When I was growing up, I had not only an abusive father, but an abusive mother. They would take turns beating me up and causing me pain, physically, emotionally, and sexually.

I won't bore you with the details of my abusers, but they never did provide insight as to why they were doing those horrendous things to me.

They were the people who caused me to become infertile.

They caught me late at night masturbating. I was fifteen.

They kicked me all over my stomach and groin until I couldn't move on my own. Then, the pain really started.

My father stuck the fire poker for our fireplace in the flames, watching is burn red before pressing it against the part that makes me a man.

I still dream of the pain, the excruciating pain. That was nothing compared to when he held it against the tip. It felt like I was being burned from the inside out.

I didn't know until you were about ten years old, and your mother left us, that this was the incident that changed everything.

Your mother was understanding. We were close when the incident happened, and she helped get me back together emotionally.

Too bad she couldn't put me back together physically. The scars are permanent. The pain is still engraved in the back of my mind.

The worst part about this incident was the look in my father's eyes when he did it: pure joy. He was happy getting to watch me try to scream and thrive while my mother held me still.

It's no excuse for how I treated you, Taehyung. I know that.

It's in my blood to be an abuser. It's past down from generation to generation.

While it broke me to know you are not actually my son, it does bring me relief to know that the abusive blood dies with me. I know your children will be so loved.

I know you will be a much better parent than I could ever be. You are a much better man than I ever was, or ever will be.

Don't let my faults influence you in how you raise your own children. Be a supportive father, a supportive friend, a supportive lover. Love them, despite their faults. And accept them, no matter what.

That is something I should've done with you. I should've been more accepting of who you are and who you are attracted to. If a man makes you happy, then do everything you can to be with that man.

You deserve so much happiness. More than I could ever give you.

Sincerely,
Your father

••••••

This one was difficult to write. Finding the right balance between detail and not being too in-depth took a while, but I think this is a happy medium.

Stay tuned for letter three.