ah, shit, I thought.

The pig rammed up into the air and squealed. But it was a different type of squeal. I swear to god, when I looked down, the fat bacon monster was smirking back at me.

Think you're funny, huh? Twisting around into the air, I adjusted my position so I could land on my feet with Jacks up. Not too far away, Gon landed on the ground too, his fishing rod up in a defensive position.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he muttered, before his eyes widened. "MOVE!!"

I quickly looked in the direction he was staring. Apparently, both his pig and my pig - with its gashing cheek mark - formed a pack and doubled team us. They were charging at us with full speed.

We leapt to the side and got in our defensive stances again.

The two boars slammed snout-first into the apple tree. Body shivering from the impact, they roared, backed up and spun around to face each of us.

And then a couple apples fell from the tree and smacked them on the head.

They passed out within seconds.

...I literally face-palmed myself. You have got to be kidding me!!

As if to test out that theory, Gon flew up in the air, brought his fishing rod down, smacked the pig on the forehead again, and sprung back beside me.

It fell on the ground, cross-eyed.

Confirming that it was officially dead.

Beside it, my temperamental pig was still snarling. I stuck my tongue out at it. Just to spite me, it snorted back. Putting away my Jacks, I walked over to it, picked up an apple and smacked said apple against its forehead. The pig gave one last wail before it passed away for the benefit of providing juicy meat.

Somewhere nearby, Killua, Kurapika and Leorio - who was still running away from his pig - noticed our achievement and began beating their pigs on the forehead with whatever weapon they chose. So did everyone else.

Within seconds, a bunch of other applicants caught their pigs with ease and began heading back to the testing site.

"O-kay!" Gon grinned. He hoisted the 100-pound pig up in the air and carried it above his head. "Let's head back!!"

"Actually, Gon?" I said, grabbing the little munchkin on the shoulder and stopping him. "Do you mind if you go ahead?"

Immediately, concern flickered across his eyes again and he set down the pig, which landed with a great thud. "Where are you going?" he asked.

I could tell he was worried about me, especially since I was heading off somewhere in the Numere Forest alone and not telling him where I was going...again.

I smiled, patting his head.

"I'll be around here," I assured him. "I wanted to look for a bigger and fatter pig. You know, just to impress the judges."

"You sure?" he asked.

His concern was so endearing, I actually wanted to snuggle up to the kid and giving him a big, big smooch on his cheek.

So I did.

"You're so adorbs!!" I gushed. "Why can't Killua be more like you?!"

"Ehehe..." Gon laughed nervously. "Um, Arie?"

"Don't worry about me, okay?" I said, letting him go and pinching his cheeks. "I'm just going to be around this area. Close to the testing site. And I promise you, I'll come back in one piece."

For a moment, he was silent. Then, he flashed me a really big smile and hoisted his pig up again. "In that case, I'll see you at the exam site!"

"You too!" I waved.

He waved back and headed off in the general direction of the exam.

***

So, I found a pig.

It was extremely fat.

So fat, its length spanned Godzilla, its width sumo, and its height Gargantua. And it had a nasty attitude to match. Worse than the pig I had to deal with earlier. Just my luck.

Baring its tusks, the whiny fatso squealed and charged at me.

I ran straight at it.

Just like before, I side-stepped the pig just as its snout was about to smack into me, and stabbed its tough skin on the side. The pig jerked around, which caused me to momentarily lose my grip; but, after a couple of seconds, I managed to get a firm hold and fling myself upwards, so that I was in the air, just above its weak spot.

I smirked.

Bracing myself, I reeled back my arm, firmly clutched my Jack and swung downwards. Or, so I had planned. Instead, two poison-coated needles came flying my way.

Redirecting my Jack, I stabbed the pig on the back, used my momentum and swung myself around the other direction. The needles sailed over my head, merely centimeters away.

Thud, thud, thud.

Looking in the general direction of where the needles had landed, I saw them deeply imbedded at the trunk of a big tree. A tree that was healthy moments ago. Now, it was decaying at a rapid pace.

I narrowed my eyes. What the hell?

Then, not long after, I heard another five 'thuds' followed by a squeal. Legs kicking, the gigantic pig fell over and gave one last sputter before it died. Walking around, I saw a bunch of needles sticking out of the pig's hide. Despite the fact that the needles looked like they were made from the same material as the ones that hit the tree, the meat didn't seem to be decaying at all.

Meaning it was probably safe to eat, which relieved me.

Sighing, I turned my attention to the tall, blond-haired man standing a few feet away. Dressed in a leather jacket, jeans and steel-toed boots, he looked to be no older than 25 - somewhere around my age. On his face, he had that cocky grin that I hated on a lot of people, and an ugly arm tattoo that practically ate his whole arm.

He looks familiar, I thought.

Though I doubt I've met him before. I would have remembered someone as gaudy and derp-looking as him.

Once he realized that I noticed him, he smirked. Pushing off the tree, he began walking towards me like some well-proclaimed super model; except, he wasn't so it looked really weird and awkward.

You know, like a nerdy kid dressed up in jock clothes and trying to model for a pretty-boy company.

