~ ~ Josh ~ ~

I stepped out of the Uber and pulled my phone from my back pocket.

Apartment B4.

I'd never been to Ed's apartment. Never been invited but then again I couldn't really call what me and Ed had going was a relationship.

So, why was I here?

My original plan for tonight was to relax, order a pizza and spend a few hours gaming with Alex, but then he'd dropped the bombshell that Gemma (his ex) had agreed to meet him.

Ugh. Gemma. I hoped to Christ Alex wasn't thinking of dating her again. Especially considering the way she kicked him to the curb.

I mean, c'mon, who dumps someone via text?

And I might know nothing about relationship etiquette when it came to ending one, but fuck, shouldn't there at least be a face-to-face conversation with the obligatory it's you—not me, line?

Anyway, I'm getting distracted. That led me to take a good look at myself, sitting in again, eating pizza and staring at a screen. Which led me to act impulsively, and okay ringing Ed probably wasn't a great idea—but it was the best I could come up with at short notice.

"Josh, how you fixed for dropping round? I need you, fucking badly," he'd started the conversation. No hi Josh, how you doing? Or fancy a drink, mate?

So yeah, I was standing here outside his apartment block, responding to a booty call.

My bad. I should have said no.

But in all fairness, my call hadn't been to suggest a quick fuck. Obviously I'd said yes because I'm a man with needs, although Ed didn't even come close to fulfilling those needs because, well...I was shit at communicating what I wanted because people assumed things about me.

I headed inside and rode the lift to his floor. Finding his apartment, I knocked, but the door was on the latch and opened after the first knock. "Hey, Ed?" I hollered, looking around his place.

Wow.  Wasn't expecting his place to look anything like this and I couldn't pair the decorated walls and fancy furniture and plush Persian rug with the Ed that I knew. Ed was scruffy and disorganised, couldn't even wear matching socks.  So looking at this upmarket apartment well, it was nice, if I was honest. Really fucking nice.

The heavy steps on the wood floor stole my attention from scanning the place. "Leave your shoes there, by the rack." Ed pointed.

Again, no hello.  But a shoe rack?   Who the fuck was this man? I toed off my trainers and set them side by side. And if I hadn't been worried about neatly placing them on the rack, I might have noticed the women's shoes.

"C'mon," scowled Ed. "I don't have all night, Josh."

What's the rush?  He'd asked me over.   What?  So now we were on the clock?

He flicked his head toward a room on my right, wanting for me to go first.

Apparently, romance and conversation were dead?

Opening the door into a bedroom, I walked inside.

Christ. It was even tidier in here with everything cream and black, and a huge four-poster bed with fluffy pillows and a matching comforter. I was about to ask him who was his decorator when the door slammed shut behind me and then he was on me quicker than a gonorrhoea rash, sucking and biting at my neck making weird slurping sounds.

Stumbling back a step, I gripped his upper arms. Ed was as tall as me, but lean, really lean. His hand squeezed my dick through my jeans before yanking at the belt buckle.

"Slow down," I said.

But he wasn't listening as he popped the buttons on my jeans and his hand dipped inside my boxers to wrap around my dick—which was doing a grand impression of being happy to see him.

At least one of us was.

"Fuck, I want you." he said panting, dropping his knees in front of me yanking my jeans and boxers down and the man downstairs was excited for the attention. "I've missed your big dick, man."

Yep, missed my dick. I almost rolled my eyes.

"I want you to fuck my face, then throw me on the bed and fuck me so hard I won't walk straight for a week."

Yeah, whatever, Ed. Same shit, different day.

You probably think I should stop with the complaining and just enjoy it—I mean, it's just sex for fuck's sake. But the thing was... I wanted something real. I wanted someone who asked what turned me on!

And who had ever done that?

No one. That's who.

Okay, it was starting to sound like a pity party for one. I needed to cut that shit out.

I hissed, then let a breath out as Ed sucked me to the back of his throat. He's good at head, I'd give him that and listening to Ed moan got me to relax a little. Picking up speed, my knees locked as my balls tightened, feeling so fucking heavy in need of release. I thought about not telling him how close and just unloading down his throat. But I wasn't a twat. Ed would get what he wanted.

Guess you could say I was just one of life's givers.

But then I didn't have to worry about coming too soon as the bedroom door slammed against the wall and my eyes popped open.

Ed whimpered and pulled off my dick with a pop.

