ꨄ

Kidnapper: We have your friend
Alec: Which one?
Kidnapper: Uh, teal hair? Black nail polish? headphones?
Alec: Ah, you'll bring him back within the hour
Kidnapper: what?
Alec: Trust me
Alec: *hangs up*

                                      ꨄ

Funneh: This is my boyfriend, Alec, and Alec's boyfriend Evan
Funneh: He is straight for me and gay for Evan

                                      ꨄ

Gold: If you have 10 donuts and I ask for 5, how many do you have left?
Kyran: zero
Gold: For fucks sake, Kyran it's basic math. It shouldn't be hard to know the answ-
Kyran: Zero because I'd give all 10 to you because I care about you
Gold (in tears): I like that answer

                                      ꨄ

Funneh: It's weird how brits say lift instead of elevator
Alec: It's weird how my dad says "you're a disappointment" instead of "I love you"

                                      ꨄ

Alec: Who the fu—
Funneh: Alec, language!
Alec: Whom the fuck

                                      ꨄ

Draco: I just want someone to take me out.
Lunar: Like on a date or with a sniper?
Draco: Surprise me.

                                      ꨄ

Draco: *counting on his fingers*
Funneh: I literally just asked you how old you are
Draco: Shut the fuck up and give me a minute