~ ~ Josh ~ ~

Alex hadn't heard me come downstairs. Or if he had, he hadn't acknowledged it. In the kitchen doorway I leaned up against the doorframe, slipping my hands into the pockets of my joggers. I watched. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing his old sweats which hung low on his hips allowing me a glimpse of the waistband of his Calvin Klein briefs. He added milk to his coffee and my eyes were all over his exposed tanned skin admiring the way his muscles, sleek and hard, worked to perfection at the simple act of pouring and now stirring his drink.

Who knew bare backs were so goddamn sexy? Quietly sighing, I couldn't stand here all day, gawking. Well, I could, but Alex might not appreciate it. Pushing off from the frame. "Morning."

His head flipped around. Hair still damp, he'd smoothed it back from his forehead, but there was a cowlick at the hairline and the locks flopped forward into his eyes. He shook his head, flicking it back, but I had to grin when it wouldn't settle into place. "You w-w-want one. Kettle just b-boiled," he offered.

"Yeah, but I'll take mine black with no sugar."

He tossed me a grin, with his eyebrow arched. "Black, eh? And you're quitting sugar too? What h-have you done with Josh?"

Yeah, sugar was my addiction. "Yep."

Dragging out a chair, I sat my arse down and scrubbed my hand over my face.

"Here," he offered out the steaming mug of coffee.

"Cheers," I accepted the mug from him and he sat in his usual spot with his drink.

Casually watching, Alex scratched his chest before lifting his phone. And whilst he was distracted, I took in more of the view.

What? Shoot me. I'm human.

Even before the hand-job and blowjob, I'd appreciated his physique. He worked out a lot and the effort paid off. It would be weird not  to notice.

Shit. My dick noticed too. It was like my entire body was switched on to him.

Alex sipped his coffee whilst thumbing through his phone, completely oblivious to my blatant ogling.

We sat like that for a few minutes but then I just couldn't help but ask. "Soooo," I rolled my lips and Alex's head lifted. "Last night, huh..."

He set his drink down and lowered his phone, inhaling a deep breath, and leaned back in his chair like he'd been waiting for me to say something. "Soooo," he repeated.

I picked up my drink, blowing over it as Alex looked at me, His eyes were intense. They became heavy, brimming with what looked like a mixture of feelings.

I waited.

One beat.

Two beats.

Guess it was up to me to start this ball rolling. "You good—you know, with last night and what went down between us all?"

His hand shifted to the back of his neck. "D-d-did Ivy get home okay?"

Okay. Not where I was going, but... I slurped a little coffee. "I caught up with her at the corner of the road and dragged her back here and called an Uber."

He rubbed his neck, dropping eye-contact. "Did she say anything?"

He seemed worried. Overly worried.

My eyebrows crunched. "About what?" Lowering my mug, setting it on the table.

"Fuck," he blew out a breath, looking everywhere but at me. "I w-w-was a fucking idiot. Last night." He drew in a breath. "We fucked u-using nothing—protection."

Ah. That's why he was so freaked out.

"She was more caught up in the fact that she thinks she lost control." I picked up my mug of coffee and sank a mouthful. "I think she enjoyed herself a little too much."

That surprised him. He dropped his hand and shuffled uncomfortably in his chair. "What—s-so she hadn't left because I'd fucked up?"

Shaking my head. "No. I think. And I might be wrong here, but I think she likes us more than she intended. You remember that speech of hers at the club on the first night?"

I remembered it. She'd made a point that a relationship outside of fucking was out of the question. She'd had all her shots, and was in her own words, immune to love and feelings.

Alex nodded. "A-a-about this can only be casual, fun?"

"Ah-huh." Nodding, I ran my hand across my chin, scraping the stubble. "I think she wants more, but feels out of her depth."

Not that I expected Ivy to admit that. But Ivy wasn't the only one using their instincts. I'd done a lot of thinking last night and concluded that someone or something had hurt her in the past. Fucked it up for the rest of us.

But it was all guesswork and maybe lack of sleep.

"W-w-what—so you think she wants a relationship with both of us?" he asked.

I threw in a casual shrug. It was simple in my head. I wanted Ivy. Alex wanted Ivy. And... "Yeah, maybe, I'm thinking she does and I think it freaked her a little, or maybe a lot." 

And that's why I wanted to take her out on a date. So she could see the potential there. Or it might just blow up in my face and fuck it up for all of us. My past relationships were nothing to write home about. 

"I think I got that impression last night too, y-y-you know, after Gemma showed up."

He was right. She came across as possessive of Alex, warning his bitch of an ex off. But that reminded me. "Fuck Alex, you gave that woman five hundred?" Blowing out a breath. "Man, that's fucked up."