What the?  Head over one shoulder, I was looking at a tall, slim, dark-hard woman filling the doorway. And the way her eyes narrowed in on me told me if she had a shotgun in her hand—she would have let me have it—both barrels.

Fucking hell.

My jaw dropped and my dick deflated faster than a stock-market crash.

"You fucking bastard!" She stepped into the room, pinning Ed with a glare that could melt the ice caps. "You promised me no more men!" she screeched. "You worthless heap of monkey shit!"

She turned on me, her top lip curling and her hands clenched into fists.

Fuck! It's time I got the hell-outta-dodge.

"My mum was right," she screamed. "I shouldn't have fucking married you!" Ripping the enormous diamond ring off her finger, hurling it toward Ed.

What. The. Fuck!   Married!?

I bent over and dragged my jeans and boxers back up, staring at Ed, who seemed to be frozen in place. "Fucking married, Ed!?"

Un-fucking-believable.

I tried to think of something to say, but the two out of three voices in my head right now told me I would be crazy to try to make this right. And the third voice—well, that's just fucking humming so bizarre tune from the early 2000s.

Muttering a half-arsed apology to the wife, she stomped past me and over my shoulder I heard an Oomph... which I guessed was her knee connecting with his balls.

Grabbing my trainers, I was out the front door, fumbling in my pocket for my phone. Getting in the lift, I yanked on my trainers whilst ordering an Uber and hitting the ground floor button.

Who said men couldn't multitask?

Stepping outside, I finally breathed, deciding Earth was like some insane asylum for the universe—or perhaps it's just my life that was a total fuck up?

I got back home half an hour later, thinking that Alex would still be out.

Wrong. He was sitting at the table, nursing a beer. Shit, he looked as miserable as me.

"Your night gone to shit as well?" I asked, walking to the fridge and pulling out a pint of milk, which took me all of thirty seconds to knock back.

"Yeah," he grunted. "Apparently I'm crap in the sack."

I wiped across my mouth, pulling out a chair, my expression full of confusion. "What?"

"Went to meet Gemma," he scoffed. "Who didn't even have the decency to turn up—sent her friend, Sarah."

"Hold up—you lost me." Easing forward, resting my elbows on the table. "I thought Gemma asked to meet you?"

"She did, but then got a better offer, some guy from work asked her out, so she sent Sarah to meet me."

I shoved back, rubbing my forehead, still not getting it. "Okay, so how does that translate into you being shit in the sack?"

"I asked Sarah if she knew why Gemma had dumped me."

"And she said that?" My expression morphed from confused to annoyed.

Sighing. "Her actual words, and I'm quoting here. 'You were boring in bed,'" he said dejectedly. "I mean, yeah, the sex wasn't mind blowing or anything, but I didn't think it was that bad—or I'm that bad."

This was another reason to add his ex to my shit list. I'd never really liked the woman. Looks wise—there was a lot to like. She was off the charts hot, with long jet-black hair, legs that went on forever, and tits that you could survive on in a food crisis.

But honestly, none of that mattered for when she opened her mouth—it was safe to say the elevator didn't go to the top floor.

And when she wasn't talking, she was chewing gum... it drove me insane, and I honestly didn't know how Alex had managed three months. My tolerance was three minutes in the same room.

Alex shrugged. "I only asked so I could f-f-fix whatever I did wrong in the f-future." He slumped back in his chair. "How the fuck am I supposed to f-fix being boring in bed?"

I sighed. Alex was a thinker and took everything to heart. I wanted to strangle Gemma.

"And it's not like she put the effort in," he grumbled a defensively. "Why are relationships...and sex so freakin' complicated?"

Wasn't that one of life's big questions? But I wasn't the best person to be giving advice. My dating history wasn't anything to write home about. It was easier trying to navigate through a minefield than trying to tell someone what I wanted... needed.

Case in point—the mess I walked away from less than an hour ago.

It also didn't help that both me and Alex were big guys, me six-two and Alex six-three. We played rugby through school and university and still did on Saturdays and we'd turned the cellar in Alex's house into a gym. But looking the way I did, attracted the wrong sort of attention from both men and women as they assumed I would want to call the shots... especially in the bedroom, where in fact I knew I was the complete opposite.

"I mean I did t-t-try to ask what she liked or wanted." he stopped, shaking his head.

"Hey mate, c'mon. How about tomorrow night we go out, get bladdered?" Going out and getting wasted wasn't our thing and alcohol most likely wouldn't help—but then again, neither did milk.

