Chapter 05: Friends + Enemies = Frenemies?? Making Friends Wherever I Go

Written by: Dreamer of Clouds

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Author's Note

Hey guys! Dreamer of Clouds here.

SOOO sorry for the delay in releasing chapter 05 of Jacked UP!! but I had some stuff to deal, but hopefully, those are getting solved as we speak. Anyway, this chapter is mainly about meeting Gon and Leorio and has mentions of Kurapika. Not much Hisoka/Illumi action here, but please be patient dear readers. There will be some steamy (>////w///>) action in the next chapter! I can promise you that!

Also, please note. I did change my character's appearance slightly. Instead of using the female gender bender of Kirito from Sword Art Online, I am now using the model of Seraphim from Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka (Is This A Zombie?) If you're a big fan of random cute comedy anime, watch this series!! I highly doubt you'll regret it <3

Anyways, that's all for now. Feel free to love/hate/comment/criticize on this chapter. All of them are welcome, and I enjoy hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Dreamer of Clouds

* * *

His name is Hisoka.

That creepy touchy clown that groped me. I swear to god, I'm gonna find every excuse I can to come after that psycho. He is rude, insensitive, and completely ruthless.

Stupid, too.

Which was never a plus for me. So, to make other people's lives easier, killing dum-dums is one of the many special services I provide to society.

Should be easy, right?

But then, I remembered that Illumi said he was meeting up with a friend. Most likely, that's Hisoka. So, not only is he off-limits at the moment, I have to figure out how to stage the Psycho Clown's death and make it look like a random homocide, so Illumi doesn't kick my butt.

Wish me luck...>_>

***

In an effort to distract myself, I continued to wander around the underground tunnel and gather information about the applicants. Again, no one really stood out, except for Bull, Psycho Clown and...

Tonpa.

According to my Bounty Book, Tonpa was locally known as the Rookie Crusher. A fat-ass loser who took pleasure in belittling other people. Normally, I wouldn't bother with him, since he wasn't all that great.

Or important.

Or smart.

Or worth my time.

But because he approached me and tried to befriend me with an expired drink that contained a bunch of laxatives, I hated him.

See, when it comes to me, you don't mess with food. Feeding me bad things is like stabbing the Devil with his own pitchfork.

There will be repercussions.

So, just to make the guy pee his pants a little, I took the drink and downed it in one gulp. Then began telling him about how relieved I was to find a friend, and how the last guy who tried to feed me something terrible was rotisseried over a camp fire.

Tonpa practically ran away with his hands clutched over his ass. Probably thought that's where I'd shove the rotisserie stick in. Which was a pretty good guess, if you ask me.

I grumpily made my way back to Killua, who was skating around people.

"Hey squirt," I said, patting his head as he skated by. "I'm back."

"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow. "You returned a lot earlier than I expected."

"I know," I replied, trying not to sound too depressed. "Ran into a bunch of weirdos and perverts, so it sorta ruined my motivation."

Killua crossed his arms as he began circling me. "By weirdos and perverts, did you mean that pin-head and anorexic clown?"

I nodded. "How'd you know?"

"You drew a lot of attention earlier," he explained in an it's-so-obvious-I-can't-believe-you-didn't-notice voice. "Especially when you tried stabbing them. Not exactly the most subtle move."

"Can't help it," I shrugged. "It's my girl instinct."

"Stabbing people?"

"Yup."

The 12-year-old's right eye twitched. I could tell from the crazy look on his face, he thought, Oh god, this b!tch is crazy!

Inside, I almost felt proud for it.

Don't know if you guys can tell, but I like being able to stand up and fight for myself. It gives me a sense of freedom, and control - if that makes any sense.

"In any case," I said, reaching in my backpack and taking out a Choco Robot I had swiped from one of the younger applicant's bag. "I'm gonna spoil myself again so I can calm down."

Killua halted in front of me and jabbed a finger at the delicious morsel that was in my hand. "You know too much of that is going to kill you."

I scoffed. "When I die, you'll bury me in frosting."

"You mean Illumi's?" he asked.