"So," he said, his smirk getting bigger as he approached me. "You impressed by my kill?"

"...You stole my pig." I said. "Jackass."

"You know, most people are terrified of me by now," he continued.

The man paused, just within arm's length and raised his head. I guess this was supposed to impress me; instead, it did nothing but revealed a terrible sun burn that festered around his neck. As if the sun had come down from the heavens and personally smacked him.

"But you shouldn't be," the guy flashed me a creepy-flirty smile and began eyeing me up and down. "I would never hurt a beautiful, wonderful, and delicious -"

His eyes got stuck on my boobs.

Immediately, I noticed a wiggle dance going on in his pants. Which didn't really surprise me. Of all the boys I meet, 7 out of 10 will stare, will want to grab and will actually grab my Hooters.

He tried to poke them.

I stepped back.

His hand fell in disappointment and went back to his crotch, so he could feed the needy desire in his pants that would never ever happen.

For some reason, that made him look really familiar. I swear to god, it was killing me. Where have I seen you before? I asked myself again.

"You're a pretty little thing, aren't you? Well, no. Not really little. You're a very big, big girl." He smirked again. "Won't you let me feel a bit?"

"..."

He tried to poke a second time.

I moved further back. I should just assassinate this guy. Bash his head open and make a slushie out of its innards...

But I didn't.

I couldn't find the strength to. As much as this guy creeped me out, I had no other reason to kill him. He wasn't a criminal, he wasn't a murderer, and he wasn't a druggie. He was just a really weird pervert.

By vigilante laws, this guy was free to do whatever he wanted.

Which sort of sucked.

Anyway, when I didn't let him have his way, the guy let out a frustrated sigh. Then he crossed his arms, like a sassy girl.

"You know, it'd be easier for you to give in," he said. "I killed the last girl who didn't give me what I wanted."

My blood spiked.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh?" the stupid grin on his face spread across even more. "I told you. You shouldn't be scared of me. At least, not if you give me what I want. If you don't..."

He shrugged half-heartedly. "Well, in any case, I should be heading back. The exam's already started and most of the applicants are already cooking. I've got to be there too, you know?"

Making his way over to the pig, he took out the five needles stuck in the pig's hide and pocketed them. Bending down, he lifted the pig with incredible strength - strength that I seriously thought was impossible for him to have - and began walking away.

He paused a couple seconds though, so he could glance at me and give me another once-over. "The name's Breeder, by the way. If you ever decide that you can handle me," he winked. "I'm ready to go anytime, anywhere, any day."

He wiggled his eyebrows weirdly.

Then he began walking away.

(Me: Thank god!!)

Half of me wanted to let him go and just leave him alone; the other half wanted very much to murder the sick pervert and bury him in the ground. But again, I couldn't. I didn't have proof that he had committed a murder, despite the fact that he just told me; for all I knew, he was just bluffing.

I watched him carefully.

"Breeder, huh?" I muttered under my breath. "Even your name sounds familiar..."

I could've sworn I've heard his name before. And I've definitely seen him before, though I can't really remember where.

...And then it hit me.

I flashed right behind him.

The Jack punctured a small hole right at the base his head, and I dragged the Jack down so it ripped the skin above where his spinal cord was. A sudden jerk, a blood-curdling scream and a stream of blood.

Digging in, my hand wiggled around the opening slit and my fingers grasped his spinal cord firmly. Immediately, Breeder began reaching for my hand frantically.

"Wh-what - what are you doing?!" he asked. "Let me go!!"

"Careful," I said, in a low, dangerous voice. "If you make any sudden movements, I'll rip it out."

"You wouldn't -"

I tugged on it a bit.

A shot of pain ran over his body, and he let out another agonizing scream. "Why are you doing this to me?!"

"Because you killed someone," I answered automatically. "And because I hate stupid, horny dogs like you."

Using my free hand, I shrunk my Jack and pocketed it away, only to take out another one. This time, the Jack was silver. Placing it just above where I made the beginning my cut, I pushed the Jack in and made sure it had punctured his nerve disk.

Again, another shot of pain.

Breeder thrashed around violently, soaking me with blood from the arm up. I was pretty sure I got some on my face too, but I hardly cared at the moment. The air smelled damp and metallic.

"Stop it!" he screamed.

"Sure," I said. "When your ding-ding retracts and forms a vagina."

Closing my eyes, I focused a large amount of my Nen into his body and began working. His spine arched over dangerously, his rib cage expanded, and his limbs turned short and stocky. Most of his muscles dissipated into fat, rendering him weak.

The most gruesome transformation was his face.

His cheeks grew wider and flattened until his skin became taught over it. His eyes shrank back in its sockets, pupils dilating to the size of dimes. His teeth curved out of its gums so much, he couldn't close his mouth fully. And his nose grew into an upturned spade that covered his face.

Just a little more, I thought. And you'll be done with your transformation.

"Stop it, stop it," he yelled. "Stoh....squeal!"

And then, it was done.

Retracting my hand, I shook off the excess blood. With my other hand on the silver Jack, I dragged it down the cut, this time sealing it. His skin stitched itself back together over his misshapen spine. I pulled out the silver Jack, which was still perfectly clean, and pocketed it away.