Perhaps we both needed a change?

Ah, shit. I slapped my forehead. "Fuck, we can't. It's the launch party." I cringed. Both Alex and I had just started new jobs with the same company. We're both developers and our new employers were not much older than us and bonus they allowed us to work from home or the annex of their house which they'd converted into an office.

"D-d-do you think we both need to go?"

Alex avoided functions because of his stutter and being around new people made it worse. I struggled too, not with a stutter, but just starting up conversations. "Yeah, Finn said he wanted us there. We are part of the company's future." And there was no way he was letting me fly solo on this.

We'd only been with the company for three weeks and so far, it was living up to the promise. And it was hard not to be excited working with Finn. He was so enthusiastic about their company and its plans and always open to listening to ideas.

It also didn't hurt that he was some serious eye-candy and I wouldn't deny he'd starred in some of my extracurricular activities lately. Even though I knew it was just a fantasy, as he was committed to the other two partners, Cam and Trix, or Bea, as Cam called her. They had one of those poly relationships. Completely baffled me. I couldn't find one person. Finding two would be like hitting the fucking jackpot.

...But the three of them seemed happier than most couples I knew. Cam though, he was harder to read. Kept himself to himself. He was more of your brooding, dark, and mysterious type. And that was sexy in a whole different way.

And Trix, well, she was a walking goddess with curves that would burn your hands and the way she usually had her hair up in a neat bun and those pencil skirts and fitted tops. Damn. Yeah professional, but in a way that reminded me of the naughty librarian fantasies I had in spades-full when I was a teenager and if she ever decided to wear glasses, she would most likely bring me to my knees...where no doubt Cam would then punch me for ogling his woman.

So I tried my damnedest not to stare or drool whenever she walked by me, but that wasn't what made her special. No, she was a genuinely nice person and fucking smart too and I liked she didn't hide who she was or the fact that she loved Cam and Finn.

Sadly, I'd not met many women like her.

Correction, I'd met zero women like her.

"W-w-what the f-fuck are we expected to wear?" griped Alex. His stutter got worse if he was anxious.

"Suited and booted" Shrugging. "I think?"

Alex leaned back in his chair, letting his head flop back, blowing out air like a teenager about to have a tantrum.

I smiled. In fact, no matter what Alex ever did, he almost always made me smile.

We'd known each other since the first day of pre-school and practically grew up in each other's pockets. I would never tell him this, but he was my first boy crush. When I was sixteen, I'd spent the summer in Cornwall and when I'd come back, I saw him without his shirt and fuck me—in those seven weeks he'd filled out in all the right places and I got a hard-on just looking at him.

At first I thought there was something seriously wrong with me and it mortified me for weeks—I mean, he was my best friend for fuck's sake and what was with me getting an erection all about?

I couldn't like guys—no fucking way!

But then I had to accept the truth when a guy from college invited me round his house, he had a pool and whilst swimming and out the blue he'd kissed me and didn't my dick like that and when he rubbed up against me, pressing our hard dicks together I came in my swimming trunks... and Christ knows how far we'd had gone if his sister hadn't come home spouting all kinds of hate at us.

Alex grumbled.

"Hey, c'mon, it won't be that bad and I'll be right there with you." I reached across and held up his beer bottle. It was empty. "You want another?"

We hardly ever drank during the week, but it had been a shit night all round, so bending the weekday rule would not kill either of us. "And if we get out early. Then there is this new gay bar opened up in Soho. Fancy coming with me?"

I found it was easier to pick up guys than girls but still hadn't found a single guy I could be myself with and usually I'd end up being surrounded by twinks because of my size, rubbing themselves up against me—nothing against twinks, but they just didn't do it for me. And I lived hoping to find a guy or a girl that I could be myself with. Connect on a level that went beyond sex.

That wasn't wanting too much—surely? But so far I'd managed a grand total of two long-term relationships in my twenty-five years on earth. And when I say long term, we're talking six months tops, give or take a few days.

And Alex? I wasn't sure he was as straight as he thought. I'd caught him watching gay porn a couple of times, but always insisted he'd clicked on it by accident.

Yeah, sure Alex... but it wasn't for me to push him. He'd figure things out in his own time.

"Fuck it," said Alex. "Grab us another and you f-fancy logging online?"

"Sure." I pushed-back, standing.

And once again, our lives slipped back into their normal routine. Boring? Yeah, maybe? But definitely hassle free.