I nearly gagged and doubled over from SCD - Sudden Choking Disorder.

Like the name states, the disorder causes you to start choking, often times from profane humor or society's collective stupidity. In this case, it was Killua's use of graphic imagery and my wild imagination.

Now, mind you, being buried in Illumi's love juices didn't sound all too bad. (Assuming my fiance had the common sense of what to do during reproduction). But, that type of death didn't sound all that dignified either.

So, I think I'll pass at the moment.

Just as my imaginative mind was about to venture out in a perverted exploit, the wall at the end of the tunnel rose up and revealed a tall, lean man wearing a fantastic purple suit. With matching lavander hair, blue eyes and a fancy lavender moustache, he could have been easily mistaken for a successful businessman.

Keyword: could.

See, the thing is - the guy didn't have a freakin' mouth. So, how the hell does he talk? I thought, watching his face skeptically.

As if to answer my question, the no-mouth-fancy-pants began talking.

Somehow.

"The entry period Hunter applications has ended," he said, with his long, long, long moustache vibrating up and down. "I am Satotz, the Phase One Examiner."

In the back of my mind, his name rang a bell.

Satotz - an infamous Archaeological Hunter who has contributed much to his community. He was known to have great stamina and possessed great intellect about anything and everything. He was also an occassional business associate of Dad's.

"A final caution," he said, holding up a finger. "If you are short on luck or ability, you could very well end up seriously injured. Or even dead."

An eerie silence took over the room.

"If you accept the risks, follow me." he continued on. "Otherwise, please exit the area, via the elevator behind you."

No one moved.

Which was fine by me.

I wasn't scared of any of them.

Plus, with all these people focusing and minding their own business, no one would really pay attention to me torturing Tonpa and butchering Psycho Clown. If anything, it works out in my favor.

Satotz continued talking with his non-existent mouth. "Very well," he said calmly. "All 405 applicants will participate in Phase One."

Turning around, Satotz bounced at the balls of his feet, swinging one leg in front of the other, like a bunny standing up right. With a matching motion, he began swinging his arms too. The front row began to move forward and, before we knew it, we were walking right behind him.

Well, I was walking.

Killua got on his skateboard.

"As the exam proctor, I shall lead you to Phase Two," Satotz explained.

"Phase Two?" A voice called out from somewhere beside me. "What about Phase One?!"

"Phase One has already commenced," Satotz replied without hesitation. At this point, everyone was jogging. (Y'know, minus Killua). "You must follow me to Phase Two."

Within two seconds, Mr. Tall and Purple Satotz got everyone at a full run. Which wasn't too bad of a test. But then again, he didn't say for how long we had to run.

That's annoying, I thought, pouting inwardly. I don't wanna work for God knows how long. I'm a lazy person.

I wanna sleep!!

Just then, a brilliant idea came to mind. Smiling happily, I took out one of my specialized metal Jack.

Using my awesome kick-@$$ Manipulator ability, I transferred 80% of my weight to the Jack, which expanded to accommodate the newly gained heaviness. Then, with some more effort, I was able to shape the jack into a humanoid figure and made it run on its own.

In return, I was able to shrink myself into a tiny five inch figure, who could easily, and potentially, rest on Killua's head for the remainder of the marathon.

That being said, the humanoid Jack picked me up and set me atop Killua's fluffy white head. I snuggled up to his poofy-ness.

Below me, Killua sighed. "Really?"

"What?!" I said, flashing him a toothy grin. "I figured this would be the most convenient for me."

"You know, I could just pick you up and throw you away, right?" He said nonchalantly.

"I know," I replied, nodding. "But you won't."

I didn't even have to look at him to know he was raising a skeptical eyebrow. "And why not?"

"'Cause I'll start making out with Illumi," I smirked. "Right in front of you."

Killua shivered.

"Oi, kid!!" Another obnoxious voice called out. (I swear, there's a bunch more of those around). "Where are your manners?! Show the Hunter Exam some respect!!"

Respect?

What??

Propping myself on my elbows, I looked to my left, past the meadow of long, spiky hair and up at a middle-aged man. He had tannish skin and spiked hair, and he wore a drastic blue business suit with a green tie.