The tiny little pig rounded about to look at me and let out a stream of squeals. Its beady little eyes widened with fear.

I crouched down to his height.

A humorless smile spread across my face.

"Now I remember you," I said to the deformed pig. "You're Breeder, right hand man of Jiyou, an underground mafia boss."

"Squeal!!"

I reached over to pet Breeder's head. He remained still, completely tense under my hold, but held my gaze nonetheless.

"A couple years ago, you went out drinking," I explained. "Thought you might get lucky and spent the night with a prostitute. But instead, you spilled out all of your boss's secret operations to her. Which was a dumbass move, if you ask me."

The pig's breathing got heavier.

"The prostitute, Kiku, then blackmailed you into giving her money," I continued. "Which was understandable, considering her customers are the only source of her income. So, I don't really blame her for her actions. However..."

I gave Breeder a very firm look. "You got tired of it and decided to kill her. Poisoned her with your needles and left her body in the back alley of her work house. Her friends and coworkers found her the next morning. You know, her friends were so poor, they couldn't afford to give her a proper burial."

"Squeal?"

"Instead, they got all the money they could and made a request to one of the Kadan family's shrines to avenge her death. So, that's where I come in."

Sighing, I pulled my hand away and leaned back. "Normally, the Kadans don't concern themselves with small cases like these. However, you pissed me off. The fact that you casually mentioned Kiku's death, like it was a regular side comment in a conversation, really bothered me."

The pig stared at me in utter disbelief.

Smiling yet again, I clapped my hands together and noogied Breeder's head.

"Well," I said. "Enough of that. I'm gonna go and take my pig to the exam site. Still want to pass it, you know?"

I stood up, threw the pig up in the air and caught it. Glancing back over my shoulder, I winked at Breeder.

"Welcome to your new life," I said. "Be sure you avoid any applicants. They may try to come after you and cook you."

"Squeal - squeal - squeaky-squeal!" he whined.

I guess in Biska Forest pig-talk that was code for: I don't want to be a pig for the rest of my life or I'm sorry I tried to molest you. Either way, it didn't soften me up or made me feel bad for what I did to him.

So, I left him.

Just in time, too. The Biska Forest pigs were starting to spill back into the clearing. Some of them had legs and heads sticking out from their mouths, parts of applicants who were unfortunate enough to get caught by the carnivorous animals.

Oh man, I thought. I could only imagine the psychological damage that would do to Breeder. Maybe I might have been a little too harsh?

Nah.

I'm good.

He deserved it for being a jackass.

Shrieking, Breeder began to run away from the horde of pigs; but, one ginormous Mama Pig thought that he was her child and kept picking him up by the scruff of his neck with her mouth and throwing him back into the crowd. His screaming got louder, almost as if he were crying out for help.

I ignored him and continued walking.

***

As soon as I reached the gate, Leorio was waiting for me.

Arms crossed, he was very silent. Which was dangerous. He was either: overthinking, tired of waiting, about to blow up, needed a hug, falling apart, crying on the inside, or maybe even all of the above.

I couldn't really tell.

Girls are so hard to deal with sometimes, I sighed internally.

Whatever the heck he was pissed about, I knew it was something about me. Just didn't know what I did, though. He glared, mouth puckered in a very sour frown.

"Where have you been?!" he asked. "Half an hour's passed since the Second Phase began and I couldn't find you!"

Okay, I though. Guess it's choices B and C - tired of waiting and about to blow up.

"I asked Gon, Killua, Kurapika and even a bunch of other applicants who tried to stab me with their tongs and skewers to see if they knew where you might have been. But no - one - freakin' - knew!! You know how much trouble I had to go through to keep myself calm and not - oh, I don't know - FREAK OUT?!?!"

Ah, shit. I anime sweat-dropped. He's pissed...

"I was really worried about you," he yelled. "Really, really worried about you! I swear to god, you'll be the death of me!!"

Recovering from my 'ah-shit' moment, I laughed nervously.

"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" I said, trying to reassure him. "So calm your hormones down, and learn to breathe."

"I AM BREATHING!" He practically burst my eardrums. "AND I DON'T HAVE FREAKIN HORMONES!!"

"Everyone has hormones, dumbass," I replied, starting to walk away from him and over to my work station. "Yours just happen to be estrogen instead of testosterone."

He growled, following me. "What?"

"In simple terms," I said. "You're PMS-ing."

He scoffed, and crossed his arms yet again.

"I know what estrogen is and what it does," he muttered. "And I don't have it. I'm just saying I was worried about you."

"Note taken," I set the pig down and began preparing it. "Now, go back to your station and let me cook. From the looks of it, you're still not done."

I gestured over to his cooking counter, which was right across from mine. The pig was stuck upside down on the rotisserie set, and the back of the pig starting to char black.

"Shoot, I forgot!" Leorio threw his hands up in his hair. "I'll save you, pig!"

And he dashed over.

I chuckled to myself. He can be so amusing sometimes...

With that last thought in mind, I picked up a knife and began preparing my dish. There was no way I was going to screw up on this part of the exam.\