He shrugged, looking sheepish. "W-w-won't be happening again. Trust me."

Good.

"So y-y-you don't think Ivy's upset with me?"

"No. I think she's far from upset, Alex. You're good," repeating his words. "Trust me."

His chest let loose a breath. "And you're not upset—with me, either?"

Me, upset? "Why would I be upset?"

"Because..." I watched his Adam's apple shift up and down. "Ivy w-wasn't the only one who went a little off the rails." He winced, looking a little uncomfortable. "I made you suck my dick."

I'd never seen Alex's cheeks that colour of red. Apples paled in comparison. It was cute, if that was the right word for Alex blushing. "You didn't make me do anything I wasn't up for. Are you okay with it—you know, a guy doing the sucking?"

Some straight guys would freak out by now. Hell, I'd been with one guy who was so far in the closet he needed sat nav to come out, and then he would freak out after every sexual encounter. Needless to say, I left him in the closet and locked the door on him.

"Guys w-w-wanna get their dicks sucked. Simple." He shrugged. "Don't think it matters who might be doing the s-sucking."

"What? So you wouldn't mind your old granny sucking you off?"

"What!?" His face screwed up. "Ewe, that's fucked up, Josh. Seriously, I did n-n-not need that visual."

I hid my snicker behind my mug of coffee.

"I meant a guy, you asshole. And no—" He jabbed his finger at me. "B-before you say some more fucked up shit—like my granddad sucking my dick." His eyes sharpened. "Don't! Or else I'm likely to punch y-you."

I laughed hard, holding a hand up. "Okay. I won't say it."

And although the conversation wasn't what we would normally chat about. This sitting here, the banter back and too—that felt quite normal.

So should I risk fucking it up and asking what's really on my mind?

Ah. Fuck it. It would just go around in circles in my head if I left it unsaid. So I asked. "Did you like it? Me doing the sucking?"

I could feel the heat from his face as the redness slipped over his throat and across his chest, making me take notice of his nipples, which hardened as I paid them attention.

His shoulders heaved. "Y-y-you need me to say it?"

Yeah. I did. "If you want it to happen again. Then yeah, I'm gonna need to hear you say it."

Ivy said communication was everything.

He lifted his mug to his lips but didn't drink. Eyes meeting mine, he watched me for a few beats, as if he's stranded and doesn't know which way to go, but then he lowered his mug and a smile that seemed shy, even to me, touched his lips. "Y-yeah, Josh. I liked you sucking my dick."

Houston, we have lift-off.

My skin heated even as goosebumps spread across my arms, raising every single hair on my body. And Christ, my dick went from semi interested to very fucking interested in three seconds flat, and leaking too. Thank fuck I'd put on some boxers on or I'd been looking at a wet patch on my light grey joggers.

Should I go on? Yeah. "It didn't freak you out, seeing me on my knees." I was skirting around the word. Man up. "Me being submissive?"

"Submissive," he repeated after me, dragging out the word, as if he was rolling it around inside his mind and then he said it again, and his eyebrows slowly rose like it clicked what I'd said.

Cocking his head to the side. "That means y-y-you like it when I tell y-you what to do, right?"

I smiled, dragging my thumb across my bottom lip. "Yeah, that's about the nuts and bolts of it."

This was going well, much easier than I thought it would.

He nodded. "I've got n-no problem with it. I'm maybe a little surprised. I think. But it's not a problem."

The knot I hadn't realised was in my stomach loosened. This was good. Better than good.

"And you don't think it's weird, a guy being submissive, being on his knees for another guy?"

There, in his eyes. I'd seen that look last night. A satisfying amusement.

And my dick got a little harder.

"No. Not at all, Josh," he answered, with the tone of his voice lowering, lulling me into a comfortable place.

I tried to keep my face neutral as he carried on. "What about you?" Eh?  "How I treated you and Ivy last night?"

Oh... "Didn't have a problem with it."

And I knew beyond all doubt that my silence wasn't worth anything, not anymore, so I pushed those floodgates wide open. I wasn't quitting now. "So, where does that leave us?"

A crease appeared between his thick eyebrows, but the curiosity in his level gaze had me wanting to push beyond the status quo.

"What do you mean?"

I cleared my throat. "What I guess I'm trying to say is." Was I really going to put it out there? Yeah, I was. "Is it something you might want to explore—between you and me—us?"

Houston, we have a problem.

Silence.

His jaw ticked, and his nostrils flared.

Ivy may have sliced me open and exposed the real me, but it was Alex here who was unravelling my insides without a sound. It almost felt intrusive.

My smile was stiff. "Forget I said anything."