Killua's expression didn't change. "What are you talking about?"

"Using a skateboard is cheating!" The man exclaimed quite angrily. "Don't you know that this is an endurance exam?!"

Endurance exam?

Who the hell said anything about that?

"You're a dumbass," I told him matter-of-factly.

"Hey!!" The guy scowled, jabbing a finger in my direction. "Don't call me a dumb ass! And what makes you think it's not?!"

"Cause it's not," Killua responded, shoving his hands in his front pockets. In the most nonchalant way possible. So much that it actually made the guy piss off even more.

The guy raised a fist. "Why you-!!"

"Hold on, Leorio," a lively voice called out from just behind us. "They're right."

Turning back slightly, the dumb ass named Leorio scowled even more. "Whose side are you on, anyways?!"

Glancing behind us, both Killua and I took notice of the small boy running. With spiked up greenish black hair and brown eyes, and an adorable green outfit to match, the kid looked no older than Killua.

"The examiner just told us to follow him," the kid explained. "That's all."

Oh, I blinked, somewhat surprised. He's smart and observant for his age.

As if sensing an immediate connection with him, Killua slowed down to match pace with the kid.

"Hey," Killua started, watching the boy intently. "How old are you?"

The kid grinned. "I'm twelve years old."

Huh, what do you know? I smiled internally. I was right.

Killua kicked off of his skateboard, caught it and then began to run alongside him.

"Guess I'll run too," Killua said, cooly.

"Same here!" I chirped, jumping off of Killua's head. As I was doing so, I grabbed on to my Jack that was running alongside us, transferred all my weight back to me, and regained my original size. Pocketing the Jack away, I began lightly jogging.

The enthusiastic little boy gaped in awe.

"Wow," he exclaimed excitedly. "You guys are so cool!!"

The grin on the kid's face was infectious, I found myself smiling back at him too.

"Thanks, kid," I said, feeling a little more awesome than normal about myself. "You're pretty cool yourself, you know?"

"Thanks!" He grinned.

"Anyway, I'm Killua," my munchkin brat said. "And this is Arie."

I waved.

The kid waved back.

"I'm Gon," the twelve year old introduced himself. "It's nice to meet ya."

"Likewise," I responded.

...And it was then when I saw Killua smile. A sweet, sincere, non-absorbed, adorable, darling smile. Like he actually felt comfortable around him.

Awww, I thought, my heart instantly melting at the idea of Killua having a possible bromance. Maybe I should leave the two alone.

You know, so they could have their private moment...(Me: For those of you who don't know, I totally support GonxKillua.!! And so does Arie!! Arie: Don't bring me into this, dumbass...Me: But you do don't you?? Hmm ^_-?? Arie: Shut up...>///_///>)

With Killua and Gon immersed in their own little world of kid stuff, I slowed my pace down and began jogging next to the only person available to put up with my boredom: Leorio.

"So," I began, "Leorio, was it?"

He scowled. "Yeah, what of it?"

"Nothing," I said, shrugging. "So, how are you?"

"Why are you talking to me?" He said quite grumpily. Guess he was still sore from me calling him a dumbass. Then again, most people would be.

"Because I feel like it," I responded. "Plus, I don't really see why I can't. You seem like a nice guy."

"Yeah," Leorio said before looking away and pouting. "But I don't like talking to people who call me dumbass."

"Well, I'm sorry, dumbass," I raised my nose and began talking in a very snotty, self-absorbed accent. "I just happen to call a dumbass a dumbass if the deserve to be called a dumbass. Get it, dumbass?"

Leorio growled. "Shut up, -"

"Dumbass?"

The look on the poor guy's face couldn't have been more hilarious! You know, if you found middle-aged men who looked like they could die from frustration hilarious.

Leorio raised a violent, shaking fist. "Why you-"

"Smartass?"

Again, his face was priceless. Completely frazzled and dazed with anger, he ran faster and faster. So fast that he almost broke the handle off of the briefcase he was swinging around. Plus, I was pretty sure he dislocated his shoulder from doing so.

