~ ~ Josh ~ ~

What was that thing about Murphy's law again?

Oh yeah... that anything that could go wrong, would go wrong.

Story of my life.

"Thirty-six, mate," said the driver, twisting his head around to greet me with a smile.

At least someone was happy. 

Reaching in my back pocket for my wallet, I handed over two twenties. "Keep the change."

He said something but I was already getting out the car and now standing, staring at Alex's house. My eyes climbed up to his bedroom window.  The curtains were closed and I was sure they'd been open when I left.

Had he come home and gone to bed?  

Nah, it was early.

Which most likely meant we'd be doing the same dance we'd been doing since Ivy walked out on us.

That dance being—Avoidance.

Well, technically, Alex was avoiding me.

It tempted me to jump back in the Uber and go round to my mums. 

At least at my mums I could relax and not feel like I was walking on eggshells.  To say it had been hard-going living with Alex these last few days was an understatement.

And if that wasn't bad enough. Ivy was ghosting me.

But earlier today, I'd had enough of this bullshit and I was sick to the back teeth of waiting for one or both of them to do something.

Which led to me listening to the crazy voice in my head which told me to find Ivy and drag her back here to sit and talk to us.  And not giving myself a chance to back out, I called Cam and told him I needed some personal time to start the ball rolling.

Or that was the plan.

Actually, I didn't have a plan.  It was more like a brain-fart. 

I'd jumped in an Uber and made my way to Risk, on the assumption she would have to see me, right? 

Wrong.

I'd got there only to be stopped before I'd got a foot in through the door.

Some smug fucker, dressed in a suit which most likely cost more than the car my brother had just purchased, told me if I wasn't a member. Then I wasn't getting in.

No shit!

I'd told him Ivy was my girlfriend to which he snorted and looked at me like I was batshit to even suggest such a thing.

I'd then dragged out my wallet and flashed my credit card in his face, asking how much to become a member.

Smug fucker stared at me before his eyes slid over what I had on—and to be fair I hadn't exactly gone dressed for the occasion.

But he didn't have to be a twat when he told me I wouldn't be able to afford their membership fees and to try again, when, and I quote... 'Grew up.'

Cheeky bastard.

I honestly did not know how I didn't ram his smugness down his throat.

But instead I jammed my fists into my pockets and stepped back and smiled, because getting arrested wasn't on my things-to do today.

My next bright idea—or brain-fart number two, came in the form of camping out.

Ivy had to come out sooner or later, right?

Twenty minutes of pacing up and down and mumbling to myself, I vetoed that idea because passers by were looking at me like I was crazy and it might look a little stalker-ish?

A little deflated, and a lot pissed off, a finger tapped me on my shoulder. Turning, my head pulled back. It was the hostess that had looked after me and Alex that first night Ivy had invited us to Risk.

Shit. I couldn't remember her name, but I didn't hesitate to ask her if she could nip inside and tell Ivy I was here. 

She shook her head and her next words had the hairs on the back of my neck prickling and my heart freezing up. 

"She's at the airport," she'd said.

Airport?  As in gone, left already? 

Fuck. Fuck and fucking fuck!

But  then she tacked on... "Her family is flying home today."

Oh.  Thank fuck for that.

I asked what time she'd left hoping she might be back any minute, but she'd Ivy was taking them into town for a fancy dinner before getting them to the airport, so she wasn't sure what time she was due back.

It appeared I had no fucking luck at all today.

So here I was with my shitty luck, back home.

Home.

The place where you should feel the most relaxed, right?

Pfft.  It was as relaxing as a walk in the park... Jurassic Park.

My eyes caught wind of the next door neighbours window blinds twitching.

Nosey fuckers.

But I couldn't stand here all night.

Heading inside I quietly closed the front door behind me. I listened for any sign of movement.  Angling my head, looking down the darkened hallway I saw the flickering of light.  That must be from the tv.  

But it was odd that there was no sound.  Debating if I should just head up to my room or take a chance on Alex...I went with the latter. 

Had he stewed long enough now?

Alex had done what he always did when he couldn't fix something. He had retreated into himself and his sour mood became a living, breathing thing.

Every day, he'd got up at five, worked out and then showered and headed into the office, rather than working from home.

He had needed the space, because I knew him well enough to know pushing Alex when he wasn't ready to talk would end badly.

Which left me wondering where the hell it left us?

Was there still an us?

Would he want me if Ivy wasn't part of this... whatever it was?

He'd kinda suggested there would be an us the night we finally fucked. But that might have been his dick talking. 

I was trying to stay positive, but it was starting to get to me now.

And just when we'd finally been getting somewhere.

Was he even thinking about me—us?

Fuck. I hated this. The not knowing.

