* ˚ ✦

The battlefield is fresh with blood. 

Explosions, wounds, casualties. There have been nasty injuries on both sides. Someone has decided to wage war with you, and it definitely isn't pretty. Back and forth, the carnage has been awful; damage has been done to such an extent that there doesn't seem to be any chance of forgiveness. In fact, you've already determined that forgiveness is off the table. This person or situation is considered your mortal enemy, and there is no way you're going to reconcile with them.

Now it's been weeks, years after the war. In your heart, you still have contentions with the circumstances surrounding the event. Every time you think about said scenario it makes your blood boil. Just the thought of your enemy makes your jaw clench and that tiny voice inside begging for revenge to start shouting. You want them to feel the same pain you did. You want payback, and you want it now. 

Internally, you curse them.

By doing this, you're actually cursing yourself.

Yes, that's right. It may not be what you want to hear, but negative attachments to people or events from the far past drain your energy and deplete your chances at a more wholesome wellbeing. They sit like little parasites in your mind, waiting to be awakened by the mention of the enemy. When they're awake, they take you away from the moment. They bite you. They thrash inside your head. Even though your enemy is far away from you in real life, they're right next to you in your mind. It's gruesomely frustrating.

The answer to remedy this may seem simple. The answer may seem like eh, I'll just forget about them for the moment. And that does work, but it's only a temporary fix. Maybe they leave your mind for now, but sooner or later they're going to return. And when they do, they're going to wreak the same havoc they always have, touching at the wounds they've inflicted to hurt you again.

* ˚ ✦

How do you free yourself from this ongoing loop of pain and grudges?

It's difficult, takes time & effort, and can be emotional. But it must be done if you want to completely move on from the battlefield, once and for all.

You must forgive. 

And that's not just saying yeah, yeah, I'll forgive so-and-so, I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to get angry every time I think about them in that context. Rather, it's a process of digging deeper, going back to the moment where they hurt you, and releasing your negative emotions permanently. By forgiving others and ourselves, we take responsibility for our happiness. We free ourselves from the past, from the things taking us away from the present moment.

If you continue to hold grudges, the only person making you sad or angry is yourself. If you choose to let go and choose to free yourself from grudge tethers that don't really exist, then you are advocating for your own inner joy. All the more power to you! Know that you are fantastic and super brave for wanting to heal yourself from past events. It takes a lot of willpower, dedication, and positivity! And I know you can do it!

* ˚ ✦

~THE BATTLEFIELD EXERCISE FOR RELEASING GRUDGES~

Although this exercise has a daunting name, I promise you, it isn't all that daunting. It does involve going back to painful periods in your life which can be scary, but it's a great exercise of inner strength and boundary setting. When practicing this exercise, you can forgive people, places, or events. Personally, triggering locations and adverse circumstances are big ones that I had to learn to forgive. Not to mention myself! Whenever you want to forgive anyone, forgive yourself for the actions you took in the past. Know that you were only handling the situation the best you knew how to at that time. And look at how much you've grown since then!

Okay! Enough talk. Let's get starteddddddd-

1. Close your eyes. This is a pretty typical first step for most of these exercises to get you in the habit of visualizing events and people. However, some people don't need to close their eyes to mentally visualize things. I found that if I zone out (blank stare state, totally not creepy or zombielike) I can see events almost as clearly. Just do whatever speaks to you, eyes closed or open.

2. Travel back to the event. This is a necessary portion, no matter how unwelcoming the circumstances were. Allow whatever negative sentiments that come in to flow through you. Anger, hurt, mistrust, sadness, guilt, fear. These might be roused upon the return to the event, but know that the discomfort is temporary. Short term pain for long term gain.

3. Try to see as many details as possible. What shirt color were they wearing before they screamed at you? What was the lighting like? What words did you say to them before, during, and after the event? Picture the scene like a movie, hitting the right camera angles and capturing the heat of the moment. Remember to stay strong...this can be painful. If you need to cry, cry. If you find yourself tensing up, then you can release your tension by yelling or punching a pillow. Don't be ashamed to express the pent up emotions, it can be really helpful to let yourself release these when they come up.

4. Now for the reckoning. You're face-to-face with your enemy. Whether that's an old friend, a family member, a colleague, a peer, or a building. You're there, and you're ready to end this once and for all. You're ready to empower yourself and not allow them power over your mind. After all your initial emotions have been spent, find peace within. Deeply breathe. Put a smile on your face. Remind yourself of how awesome you are. You can do this.

5. Now, calmly and carefully, explain what they did to hurt you. This shouldn't be a rant or a shouting competition. You can do this inside your mind or you can speak it out loud. Some people even like to write it down. Do whichever you'd like. Objectively (that means without venom or anger, no matter how hard it is) detail all the injuries they've inflicted you with. You made me angry, you disrespected me. You took me for granted and you didn't even apologize. That really, really bothered me. But now it's time to let that go.

6. Forgive them. You don't have to run over to them in your mind and give them a hug. You don't even have to be nice. Just lay down the law. Make it brief, and feel all the negativity from the event streaming off of you like smoke. Even though you did that to me _____, I forgive you for it. I forgive you for that day, and I forgive you from now on. I don't want you to keep bothering me whenever I think about you, so I'm forgiving you. I want to experience peace and safety, so you don't get any more of my power. I forgive you for the past. It's okay. You were just taking your anger out on me, and maybe you'll learn something from your actions. I forgive you. I forgive myself. It'll be all right.

7. Dance. No, just kidding. Well, you can if you'd like. Sometimes, to lighten the mood, it's nice to do what speaks to you inside your mental visualization chamber. If you want to remember that event as something fun instead of sorrowful, change the situation up. Make yourself laugh. Maybe the person screamed at you, but now they're serenading you. Maybe they got aggressive and hurt you physically, but now they're punching the wall and you're laughing at them. Whatever it may be, do something that makes you feel good. Remember, life can be fun if you choose. So let it. This area of your mind doesn't have to be a battlefield anymore. It can be a ballroom. Or a party. Or a waterfall. You're free from this enemy by forgiving them. You're free from this negativity by forgiving yourself.

8. Open your eyes. Return to a world with one less grudge! You've done it! I'm so proud of you, and I hope you're proud of yourself. You should be, for forgiving your enemy. It's not an easy feat. It can take multiple trials of this until you no longer feel the same anger whenever their name is mentioned. But be patient with yourself. Healing takes time. As long as you're dedicated to yourself, you got this. <3

* ˚ ✦

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

-Mahatma Gandhi

Commentary///

Totally agree with this one. It takes a lot of inner strength and power to forgive the ones that wrong us. If you think about how easier the world would be if we learned to forgive and move on instead of hanging onto anger, then WOW, we'd all be in a much more productive society. As a wise group of 7 boys once said, "LIFE GOES ON." That doesn't only refer to time passing, but to the change happening in ourselves as well. From birth, if we continue to hang on to all the toxic people and events we come in contact with, then we're going to fall down at some point. It gets too heavy, to carry those burdens. The only person you should carry is yourself! So let it go. Prove to yourself how strong you can be. Believe in your capability for inner change. I sure do believe in you!

* ˚ ✦

It was a delight today, to have you here. But now I must say goodbye. I forgive you if you didn't read this far or skipped to the end! Haha. Thanks for joining me in how to forgive your enemies!

Love & Light,

Izzy