The instant connection upon meeting someone is rare, very rare, it is something in which we get caught up into, we think that if we let that person go, we wouldn't get another chance, we wouldn't get someone like them but sometimes these connections aren't suppose to last long, they're just good fleeting moments, you aren't suppose to get caught up in them, sometimes just sometimes they're delusions, when we look for something for a while and are unable to find it, we start to make it by ourselves, but the truth is it isn't there in the first place.

When Taehyung first met Jongsuk, they instantly clicked, Taehyung was intrigued by that black mask covering half of his face, raven hair parted on the forehead and round eyes staring into him. Taehyung liked the way the man looked at him, he liked the way how his eyes seemed bigger because of the lined kohl, he liked the way the man had a tight grip on his hand to prevent him from falling.

Taehyung wasn't thinking straight, he wasn't when he smiled a smile so wide that seemed to hurt, he wasn't when he had introduced himself brightly not knowing what he was getting himself into.

Maybe Taehyung misinterpreted his heart fluttering for the man, when really it was just adrenaline rushing through his body because of the almost fall.

See the thing was or is, Taehyung loved mysterious, anything dark, intriguing, incomplete, broken. He lived off of it and the man in front of him-Jongsuk was the epitome of it.

Taehyung didn't hesitate to stare when the man took off his mask, his full, plump lips making the perfect shape, it was like the himself took his time sleepily, delicately carving the man's lips. Taehyung stared until the man snapped his fingers in front of his face with a small knowing smirk playing on his lips.

"Jongsuk" the man had said, tongue rolling in his mouth.

"Jongsuk" Taehyung has repeated slowly, as if testing how the name sounded coming out of his mouth.

Taehyung had debated over missing his class for a while before deciding to do it anyway, just because what if he wouldn't be able to see that smile again.

He was stupid, foolish and maybe immature when he didn't leave when the man told him he was a mafia boss. He still didn't leave when the man placed his gun on the table upon their just third meeting. He was stupid and foolish when he decided to stay.

Taehyung was stupid and foolish when he decided to ignore his bestfriend- Jimin who was with him throughout his life when he said Jongsuk seemed dangerous, crazy. He married him anyway.

Taehyung believed their relationship wouldn't be rainbows and cherry blossoms and unicorn, but he knew he would be happy- and he was, he was the happiest man till when that one night after a year, in the middle of fall, happened.

Jongsuk's friends never spoke more than two words with Taehyung, nor did they tried to even looked at him for more than once. So when the man named Soojun - one of Jongsuk's friend was kind enough to ask him for a dance Taehyung was delighted.

Taehyung didn't notice the way Jongsuk was looking or more accurately punishing Taehyung with his eyes, for just touching, looking or dancing with another man. At the end of the night for the first time in his life, Taehyung noticed how dangerous wasn't good, was sure intriguing but definitely wasn't nice. For the first time in his life, he noticed his husband put a hole in the man's head who was nothing but kind, through a man who just wanted to ask Taehyung for help for idea's to surprise his girlfriend.

Taehyung could defend the man all that he wanted, but when he looked into Jongsuk's eyes he knew if he opened his mouth, his husband wouldn't hesitate putting a whole in his own head.

So he heard the sound of the bullet as Jongsuk fired his gun, he saw the way the bullet hit the man's forehead gaping a hole while he whispered and cried begging he was innocent. He saw as the blood splashed across the wall, on his clothes, on the floor. He saw that lifeless body lying on the floor. And for the first time, when he only looked into his husband's eyes, he saw evil, red, anger - anger so bad that it could blast the entire world if possible.

And for the first time, Taehyung didn't make love with Jongsuk, he was punished by him. Nails digging in his skin, scalp aching because of the extreme pulling of his hair and body sore, so sore that he couldn't move a limb.

Dangerous wasn't good. Maybe for some time- for a year to be exact but not for lifetime.

Taehyung was still stupid and foolish, because he was too scared to run away.

He was too scared to be dead.

He remembered Jimin saying those words, they echoed in his mind, again and again haunting him.

"If living is more painful than dying, do you still want to live?"