Lowering my gaze, I swigged the last mouthful of coffee and pushed up and walked over to the sink to wash out my cup. Setting it on the drainer. I cursed myself for making this whole thing awkward.

Great job, you wanker.

I turned around and jerked back. Alex was standing in front of me. Fuck me. How did he move so quietly? Man was like a fucking ninja.

Barely breathing space between us, he was staring at me, his blue eyes which were so similar to my own looked even more intense. It made my heart race like I'd just ran up and down the stairs ten times. "Ale—" I started to say, but he cut off.

"Damn it, Josh," His fingers grasped my chin, digging into my jaw. Alex slanted his mouth over mine, giving me a rough, bruising kiss that annihilated every thought. And I could do nothing but stand there and groan as Alex pressed into me, deepening the kiss, nipping my lip with his teeth before he pulled away.

Gobsmacked, I blinked. Twice. My tongue darted out to lick over the sting. Alex sighed and traced his thumb over my bottom lip, pressing lightly. "I should have done that last night."

What? Last night?

Oh, oh...

"But I wasn't sure if I could make our first kiss good—which I know sounds crazy, right?" He was waffling. "Because I've never kissed a man. You get me?"

Oh, oh...

My brain had officially liquified.

Giving my head a little wobble, I swallowed down a lump of air. Alex was worried he wouldn't make it good? Was it different kissing a man? Sure. I guess there were differences. Stubble for one. And guys applied a little more pressure. Took control.

But back up. He'd thought about kissing me?"

Kissing was personal.

You kissed people you were attracted to.

I always thought kissing was simply more. Everything. For me, it beats a hand-job or blow-job. Hell, even sex. Because you could do all those things without ever kissing. I know, because I'd had sex with a few guys that insisted on no kissing.

You paid attention when kissing. It was a closeness you only shared with someone you wanted more from.

And it was an intimacy I could only dream of with Alex.

Something else caught my attention. Just like last night. He was talking without stuttering.

"Josh?"

Shit, I zoned out on him. Alex went to step back, but my hands found his arms gripping his biceps. Stopping him from moving away.

Alex smiled now, then shifted his hand to cup the back of my head, pulling us closer. "I don't want to fuck up our friendship, Josh." he pressed a light kiss. A soft kiss to my forehead, whispering against my skin. "Losing you is not an option for me."

"It won't. I won't let it." I breathed in, sucking in the warm air from him. "And trust me. That—for our first kiss was pretty good." I smiled.

He pulled his head back, shifting his hand. "Yeah, I am pretty good at kissing, aren't I?"

I grinned like a fool. "Meh, I've had better."

And that got an even better reaction. A reaction that well and truly had my dick and heart pounding. Hard.

One hand on my throat, the other under my jaw, and Alex kissed me again. Holding me still, but taking it slow. Teasing and torturing me with the sounds in the back of his throat. Sucking on my bottom lip and dipping his tongue into my mouth, stealing whatever breath I had left and then it stopped and he moved away, putting enough space between us so I could breathe.

"Still had better?" he asked with assured confidence, although he wasn't the arrogant, cocky man from last night.  It was still close enough.  How many other sides was he hiding?  The man was an enigma. 

Did I like this side of Alex?

Yes, I fucking did.

I shrugged. "I'd say that was a little better," I lied. It was pretty fucking amazing. Hot.

He let his eyes slowly roam down the length of me. I'd never had this kind of attention... from him.

And when his eyes lingered on my dick. He was checking me out. And didn't that do some crazy shit to my insides?

Not one to be outdone. My eyes feasted on him and yeah. He was sporting a fine erection.

He smiled and turned away, walking from the kitchen.

What?  Was that it? We weren't gonna talk about what just happened?

"We can chat about how good I am when I fuck you."

My jaw didn't just drop. It was swinging on the floor. I must have looked like one of those cartoon characters. Stood there, jaw hanging, eyes bugging out.

"You're serious? You would—"

He turned back around but kept stepping backwards. Each step was a swagger.

Who knew Alex had swagger?

"Josh. I've had your dick in my hand and my dick in your mouth. Will I fuck you?" His smirk was every bit as confident as the man I'd seen last night. "Maybe." He flicked his chin up. "If you ask me nicely, pretty boy."

He flipped back around and I watched him disappear around the corner. "Gonna get dressed. I want to see Ivy," he shouted.

Standing there, leaning against the kitchen-counter and if slow blinking was a thing—I was doing it.

Not sure what had just happened, I reached inside my sweats, pushing my hand into my boxers. Finding my balls, I pinched. Hard.

I hissed. Fuck. That hurt.

But yeah, I was definitely awake.

So what was this? Friends with benefits? Or more?