Kicking off my trainers, and dropping my keys and wallet on the side, I made my way down the hall, stopping at the open door of the sitting room. I could see the back of his head as he sat on the couch facing the giant LCD screen. The sound was muted, but it looked like he'd been online, playing COD.

About to say something, it pulled me up short when I heard him speak.

"Oh, fuck yea," Alex said breathlessly.

I froze up, and my stomach took a hit.

Was someone else here?

I narrowed my eyes, creeping further into the room to see if someone was with him. It was then I figured out what was going on.

Alex was wanking off on the sofa. 

No one else was here. He wasn't even watching porn.

Fire exploded in my guts and my dick stood up and took notice and I was so freaking tempted to pull out my cock and stroke it along with him.

I managed to stop myself—but only just.

What I didn't stop was standing there and watching.  Too caught up in listening to the sounds he was making, the soft moans and low growls.

"Fuck. Oh, fuck. That's good." Alex groaned, tugging at his dick, harder, faster, his head falling back a little. "Yeah, Josh... just like..."

Shit the bed! 

He said my name, and I nearly swallowed my tongue, freezing on the spot.

Did he know I was watching?

"That's it. Take it," he said in that gravelly, dominant tone that sent a shudder right through me.

"Now feed it to Ivy, Pretty-boy. Yeah, spread those legs."

Relaxing a little, he didn't know I was there because he was clearly to wrapped up in the moment, and I took this as a good sign.

Yeah, he might have withdrawn, pulled away. But he was still thinking about us. Me. 

And the three of us together.

It gave my dejected hope a much needed booster shot.

He wasn't ready to give up on the three of us yet.

My hand shifted over my dick, and I grabbed it through my joggers, still watching him. I really wished I knew what was going through his head—what he was fantasising about.

But it didn't matter because whatever he was thinking about included me.

Shutting my eyes, I let my thoughts drift and the first image my memories plucked was the one with Ivy riding his face, her tight little pussy grinding against mouth as he drove her fucking crazy and I sucked him off with his hand at the back of my head, forcing me to take all of his cock.

That was a firm favourite in my spank bank.

My entire body got tighter and tighter, like a rubber band about to snap at any second. 

Fuck.  I bit down hard on my bottom lip and squeezed my dick harder, uncomfortably so and forced my eyes open before I shot off in my pant bottoms.

"Fuck, coming," said Alex, pushing his head back into the sofa.

I stumbled backward, almost tripping over a cushion that I wasn't sure how it had ended up on the floor.

Not wanting him to know I'd been there, I backed out of the room and down the hallway, only taking a breath when I reached the front door.  Which I then opened again, and shut it with a bang this time.

Smirking, I called out. "Alex!" I hope it wasn't written all over my face that I'd just watched him fuck his fist.

I didn't get a reply and was about to yell again when he finally answered. "In here, Josh— sitting room."

Heading back through, I also hoped he wouldn't spot the obvious tenting in my joggers, which clearly wasn't going anywhere without Rosy Palms and her five sisters helping me out. That would have to wait till later.

I flooded my face with a smile and rounded the sofa. I clocked two bottles of beer on the small table. "Hey." I flicked my head toward the screen. "What's goin' on?"

Damn. My acting skills were on fire.

His eyes slammed into mine as he dropped the scrunched up tissue he was holding onto the floor next to his bare feet and then reached for another, wiping his hands.

Not answering my first question, I asked another. "You spill something?" and it suddenly became harder to keep a straight face.

But he didn't avoid my eye contact, which was another good sign.

In fact he smiled which had my stomach flipping over.

"Was playing on-line—COD and then bored out of my head and maybe feeling a little s-sorry for myself." He shrugged, lowering his voice. "I sat here and wanked off."

My eyelids shuttered and then I barked out a laugh. "Good to see you're keeping your hands busy."

Alex shook his head and chuckled, more to himself though.  It tempted me to dive in and ask him about us. His thoughts. But it was best to let him lead. He had already shocked me by admitting what he'd just been up to. 

Unless he assumed I thought he was joking?

But then he followed up that line with another shocker.

"I'm sorry for the last few days—pulling away." His exhale was harsh, and I slipped down onto the sofa next to him, but kept a safe distance so as not to crowd him. "It wasn't fair on y-you."

He looked away, his chest drawing in air.

"It's okay Alex. I get it."

He seemed to decompress a little, and I relaxed with an easier smile as we sat there and for the first time in days, the hush expanding between us wasn't strained or awkward.

This was our normal. 

And fuck, how I'd missed normal.

"You heard from Ivy?" he asked.

My smile faltered as I offered one shake of my head.

"Fuck," he mumbled, tilting his head up to the ceiling. "She's ghosting y-y-you too?" he asked.

