Taehyung,

It's getting difficult to find the paper to write you these letters. My contact I had... well, he was killed by another inmate.

I think this murderous inmate is keeping a close eye on me too. I'm trying to keep my head down.

Do I want to die? Not necessarily. Do I believe that I deserve to die? To be killed at the hand of someone else? Yes.

What I did to you... I do believe that rotting in prison, and the high probability of being killed by another inmate is deserved.

I wish I had the same amount of strength you did. Putting my parents in prison might've solved some of my problems. The drinking, obviously, did not help either.

Sitting in this prison, unable to drink anything besides water, I have realized how the alcohol affected me.

I started drinking at the age of fourteen. It was my way of blocking out the world around me. My way of coping, if you will.

Only, I know now that while it prevented many of the horrific memories of my upbringing from emerging, it also destroyed any part of me that was still human. The parts of me capable of consequences, and empathy, and sympathy. It took away the qualities I needed to be a decent father.

I could place all the blame on my parents, but I can't. I dug myself into this hole without bringing a ladder to climb out of it. All I had was the shovel to dig deeper and deeper.

I should've tried harder. I should've been a better father. I'm sorry.

Sincerely,
Your Father

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Lowkey forgot this story existed for a hot minute lmao