Oh, this is gonna be fun! A devious, evil smirk worked its way across my lips. Now I finally have someone I can mentally screw with.

And with that, I took longer leaps and began annoying the bejesus out of him.

* * *

Okay.

So, here's the deal.

I managed to manipulate Leorio and get him to spill everything he knows while pissing him off. (Me: I'm telling you, that takes talent XD).

According to Leorio, he arrived with two people.

Gon and Kurapika.

Gon was a regular 12-year old boy who had enrolled in the Hunter Exam, for the purpose of finding his dad. He was a smart kid, with strong senses and a great amount of courage. Only issue is - and I can see this with my own eyes - he's pretty gullible.

To the point of almost being ridiculous.

But, then again, perfect match for Killua. The little brat needs something different to change up that grumpy, gussy, pubescent-puberty attitude of his. And I think Gon might be the kid to do it.

As for the other guy Kurapika, the kid is the last survivor of the Kurta Clan.

According to the KUN, Kadan Underground Network, the Kurta Clan was massacred several years ago by the Phantom Troupe. Some jackass had put up a high price for the Kurta clan's Scarlet Eyes on the Black Market and inspired the mass genocide that took place over one night. A sad tragedy, really.

Then again, I guess it wasn't all bad. Originally, I assumed the Kurta clan had gone extinct; but, with this new information, I can guess that the Kurta clan will grow again.

It'll just take some time.

* * *

Leorio is dying.

Literally, he is dying.

Dying a very long, painful, excruciating, sweaty, ugly death. With sunken eyes, lolling tongue, and thick coats of body fluids, the poor 19-year-old (apparently not mid-20-something-year-old) looked like he was ready to drop to the floor and stay there. If I hadn't actually grown to like the guy in the short 4 hours I'd annoyed the hell out of him, I would have let him suffer on the dirty ground.

But no.

I have a special way of treating the people I liked/hated. Still keeping an eye on Killua and Gon, I slowed my pace down to match Leorio's  staggering one. I poked his cheek.

"Hey," I said curiously. "Why are you slowing down?"

Leorio glared at me.

"Shut up," he said in a wheezy, gasping voice. "I don't like you."

"Just asking if you're okay," I said, holding my hands up and rolling my eyes. "Geez."

"Well, don't," he muttered quite grumpily. "I don't - need - your help."

I frowned. Poor guy.

He can barely speak at this point. With his body over heating, he wouldn't be able to last long. Normally, I wouldn't feel sorry for people who can't keep up with what's going on around them, because individualistic skills are required to pass the exam; but, because I do view Leorio as a valuable asset, I do want to help him out.

"Leorio," I asked, a sudden question popping up in my head. "Why exactly are you trying out for the Hunter Exam? Does it really mean that much to you?"

All of a sudden, the guy stops.

Hunched over, he rest his hands on his knees and kept a steady, almost scary gaze at the ground. As if he were focusing on something really hard.

Guess I hit the nail on the head, I said, circling around and slowly trotting back to Leorio's spot. Behind me, I could see Killua and Gon waiting for us up ahead. I gestured for them to move on and, for a moment, it looked like Killua might leave us; but, Gon held up his hand. 

Just barely, I could hear him whisper, "Hold on."

They kept watching us.

I watched Leorio.

About ten seconds have passed, and we were starting to lose sight of Satotz and the rest of the contestants. Worried, I placed a hand on Leorio's shoulder.

"Hey kid?" I asked.

"SCREW IT!!" The gigantic kiddie yelled out loud. "I'M GONNA BECOME A HUNTER! DAMN IT ALL!!"

Just like that, he was gone. Fast as the speed of light. If anything, it was almost unrealistic.

Smiling triumphantly, Gon reeled back and threw a line from his fishing rod to the briefcase Leorio had dropped on to the ground. It flew up in the air, with a graceful arc and landed in his arms. The kids began running again, up in the direction of where Leorio was running other people's asses over.

I smirked.

That weirdo, I thought as I started picking up my pace again and trying to catch up with him. He makes me worry for nothing.