"Ah-huh." Should I tell him I'd been to Risk?

Yeah, it was best to be upfront. 

"I tried to get in to see her—at Risk. But some twat on the door pretty much told me to fuck off."

His head dropped and those sharp blues cut back to mine. "What!? When?"

"An hour ago-give or take a few minutes."

"What—are you for real?" A grunt, snort sound escaped him. "Y-you went dressed like that?" Waving a hand over me. "Did you get dressed in the dark?"

I glanced down at myself, realising I was wearing a neon orange, yellow and green jersey with some crazy motif for some sports drink on the front, paired with army green sweats.

Yeah, not exactly vogue.

My lips quirked. "Says you who still think his v-neck sweater is the height of fashion!"

I saw Alex's cheeks twitch and I wanted to fist-pump.

"You're just used to everyone fawning over y-y-you that you don't know when you look like fucking coco the clown!" he said, cracking his first full smile in days.

And to me it was like winning the lottery, only better.

"Adorable, coming from the man who wears his jeans at least two sizes too small."

He didn't.  This was just me yanking on his chain and I also tossed him a big, cheesy grin.

"Ouch! That was below the belt," he said, but he was still smiling.

I shrugged. "Hey, if your friends don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends."

He chuckled before shaking his head. "Be thankful they didn't set the dogs on y-y-you."

And then just like that, the mood dropped along with my grin when he said, "I don't think she's coming back," he muttered with more defeat in his tone that I would have liked. He sounded almost resigned to the fact she wouldn't come back.

I hadn't given up yet. Not on Ivy. And not on us.

Alex shifted, grabbing the bottle of beer and taking a drink. He then leaned forward and rested his elbows on his spread knees, the bottle hanging from his fingers. "I told her I loved her and she just walked out." He let some of his frustration bleed into his tone. "Left—walked out."  He repeated.  "Why is it—no matter what I do, everyone s-still leaves?"

He sounded so fucking tortured and about to speak, he cut me off.

"I'm sorry Josh-—" he stopped along with my breathing. "I've fucked this up." He glanced at me and then readjusted his position again. "Ivy left, and I can't fix it.  But instead of talking to y-y-you, or even seeing if you were okay. I fucking blanked y-you out. Put this fucking huge wall between us." Thumping his beer bottle down on the table, he moved back, letting his head fall back onto the sofa and his hand dropped to his side, clenching into a tight ball.

"It's okay, Alex." I tentatively reached for his hand and he didn't move—didn't pull away.

The relief was instant as his hand unfurled and he slowly he threaded his fingers through mine.

He scoffed. "No. No, it's not okay. You and me crossed a line—we fucked. I'd told y-y-you I was ready for more and then I had the bare-faced-cheek to accuse Ivy of scrambling for the exit at the first hurdle and I did the same thing. Cut and ran."

Alex dragged his other hand down his face. His voice cracked a little. "Y-you should be fucking pissed at me. Yelling at me. Fucking doing something!"

He turned his head and our gazes latched on to each other. "Alex," I squeezed his hand. "Don't you think I know you? Know how you think? What makes you tick?"

No reply, which was good because my question was rhetorical.

I carried on. "You were hurting. You think everyone you love leaves you. I get it. And yeah, I've been worried you might want this to stop, and if you do, then I'll deal with it. But I need you to know. I'm not going anywhere either way. You're my best friend first." Cocking my head, I desperately wanted to rip away the pain from his expression. I sighed. "Just don't shut me out. Okay?"

Alex nodded and moved closer, right up to me. Reaching for my head, he pulled me in for a kiss. The soft moan that escaped me was involuntary as I leaned into his kiss, wanting...and seeking more.

I'd wanted to do this the moment Ivy had walked out, shown him I was there for him because I wanted Alex. All of him.

"Christ, Josh," Alex whispered against my lips, trying to get closer. His hand curled a little tighter around the back of my neck. "I'm so fucking sorry if I hurt you." There was a tremble in his words. "And I want y-y-you to know I love you, not just Ivy."

There was a mix of pain and promise in his tone and I smiled against his mouth. "Finally figured it out, huh?"

His tongue stroked and licked against mine. This level of intimacy was something I hadn't realised I'd desperately wanted until he was here, giving it to me.

It was crazy how so much had changed between us. It was like there was this current between us that had a wire running to both my dick and my heart. And it didn't matter what he said or did, both body parts responded accordingly. 

"I love you too, Alex."

Him accepting this was more than I could have hoped for... I just wished it included Ivy. They were it for me and I knew if I had them both, then I would be fucking happy and content for however long they would give me.

I relaxed into the moment, our kissing continued, carrying on the silent conversation as words were no longer needed because him admitting he loved me was more than enough.